Baby mama:
That is a sacrifice women sometimes make,I made that sacrifice too.

Sometimes somethings have to give
people may look at me and say that I have done well in my field but I know I would have done much better than this.

Are there moments i wished it wasn't so,yes!
has it been worth it. Yes!
Would I do this over?
In a heartbeat Yes !!
Why wouldn't i

hat's what marriage is for
His successes are also my successes,I played some part in helping him get to where is and he appreciates it
That is enough for me
I am at a job now that I am beginning to enjoy and re invent myself
If he decided on another move,will I go along?
Absolutely yes!

Babyosisi/babymama,
Thank you; thank you; thank you!
We share the same mindset in this area.
Thank you again!

PocketEconomist: He is now the butt of jokes. His new nickname is HOUSE HUSBAND. But the most weird part is that the wife don't care. She loves him to pieces!

You have said it yourself; she loves him to pieces. If she didn't, I doubt he would be willing to go that far!

You need to know the arrangement between them for your cousin to continue in this manner.

Yes o, Dami.
Its generally known that ladies talk too much. But I've seen guys that talk like old women.
At times, its wise not to even talk, observe and use the correct timing.

I am d crying type, and I hv baaaad mouth. Once I'm infuriated, I will quietly withdraw to doing other things. If u ever see me vigorously scrubbing and singing, meeen I'm fuming! Just give way. In a matter of minutes I will cool down. If its d day I will cry, I will enter bathroom,lock door or inside any room and quietly cry.
This normally drives hubby crazy. By d time I'm done, I can now reason well without exploding.
U can also walk away too.
I've walked away one day and went home with okada. By d time he reached home, I was ok enough to say sorry for walking off on him like that even though he made me mad.
We all r humans and not perfect. If its in ur subconscious to build and enjoy ur marriage, u will device many ways to handle situations depending on ur hubby's personality and urs too.
Even when it feels all wrong, just do it for lv and d future.
Marriage can be very wonderful if we want it to be so for us.

There is one very important mistake ladies make when they marry. Our inability to adjust.
At times we hv to leave our high paying job to a lower one bc of family.
We can also leave our comfort zone to a less comfortable zone too. These r some sacrifices we hv to make so as to safeguard our homes.
Most of the time,they r temporary. Ur guy will also worship the ground u walk on bc of these sacrifices unless he is an a*sshole.
Ask some guys why they lv their wives so much and and is willing to do anything for them,u will be amazed at d response u will get. Very amazed.

I'm wowed by this thread. This is the first time I'm reading a thread up to page 2 in family section, cus most times its either sad/bad marriage talk or holier than thou conference. Thanks for the maturity and clear examples. God will bless your marriages.

P.S. Thanks for the good english too. It means a lot.

I want to thank Baby mama,CC,Ihedinobi,Coogar,Yellow pawpaw and other contributors for this insightful view and analysis on marriage and it's intrigues. I must confess am awed with the sincerity and openness with which every contributor has made his or her point... I've learnt lorry loads!

coming soon...

Well done to every one that contributed in one way or the other. God bless you all.

Sincerely, I must confess that this thread of a truth has been insightful and educative. I ve been seeing the thread but I just ve a way doing "Jump and Pass" but last nite I decided to take a look and since then I ve not dropped my fone. Cos I had to read it all from Page 0-16 and concluded it not quite long.

Baby Mama, you re wonderful. You dished out the experiences without mincing word, twas REAL. The contributors were awesome too.

Though still single but I ve learnt one or two things from the thread to help better my home someday by God's grace, most especially in the area of Sacrifices, Respecting each other Spaces and the checking on him aspect.

My question is if in a situation whereby you so trust dat ur partner would not cheat on you despite the streams of opposite sex friends and one of the days you stumbled on one of the chats innocently btw him and one of the gals, that clearly shows that things has been happening behind ur back, what's the best way to deal with such scenerio?

