yellowpawpaw: if somethings which only u knew changes, ur wife will also change.

I'm sorry, the meaning of tthis part of your post is unclear to me. What does it mean?

Night$hift:
There was a night we had a heated argument and in annoynace, I went to my room and locked myself up ready to sleep. But 5 mins later, I heard a knock on my door and felt perhaps my children wanted to come and play in my room like they usually do when they don't find their cartoons interesting sometimes. But as I was not in the mood, I ignored the knock. But it persisted and so I enquired who was by the door and was shocked when my daughter informed me there was a visitor in the living room waiting to see me. I had to ask that she pleads with the visitor to give me a little time to dress up as I was already in my pyjamas. When I got to the living room, behold it was a popular human right advocate that she had invited to the house unknown to me. The man was shocked to notice everywhere was calm and I was already in bed contrary to what he was told over the phone before coming. If I was the violent type, perhaps I would have been in jail by now courtesy of my wife.

Does sign of d cross two and half times. Na wa ooo. Married to wife and family.
Clamp down hard on her, no laying of hands tho. Like someone said above since she's acting like a baby u treat her like one.
Another sign of d cross. All these inlaws sef!

Ngokafor:


..now your story is bordering on the ridiculous!...are you sure you are not catching trips at people's expense here??...which one is human rights lawyer again??...hian!...*unfollows thread*...

Sounds ridiculous really but it is the plain truth. I actually decided to open this thread with a different moniker so as to get unbiased advices. Now that I have gotten what you guys really feel about her actions so far, I think it will be okay to let you know that this is the same woman that was aided by a Priest to build without her husband's knowledge.
https://www.nairaland.com/1496529/priest-aids-wife-build-without/20

repogirl: Sorry bro, your wife is Immature, she will never get it no matter how you explain it to her that she's in the wrong. What causes your misunderstandings? I would say, pick your battles, if you can let it go, then let it go. You don't have to fight or discuss about everything only things that are really serious.

Your wife needs some serious counselling on how not to run her mouth, don't know who will do that for you sha. You Don marry be sey you don marry, you got no choice but to manage am like that. Wish but the best.

Pls forget what I said earlier, you are an understanding and cool headed person, which is good. Its a shame though that your wife's people who should be her advicers are her supporters....... Maybe its time to involve elders from both families that your wife and her family's attitude is getting to you and you won't condone it any longer..... If you take care of their daughter well enough, why should they insult you?

This is a tough one she, wish u the best.

jumzzy448:

This your advice na wa oooo....so the best solution to this problem is divorce

Nope. The best solution is to see Night$hift clutching his chest one fine sunday evening in the middle of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire because he has just had an argument with his wife while wifey calls family and neighbours to come see what wrong with her husband.

pickabeau1:

Dont be too hasty to be calling divorce

haba....

@OP calling a strange person to your house at night..!
You guys may need to go to counselling
Ur wife may have anger issues and spontaneous..

Is she a housewife or working class woman

If he had been the abusive partner, headbutting wifey during every disagreement would you still say I was hasty?
Maybe you've never been emotionally, verbally, mentally, psychologically abused before. It is no joke mahn.
Me, I wonder how he even walks around in his neighbourhood or if he even still does.

fresh_dude: If he had been the abusive partner, headbutting wifey during every disagreement would you still say I was hasty?
Maybe you've never been emotionally, verbally, mentally, psychologically abused before. It is no joke mahn.
Me, I wonder how he even walks around in his neighbourhood or if he even still does.

Divorce is always the last option as there will be a lot of bad blood spilled

I will advocate a period of seperation prior to irrevocability.. this is the mother of your kids

Single parenting is no breeze

Night$hift:

Sounds ridiculous really but it is the plain truth. I actually decided to open this thread with a different moniker so as to get unbiased advices. Now that I have gotten what you guys really feel about her actions so far, I think it will be okay to let you know that this is the same woman that was aided by a Priest to build without her husband's knowledge.
https://www.nairaland.com/1496529/priest-aids-wife-build-without/20

I know that thread and i assumed you mentioned she had apologised that she was misled by her friends and that the MIL is possibly involved with the priest
Is there any new development since then

Night$hift:

You are damn right. I wonder what her motives are for always trying to ridicule me before every Tom, Dick and Harry.

