Bro my advice might be harsh but i tell u its worth it. I tell u d truth sometimes u ve to do sometin stupid to get a wonderful result. I believe bfor bringing ur problem here u ve spoken with ur wife nd she still acts d same way. U ve to man up and stand ur ground. Whatever they tell u to do aalways do the opposite, let them know that their opinion does not matter. Be sure that u will hear lots of insults but dont let it change ur opinion to theirs. Make sure u only do what u and ur wife agree upon. Any issue u and ur wife doesnt agree upon never take it serious. whenever they come to plead with u always agree with them but after they leave do the exact opposite. They cant beat u neither can they kill u, worse they can do is take their wife away anf when they do i guarantee u that ur wife will understand what she has been doing and blame her family nd self. I tell u they ll read d writing on d wall and soon start sending ur wife to settle her matter with u. I knw its nt easy but u ve to make up ur mind and let them knw its ur family option that matters and nt the public. Thats my advice. Its nt easy but u ve to teach them d hard way nd stop agreeing and doing what they say.

hmm.. the plot gets thicker ...


i like baby playing devil advocate though ...

@baby_123
She accused me of not showing her "enough love" a few days ago and when I ask her to expantiate futher, she refused to talk more. And then I asked her, how easy is it for one to show "more love" to someone who is always so quick to stab and ridicule the other at the slightest opportunity like she's been doing to me for sometime now? You have no regard for me, you support your family to insult me, even connive with Priests and your friends against me. How will I show "more love" whatever that means? How? How? I still haven't gotten any answer ti that question.

soul_glo: OP what exactly do you think she is telling these people? What have they said she tells them? I know people who do this running to everybody to cry about how bad things are over silly things so I honestly believe that part. What I find difficult is that Pastors, numerous people both from her family and non family members keep coming into your home to settle issues. Lets take her mother and siblings out of the equation. If she is not saying some pretty crazy things then I find it hard to believe that all these people keep coming in. So what exactly is she accusing you of. I am not taking sides. I just want to be clear cause it is obvious that this is giving you grief.

I actually provided insights into some of these issues earlier like seeing nothing wrong in exchanging gifts with a certain randy priest without my knowledege, planning to go on pigrimage alone without my knowledge, stopping my mother from visiting, not entertaining any discussions around her money because it is "hers", building without my knowledge, etc, etc.

.

Royal Roy:

Hmmmmm

Quite an expose.

I like ur style.

Call her bluff early enough before it becomes a habit.

thats the formula bros

Night$hift:
@baby_123
She accused me of not showing her "enough love" a few days ago and when I ask her to expantiate futher, she refused to talk more. And then I asked her, how easy is it for one to show "more love" to someone who is always so quick to stab and ridicule the other at the slightest opportunity like she's been doing to me for sometime now? You have no regard for me, you support your family to insult me, even connive with Priests and your friends against me. How will I show "more love" whatever that means? How? How? I still haven't gotten any answer ti that question.

OP, i hope u can see what i am telling u is true..what she need is Love...i will post some things which i beg u to try out this week then come back and give us a feedback..i am a married man like u and i wont want u to loose ur marriage.

Night$hift:
@baby_123
She accused me of not showing her "enough love" a few days ago and when I ask her to expantiate futher, she refused to talk more. And then I asked her, how easy is it for one to show "more love" to someone who is always so quick to stab and ridicule the other at the slightest opportunity like she's been doing to me for sometime now? You have no regard for me, you support your family to insult me, even connive with Priests and your friends against me. How will I show "more love" whatever that means? How? How? I still haven't gotten any answer ti that question.

Can you please answer my question. Also why do you keep entertaining this mess. I am talking specifically about people that you should not even be having conversations with. Is there an elderly person that can sit with your MIL and let her know that at this point she is borderline embarrassing herself. You should never have gotten in a dialogue with her friends or any outsiders about issues in your marriage.

I've been following you right from the first page till date... my mind kept telling me that I can't judge by listening to one side of the matter.
I don't know how a woman you told us you married for a good seven years would wake up one day and start behaving in such a strange manner.. There must be something behind it, is either she pursuing something or something is pursuing her...
we just need to see her own side of the story.