Thanks Once again

Wow! This thread has exploded!

jumzzy448: Nice write up baby mama. Learning from every bit of your post.
The only thing i'm not happy with in my marriage is the saying sorry aspect.
If i'm wrong or right, I just have to do the begging. Since I got married (for six years now) my hubby has only said sorry twice. He's always right while i'm always wrong. There are times when I just say to myself after a misunderstanding that i'm not going to apologise because i'm not wrong but i'll just see that I can't continue being sad and just decide to go apologise. But the funniest thing is after we make up, i'll forget that he has ever wronged me. My hubby has got so much pride. Hmmm.

U sure say no b d same husband we dey marry?

joy4anney: Sincerely, I must confess that this thread of a truth has been insightful and educative. I ve been seeing the thread but I just ve a way doing "Jump and Pass" but last nite I decided to take a look and since then I ve not dropped my fone. Cos I had to read it all from Page 0-16 and concluded it not quite long.

Baby Mama, you re wonderful. You dished out the experiences without mincing word, twas REAL. The contributors were awesome too.

Though still single but I ve learnt one or two things from the thread to help better my home someday by God's grace, most especially in the area of Sacrifices, Respecting each other Spaces and the checking on him aspect.

My question is if in a situation whereby you so trust dat ur partner would not cheat on you despite the streams of opposite sex friends and one of the days you stumbled on one of the chats innocently btw him and one of the gals, that clearly shows that things has been happening behind ur back, what's the best way to deal with such scenerio?

Thanks Once again

I am glad you enjoyed it
All the contributors have been awesome
You are probably the 5th person that wrote that they were reluctant to read it,some were put off by my handle baby mama

joy4anney: Sincerely, I must confess that this thread of a truth has been insightful and educative. I ve been seeing the thread but I just ve a way doing "Jump and Pass" but last nite I decided to take a look and since then I ve not dropped my fone. Cos I had to read it all from Page 0-16 and concluded it not quite long.

Baby Mama, you re wonderful. You dished out the experiences without mincing word, twas REAL. The contributors were awesome too.

Though still single but I ve learnt one or two things from the thread to help better my home someday by God's grace, most especially in the area of Sacrifices, Respecting each other Spaces and the checking on him aspect.

My question is if in a situation whereby you so trust dat ur partner would not cheat on you despite the streams of opposite sex friends and one of the days you stumbled on one of the chats innocently btw him and one of the gals, that clearly shows that things has been happening behind ur back, what's the best way to deal with such scenerio?

Thanks Once again

Thanks for the compliments,I have enjoyed reading all the contributions too.

If only men know how devastating it is for a woman to find out that the man they love and vowed to love is having an affair with someone else
If only men could understand that it is not OK to run around on your wife
Cheating is not an unconscious action
Every stage of it happens with both parties knowing exactly where they are headed
It is a very selfish action
When a man cheats,he is telling his wife and children that he cares nothing about their feelings and he is just out to gratify himself.
I can't tie a rope on anyone but if he feels he has found someone better suited for him than myself, someone that makes him happier and more fulfilled,let him go for it if that's what his heart desires but I deserve to have that news communicated to me.
I'm a big girl,I can take it
Don't make me a laughing stock by having everyone know this and I have no clue
I am no fool and I hate being treated like one,this may actually hurt me more than the cheating,the fact that you have treated me like a fool.


Now my answer to the question you asked
If I found texts or series of texts to show that something is happening between my man and another woman,I would be hurt but my action will depend on what exactly happened.

Were they flirting?
Have they actually met?
Is it an ongoing mistress situation where he has a full fledged sex.ual relationship on the side ?

If my hubby was flirting with someone that he had never met and I confront him about it,my subsequent action will be dependent on how he responds to this accusation.

Is he sincerely apologetic
Is he making excuses
Is he twisting this to make me feel guilty
Is he more concerned or angry that I looked at his phone

Those are 4 different responses that mean 4 different things to me.

In this case where I have evidence that there is a full fledged affair going on the side that I happen to confirm by seeing texts, the marriage is over IMHO.
It is over because he has chosen to end it by his actions
Marriage is a contract before God and man and I take it seriously
That contract stipulates that this union is between the two of us
If you decide to go outside the union,you make that contract null and void.
From the Christian perspective,the Bible says that God hates divorce but there are two conditions where a man or woman is not bound to the marriage. One is when a partner cheats and the other is when a partner walks away from the marriage and leaves the other.
The chord of marriage is broken
I cannot be with a man I can't trust
If a man is careless enough to expose me to diseases and ridicule by sleeping around with other women,he has put his selfish ways over my health and my well being.
It is over.


