"Marry for compatibility and not love,love withers" hahaha wetin you talk? I want to marry for love oh.

Ihedinobi:
Already covered that in a response to Efe, bro. Some women have just never fallen in love. And until they do, sexx may seem more like exploitation, at worst, or a bother, at best.

Also the woman may have been sexually abused at some point in her life
Ra.pe is common in our society
The effects can be two extremes
Promiscuity or averseness to SE.x and intimacy
Those who choose the later do so as a defense mechanism
Some Women who have been violated have a hard time with SE.x and true love,that is documented
Men if your wife is not warming up,there could be a deep hurt somewhere that she needs to overcome

Baby mama:

Also the woman may have been sexually abused at some point in her life
Ra.pe is common in our society
The effects can be two extremes
Promiscuity or averseness to SE.x and intimacy
Some Women who have been violated have a hard time with SE.x and true love
Men if your wife is not warming up,there could be a deep hurt somewhere that she needs to overcome

GBAM!

chaircover: Okay lets move on . . .

Baby mama no vex o! but since youve abandoned the ship in favour of kpekus somewhere & thus leaving test driving for and against debaters. I have to come in as an untrained referee to move things forward

When things seem so monotonous

Okay so the butterflys in your stomach have stopped fluttering and that hot passionate love has cooled down to a cooler and much deeper comanionate love; what do you do to keep the fire burning?

Kids have come along and most of your day is the same routine; look after the kids, work, run the family, pay bills, bed, wake up, sleep . . and it suddenly becomes monotonous and becoming boring . . .

This is the point that many people have affairs, and many oyinbos divorce and say that they fell out of love with each other.

How to get over this? . . . Accept that this is a phase and it will pass. We all at some point in our lives get bored of something. Even people in the best jobs have down days .. so you are not alone. When you hear about ups and downs in marriage, this is one of the downs

it doesnt mean that there is something wring with your relationship. It only means that its time for rearrangement and a call to put some more coals in the fire. basically you both have to keep working at the marriage to keep it alive. You cant just sit back and coast or you run out of ooooomph.

When I feel that things are getting monotonous I try and make some changes, no matter how little . . .sometimes all it needs is a small shift. Sometimes I do things for myself such as going on a shopping spree and changing my wardrobe, sometimes I change the furniture round, go on a weekend break or go out with friends, Sometimes we go to a party that we wouldn't normally have gone to. . . . anything just to reboot. Sometimes one of you has to do the changing to encourage and pull the other one up and sometimes you both have to make the changes at the same time.

The above is one of my biggest fears about marriage.
I get bored super-easily and ehrm

Just a question on this test driving stuff, so after the test drive maybe once or twice, and you were not impressed that much, what next? If you dump her based on that grounds alone, does that show true love? How about working it out?

PocketEconomist: Just a question on this test driving stuff, so after the test drive maybe once or twice, and you were not impressed that much, what next? If you dump her based on that grounds alone, does that show true love? How about working it out?

I guess you move on and test drive other people
Mgbo Coogar

@carmelion, emotion is the fuel of relationships. Intellect is the chassis. You need to be compatible with your mate, but if you don't love them, are not attracted to them, y'all ain't goin nowhere. So you need both. If you fall for someone, you need to take a breather and make sure that you and they fit. If you find someone you fit with, give it time to spark. Without both the tinder and the spark, you aren't going to have a fire and you could die of frostbite in your marriage. Or you could have too much fire and have a trainwreck

Baby mama:

Also the woman may have been sexually abused at some point in her life
Ra.pe is common in our society
The effects can be two extremes
Promiscuity or averseness to SE.x and intimacy
Those who choose the later do so as a defense mechanism
Some Women who have been violated have a hard time with SE.x and true love,that is documented
Men if your wife is not warming up,there could be a deep hurt somewhere that she needs to overcome

Thank you madam, instead of some men to dig deeper, find out what the problem is, could it be her background? Her upbringing? Or any other thing. For me, if a man TRULY loves a woman, if she doesn't want pre marital sex, don't force her, and if after marriage, he finds out that she has such challenge, he should help her out, encourage her, never blame her for the challenge and above all find a sokution instead of finding an easy way out. Or what do you think?

Sarah a: "Marry for compatibility and not love,love withers" hahaha wetin you talk? I want to marry for love oh.

My dear,the thing tire me.

I heard the love vanishes when they start paying school fees.lol

This marriage thing sef.I tire.