But na real wa for her mumsy o

joel lala:

One thing men dont know is that women dont care about ego rather they want love...one thing women dont know is that a man wants respect and hold its ego high...now how do u expect a woman to show u respect when u dont show her love and how does the woman expect the man to show her love when she doesnt show him respect...The scenerio austino gave is a different scenerio in the sense now that the issue has gotten far and deep...if you say you will allow your wife to pack at this stage to leave she will only pack to her own new house and not d parents house this time and you will end up running around becos of your children that she will end up highjacking frm ur hands..if he takes that path well he will be done for..

i bag to disagree a little with u. this said wife of his has tested power in their home. infact she holds the power in that their family but u hv to also note what his husband said here That SHE SAID SHE WANT A DIVORCE BUT SHE HAS NOT MADE MOVE YET. that shows me that she does not want to leave, what she is doing is showing his man her powers which appear to me as her weakness because if she truly want to leave she will walk out of that house. What her husband needs now is hardline in that home, seeing her weakness her husband needs to now make his powers known. Listen in BATTLE OF LIFE U MUST HAVE SOMETHING TO NEGOTIATE WITH and he can only do that by take his stake at his family now that the wife is showing sign of weakness. find this book and read it, it is called ART OF WAR.

Night$hift:
@baby_123
She accused me of not showing her "enough love" a few days ago and when I ask her to expantiate futher, she refused to talk more. And then I asked her, how easy is it for one to show "more love" to someone who is always so quick to stab and ridicule the other at the slightest opportunity like she's been doing to me for sometime now? You have no regard for me, you support your family to insult me, even connive with Priests and your friends against me. How will I show "more love" whatever that means? How? How? I still haven't gotten any answer ti that question.

Well both of you have hurt each other. And her unstable mouth plus need to talk about her business with outsiders will put her in big trouble one day. Tell her that evil and trouble cannot enter the home except one of you let it in. The mother imo, is probably behind all this. You know when some parents are jobless with no spouse, they start to look for trouble up and down to remain relevant. Some even want to cause trouble so that they can have people who will come and stay in their home, or have full access and control of their grand children. If she cannot stand up to them and limit their excesses they may destroy their childs home. It is good for people to have a mind of their own, and always do what is in the best interest of their family first. Before listening to extended family members. She needs to start acting like an adult, a wife and a mother. This is rather pathetic. You have the opportunity to put your feet down now that she has threatened divorce. Everything you want her to do and change, state it explicitly. Think thoroughly about it and make sure you state it at the meeting to her embarrassment. Time to step up as the man of the home. At this meeting let everyone know that anyone that interfers in your family matter again, or calls you about what your wife has said or done, you will hold the person responsible for the problems in your home. When she has no support, she will find something better to do with herself and her time. One of her friends will soon teach her a bloody lesson, just wait for it. A woman that cannot keep her mouth shut about her husband and family is looking for trouble.

o42austino: That SHE SAID SHE WANT A DIVORCE BUT SHE HAS NOT MADE MOVE YET. that shows me that she does not want to leave, what she is doing is showing his man her powers which appear to me as her weakness because if she truly want to leave she will walk out of that house.

She has not yet made the move because she does not feel comfortable enough. Poster, I hate to sound like a doom preacher, but please be prepared for the worst. Your wife will likely leave you, she has already hinted you but she is not ready yet. Either she is saving more money or for another reason. May be her billionaire alhaji has not arrived.

I will advice you not to give yourself high blood pressure. Take each day as it comes, but if possible have a plan B. All the properties you bought as Mr and Mrs Nightshift, get and lawyer and convert them to yours alone. This woman and her family are trouble makers and you never know what they are upto. Its time to start protecting yourself too. You are now very vulnerable. I know of a case if which the wife tricked the husband to sell the house to her on paper all under the cover of refinancing the house. She eventually kicked the husband out. Bro be wise and protect yourself too.

Nashville:

She has not yet made the move because she does not feel comfortable enough. Poster, I hate to sound like a doom preacher, but please be prepared for the worst. Your wife will likely leave you, she has already hinted you but she is not ready yet. Either she is saving more money or for another reason. May be her billionaire alhaji has not arrived.

I will advice you not to give yourself high blood pressure. Take each day as it comes, but if possible have a plan B. All the properties you bought as Mr and Mrs Nightshift, get and lawyer and convert them to yours alone. This woman and her family are trouble makers and you never know what they are upto. Its time to start protecting yourself too. You are now very vulnerable. I know of a case if which the wife tricked the husband to sell the house to her on paper all under the cover of refinancing the house. She eventually kicked the husband out. Bro be wise and protect yourself too.

I agree, since she has shown selfishness. It is time for him to start putting all the projects he has spent so much on, in his name. Every damn thing. Let her do what she likes with her money. But she must contribute equally to the home. Food, school fees, clothes. etc

baby_123:

I agree, since she has shown selfishness. It is time for him to start putting all the projects he has spent so much on, in his name. Every damn thing. Let her do what she likes with her money. But she must contribute equally to the home. Food, school fees, clothes. etc

This advise is illegal. I sue his as s if he decides to change any name because we were married hence I entitled to every dime.
OP, you guys can do it! Common go talk to her.