Can other people weigh in too

swtcharissa:
U sure say no b d same husband we dey marry?

Bwahahahahahah.....you got me laughing Men and ego ....but some know how to say sorry sha.

My dear one person cannot be totally bad,likewise,one person cannot be 100% flawless.

I believe there are good things they do ,which can make up for their bad attitude .Also air your mind to your partner.I believe in dialogue.

Easier said than done sha but let's try first.No marriage is perfect.Kpele

My take...

Baby mama:

The chord of marriage is broken
I cannot be with a man I can't trust
If a man is careless enough to expose me to diseases and ridicule by sleeping around with other women,he has put his selfish ways over my health and my well being.
It is over.

A man and a womans body are not the same.Ours is very delicate.

carmelion: My take...



A man and a womans body are not the same.Ours is very delicate.

Please @carmelion, explain what you mean by what you wrote above. Thank you.

PocketEconomist: Please @carmelion, explain what you mean by what you wrote above. Thank you.

I have the same question
I didn't understand that statement too

Baby mama:

Thanks for the compliments,I have enjoyed reading all the contributions too.

If only men know how devastating it is for a woman to find out that the man they love and vowed to love is having an affair with someone else
If only men could understand that it is not OK to run around on your wife
Cheating is not an unconscious action
Every stage of it happens with both parties knowing exactly where they are headed
It is a very selfish action
When a man cheats,he is telling his wife and children that he cares nothing about their feelings and he is just out to gratify himself.
I can't tie a rope on anyone but if he feels he has found someone better suited for him than myself, someone that makes him happier and more fulfilled,let him go for it if that's what his heart desires but I deserve to have that news communicated to me.
I'm a big girl,I can take it
Don't make me a laughing stock by having everyone know this and I have no clue
I am no fool and I hate being treated like one,this may actually hurt me more than the cheating,the fact that you have treated me like a fool.


Now my answer to the question you asked
If I found texts or series of texts to show that something is happening between my man and another woman,I would be hurt but my action will depend on what exactly happened.

Were they flirting?
Have they actually met?
Is it an ongoing mistress situation where he has a full fledged sex.ual relationship on the side ?

If my hubby was flirting with someone that he had never met and I confront him about it,my subsequent action will be dependent on how he responds to this accusation.

Is he sincerely apologetic
Is he making excuses
Is he twisting this to make me feel guilty
Is he more concerned or angry that I looked at his phone

Those are 4 different responses that mean 4 different things to me.

In this case where I have evidence that there is a full fledged affair going on the side that I happen to confirm by seeing texts, the marriage is over IMHO.
It is over because he has chosen to end it by his actions
Marriage is a contract before God and man and I take it seriously
That contract stipulates that this union is between the two of us
If you decide to go outside the union,you make that contract null and void.
From the Christian perspective,the Bible says that God hates divorce but there are two conditions where a man or woman is not bound to the marriage. One is when a partner cheats and the other is when a partner walks away from the marriage and leaves the other.
The chord of marriage is broken
I cannot be with a man I can't trust
If a man is careless enough to expose me to diseases and ridicule by sleeping around with other women,he has put his selfish ways over my health and my well being.
It is over.


Can other people weigh in too

@Babymama, you are very right! Cheating on one's partner is the height of selfishness and betrayal of trust. If you claim you love your spouse, you wouldn't INTENTIONALLY do things that would hurt her or him and cheating hurts. Some may give the excuse that African men are programmed to cheat and other stuff. There is no excuse whatsoever for cheating. I do not support cheating at all, but i think there should be a small room for forgiveness sha.

Baby mama:

I have the same question
I didn't understand that statement too

What I mean is that when men get infected down there as per STDs,they notice it quickly(less than a week/month) and sought themselves out.Peharps its because their organ is external.


In order to hide their dirty act,they won't tell madam and still go ahead to make love as a family man.