Where is greatgod2012?.May god help us all

Baby mama:

I guess you move on and test drive other people
Mgbo Coogar

when a car is being test-driven & the stick is stiff - you quickly ask for a replacement.

I know for a fact that I would have easily fallen into trouble by marrying a sexually incompatible man ,short and ugly because it was not really high on my checklist
By my make up,I love some specifics in a man and without it,the man is no good to me
He could be stark naked with hips like fally ipupa and manhood the size of Ijebu plantain,he couldn't do a damn thing for me
I love ultra intelligent men
I just adore smart men
IMHO The intellect is the sexiest quality a man could posses

Mgbo Coogar, we r waiting for ur answer.
Will u continue test driving?

Love can create compatibility,you can easily see yourself adjusting to suit your partner's need.When their is love,you can easily subject to each other without feeling subdued.i really don't think compatibility equals love,you can be compatible with someone without being emotionally involved with the the person.Love and a good percentage of compatibility is certainly necessary to make it rock.

yellowpawpaw: Mgbo Coogar, we r waiting for ur answer.
Will u continue test driving?

yes, i will until i find the one that suits me.

alutacontinua:


The above is one of my biggest fears about marriage.
I get bored super-easily and ehrm

Don't worry,you won't be that bored.i used to be super flighty as a single lady,easily bored,adventurous.Married to someone like myself,the party never ends,at least until the kids starts rolling in.You ll only be bored if you married a dry man ,you just have to learn to carry the kids along in your adventures.

carmelion:

My dear,the thing tire me.

I heard the love vanishes when they atrat paying school fees.lol

This marriage thing sef.I tire.

Where is greatgod2o
012.May god help us all

My husband will kill me if he reads this
Here we were trying to get amorous and all of a sudden he reminds me to book a shuttle bus for someone tomorrow
I said haba book it yourself now,you normally do it
He said btw,I didn't realize the other day what you gave me on the check was $1,500 for the project ,we had agreed on $1,700
(We do joint projects not joint accounts)
Nne all my lovingitis and passion just grew wings and flew out the window,fiam
I said Haba,on top bed you wan tok this one
He realized his goof up but it was too late
The emotions was gone and a woman needs to be there emotionally 100% to make it explosive
I knew he was still in the mood,I said nna na collect you go collect this one o
This one na wait and take,na you cause am
He knows that by my make up,when I am not fully into it,my navel up is off limits
Just do it
Let's wait for evening

So yes some things do varnish at some points

coogar:

when a car is being test-driven & the stick is stiff - you quickly ask for a replacement.

U r a baaad guy!
But then again, this is very unrealistic cos one day, u will surely get tired.
A lot of other qualities will prompt u to consider educating her and believe me u, u will certainly do it without knowing it.

Its even men that has more problem down there than ladies.
For eg, d size and shape matters a lot to women and its a great turn off too.

Baby mama, I hear u!
U must hv it up there to attract my attention first. Some men r simply living in d stone age.
And when they speak.......arrg!
Feel like smouldering them!

coogar:

yes, i will until i find the one that suits me.

That is pure WICKEDNESS! What! You would dump a wife material because of low libido that can be repaired with love and patience! You are a real coogar. Anyway, that's your own disposition, and i have to respect that.

byvan:



Don't worry,you won't be that bored.i used to be super flighty as a single lady,easily bored,adventurous.Married to someone like myself,the party never ends,at least until the kids starts rolling in.You ll only be bored if you married a dry man ,you just have to learn to carry the kids along in your adventures.

Thank you

@Ihedinobi

You have proved yourself over the months so your intelligent posts do not surprise me. I have been following this thread but mostly as a guest and I tell ya, Coogar and Dayo's posts scared the hell out of me and I will tell you why...I was more scared for my daughters than I was for myself. I was seriously asking myself, will they find husbands to marry them if they decide no test driving before marriage? with many men on this forum rooting for testing driving, how many will be left for my children? Even my hubby does not even want to hear about test driving when it comes to his kids cos I have raised this topic up at home many times and he refuses to even "think" about it let alone talk about his daughters having sex before marriage ....his words were he would castrate any man that looked at his daughters and men are only allowed to look at them when they turn 25 .