Dear Sir,

She has no motive except she has just been raised to depend too much on her immediate family. And she doesn't see anything wrong in her behaviour.

She however should have outgrown this after few years of marriage.

Am happy you have left violence out of the equation so far because majority of men would have being pushed to physical abuse cos of this.

Continue to be calm by firm in tour decision.
Don't break her sim card but I suggest you confiscate the phone as someone earlier stated until she gets it that calling people is not an option.

Sit her down and tell her all she should know and settle amicably.

Then give her the phone and let her know she will be dissapointing you if u get any call from anyone on the issue.

Create imaginary people from outside, tell her when she is in a good mood that maybe u overheard your coworkers laughing and discussing about u two.
Make her feel guilty of all the rumours that you will cook up.

If she still doesn't change after all these tricks then maybe its time to dial






080-T.B-JOSH


Lol.

Confiscate her phone and dig yourself even deeper. First of all, she gets a new phone and then tells her family she escaped your attempt at kidnapping her. Before you know it, police dey visit you. A word should be enough.

THIS INSTITUTION CALLED MARRIAGE GET AS HE BE OH.

Night$hift:

Sounds ridiculous really but it is the plain truth. I actually decided to open this thread with a different moniker so as to get unbiased advices. Now that I have gotten what you guys really feel about her actions so far, I think it will be okay to let you know that this is the same woman that was aided by a Priest to build without her husband's knowledge.
https://www.nairaland.com/1496529/priest-aids-wife-build-without/20

I thought you you have settled with her already .

Anyway, looks like the woman don tire you? Abi u don find fresh puzzy, all this problem don comot.
Free her then and you guys go your separate ways.

pickabeau1:
I know that thread and i assumed you mentioned she had apologised that she was misled by her friends and that the MIL is possibly involved with the priest
Is there any new development since then

She apologized initially, became agressive and apologized again. We agreed on the steps to rebuild the broken trust in the marriage and she agreed but half-way along the line, she backed out opting to divorce instead. Now she's begging again that she doesn't want divorce. So, I really know what her plans are.

Night$hift:

She apologized initially, became agressive and apologized again. We agreed on the steps to rebuild the broken trust in the marriage and she agreed but half-way along the line, she backed out opting to divorce instead. Now she's begging again that she doesn't want divorce. So, I really know what her plans are.

hmm.. i think she is being manipulated... you say u care a lot about her
So be patient and pray
Dont get involved in abuse of any sort

Seek some form of counselling... it helps (a neutral party to help with the issues)

fresh_dude: My brother, I would advise you get a divorce. This is how HBP starts, that's if you don't already have it. If you die prematurely this woman will live her own life. A word should be enough.

Idio...t

Issues in a marriage does not need to get to the point of divorce for a resolution!

@Chillisauce
She no tire me in any way. It's just that I don't know what her plans are because one moment, she's so cooperative and nice, the next she tells you she prefers to be a single-mother and wants dissolution of the marriage. At this stage, I am open to anything really but she's not carrying any action through whether leaving or staying. That's my major worry.

Night$hift:

She apologized initially, became agressive and apologized again. We agreed on the steps to rebuild the broken trust in the marriage and she agreed but half-way along the line, she backed out opting to divorce instead. Now she's begging again that she doesn't want divorce. So, I really know what her plans are.

Your wife matter is akin to person wey dem give meat dey complain say na only bone dem give am, okay troway the bone na, e say "no o, small meat still dey dia".
She's probably using this time to shop for another mugu while frustrating your soul.
In the meantime, I advise you to re-register all your assets in your mother's name and proceed to divorce your lovely wife.

fresh dude,, divorce should always be the last option

Wow......I think you both should separate for a while. I feel you are giving in your best to see this marriage working out while your wife isn't. If she feels she's tired, let just say it instead of all these headaches and troubles she's making you go through.
Na wa oo.

