De Beauvoir:

Thanks for sharing your opinion.

However, it will take me a very long time to completely show you how flawed your reasoning is and I am not sure I want to put myself through the stress of doing that so let me just mention a bit of what I wanted to say.

A lot of the behavior you see people displaying today has nothing to do with 'how god created them', no offense. People are conditioned into believing certain things and once they believe those things, their behavior is shaped by those things and they act in accordance with their beliefs. The mind/brain is a very powerful thing you see. It can work wonders, the thoughts you have in your brain about yourself go a long way to shape who you actually are as a person. There was a research carried out sometime ago that showed that people who believe they have good memories end up with better/improved memories than those who didn't. The only thing boosting their mental powers was their beliefs.

Even on Nairaland sometime ago, there was thread posted about some people who were raised by animals. The mature ones among them who had spent a great part of their lives believing that they were lower animals, had a difficult time adapting to the civilized world. One of them even ran back into the forest to live with her animal friends after she was rescued because she had been conditioned her whole life to believe that she was an animal.
Read it here;
https://www.nairaland.com/1494144/9-children-raised-animals

So what I'm saying is that whoever you turn out to be is greatly determined by what society shaped you into believing about yourself. People's abilities and talents and the roles they should play in life is not and should not be determined by gender.
I hope my point is clear to you, I was a bit sleepy while typing this.

ednut1: No one force u to marry him, bear it alone abeg

luvable sam:

Ouch....it hit her where it hurts...

I still insist ...it would be a CURSE for any man to blinddate u, talkless marry u..
U really finished...I tel ya..gone beyond repairs

chineloSA:

What na?

Where have you been? A very good morning. You were missed.

I've been here and there ...
You were so missed too dear

So how's the "feminists" ministry going??

De Beauvoir:

I didn't receive it

Could you please send it again?

COOLDUN: Your husband is right as you confessed not speaking your language fluently; this might be his reason so that you will not teach your children bad Yoruba language. Like Great Fela Kuti said that Teacher don't teach me Nonsense !!

I suggest you beg him to allow you to teach them but not to dominate and assimilate them because the children are more Essan than Yoruba.

I know many of my brother’s children born in Yoruba land, who don’t know how to speak our native language. You don’t have to dominate the children because that is what I am sensing here. Nigeria children follow father and not mother. They're your children but their father's surname and not yours.

You have to beg your husband and not force him, because he has the upper hand on your children. In my tribe we tell people to answer their father’s name and not their mother’s name. Only bastardds that answer their mother’s name. Thank you.

kendraloops:
I was actually forced to marry him at gunpoint. Didirin!

BarryX: I've been here and there ...
You were so missed too dear

So how's the "feminists" ministry going??

GSKing: I didn't know some people still live in the 20th century!!!

Freiburger:
That's not a 20th century mentality, it is more like a stone age way of thinking.

Freiburger:
That's not a 20th century mentality, it is more like a stone age way of thinking.

Freiburger:

De Beauvoir:

@bold, Oh please.
Human beings really know how to pretend to get what they want. If theman really wanted to marry the girl, maybe cos she was a virgin or a good cook or a very good looking person then he could have pretended to be an angel just to marry her thus keeping her from knowing his dark side
@ rest of your post; the Bible clearly says that wives should submit to husbands, it doesn't say husbands should submit to wives. I don't know what religion it is you are following that teaches you that men can also submit to their wives.

Biggoozz: @Kendradrops so you discuss your marriage on Nairaland and allow kids insult your husband? Except you already have been insulting the man the way people do here, he can never have respect in your eyes again. Too bad.

touche: This kind of shallow reasoning is the main reason why Nigeria and Africa remains undeveloped. Since its an inter-tribal marriage, what the heck is wrong with the kids speaking English, (the common language between between the op and her hubby)?
So much emphasis is placed on religion, tribe, marriage and having kids. Tell me, what major impact can the kid make in this world of ours if he is fluent in either yoruba or esan?
Is the kid going to be more successful in life if he is fluent in his mother tongue or esan?
You should focus on supporting your husband towards building a house for the family, setting up a trust fund for the kid etc rather than tribal differences.