I as a mother will push for abstinence till thy kingdom come, I don't want my daughters having sex before marriage. My mother used to tell us a story which we all thought was a lie until the second girl in the house was getting married and we met the woman behind the story for the first time.Her husband is a canadian/Nigerian, came back to Nigeria and met his wife in PH, they dated for a while before he proposed. He was in Nigeria for over 7 months before he travelled back. Sorted himself out in canada and decided to relocate to nigeria...They dated for about a year before he proposed. His wife was a not for test driving woman and he had experienced the pleasurable power of a nice kpekus many times. They got married and fast forward to a few years after marriage no child. This man's family showed her hell, from his sisters claiming they know someone that knows somebody that knows another somebody that confirmed that she was a runs girl in Uni PH. His own mother (he is an only son) was against the marriage from the start and had another girl she wanted him to marry before the guy met his wife..infact the guy was supposed to travel from PH to owerri to see the girl his mother "suggested" to him before he met his wife that week.

My mum said the man came to the house one day in tears and told them that his family was driving him crazy, they were telling him to choose between his mum and his wife, he is an only son and could not afford to forget his mother. My big mouthed mum asked him if he believed all they told him about his wife and he told her nope, how could his wife had done all that they are accusing her of when he was the first man that ever knew his wife... . The man decided that he was returning to canada with his wife and made all the arrangements without his own family knowing about it, they travelled to canada and after a week he called his family and broke the news of their departure to them .It took this woman 9 solid years after her wedding to conceive.

When my mum used to tell us the story we all thought it was made up because that woman will say anything to make you see reasons with her when it comes to abstinence..but when the second girl in my house was getting married, this woman travelled down to Nigeria from Canada and attended both the traditional and white wedding

I am sorry post is quite long, I haven't typed this long epistles in forever...but I had to share this

PocketEconomist: That is pure WICKEDNESS! What! You would dump a wife material because of low libido that can be repaired with love and patience! You are a real coogar. Anyway, that's your own disposition, and i have to respect that.

There is nothing wicked about what he wants.

It's called 'damage limitation'. Who wants to endure sexu@l frustration for the rest of their married life? Na beans?

Continuation: I am not against people test driving however, don't discourage people that chose not to engage in it. Sexual compartibility or not, it's their choice.

People like Coogar is why I pleaded with God to deny me a daughter.

Baby mama:

My husband will kill me if he reads this
Here we were trying to get amorous and all of a sudden he reminds me to book a shuttle bus for someone tomorrow
I said haba book it yourself now,you normally do it
He said btw,I didn't realize the other day what you gave me on the check was $1,500 for the project ,we had agreed on $1,700
(We do joint projects not joint accounts)
Nne all my lovingitis and passion just grew wings and flew out the window,fiam
I said Haba,on top bed you wan tok this one
He realized his goof up but it was too late
The emotions was gone and a woman needs to be there emotionally 100% to make it explosive
I knew he was still in the mood,I said nna na collect you go collect this one o
This one na wait and take,na you cause am
He knows that by my make up,when I am not fully into it,my navel up is off limits
Just do it
Let's wait for evening

So yes some things do varnish at some points

Chai! See over-bad fvckup! Na dat kain tin de fear me die. I don't see any way that I can enjoy sexx when I'm not driving her out of her mind. I have always hated mechanical engineering like that.

byvan: Love can create compatibility,you can easily see yourself adjusting to suit your partner's need.When their is love,you can easily subject to each other without feeling subdued.i really don't think compatibility equals love,you can be compatible with someone without being emotionally involved with the the person.Love and a good percentage of compatibility is certainly necessary to make it rock.

Totally agree. There should be enough common ground to begin with though.

I wonder how coogar will feel if his daughter was test driven severally and dumped by several men, and she comes crying to him. What would he say in this case? @coogar over to you.

byvan: People like Coogar is why I pleaded with God to deny me a daughter.

Efemena_xy: Oh heck!
Or maybe she's just the conservative type. That notwithstanding, what stops the man from taking charge of his ship (marriage) and steering it into the right course? Why precipitate the destruction of his fairly new marriage with his philandering ways? Is sleeping around going to solve the problems they face?

his wife's refusal to fix her frigidity isn't going to solve the problems as well. how long can a man wait for before enjoying his marriage. he waited before marriage & he is being made to wait after his marriage?