If she still insist on divorce, you let us know and I will give you a download of the condition you gonna give her. It will be in your terms.

baby_123:

I agree, since she has shown selfishness. It is time for him to start putting all the projects he has spent so much on, in his name. Every damn thing. Let her do what she likes with her money. But she must contribute equally to the home. Food, school fees, clothes. etc

For me, he should forget about her contributing to the home for now. She can spend her money however she likes, afterall he has been the one paying the bills all these years. But what he should guard against is someone stealing his sweat from him. This woman and her family can go to court claiming they are joint owners of the properties and she needs her share. Bro, focus now on protecting yourself and let her know that you are also ready for a divorce! You can even sell some of the houses and buy new ones only in your name!

Chillisauce:

This advise is illegal. I sue his as s if he decides to change any name because we were married hence I entitled to every dime.
OP, you guys can do it! Common go talk to her.

If she still insist on divorce, you let us know and I will give you a download of the condition you gonna give her. It will be in your terms.

And if he owns and bought the land by himself? He can always change the beneficiaries of the land. She will get nothing. He is in Nigeria remember? ANd why should she care so much? She is building her own house not so? And she says it is her money, she can do whatever she likes with it. Why cant he? The guy has no savings and you are saying what? Is that how you will advise your brother?

Nashville:

For me, he should forget about her contributing to the home for now. She can spend her money however she likes, afterall he has been the one paying the bills all these years. But what he should guard against is someone stealing his sweat from him. This woman and her family can go to court claiming they are joint owners of the properties and she needs her share. Bro, focus now on protecting yourself and let he know that you are also ready for a divorce! You can even sell some of the houses and buy new ones only in your name!

I agree. When one person has started to display selfishness and suspicious behavior, then the other has to start protecting themselves against what ever plans and windstorms come their way. She is preparing hers quietly, and so should he. It is another thing entirely if she was open about it. But to start building house behind his back with ashewo priest is very disturbing.

baby_123:

And if he owns and bought the land by himself? He can always change the beneficiaries of the land. She will get nothing. He is in Nigeria remember? ANd why should she care so much? She is building her own house not so? And she says it is her money, she can do whatever she likes with it. Why cant he? The guy has no savings and you are saying what? Is that how you will advise your brother?

It's not her problem he has no savings.. If they married in court without any pre nup. They owe everything equally. Even the house she is building.

He can't just decide and take everything back. Even though they are in Nigeria, she can go a distance to get what she is entitled to .

They need to separate amicably if they want to go their way. Share the losses and start afresh. Cest la vie

Woo unto those women asking for the other side of the story. Cos i've never seen where you women requested a female op to tell her husband to come tell the other side of his story. You people only go straight to conclusion. No matter what the op might have done to her, it doesn't warrant her calling the whole nigerians to her home to come talk to her husband when it's not a case of abuse...


@op, I really do feel for you. I think you just have to man up and take your stand as the head of the house. If I were you, I won't even allow her do anything in that house with her money again. At least you've been doing fine before she started earning more than you.

To those saying show her more love, what other love do you want him to show her again apart from the one he has been showing her. Do you want him to kill himself ni just because of one woman? Abeggiiii

Nashville:

For me, he should forget about her contributing to the home for now. She can spend her money however she likes, afterall he has been the one paying the bills all these years. But what he should guard against is someone stealing his sweat from him. This woman and her family can go to court claiming they are joint owners of the properties and she needs her share. Bro, focus now on protecting yourself and let he know that you are also ready for a divorce! You can even sell some of the houses and buy new ones only in your name!

I just don't understand how people are allowed to own properties within a marriage and claim that it is theirs alone. People should not be allowed to do that. If people knew hiding assets during a divorce was criminal they would be less likely to do it.

Night$hift:
She is "mummy's girl" to the core. She was inspired to call my uncles and start threatening divorce because I didn't pick her mother's calls in the middle of an argument like her mother used to do before, thinking I will beg her. But I have reminded her now (though belatedly) that the marriage contract is between myself and her only and as such, I will not entertain any of such interferences again especially as they have been counter-productive in the past.

Actually, it's not as if I have been completely docile these past three years. Due to her change in behaviour, I have:-

1. Completely banned a certain Priest that used to be her main ally from the house and from my family for life and have even enforced a change of Parish for every member of my family as a result. The other Priest that aided her to build the house has received the same life ban without being told.
2. When she boldly objected to my mother visiting, I banned her mother and every other member of her family from visiting till date.
3. I have declared her younger brother that insulted me a persona-non-grata to my home and children and I even have a police entry on some threats he made.
4. I have enforced complete unlocking of all phones and laptops in the house, including mine.
5. I have banned 2 of her most wayward friends from the house
6. I have forced her to the wall 2ce when she mentioned divorce until she went begging. My uncles and parents are bent on taking up that role now due to her latest threat.