Night$hift:

Sounds ridiculous really but it is the plain truth. I actually decided to open this thread with a different moniker so as to get unbiased advices. Now that I have gotten what you guys really feel about her actions so far, I think it will be okay to let you know that this is the same woman that was aided by a Priest to build without her husband's knowledge.
https://www.nairaland.com/1496529/priest-aids-wife-build-without/20

Her problem is just her family - her mother in particular. If you want to have a happy marriage then you must be ready for WAR! This is not going to go away by talking and appealing, she has to stop listening to her people. They probably feel that now that she is making more money than you, they can control the house and you should have no say. Afterall, their daughter/sister is now rich and does not need you anymore, so therefore they can treat you anymore.

My advice to you is to tell your wife to choose one - her marriage or her people. The two choices are mutually exclusive and cannot co-exist. If she chooses her marriage, then so be it, and if she chooses her people then goodluck to both of you. But I tell you, I do not see a peaceful way of resolving this. You still havent told us about your family in all of these.

I decided not to comment on that thread cos 1+1 there does not give 2.

If u r still d same man, I wish we will hear from ur wife b4 we can further comment.
A person b4 a firing squad gat to defend herself.

Still here, 1+1 is not 2 again. I stated so in my first post.

Poster, tell us the truth or u invite ur wife to defend herself.
Enuf bashing and trashing from d same man

Poster's wife, if u r reading this pls can u tell us ur side of the story?
Tired of hearing from ur hubby's side all d time

My family is totally against a broken marriage because of the kids and that is why a lot of my wife's excesses have been tolerated this far. But at this point, opinions are divided as more and more are beginning to fear for my safety in all of this.

Night$hift:

Sounds ridiculous really but it is the plain truth. I actually decided to open this thread with a different moniker so as to get unbiased advices. Now that I have gotten what you guys really feel about her actions so far, I think it will be okay to let you know that this is the same woman that was aided by a Priest to build without her husband's knowledge.
https://www.nairaland.com/1496529/priest-aids-wife-build-without/20

The problem with your home is you . . . 100%

A man is supposed to be strong and firm and take charge of his home. Your wife clearly has no atom of respect for you. She and her family see you as someone they can walk all over and get away with it.

Next time she invites an outsider into your home to settle your differences, send her packing. Inform all her 'peace-makers' that the next time they step feet in your home without being invited by you, they will be going home with you wife that day.

If they call you, ignore their calls.

A home where the man is weak is a bound to have issues like these.

fresh_dude: Your wife matter is akin to person wey dem give meat dey complain say na only bone dem give am, okay troway the bone na, e say "no o, small meat still dey dia".
She's probably using this time to shop for another mugu while frustrating your soul.
In the meantime, I advise you to re-register all your assets in your mother's name and proceed to divorce your lovely wife.

U just keep saying divorce divorce..i think that should be the last option. Moreover, it will be better if it's the wife that wants the divorce and not the man. If he should go ahead and divorce her now, her family will have something to hold on to so as to blame the man. They will start saying sebi is the man that asked their daughter to leave.

Night$hift:
@Chillisauce
She no tire me in any way. It's just that I don't know what her plans are because one moment, she's so cooperative and nice, the next she tells you she prefers to be a single-mother and wants dissolution of the marriage. At this stage, I am open to anything really but she's not carrying any action through whether leaving or staying. That's my major worry.

Pls you guys should settle this. I believe she is a nice woman but being influenced by external forces.
You guys should stop this third party Ish.
Discuss what you want and renew your vows. Seven yrs is a long way, if you could succeed in these yrs I wonder how the problems started surfacing.
She should stop involving third parties and you should make her see reasons with you.