Throwing self-help books at her or taking her out on weekend sprees does not in anyway address the problem. Infact, it's akin to burying one's head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich. You say his ship has set sail. I say it's course can be redirected if he truly wants to work things out. Him constantly dipping his hands in the 'soup pot' is simply courting trouble and it'll never end well.

men are not wired like women when it comes to sex. he's a married man for heaven's sake & he's still sëxually frustrated. how long should he wait for? he's exhausted with being made to look like a sex maniac.

And you think protection can't fail? Or he won't get careless??
Try another one.

that's a risk he will have to live with. big rewards come with big risks.

And is this so-called refuge the permanent fix to the problem? Is it any sort of fix at all? If it is, then tell me - because all I see here is a man eating his cake and having it.

he is getting sex without having to ask for it all the time. the sëx keeps him safe. it means less argument in the house with his wife. he's less stressed & more focused. he can sleep easy at night without having to upset his wife with sex demands.

Mind you, I'm not saying I don't empathise with his plight...heck even having sex just twice a week for a newly wed is a big gap in my opinion. Should be nothing less than two times a day for newly weds (taking into consideration that they both go to work).

thank you!

It won't be a problem if the man had an equally low sex drive. But unfortunately it's the reverse. All the more reason why he should stop acting like a randy teenager, sit up and try to work things out with his wife! Afterall, he did chant for better for worse on that day - or was it just plain lip service??

for better for worse does not cover sex. sex is his conjugal rights. he's being denied his rights if the wife is too frigid. he has 2 options, leave the wife or seek sex outside the marriage. the latter is the easier route. if he leaves the wife the romantics would quickly bring out how much she's invested in the man.

Really?
And if the reverse was the case? i.e the woman with a high libido married to a man with an almost non-existent one. Should she then take that as her go ahead to play the fiddle too?

that's exactly what she would do......
just because women are discreet about this does not mean they don't choose the easier route as well. while dayo's friend can reveal his infidelity openly, a woman in his shoes would not do the same. she will be secretly shägging her next door neighbour.

Abeg answer this question honestly and don't take the easy way out by telling me it's a man's world or it's what's expected of any hot-blooded African man (to cheat), but it's not the exclusive preserve of the woman to reciprocate likewise.

women are into infidelity too - they just don't get to be open about it like men. any man that is denying his wife sex should not be too surprised the woman is cheating outside. i have seen enough episodes on cheaters to know women cheat as much as men, if not more - they are just more careful about it.

both coogar n ihedinobi (no be today) get sense

just that coogar can wind you up sootay....you go buy popcorn like ypp

This monotony matter odikwa risky

So coogar and dayokanu
How do you handle monotony? (drinking zobo)

jennykadry: ...I have been following this thread but mostly as a guest and I tell ya, Coogar and Dayo's posts scared the hell out of me and I will tell you why...I was more scared for my daughters than I was for myself. I was seriously asking myself, will they find husbands to marry them if they decide no test driving before marriage? with many men on this forum rooting for testing driving, how many will be left for my children? Even my hubby does not even want to hear about test driving when it comes to his kids cos I have raised this topic up at home many times and he refuses to even "think" about it let alone talk about his daughters having sex before marriage ....his words were he would castrate any man that looked at his daughters and men are only allowed to look at them when they turn 25

Thank you kindly for the applause. *bows*

@the above, I don laff die for here. Your hubby de vex o! 25?! See sentence!

yellowpawpaw:
U r a baaad guy!
But then again, this is very unrealistic cos one day, u will surely get tired.
A lot of other qualities will prompt u to consider educating her and believe me u, u will certainly do it without knowing it.

i am a very simple man & my requirements are basic. it's not like i am too picky but my preference is my preference.

Its even men that has more problem down there than ladies. For eg, d size and shape matters a lot to women and its a great turn off too.

says who?
ask chaircover to gist you about a TV programme here called embarrassing bodies - that show further reinforced my beliefs to test-drive before marriage. if you see what i have seen, you will be a test driver.

PocketEconomist: I wonder how coogar will feel if his daughter was test driven severally and dumped by several men, and she comes crying to him. What would he say in this case? @coogar over to you.

my daughter has her life to live. my contribution in her life is to set her straight, give her the best things in life & lay out the options for her. her choice is her choice, i mean - what can any parent do to that? buy her undies that come with padlocks?

byvan: People like Coogar is why I pleaded with God to deny me a daughter.

this is funny!

Omo! This thread has exploded! From less than six pages to 12 pages gohng 13 today? Wooow! And the main fuel na whether to test drive or not to test drive. All is well.