Now a womans body takes time(months and years) before it starts showing symptoms (perharps because ours is internal) .Most times at a far stage of the disease.Some women are innocent victims of HIV/AIDS.No thanks to their husbands.

So if I discover my husband is cheating on me,first action is to run straight to hospital for a comprehensive test after which I will carry my bag and go quietly.No noise,its over.My health first

I hope am a littlebit clear?

carmelion:

What I mean is that when men get infected down there as per STDs,they notice it quickly(less than a week/month) and sought themselves out.Peharps its because their organ is external.


In order to hide their dirty act,they won't tell madam and still go ahead to make love as a family man.

Now a womans body takes time(months and years) before it starts showing symptoms (perharps because ours is internal) .Most times at a far stage of the disease.Some women are innocent victims of HIV/AIDS.No thanks to their husbands.

So if I discover my husband is cheating on me,first action is to run straight to hospital for a comprehensive test after which I will carry my bag and go quietly.No noise,its over.My health first

I hope am a littlebit clear?

Yes you are now clear. I think that is pure wickedness to infect an innocent wife with STD. That's not fair! And i believe there is no provision in the law in Nigeria to protect these women. Chai! Some women are suffering.

carmelion: @baby mama...pls can we quickly rush to the Sex part.I heard men get hornier as they get older,where as in women the reverse is the case.

How do married couples handle this because its not easy being a mum and a wife o.

It isn't also easy being a father and the breadwinner.

Good answer baby mama.
Thanks a lot.

Let's look at this cheating thing from a different perspective.
Now as a woman whose husband suddenly started cheating, where did u go wrong, most guys always lament their wives pushed them into it.
Nagging and domineering wife can make a man find solace in another woman's hand.
Another cause for cheating is letting go of ur once fine body and looking and dressing like iya ibeji that lives across the street. Giving birth is never an excuse to let go.
Look at our girls and young mothers. I, a woman feel disgusted seeing them like that, how about d spouse? A man will first look b4 he eats irrespective of who u r. U can't make ur bobbys to stand straight again but it pays to still use good supportive bra and support it not dangling it like one old mama in d village. That is an eye sore.
That u gave birth to 4 is not an excuse to hv tyres all over ur body, and ur stomach looks like a pregnant woman's own.
Common ladies, tighten up and always look smart.
Exercise and eat well.
Look and dress well. Who said u can't wear that bum short again?
All those sex*y lingeries e no more, now they r replaced with wrappers and over sized t-shirts and whatever.
(That reminds me, baby mama, I saw one picture of urs u posted one day and later deleted. Looking at that picture, who would hv tot u hv even giving birth)

If u r not guilty of all these and he still decides to floricate, he is an a*sshole and he should fu*ck off. Life continues w'out him. Still,
I can stay with him and be miserable. Its an individual choice.

carmelion:

My dear,am taliking about the one. That scares me the most na

I must have a seperate room with big padlock so that any day the reverse is the case,I will go there and hide(joking)

Ok,let's take it one at a time.buti will be glad if we get there.Oya ride on

You sound like someone who has a husband who far younger, which may suggest why you're scared. Just kidding!

S*exual drive can be considerable at any age and for any gender. While the human body has some limits on the maximum age for reproduction, s*exual activity can be performed or experienced well into the later years of life.

Both male and female libidos tend to decline with increasing age and women tend to lose their libido faster than men. However, this is not to say the desire for s*ex is lost completely or even that it decreases for everyone. The female menopause has been linked to a loss of interest in sex and to a desensitization of the genital area.

In some cases s*exual intercourse can even become painful for older women. However with the advent of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) treatments, the effects of the menopause are being lessened and women have more opportunity to continue to experience an active s*ex life. Similarly, treatments for erectile dysfunction are making it possible for men to do so. Despite the aging of the population, little is known about the sexual behaviors and s*exual function of older people.

