There is a trend among some posters..
Once someone else shares a different worldview or POV.. the discourse descends into insults

Lets drop it for now

bukatyne:

You guys ke?

I thought it was one person per moniker?

Salams,

I am the op of the thread. I think that polygamy or more correctly polygyny benefits the subsequent wives (after the first). It only causes pain for the first wife. However if you become a 2nd wife u gain a husband and equal rights with the first wife regardless of how long she has been in the marriage. She could have been there with the man for 20 years and a new wife comes along and gets everything she gets, like the same inheritance and everything. In many cases she gets more than the first wife. In islam a wife is a wife and all wives are in the same category. Sometimes I feel I should be the 2nd wife of an already established man. I would hate to struggle with a man as his first wife and then have another woman come in and reap the benefits. It sucks to be the first wife. I know as a 2nd he could still marry on me and get a 3rd but in that situation I would already know he is polygamous so it wouldn't be a shock. I can't stand sharing my husband though. It would make me hate him. I definitely wouldn't want any business with his other wives. Men make me sick sometimes really. Sometimes I am scared of marriage. I see what many women to through in polygamy and it scares me. I also see the FEW cases where the man sincerely tries to be fair, but I still wouldn't want to be in in that situation either. Even if he is fair it still hurts.

Nene1, I understand how you feel since I would not be able to deal with polygyny either.

But I think you worry about it too much. You don't have to die before your death(proverbial) and it may not even happen. Not all men marry wives and yours may just be one of the monogamous ones. So, plan to have an enjoyable marriage without qualms and even if the unfortunate happens, you would at least have enjoyed when you could.

It may help to lay the cards before marriage. Let the person you would marry know that you want a monogamous marriage. You can even draw up a marriage contract.

Be a good wife so that he would want to keep you. That way, he might see losing you as risky. Realising that he might have to choose between you and his polygyny might actually make him stay with you.

Also, make sure that you have a LIFE of your own. So that if anything bad happens in the marriage, you will have things that you have/own to fall back on.

There is no reason for a first wife to work for things that would not be hers eventually when she could work for her own things. There is nothing like having a joint account or becoming a housewife. You've got to work, be smart, have a good body for YOURSELF. So that when you are left with yourself, the decisions you make are those that suit you.

You may also consider having children that you could cater for and their interest made to supercede.

Like you said in the op, women have the choice. Make sure you dont deny yourself anything good.

Deols

Why are you against polygamy?

Are you pretending to be against it as a topic booster on nl?

Nene1

I think what you described, is a common problem with african relationships and marriages.

Most african men are not into relationships for the long term, they actually do not have the ability to stick to only one woman for long lengths of time, and neither does african culture support such.

So regardless if a marriage has been ongoing for 2 or 35 years, the man still considers it his prerogative to venture into other relationships if or whenever he feels like it.

tpia@:
Deols

Why are you against polygamy?

Are you pretending to be against it as a topic booster on nl?

Not against it per se. But I don't see myself sharing. My things are mine and no mgbeke is gonna be sharing with me.

It is about me, my wants for myself and I will do everything possible to that effect.

People who are ok with practising polygamy can go ahead with it and I will chop wedding food if invited to even show that I don't detest it.

tpia@:
Deols

Why are you against polygamy?

Are you pretending to be against it as a topic booster on nl?

Should Seun not just employ me as a thread booster already?

You can't even sift when I am totally serious from my keep the talk going posts again?

I am serious about this one o. Very passionate about it. But I really am not against the institution. I am only concerned about the social effects of it-like how much can the Father cater for the education of the children and the psychological effects, like how much love the children can siphon from a farther too busy chasing skirts and the mother too deeply involved in the household politics.

deols:

Not against it per se. But I don't see myself sharing. My things are mine and no mgbeke is gonna be sharing with me.

It is about me, my wants for myself and I will do everything possible to that effect.

People who are ok with practising polygamy can go ahead with it and I will chop wedding food if invited to even show that I don't detest it.

is your stand supported by the Koran and Islam?

deols:

Should Seun not just employ me as a thread booster already?

You can't even sift when I am totally serious from my keep the talk going posts again?

I am serious about this one o. Very passionate about it. But I really am not against the institution. I am only concerned about the social effects of it-like how much can the Father cater for the education of the children and the psychological effects, like how much love the children can siphon from a farther too busy chasing skirts and the mother too deeply involved in the household politics.

you cannot be a staunch supporter of Aisha and at the same time, say you're against polygamy.

that is a strong contradiction on your part.

yuzedo: I will even mary a 100rd wive. after i becum a govnore by nest mont in annambra am gonna give rita dummynick an quit notice. den i will do NL comptitetion for a new first lady dat have a sweet upstair and down stare.

LOL is lie. looooook at all of dem hungry babes dey want to be her excelency cheif mrs sweetus first lady wive of anambra govnore. I can never never divorse rita sweetus nee dummynick even if u have a big boobsie + ikebe like GP tank!!

whaaaat!!!!?....are you kidding me?...dat must be a joke. if you really speak dat way, den life's got to be a joke...And yu can talk publicly and get 20likes already?!!!.

hell!!

