Is it true that a

If this man is not gonna put You first, You have no right getting marry to him.

i remember u were the one that put up the post about his student visa expiring soon and may want to marry cos he's not sure they'll renew it cos he's not regular student bla bla bla,
i still stand by what i say.
he's probably just using u.
when he gets what he wants (the passport),he toss u off and go for a younger nigerian lady.
dont worry about whether things will change or not if u marry.
i beleive u r just a stepping stone to acheive a goal.
its almost impossible for a nigerian family to encourage their young 30 yr old son in marrying a 37 yr old foregner with 4 kids UNLESS THEY WANT SOMETHING FROM HER.
goodluck.

=== ===

@ wendyrao

i dont think i fully understand your question,but relationships are assesed on a case by case basis.
based on the the information the poster has given here and in previous posts,i believe there is a high probability she is just been used to get a passport.
ofcourse,i could be wrong,
but our culture and soceity is such that most families discourage their "sons" to marry even a slightly older woman not to talk of a foreign lady older by 7 yrs AND HAS 4 KIDS from another man.
i know a few nigerian ladies in their twenties that cant pin a man down just cos they have a child for another man.
the man's family will certainly be nice to bridget007, until he gets the passport.then things will change, for the worse.
wendy,this doesn't mean it will apply to all foreign ladies.
IT IS VERY POSSIBLE FOR A NIGERIAN MAN TO GENUINELY LOVE AND MARRY A WHITE LADY.IT HAPPENS VERY OFTEN,AND THE MAN'S FAMILY WILL LOVE HER.
as i said,these things are on a case by case basis.
i dont know details about your situation.I only know about bridget007's.,and i've given my opinion based on her case.

He will be there for you and the baby as his priority, BUT his family will ALWAYS be there, that you cannot take away from him.

A wife and child should be seen as immediate family.

They should always be placed first.

My wife and children = 1st.Every other person come 2nd.My will only contain names of my children and wife otherwise see my solicitor.

"I 've only been to a pub once and that was to get cigarettes for my wife at 11.30 in the evening in the evening, "Jos'e Mourinho.

@poster

you're a perfect example of d word selfish


why should he put u first,when he's not married to u?even me before i got married my family came first,and then after my marriage my immediate family,if u continue like this im very sure your husband wont even continnue wt d marriage(except hes marrying u for a reason)because u might as well come scatter his family wt your selfishness

@ Bridget

Again, this revolves around that culture issue we briefly discussed about. Your fiance is coming from a background where as the man, things revolved around him. Most guys grew up going to school, then going out to play football and staying out late and only come home to eat, whilst the female had to tidy up, cook, etc. And for some strange reasons, guys usually tend to have a very strong relationship with their mum, so the bond is always very hard to break. They don't joke with their mum at all.

Unlike this country where people sometimes have to leave home at 16 to go fend for themselves, Nigerians are known to live at home until they go off to get married in their twenties or thirties. It is not even frowned on for some guys to move into the family home after getting married. 

I remembered freaking out whilst having this discussion with my mum last week, and remembered her saying it was no big deal for a guy to get married and not move out. yikes, that is gross.

lidbb2:

its almost impossible for a nigerian family to encourage their young 30 yr old son in marrying a 37 yr old foregner with 4 kids UNLESS THEY WANT SOMETHING FROM HER.
goodluck.

lidbb2:


i know a few nigerian ladies in their twenties that can't pin a man down just because they have a child for another man.
the man's family will certainly be nice to bridget007, until he gets the passport.then things will change, for the worse.

I beg to differ slightly on your assertion that he is only marrying her because he wants something from her.

While I definitely know that you would be hard-pressed to find a Nigerian guy willing to take on a Nigerian lady that already has a child/children, I know Nigerian men definitely don't mind getting involved with someone from another country who has had children.

I always wondered why the issue of after 1 only becomes a problem for Nigerian men, when the person in question is a Nigerian lady. After seeking opinions from different guys, the only common reason they had was they did not want to adopt a child only for the dad to turn up later

@ topic

It depends on my mood. Sometimes even my teddy bear comes first!

rampant:

@poster

you're a perfect example of d word selfish


why should he put u first,when he's not married to u?even me before i got married my family came first,and then after my marriage my immediate family,if u continue like this im very sure your husband wont even continnue wt d marriage(except hes marrying u for a reason)because u might as well come scatter his family wt your selfishness

Haba take am easy now. Just a night out of 10. That's just too small. She has the right to demand for more!

michelin89:

@ topic

It depends on my mood. Sometimes even my teddy bear comes first!