The area where she said she would rather prefer divorce is financial openness. She initially agreed to be financially open henceforth but somewhere along the line, she changed her mind saying she would prefer divorce instead and went as far as calling some elders and my uncles to issue the divorce threats only to start begging hours later.

In all, I will continue to hope for the best while preparing for the worst at the same time.

good steps my broda, that the way it has to be and remember that.she threatened Divorce but now is pulling back which shows her weakness, attacked the weakness, let her know that she cannot blackmail u with Divorce. Thank God that ur acting like the LION OF THE HOUSE.

Chillisauce:

It's not her problem he has no savings.. If they married in court without any pre nup. They owe everything equally. Even the house she is building.

He can't just decide and take everything back. Even though they are in Nigeria, she can go a distance to get what she is entitled to .

They need to separate amicably if they want to go their way. Share the losses and start afresh. Cest la vie

Oh really? This must not be Nigerian society you are talking about. If he bought the land by himself and attached her name without her signature, he can always change the name on the land.

soul_glo:

I just don't understand how people are allowed to own properties within a marriage and claim that it is theirs alone. People should not be allowed to do that. If people knew hiding assets during a divorce was criminal they would be less likely to do it.

I'm telling you! Once you didn't sign a per nup, be ready to charge everything together.

Chillisauce:

I'm telling you! Once you didn't sign a per nup, be ready to charge everything together.

Not sure it works in Nigeria. The person whose name is on the house owns it 100%, married or unmarried!

Nashville:

Not sure it works in Nigeria. The person whose name is on the house owns it 100%, married or unmarried!

LOL, she obviously doesnt know how it works. And she is talking about prenup. hehehehehe. In Nigeria

baby_123:

Oh really? This must not be Nigerian society you are talking about. If he bought the land by himself and attached her name without her signature, he can always change the name on the land.

My dear, if my husband buys a land, I should know. Even in Naija, I no fear anybody. Get my lawyer and area boys sef to go in hand.


Do you know what it is building family together?

Like I said, even her own house they own it together.
Except in some cases of infidelity , some hidden things. He would win. He should just keep an evidence that she was doing something wrong behind his back. If no evidence, na 50-50.

Nashville:

Not sure it works in Nigeria. The person whose name is on the house owns it 100%, married or unmarried!

Serious

But he said her name was there na. So how does he change it

Ngokafor: ...so every disagreement in marrige is now abuse?..okoo!...@042austino your own case is not as pathetic as the op's own sorry...

....as for the op..am still in shock you are as perfect as you sound while your wife is as terrible as you've painted,something is definitely wrong somewhere..

babe when ur wife uses the differences u hv to call u names it is an Abuse, remember abuse can be verbal.

Chillisauce:

My dear, if my husband buys a land, I should know. Even in Naija, I no fear anybody. Get my lawyer and area boys sef to go in hand.


Do you know what it is building family together?

Like I said, even her own house they own it together.
Except in some cases of infidelity , some hidden things. He would win. He should just keep an evidence that she was doing something wrong behind his back. If no evidence, na 50-50.

It doesnt work that way in Nigeria. He whose name is on the land owns it my dear. If you claim this, you will also claim things he owned before marriage not so. You dont know how it works. You cannot use what you know of another country as a yardstick for another.

So why our Naija women dey take marriage do or die when the man can actually decide not to put your name in the deeds and get away with it?

Chillisauce: So why our Naija women dey take marriage do or die when the man can actually decide not to put your name in the deeds and get away with it?

Well, contribute to family projects and buy land together if you want a claim. Make sure your signature and proof of purchase is there. Then you have a fighting chance in court. However, if you sit down and let the man do everything hoping to inherit, while also doing yours. That is an expensive gamble.

moreeni: I believe in the duo enjoying themselves in marriage not one deliberately making life difficult for the other.Marriage, I know is not filled with bliss but the downs shouldnt be caused by internal factors if we can help it. No amount of abuse should be tolerated no matter the form.

Please, stop her and her folks now by going all traditional husbandly on her. None of our several cultures allow husband-bulling in Nigeria so make them quit already.

The next time she raises any dust and involves her family, u have the permission of a well wisher to tell them to mind their own business and get off your face, their daughter can follow them if she chooses. Over stressed men are prone to stroke and early grave. Respect is earned, I tell you. Abi what shall it profit a man that avoids disrespecting ILs and disengaging wifey but losses his esteem, worth and peace in the process? Even those kids you are in because will find you weak and unworthy on the long run.

Goodluck.

well said sis.