As a Muslim, whatever is made halal shouldn't be made haram simply because we detest it.

Polygyny is not compulsory but a provision, not because you are wealthy but because you see a NEED for it.

You must however satisfy the conditions which wealth or ability to sustain it is just one of it.

There are things you may detest but are the best for you.

If Allah the Most wise revealed it in the Quran, we must understand that there is wisdom in it.

@ OP,
If I'm wealthy, I will focus my expenses on helping the less privileged.

A lot of people have abused polygyny and this makes our society repulsive towards it.

In an ideal Islamic society where polygyny is practiced, you will see the wisdom behind it.

Hmmmmm.. Interesting posts up there.

tunshe: As a Muslim, whatever is made halal shouldn't be made haram simply because we detest it.

Polygyny is not compulsory but a provision, not because you are wealthy but because you see a NEED for it.

You must however satisfy the conditions which wealth or ability to sustain it is just one of it.

There are things you may detest but are the best for you.

If Allah the Most wise revealed it in the Quran, we must understand that there is wisdom in it.

@ OP,
If I'm wealthy, I will focus my expenses on helping the less privileged.

A lot of people have abused polygyny and this makes our society repulsive towards it.

In an ideal Islamic society where polygyny is practiced, you will see the wisdom behind it.

Gbaam!!! You correct! You hit the nail on the head and on the right spot. Jazakallahu khairan! So much Love this post.

deols:

Not against it per se. But I don't see myself sharing. My things are mine and no mgbeke is gonna be sharing with me.

It is about me, my wants for myself and I will do everything possible to that effect.


People who are ok with practising polygamy can go ahead with it and I will chop wedding food if invited to even show that I don't detest it.

@bold hmmmmm

deols:

Not against it per se. But I don't see myself sharing. My things are mine and no mgbeke is gonna be sharing with me.

It is about me, my wants for myself and I will do everything possible to that effect.

People who are ok with practising polygamy can go ahead with it and I will chop wedding food if invited to even show that I don't detest it.

hahahaha..lol.. Deols deols

tpia@:



you cannot be a staunch supporter of Aisha and at the same time, say you're against polygamy.

that is a strong contradiction on your part.

When did I say that I am against it.

And what staunch support of Aisha have I shown?

Stop reading meanings that I did not imply. I have supported polygyny in some instances and I have said the concerns I have with those who practice it.

tpia@:


is your stand supported by the Koran and Islam?

Polygyny is not compulsory.

So, it is a matter of choice. You can be in it or not.

So, is my position supported? YES!!!

Deols. I am with you jare.
God punish any stupid girl that wants to reap from my sweat with my husband. Astagfurllahi sha.

Rukemi291: Deols. I am with you jare.
God punish any stupid girl that wants to reap from my sweat with my husband. Astagfurllahi sha.

Alhamdulillah for your last statement.

Rukemi291: Deols. I am with you jare.
God punish any stupid girl that wants to reap from my sweat with my husband. Astagfurllahi sha.

Lol.

I can never be attracted to someone who is with somebody else. I can never be the second fiddle.

I can never fight over a man. It is just the way I am. When I like something and it suddenly becomes someone else's, I lose interest. It thus makes it hard for me to understand how some people agree to being the second wife.

I just never see myself in such situations. It shall not be my portion!! AmEN.

deols:

Lol.

I can never be attracted to someone who is with somebody else. I can never be the second fiddle.

I can never fight over a man. It is just the way I am. When I like something and it suddenly becomes someone else's, I lose interest. It thus makes it hard for me to understand how some people agree to being the second wife.

I just never see myself in such situations. It shall not be my portion!! AmEN.

lol..u are funny. It is no your doin but Allah's. It is not what you want or like but what Allah subhaanahu wa taala has planed and destined!

khattab02: lol..u are funny. It is no your doin but Allah's. It is not what you want or like but what Allah subhaanahu wa taala has planed and destined!

Lol..
and like a robot, I will go and do that abi?? Very funny.

My destiny is that I shall not like polygyny and shall not live in a polygamous setting..

deols:

Lol..
and like a robot, I will go and do that abi?? Very funny.

My destiny is that I shall not like polygyny and shall not live in a polygamous setting..

lol..how do you know that your destiny?? You cannot dislike what Allaah and his Rasool sallallahu alaihi wa salam did mention and expressed! Allaah mentioned it and Rasool sallallahu alaihi wa salam demonstrated it. This shows there is wisdom and need for behind it. It just unfortunate the society we live in today have abused it some how and make it look repulsive to others.

Polygyny is not compulsory, a woman has a choice,

So many females don't want polygyny, not everyone can handle it, women have a choice, if the husband decides to marry wife no 2, she can seek for a divorce and leave the marriage, if they have a pre nuptial agreement its easier.

khattab02: lol..how do you know that your destiny?? You cannot dislike what Allaah and his Rasool sallallahu alaihi wa salam did mention and expressed! Allaah mentioned it and Rasool sallallahu alaihi wa salam demonstrated it. This shows there is wisdom and need for behind it. It just unfortunate the society we live in today have abused it some how and make it look repulsive to others.