LOL

@ busy_body
i know that nigerian men dont have problems with getting involved with foreign ladies with children for other men.
marrying them however,is a completely different issue.
i repeat and stand by my opinion that it is RARE for a nigerian family to encourage their young son to marry a significantly older woman from another continent and who has children for another man unless they want something from her.
the fact that she has a baby for him doesn't really make the lady acceptable.
most families will accept the baby,and still encourage their son to marry a younger nigerian lady.such instances are common.
i'm sure u know what i'm talking about.

@ lidbb2

I agree with you!

@ michelin89
Thank you.

His family

@ bridget007
it seems you've got it all sorted out.
all we can do is to give our opinions on your issue.its left for you to either take it or leave it.
i'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

rampant:

@poster

you're a perfect example of d word selfish


why should he put u first,when he's not married to u?even me before i got married my family came first,and then after my marriage my immediate family,if u continue like this im very sure your husband wont even continnue wt d marriage(except hes marrying u for a reason)because u might as well come scatter his family wt your selfishness

i believe you r not married or else i pity ur unfortunate wife

@ poster
if u like yourself RUN
you think his mother will spoil his chances, kids from another man? you must be expecting a miracle. infact if am the one i wil disown my son if he doesnt divorce you after he gets his visa of course

princess k:

i believe you r not married or else i pity your unfortunate wife

mind you, RAMPANT is SHE and shez married, so she doesnt need a wife!

princess k:

i believe you r not married or else i pity your unfortunate wife

if u ask me,i'd say i pity for d man that will bring u or has already brought u into his house,because you're going to scatter his family wt your four cornered way of thinking

@ rampant
fortunately for me my husband puts me first before everyone and i put him first before anyone as it should be, a man should love his family but the issue is who should come first and i say wife and kids.
i love my in-laws but i am immediate family, my in laws dont think like u thankfully and love me fine.

since you are a she i hope u get wat u wish for then, a man that puts his mother and every other person before you

princess k:

@ rampant
fortunately for me my husband puts me first before everyone and i put him first before anyone as it should be, a man should love his family but the issue is who should come first and i say wife and kids.
i love my in-laws but i am immediate family, my in laws don't think like u thankfully and love me fine.

since you are a she i hope u get what u wish for then, a man that puts his mother and every other person before you

no wonder,now i know u did not read my reply wt your two eyes opened,i guess u read it wt one eye opened and d other closed,now open them well and read properly

or better still let me analyse it for u

i said , this man is not married to her yet so she should stop being selfish wt herself,a man/woman that aint married yet should not be forced to make his lover his/her utmost priority,when i was single ,my family always came first and i did not bother my fiance(now my husband) then to make me his number 1 priority,that would have been damn too stupid of me,now that im married to him,he's my number one,and so also im i his utmost priority


but a woman who's not married yet and has started bothering herself about who comes first and does not come first,needs some good matured spanking that will bring her head together in one shape

so my dear take away your wish for me,and stick it back inside your bag,because im not going to be needing it in this life

@ rampant
I

@poster

sweetheart listen

a man will always take his wife and kids as his first priority,but if he's not married to u yet,i wonder why you're already dragging rights unnecessarily

take for instance your kids,u love them don't u?now if u were told to choose between them and your man,who will u go for?

any man that does not make his legally married wife as his number one is a fool,but if they r not married ,im against all this rights dragging and so on,as long as he gives me d attention i want as his girlfriend im very much satisfied wt that,but once we get married,then i must come first,that is what im trying to say here




anyways i will advise u to really consider this marriage of a thing wt d guy,im  a nigerian and i will tell u better,reasons are

1. its very hard to see a nigerian man marry  outside ,and then to a woman who has 1kid not to talk of 4 ,and stay wt her forever,yes they will marry u ,but ,but they will always want their own kids to come first,and hence that marriage wont last,it doesnt happen all d time though,but this is exactly d way it is

2. you're older than he is,no way ,they might be complications


3.he might be getting married to u for a particular reason that's not love(i said might)

so sit yourself down and reconsider

I keep saying this that one of the reasons why relationships fail and marriages is because we expect too much from people knowing fully well that they are human beings and vulnerable to their own behaviours

rubi:

I keep saying this that one of the reasons why relationships fail and marriages is because we expect too much from people knowing fully well that they are human beings and vulnerable to their own behaviours

my dear,u r right

@ rampant
I do understand the points you raise and will definately consider and raise these with him.

Why can't everyone be like me?

You first, family first? Who cares? You all break my balls!

well update,

Maybe he wants to use you as his ticket to the glory land?