Anyway, the problem is deep-rooted, and her own version is not surfacing.i just wonder why a woman will behave this way to a fantastic man like yourself.

I'm still baffled

jumzzy448: Wow......I think you both should separate for a while. I feel you are giving in your best to see this marriage working out while your wife isn't. If she feels she's tired, let just say it instead of all these headaches and troubles she's making you go through.
Na wa oo.

I also feel seperation is a bit too hasty... these things assume a life of their own becoming monsters...counselling is a start

The woman is now a big earner and that status change has not been manaaged well within the family hence the issue.....

Polio:

Idio...t

I assume you're talking to yoiur father here.

Polio: Issues in a marriage does not need to get to the point of divorce for a resolution!

No, they don't. They only have to get to the point of death. I always thought polio only affected limbs not brains but, thank for proving me wrong.

yellowpawpaw: I decided not to comment on that thread cos 1+1 there does not give 2.

If u r still d same man, I wish we will hear from ur wife b4 we can further comment.
A person b4 a firing squad gat to defend herself.

Still here, 1+1 is not 2 again. I stated so in my first post.

Poster, tell us the truth or u invite ur wife to defend herself.
Enuf bashing and trashing from d same man

Poster's wife, if u r reading this pls can u tell us ur side of the story?
Tired of hearing from ur hubby's side all d time

I'm telling you, I still find it difficult to comprehend why the wife is behaving like this to a fantastic husband like the OP .

Some women Sha lacks respect but in this case, no further comment until I know her psychological well being or hear her own version.

Settle your household ...MBA.

Separate....MBA

OP, wetin again you wan here from nairaland

pickabeau1: fresh dude,, divorce should always be the last option

Only yesterday, Titi was stabbed to death. Divorce was no option for her before or after then. Given the options of divorce and death which would you choose? And then, what's the appropriate time to begin divorce proceedings?
At any rate, what makes you think Night$hift wouldn't snap one day and strangle his lovely wife to death in response to years of accumulated frustration?

fresh_dude: Only yesterday, Titi was stabbed to death. Divorce was no option for her before or after then. Given the options of divorce and death which would you choose? And then, what's the appropriate time to begin divorce proceedings?
At any rate, what makes you think Night$hift wouldn't snap one day and strangle his lovely wife to death in response to years of accumulated frustration?

Titi's case was unfortunate I agree though the abuse has become physical
Once abuse is physical. i do not hesitate in advocating seperation for a period to preserve life

For me divorce will be appropriate after 1. counselling and then 2. Seperation

I agree with you that the guy can snap hence the exhortation for him to be calm...

jumzzy448:
U just keep saying divorce divorce..i think that should be the last option. Moreover, it will be better if it's the wife that wants the divorce and not the man. If he should go ahead and divorce her now, her family will have something to hold on to so as to blame the man. They will start saying sebi is the man that asked their daughter to leave.

And if they hold on to it, what will happen? The world will come to an end?
Ok, divorce is not an option, give this man an option.

Chillisauce:

Settle your household ...MBA.

Separate....MBA

That's exactly my question to her and I still didn't get any response. The greatest mistake she has made in all of this now is to have called some elders in my family and some of my uncles saying she wanted a divorce. Even though she has retraced her steps saying she no longer wants the divorce less than 24hrs after calling them, those elders have now taken it upon themselves to ensure her request is granted unless "they are convinced beyond all resonable doubts that it was an empty threat". That is the dilemma I am in now.

Night$hift:


That's exactly my question to her and I still didn't get any response. The greatest mistake she has made in all of this now is to have called some elders in my family and some of my uncles saying she wanted a divorce. Even though she has retraced her steps saying she no longer wants the divorce less than 24hrs after calling them, those elders have now taken it upon themselves to ensure her request is granted unless "they are convinced beyond all resonable doubts that it was an empty threat". That is the dilemma I am in now.

oh oh... she is really being pushed...calling your own family was a big mistake
is there any counsellor you guys can involve