You are not getting d point and I cant understand why I keep replying you. Allah allows it..I know but He did not say that I must be involved..He allowed us CHOICE.and I have chosen to not be involved..

If there is need for it and wisdom behind it, did Allah say that all of us must be involved for the wisdom to manifest? NO!

Some people like Zezzy already say they would not mind. If all of those people(who don't mind)'s husbands marry 4, it would already be enough for the benefit that Allah wants humanity to get from it.


It is not repulsive.I did not say that. I just don't get the feminine vibe that allows such in people. Even the wives of the prophet had their JEALOuSY fights..shey na me go com they claim holy pass. I no holy o. At all..let the holies do d holy polygyniesss.

deols:

You are not getting d point and I cant understand why I keep replying you. Allah allows it..I know but He did not say that I must be involved..He allowed us CHOICE.and I have chosen to not be involved..

If there is need for it and wisdom behind it, did Allah say that all of us must be involved for the wisdom to manifest? NO!

Some people like Zezzy already say they would not mind. If all of those people(who don't mind)'s husbands marry 4, it would already be enough for the benefit that Allah wants humanity to get from it.


It is not repulsive.I did not say that. I just don't get the feminine vibe that allows such in people. Even the wives of the prophet had their JEALOuSY fights..shey na me go com they claim holy pass. I no holy o. At all..let the holies do d holy polygyniesss.

haha..lol..hmmmm...interesting! No body holy pass. Alright deols pray for the best and I wish you the best. May Allaah subhaanahu wa taala guides us right. Ameeeen!!!

Rukemi291: Deols. I am with you jare.
God punish any stupid girl that wants to reap from my sweat with my husband. Astagfurllahi sha.

And this is coming from a muslim sister.

tintingz: And this is coming from a muslim sister.

As men, we don't understand what women often go through, or put up with.

Fulaman198:

As men, we don't understand what women often go through, or put up with.

Brotha, shebi this ones are muslim sisters by birth if I tell you about by mum ehn, you will give her salutation. I grew up in a polygamous home

My mum was an ex-anglican christian her father was an elder in church she got married to my dadd a muslim and she converted to Islam went for hajj read english Quran, she also was not expecting a second wife from my dadd thou I was still very young when my dadd married the second wife but she told us everything. She was not happy the first time my dadd discussed it with her but do you believe that she didn't fight nor went for divorce she accepted her but we don't live under same roof.

They are like sisters thou there we be some jealousy thing between them which is normal but have never seen my mum and my step mum fighting she didn't brainwash us to hate the second wife, the sweetest thing about her was that she was the one that raised/took care of the two sons of my step mum they both love my mum like kilode but now am missing her she's late and my step mum is the one taken care of us and I love her as a mother.

I can't continue telling you more.

May Allah(swt) continue blessing her, she's indeed a true mother and a true muslimah who understand what Allah has revealed in Quran

tintingz: And this is coming from a muslim sister.

i Dont think she meant that. She said it jokingly.

tintingz: Brotha, shebi this ones are muslim sisters by birth if I tell you about by mum ehn, you will give her salutation. I grew up in a polygamous home

My mum was an ex-anglican christian her father was an elder in church she got married to my dadd a muslim and she converted to Islam went for hajj read english Quran, she also was not expecting a second wife from my dadd thou I was still very young when my dadd married the second wife but she told us everything. She was not happy the first time my dadd discussed it with her but do you believe that she didn't fight nor went for divorce she accepted her but we don't live under same roof.

They are like sisters thou there we be some jealousy thing between them which is normal but have never seen my mum and my step mum fighting she didn't brainwash us to hate the second wife, the sweetest thing about her was that she was the one that raised/took care of the two sons of my step mum they both love my mum like kilode but now am missing her she's late and my step mum is the one taken care of us and I love her as a mother.

I can't continue telling you more.

May Allah(swt) continue blessing her, she's indeed a true mother and a true muslimah who understand what Allah has revealed in Quran

Not everyone can be like your mother. Try to understand that. It does not make them bad.

tintingz: Brotha, shebi this ones are muslim sisters by birth if I tell you about by mum ehn, you will give her salutation. I grew up in a polygamous home

My mum was an ex-anglican christian her father was an elder in church she got married to my dadd a muslim and she converted to Islam went for hajj read english Quran, she also was not expecting a second wife from my dadd thou I was still very young when my dadd married the second wife but she told us everything. She was not happy the first time my dadd discussed it with her but do you believe that she didn't fight nor went for divorce she accepted her but we don't live under same roof.

They are like sisters thou there we be some jealousy thing between them which is normal but have never seen my mum and my step mum fighting she didn't brainwash us to hate the second wife, the sweetest thing about her was that she was the one that raised/took care of the two sons of my step mum they both love my mum like kilode but now am missing her she's late and my step mum is the one taken care of us and I love her as a mother.

I can't continue telling you more.

May Allah(swt) continue blessing her, she's indeed a true mother and a true muslimah who understand what Allah has revealed in Quran

Not everyone can be like your mother. Try to understand that. It does not make them bad.