It has been suggested that an active s*ex life can increase longevity amongst the elderly. So try to spice up your s*ex life with your husband by trying new things in bed. Repetition of one particular s*exual position or activity in one particular place (in bed) can be very boring. Unleash your innermost desire by telling your husband exactly how you like it and what you're keen to try out. Unfortunately majority of Naija women avoid talking dirty to their husbands to avoid being called s*luts. I don't blame them because Naija men are too conservative to a fault. To a typical Naija man, sex is all about him jumping on top of a woman to satisfy himself and jump off, without minding if the woman is satisfied or not. You can't do this to a woman in Europe, the woman will kick your stupid a*ss out of her home.

Sometimes I to talk dirty to my wife and I expect her to do the same to me. Our openness to each other helps our marriage grow, tremendously, everyday. We're more s*exually active today than during courtship.

Any woman who wants her libido to last, should have more GOOD sex with her husband or boyfriend, frequently. Do it or lose it.

Baby mama:

You are so correct
No one size fits all
There could be women out there for instance who don't mind working to bring home the bacon while their husbands watch the kids in a sort of role reversal.I couldn't handle that
I don't want my man sitting at home
I want him working and working hard
I don't wanna be the main bread winner
I don't want to earn more than he does
Maybe that's the old fashioned-ness in me,I want him to make more,achieve more,be the man by all definitions of that word
I am OK being the helper

I agree 100% with you. I want him to fight the battles and then give me the spoils, he should earn more, work more, be the king in the house. I'm so comfortable dividing the spoils and watching him do his thing while i support him. Not that i don't have my own dreams, i do and i love the support i get especially the look in his eyes when he goes "i'm proud of you baby"

@Baby Mama, CC and other contributors, thanks for the reponse to my earlier post. Back to "checking on you". There is this school of thought that believe that since I can't password my body for my partner, then we should be open to ourselves, even to our gadgets. In the sense that I can freely flip through ur fones, msgs, chats etc and vice versa. Do you buy to that school of thought? Considering the Havoc that Social media has caused some homes in this present age. Or each to its own?

Baby mama:

That is the issue we have tried to address earlier
Coogar,dayo,jennykadry and ihedinobi addressed the part about waiting vs testing
I wanted to wait but I was tempted and we test drove and test drove some more
.thank God the trumpet didn't sound then
It is tough with someone you are passionate about
We actually had to do the court wedding earlier because we felt guilty about chopping before marriage
My mother said no chopping till white wedding,I ignored her,we were already legally married by the courts so chopping was going on uninhibited

Baby mama,
As far as I'm concerned, as long as a man and a woman are joined together with someone officiating and witnesses present, marriage has been contracted.

It's just that most people believe if you haven't done religious wedding, there's no marriage.

Before christianity came to this side of the world, weren't our fore parents married under traditional law and native customs?

Though, I will prefer to do "ALL" the wedding rites before me and my boo "get down with it".
#my preference#

yellowpawpaw: If its in ur subconscious to build and enjoy ur marriage, u will device many ways to handle situations depending on ur hubby's personality and urs too.

Even when it feels all wrong, just do it for lv and d future.
Marriage can be very wonderful if we want it to be so for us.

Spot on!!!!

carmelion: Lord I thank you o for this delay/preparation for marital life.

My eyes are really opening to a lot of things.So many mistakes I would have made if I had married earlier,clothed with naivity.

I can't say I have known it all but but am much wiser now

Thanks babymama,cc and efemena.ther guys too.

Carmelion darling u read my mind!! Am glad am learning a lot from all dis thread even wen some are a bit scary....bt am glad

Noble.G:

Unfortunately majority of Naija women avoid talking dirty to their husbands to avoid being called s*luts. I don't blame them because Naija men are too conservative to a fault.

Sometimes I to talk dirty to my wife and I expect her to do the same to me. Our openness to each other helps our marriage grow, tremendously, everyday. We're more s*exually active today than during courtship.

Thank you oh. Some Nigerian men and women are just too frigid in bedmatics.

A question to the men: are you comfortable with your wife initiating sex?

chaircover: I recently heard that some sisters were discussing my husband in church and were saying that they wished they were married to him. I said to myself "in your dreams" . . . .. Now if you see the way I sit beside him gba gba gba in church . . .

Maam,you need to put password on him upper case and lower case letters in foreign language