Uyi Iredia:

Your hubby is wrong and since he has proven stubborn about it invite friends or family into the matter. You can start by telling a feiend he respects to advise him on the issue. Also tell him (assuming he speaks Esan fluently) that the baby can learn both languages. He speaks Esan, you speak Yoruba, the child learns English in school. If your hubby is not so available he should still allow you speak to the child that way since ot's better the child is fluent in an indigenous language than none.

gothrones:
Isn't that what you have been doing all along? You claimed that the man is the head. You talked about marital roles. You have been advocating for the man's rights in almost all your comments; but heavens forbid that a woman have her own rights. The child has a first and last name given by the father; but if the mother wants to give the child a middle name, then she is "claiming rights." The child must speak the father's language, but if the mother wants the child to speak her own language too, then she is "claiming rights." I detest how women's rights in Nigeria do not matter.

obi alfa: it doesn't matter. Satan has shown me the future of your son: At 25 years old, he will naturalise as a ghanian citizen then 7 years later marry a sierra-leonan and I can assure you that the language they will be speaking in their family will be neither yoruba nor esan.

kendraloops:

Ur so damn silly. I guess dis comment was meant to be funny or what?
FYI, satan's gat no future to show u cos I didn't go to him for a child. Abi u fit call glo customer care to ask abt mtn's products? I'm sure twas ur children's future he showed u, ask him well.

Dim wit.

chineloSA:
Personally, how I would treat this is, my child has to know all his father culture, language etc before mine.

Though I do not think the guy may have meant bad, but he meant it. The son is his son hence he bears his surname.

I think you overreacted, since you said the child can still learn Yoruba either way. Teach your son all his fathers culture before yours. Your son may blame you when he does not fit in, in future. Your son is not Yoruba, he is Esan.
Even with names, he has a right to deny you to give your son a Yoruba name, its his Esan son, not Yoruba son, so you were just pushing your luck.

Are you sure you are not pregnant again

gothrones: Inter-tribal, inter-racial, inter-religious, etc marriages should only be for people with tolerance and understanding. If you cannot tolerate other people's culture, languages, religion, etc, abeg stay in your zone.

lobell:

What Afam is saying is that for a woman, marriage means leaving your former identity and identifying with your husbands. That is why OP was previously called Sikiratu Obadofin = Yoruba and she's now called Mrs. (she has gained a title) Sikiratu Oseronwenmenmenmen = Esan. or Mrs. S. X. Y. Z. Oseronwenmenmenmen which tells anybody anywhere that the bearer of that name is Esan. As soon as OP said 'she did' she disowned the Yoruba and identified with Esan.

mvem: .....so which one na modern thinking.......u people to dey imitate anoda person culture...u won borrow white msn culture while u have yours....dey claim modernize african

deols:

and in what culture is this practised?

For marrying an Esan man, she becomes Esan?? You are making it seem like she's a property passed to the hubby and is now entirely his. she can no longer make claim to her ethnicity nor can she have a say in her marriage.

what part of our culture even says that a woman must change her name??

At this age and time, I didnt expect to hear many people speak this way. o ga o.

lobell:

It is practised in almost every culture in the world. If you marry an american, you become one. If you marry from a different nationality/culture from yours, you automatically adopt that nationality/culture. This is common knowledge except if you're from outer space. I fail to see where I insinuated she's a property.

chineloSA:
Personally, how I would treat this is, my child has to know all his father culture, language etc before mine.

Though I do not think the guy may have meant bad, but he meant it. The son is his son hence he bears his surname.

I think you overreacted, since you said the child can still learn Yoruba either way. Teach your son all his fathers culture before yours. Your son may blame you when he does not fit in, in future. Your son is not Yoruba, he is Esan.
Even with names, he has a right to deny you to give your son a Yoruba name, its his Esan son, not Yoruba son, so you were just pushing your luck.

Are you sure you are not pregnant again

lobell:

It is practiced in almost every culture in the world (except in Indonesia where they dont have surnames and some tribes in Ghana where they bear the mothers' name. These are extreme exceptions). But generally sppeaking, if you marry an american, you automatically become one or qualify to become one depending on the amount of 'Red Tape' you have to cross but this is the norm everywhere. If you marry from a different nationality/culture from yours, you automatically adopt that nationality/culture. This is common knowledge except if you're from outer space which I doubt very much but if true, welcome to Earth!
I fail to see where I insinuated she's a property. Does your car or shoe become a Nupe car or an Ebira shoe when you acquire it? No!, emphatically. When she got married to her man, she automatically became a part of him something akin to his eyes or elbow or even brain. Technically she can still lay claim to her ethnicity but she now belongs to a new one (leaving her Yoruba people doesn't mean forgetting who she is) and as a functional part of her hubby she has a say in her marriage provided it doesn't undermine the proper functioning of the marriage (for instance your eyes can decide that they want to stay shut and don't want to see anything the whole of Monday simply because an insect flew inside and it hurts very bad. News flash! Because the rest of the body has to get to the office on Monday morning and they heavily depend on the eyes to see the way there, the eye has no choice but to open and see the way despite/in spite the pain - that's what marriage is all about)
At this age and time I expect everybody including you dear Deols to know how relationships work especially with respect to adopting your spouses culture if/when you do decide to hitch your wagon to his.