dayokanu:

Well they started dating when she was 19 and was V-yansh

This guy wasnt actually anything like "best man" at that time, a recent migrant working at a dollar store, living with like 5 other friends, taking the metro

IMO what she did, thats the closest you can get to true love from most women these days

LOL. Dayo, you are amusing o. Please don't take it the hurtful way, I don't mean it like that. It isn't the ability to provide that necessarily makes a man the best guy for a woman who is already corporate and providing for herself.

coogar:

of course, she's bothered. she's just clueless about how to fix herself. why cry if she's not bothered? why offer pity sex if she's not bothered? men are not naturally disposed to talk & talk. i am sure they must have gone through this over & over and nothing has changed. what's he to do? if a woman is not given attention & she complains about it with no changes, she would suit herself as well.



that ship has sailed already, i am afraid.
the man has already dipped his hands in the soup. nothing will stop him now, not even his religion. he tried to work it out but to no avail & he took the easier route. i might do the same in his shoes. scratch that, i won't even propose to any woman without test-driving never mind marrying her.



he should be smart enough to wear protection.



not anymore....
he's found refuge. i doubt he complains at home again & even if discovered, he has a genuine excuse to throw out there. he's already using that excuse to convince dayokanu & co. he will use the same excuse to explain to her in-laws. mrs madam shouldn't have let things get to this point so it's entirely her fault.



any woman who doesn't see her low libido as a major concern in her marriage must be an illiterate. in this day & age when sëx education is everywhere. even some churches preach it now that wives should step their sex game up & not starve their husbands. my partner already knows something is wrong if i come back from work & i don't demand for sex. if she checks football news & there's no sign that my team played & lost, her worries become tripled. healthy men live for sex.



starving her husband is always a recipe to be cheated upon. action brings reaction.

I still disagree with you on many of the points you've raised and your responses so far, and I could go on and on arguing with you point for point!

However, let's agree to disagree on this - there's so much more to this thread and this issue is just on of many to be thrashed out.

coogar:

this is another issue that peeves me about nigerians. we attach sentiments to practical stuff too much. help is help, issues are issues. they should not overlap.

so i meet a girl, she sponsored me through college, puts money in my account regularly when i was struggling & then we get married. few years later, i discovered she's sleeping with my next door neighbour. according to you, because she did a lot for me, i am not supposed to leave her?

what she did for me, i appreciate of course but i wouldn't accept her offer if she had told me she was going to cheat on top of it. we should learn to separate past deeds with marriage issues. it's the recipe for marital abuse. so because i brought a girl from the village to texas, polished her, housed her and married her gives me the right to abuse her?

after all, i have done a lot for her.....i should be able to get away with anything.

Your analogies and Dayo's example are not parallels. This woman has not yet been accused of refusing the guy sexx. What we know is that she just doesn't "feel" sexxual with him. She cried, according to Dayo's report, when Dayo's friend got mad about it and offered him her body right then.

You need to prove that she's abusing him to convince us of a parallel with your own analogies.

dayokanu: IMO the guy has a right to be frustrated like any virile man would but I want this relationship to work because I love this girls commitment and dedication to her man something thats rare nowadays. Girls like that who stick with their man thru thick and thin deserves the man

Obviously then, she would be wide open to any way to improve sexxual relations with him, wouldn't she?

Ihedinobi:
For some women, it might not even be rebound. They just have never met someone that opened them up to love like that. That is fact. I can attest to it by firsthand experience too.

Meaning?

The way I see it, the man's actions are at complete odds with his demonstration let alone, showing love to his wife!

dayokanu:

But according to you, if you love a woman enough you should be open to anything she likes even if its BD-Sm, anall and anything extreme she likes

Geez How does that follow? If I love someone that is suicidal, I'll stab them to death to please them too? Na wa for you o.

Dayo, I understand ur point very well but, bc u want it, coogar want it, I want it doesn't mean baby mama, pocket economy or cc may want it. And I've seen couples married as virgin rocking very well more than those that test drived.

Secondly, even if u test drived, that is never a guarantee that all will continue to go well with u guys in d closest.
A lot of factors may make one to completely lose interest in bedroom action.
My point is this.
Let's not make those that don't wanna do bc of one reason or the other to feel that they all got it wrong or they r making d greatest mistake of their lifes.
In marriage, u don't generalise.
That is my point.

