Sagamite:

You can speak for yourself but I suggest don't speak for your wife.

You might give it all, she might reach a point all she wants to give is one twentieth to stay together because if you both part ways she can get half.

Birds of a feather they say flock together,the first thing I did when I met my wife was tried to fine tune her sense of reasoning to help us be on same level. I also tried to develop a healthy communication culture which help us sort out our differences as quickly as possible to avoid brewing trouble in the home,I hardly scold her instead I tries to view some of her actions based on her zodiac being a Pices.
I being a Libra makes us different in so many ways but healthy communication is the key, it works like magic.

OP, let me tell you something, do not be fooled by those who have those kids already, telling you that everything is plain sailing.

[b]If its the man
1) they will never admit that they regret it
2) they will never admit how many calls they get from babymama wanting money for the kids ( basically being the babymama's ATM)
3) they will never admit how much the babymama's curse them for not being able to provide all she wants
4) they will never admit how much stress they get towards month end having to split that salary to all his kids
5) they will never admit how many fights they have with babymama's when the kids have to attend his family gatherings.
6) some will not admit how the grandparents punish them for impregnating their daughter by denying the child to use his surname,
7) they will never admit how the babymama's disturb their new relationshps, the list goes on.

If its a woman
1) she will never admit how hard it is to get that maintenance
2) she will never admit how sometimes he begs him to spend time with his child
3) she will never admit how her calls get ignored by the babydady
4) she will never admit how she gets hurt seeing the babyday spending his money on himself and expensive cars while he could not take his child to a private school
5) she will never tell you how much she curses the man to get anything including his attention when the child is sick, naughty etc.[/b]

So the choice is yours

Again there is very little that you can tell that child with regards to values, rules, fear of God. Because you are the living example. She/he will follow in you footsteps.

AMEN

Merkki:

I understand your point. I know of women who don't want marriage. My aunt has 4 children from 2 men and she doesn't want to settle down. She is 46 now and the children are grown. She turned down marriage proposals. She would tell you she is married to her career. She is beautiful and won beauty peagant when she was younger.

I know of another friend that doesn't want to have anything to do with marriage. She lives in New York with two adopted sons.

To each his own. I wonder what a baby daddy is though. How do you explain there is no mummy? Too many questions from the children.

questions that WILL be answered once they come of age anyway.

InvertedHammer:

/

Call them whatever....you opened those legs to invite them into your life.

Ladies choose irresponsible men and turn around to blame everyone else but themselves
for their wrong choices.

Ret@rded baby daddy? You chose a "retardeen" to procreate with? Tells a lot.

Divorced cretin? Look in the mirror my dear!

/

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooord

Sagamite: I have wondered for a while about those that always argue that marriage is important because of the benefits to the child whether the fact that an increasing number of marriages are failing do not have a more negative effect on the child.

So my questions goes as follows:

Would a child prefer to have a father that she has always known is in the outer boundaries of her life and she sees and spends time with him every other week?

Or would a child prefer a father that was part of her life for, lets say, the first 5 to 12 years of life and now has moved out and she sees and spends time with the him every other week?

Which of the 2 inferior options provides more marginal joy and less hurt to the child?

[size=4pt]Feel free to substitute he for "she", and him/his for "her".

I only used a female child because I did not want to confuse my nouns with the masculine one for a Dad.[/size]

What a question!

Neither are palatable - but then again, if I'm that desperate to have a kid of my own, I suppose I'll swing towards the baby-daddy (whatever that is).

Mind you - I must be really, really, desperate to go down that route in the first place...

A divorced dad is the safer street imo. People often underestimate how important childhood is for bonding, not only child to mum but with the father as well. That is more like to happen in an environment where the father is ever present in the household, which is hardly ever the case with BDs. Also with the BD scenerio

1)A child may be teased/taunted and be called a bastard and other terrible names throughout his/her childhood for having unwed parents.

2) Let's be honest. Even generally speaking, how involved are BDs in the lives of their children? Compare that to how involved a father married to the child's mother is. Concerning BDs, more often than not the mother has to resort to involving the court in getting the financial aid needed to raise his child, forget about anything else.

Although the divorce process is tough on the child, having two vehement parents who can no longer get along is tougher.

EnlightenedSoul: A divorced dad is the safer street imo. People often underestimate how important childhood is for bonding, not only child to mum but with the father as well. That is more like to happen in an environment where the father is ever present in the household, which is hardly ever the case with BDs. Also with the BD scenerio

1)A child may be teased/taunted and be called a bastard and other terrible names throughout his/her childhood for having unwed parents.

2) Let's be honest. Even generally speaking, how involved are BDs in the lives of their children? Compare that to how involved a father married to the child's mother is. Concerning BDs, more often than not the mother has to resort to involving the court in getting the financial aid needed to raise his child, forget about anything else.

Although the divorce process is tough on the child, having two vehement parents who can no longer get along is tougher.

Your last line is confusing. Aren't you saying the same thing twice, in one sentence?

Efemena_xy:

Your last line is confusing. Aren't you saying the same thing twice, in one sentence?

I can clarify. I should have added the bolded.What I should've said was: Although the divorce process is tough on the child, having two vehement parents who can no longer get along try to force themselves to stay together is tougher.

My friend's family are like this. The parents constantly fighting like crazy ever since we were kids. They stay with each other due to religious beliefs: Catholicism.

^^ That's why sometimes, staying together does more harm than good.

The kids are a blank page that soak up everything they see and hear happening around them. Seeing mum and dad at each other's throat passes the wrong message to them.

The boys will grow up assuming it's normal to treat women the way their dad treated their mum - with little or no respect, fighting and probably getting violent (physical abuse)

The girls on the other hand will grow up assuming it's okay to be treated that way, trampled upon and no matter what, must NEVER leave their union, even if it's detrimental to their health and safety. They'll even grow up expecting to be abused both emotionally and physically.

Tricky business it is - living with someone whether married or not.

Efemena_xy: ^^ That's why sometimes, staying together does more harm than good.

The kids are a blank page that soak up everything they see and hear happening around them. Seeing mum and dad at each other's throat passes the wrong message to them.

The boys will grow up assuming it's normal to treat women the way their dad treated their mum - with little or no respect, fighting and probably getting violent (physical abuse)

The girls on the other hand will grow up assuming it's okay to be treated that way, trampled upon and no matter what, must NEVER leave their union, even if it's detrimental to their health and safety. They'll even grow up expecting to be abused both emotionally and physically.

Tricky business it is - living with someone whether married or not.

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said.