U made it feel like u can't stay without that hence my reply to u.

dayokanu,
your example tie wrapper oh

I really don't think its low libido - once in a month or two months is a bit extreme

She needs to see a psychologist or something - maybe its past abuse or some kinda trauma

@ihedinobi
Hello
@osisi, efe, cc,ypp,carmelion and others etc thanks for contributing. great thread

@topic on single friends while you are married
I have always gotten on better with men than women as friends so now that I'm in my thirties and single let me share my few cents. For my male friends that I'm close to who are now married I knew them when they were single, I have never had any issues till date. Some wives are my friends regardless of the fact that I am close friends with their husbands, the others I am simply cordial with if and when we meet and we have no issues I just don't fake friendships. With all my male friends I ask about their families as a matter of courtesy but I never discuss personal issues about their marriage or relationship cos its not my business and I respect boundaries.

Boundaries include no calling at ridiculous times (a colleague of mine used to pick calls from his ex at 11pm and then he wondered why the husband called him one day to accuse him of having an affair with his wife).

I still have one friend that has adopted me sef sotay I'm the only one who has had a sleepover in their home apart from his sister especially when work brings me to their area of the city. His wife(bless her) will ask 'isn't salsera staying over?'


@all
let's not turn this into testing or no-test driving topic. there are threads on this already

Efemena_xy:

Meaning?

The way I see it, the man's actions are at complete odds with him demonstration let alone, showing love to his wife!

If I understand the bolded correctly - that the man has not been shown to wildly in love with her either - you've made my point for me. We've seen that the woman did everything, that she gave herself completely. But what did HE do to make her fall in love with her? She might have judged him a strong candidate for marriage because of various credentials - so he won her mind over, but what about her heart? Did he open her up to love? Did he breach her to the point that all she could think of was waking up next to him every morning, having his babies etc etc? In short, did she fall in love with him at any point? Ever?

Efemena_xy:

And what exactly is she 'getting away' with?

Her only fault here is having a very low libido, which from the sound of it, is at odds with the husband's - as his seems to be on the opposite side of the spectrum.

So no, the fault isn't hers in anyway, it's just a part of her make up which I think is rectifiable. Her man on the other hand is using that as an excuse and playing the fiddle. Now that's what I find offensive and yes, she did help him get to where he is. So what in turn is he doing for her? Afterall, isn't marriage meant to be a union of hearts where the couple share their problems and seek a solution?

Is being a cassanova helping the situation except his own selfish gratifications?

Low libido kwa? I don't see proof anywhere of that. That a woman is not into sleeping with a guy doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with her sexxual appetite or that her libido is low. She's just not into the guy like that. That may be the case here.

Since the matter never die down, let me add my thoughts... That man married to a woman with low sex drive, couldn't he, because of his love for her look for a practical solution to this problem? Couldn't he at least have a heart to heart discussion with her. Or if that doesn't work, can't he seek advice from a counsellor who would advice him on what to do? Love for her is meamt to move him to find a solution, instead of taking the easy way out. Any way, i was not there, and i don't know the man, so i don't know all the details, i'm just assuming and suggesting. He should find a solution with his wife if he truly loves her.

dayokanu:

He probably respected the girls wish and her "No testing rule". Like some guy keep their real GF and smash others by the side Not like youve not heard it before

Sure I've heard of it. Only means that it is possible that he didn't test-drive her. Doesn't prove that he in fact did not. And possibilities aren't the deal here. Your guy's credibility is.

Its a game of probabilities. Its possible I enter an exam blindly without proper practice and shade all C and still get 100% Im sure theres someone who has done that in the past and succeded

Also there is someone who prepared everyway still got to the exam and had a brain freeze AND FAILED

So who would you rather be, the one who went in with blind faith and hope your options are right or the one who reads and Pay particular attention to the AOC(Area of concentration) and knows what hes getting

You still have to show me how sexxual relationship is comparable to an exam. I see more reason to consider it an adventure. Adventures are fun because you have no idea what's going to happen and you have can peer into every cave and crevice and climb every peak - basically, adventures are fun because you have a blank slate to write on. What more prep do you need for an adventure than a wwhetted appetite and a survival kit and survival skills?

Oh, and survival skills and kit equate to relationship skills that you acquire from familial bonds and friendships and the dotted lines you sign with the "clueless" chic. Not sexxual promiscuity.

dayokanu: Ihedinobi

Do you think this woman below too used her husband as a rebound or doesnt love him enough



Some ppl are just like that excellent i everyway but just low in sex drive

Already covered that in a response to Efe, bro. Some women have just never fallen in love. And until they do, sexx may seem more like exploitation, at worst, or a bother, at best.

Efemena_xy:

Maybe she does or maybe she doesn't. We'll never know if she knows or not.

If she knows, she might - for all you know, be planning to get back at him for this. A woman scorned...

Dayo, do they have any kids yet?

Exactly! We don't know. What we've got are speculations and suppositions and theories.

PocketEconomist: Since the matter never die down, let me add my thoughts... That man married to a woman with low sex drive, couldn't he, because of his love for her look for a practical solution to this problem? Couldn't he at least have a heart to heart discussion with her. Or if that doesn't work, can't he seek advice from a counsellor who would advice him on what to do? Love for her is meamt to move him to find a solution, instead of taking the easy way out. Any way, i was not there, and i don't know the man, so i don't know all the details, i'm just assuming and suggesting. He should find a solution with his wife if he truly loves her.

Simple!.........this should end this discussion


@babymama...NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!

PocketEconomist: Since the matter never die down, let me add my thoughts... That man married to a woman with low sex drive, couldn't he, because of his love for her look for a practical solution to this problem? Couldn't he at least have a heart to heart discussion with her. Or if that doesn't work, can't he seek advice from a counsellor who would advice him on what to do? Love for her is meamt to move him to find a solution, instead of taking the easy way out. Any way, i was not there, and i don't know the man, so i don't know all the details, i'm just assuming and suggesting. He should find a solution with his wife if he truly loves her.

There isn't any problem with their marriage - just the sex part. They therefore don't need a marriage councellor. What they both need is a sex therapist.

Go on, say it...sex therapist!

Na wa for Nigerians sha - una too dey form conservationalism

This thread is flying!
How can I read all these?

carmelion:
Simple!.........this should end this discussion
@babymama...NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh no no no!!!
This topic is the most important topic in family matters and its supposed to cover more than 7 or 8 pages.
Enjoy d flow!

Efemena_xy:

There isn't any problem with their marriage - just the sex part. They therefore don't need a marriage councellor. What they both need is a sex therapist.

Go on, say it...sex therapist!

Na wa for Nigerians sha - una too dey form conservationalism

haba madam efe, i no be conservative o! Na for here i hear sex therapist for the first time. Anyway, i don learn that one for here sha.

^^

Ihedinobi:
Your analogies and Dayo's example are not parallels. This woman has not yet been accused of refusing the guy sexx. What we know is that she just doesn't "feel" sexxual with him. She cried, according to Dayo's report, when Dayo's friend got mad about it and offered him her body right then.

a problem that could have been avoided if they had test-driven.
it also begs the question - if she doesn't feel sëxual with him, who does she feel sëxual with? banky w or whiz kid? not every man takes to pity sex. if a woman is not ready, most men will just walk away quietly.

You need to prove that she's abusing him to convince us of a parallel with your own analogies.

starving him is abusing him. if the husband is always the one to demand sex then something is wrong. very wrong!!

Thanks to all the pple that are contributing to this trend is very helpful to all intending wives. Baby mama, CC and the guys thanks. Pls guys can you quit the argument to enable the trend progress abeg

yellowpawpaw:

Oh no no no!!!
This topic is the most important topic in family matters and its supposed to cover more than 7 or 8 pages.
Enjoy d flow!

hahahahahaha!!!!!!

hello room

coogar:

i would rather have that feeling pre-marriage. there's plenty of time to refine & smoothen the rough edges. by the time we are married, we are already in the phase 3 of sexual enjoyment while the no-testing are still looking like a deer in the headlights.

You're trolling, aren't you? The excitement of ripping open birthday and Christmas presents is because it is your birthday or Christmas not the night before. So you can't have that feeling pre marriage.

same experience, bro.
it's just that i have had mine many moons ago before tying the nuptial knot. i already know what i am stranded with for the rest of my life. no huge surprises. little did you know some women have odd-looking factories that may require vaginoplasty. mere looking at her alone down there would destroy all your excitement & childish glee.

A woman's body will look odd to a man who's never seen it before regardless which woman he's looking at. What makes the "oddness" a problem is when the man has seen various versions of oddness and picks a favorite and judges every other by it. So here, test-driving is its own enemy

i think i would be surer she's all mine in test-driving than in no test-driving. that her hymen is intact does not mean she's not engaging in oräl sex or anäl sex. there have been plenty of surprises in men who thought their wives were pure & unsullied only to discover the reverse on the wedding night. what do you have to say to that? no test-driving fosters fraud(misrepresentation)

@bolded, now I'm sure you're trolling. What does this statement even mean? Aren't all women who aren't pure and unsullied so because they were test-driven? You've seriously got this whole thing upside down.

there's always an exception to the rule. some people will find happiness in hell but that doesn't make it ideal. coping & thriving are 2 different things. in order to avoid surprises, i would like to know what i will be working it. i can't stand divorce.

Isn't hell hell because there's no happiness in it? Use the right analogies to avoid confusion, bro. Besides, the whole argument for test-driving is that it assures you of sexxual compatibility with your future spouse. Even one exception dismantles the whole argument. You lose. Again.

a cursory glance on google will reveal this & it's quite reasonable. born again christians are told to apply faith all the time. many good wives married impotents. they never tested, how could they have known if he's functional or not. they only discover these things after marriage & by then it's already too late. divorce is imminent!

The above is NL-speak for "I have no research to back me up so I'll just make up a lot of noise to cover up". The part about your assumptions being reasonable is particularly funny. Maybe you'd better tell us what "born-again Christians" are or what you think they are. I thought I knew until I read that part. Now I'm not very sure it's what I know that you're refering to.

The bolded is a poor argument. You can't correctly try to prove that born-again Christians end up with sexxually incompatible mates because they do not test-drive when you have not even shown that test-driving guarantees sexxual compatibility with your mate.

in this day & age with many fake women on the prowl, test-driving is very necessary. fake hair, fake böobs, fake bütt, fake nails & you think these girls wouldn't do anything to ensnare an oblivious man if there's something to hide? why would i want to put myself in such risks?

And all that fakeness erupted out of nothing? Is it not the competition that test-driving brought about that necessitated it?

coogar: ...of course, she's bothered. she's just clueless about how to fix herself. why cry if she's not bothered? why offer pity sex if she's not bothered? 

She could be using the tears to guilt-trip him. It is possible that she simply does not want a sexxual relationship with him. That would be the case if she is in love with someone else or just in love with the idea of being a Mrs Somebody without having to be emotionally involved and vulnerable to a male. The latter could be the result of a past emotional hurt.

ihe,are you a pastors kid?

salsera: @ihedinobi
Hello

Hi

NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

You should get another thread for this oh

Ihedinobi/Coogar/Dayokanu you will not agree on this topic no matter how many times you quote each other

but stop derailing this thread

mysticgal: ihe,are you a pastors kid?

You need to lure him to Family thread
offer him better food courtesy taryour/cc/efe(turkey things)

coogar:

a problem that could have been avoided if they had test-driven.
it also begs the question - if she doesn't feel sëxual with him, who does she feel sëxual with? banky w or whiz kid? not every man takes to pity sex. if a woman is not ready, most men will just walk away quietly.

Avoided fire! Woman neva teach you film trick for bedroom before? Abi you wan lie say you neva watch mojo before? Test-driving would have done exactly nothing to prepa re this man for what he would have faced if she really meant to hook him into marriage.

starving him is abusing him. if the husband is always the one to demand sex then something is wrong. very wrong!!

You know that starving someone of something is a willfull act. Have you shown us how she is willfully denying him sexx?

Nobody is arguing that nothing is wrong here.

A man without a definite plan for the future is not ready for marriage, if you ask him this question, and he is stammering incoherent words, that's a red flag. A man who does not put your needs and opinions into consideration? That's another sign that he is selfish. Watch out! If your man is too possessive, always wanting to know your every move and whereabouts, that's another red flag. Abeg make una no crucify me o! This is not absolute, Na my opinion as a mam o! I've bled enough on this thread.