aaronson: I know it sounds immoral but sex with your spouse to be is definately needed just so you know your partner's sexuality appetite and other problem because marriage is a life time investment with child bearing as profit to the blissful matrimony,some people are just so religious to know the technical truth even Jesus had to tell Abraham to lie to a king that sarah was his sister and The Same God still told Samuel to tell saul that he was just passing by to go to the mountain for prayers when truthfully he was going to the house of jesse to anoint david as king,so would you say God has made these people lied or that's simply WISDOM

joy4fa: 4get this long story nd advice.beta visit a gyno. and knw what is wrong wit u.i am 23yr and a mother of two kids thats my suggestion.visit a clinic.

bumdish: Though I hate to comment on the sexuality/politics section, I am compelled to drop a few lines here.

OP, I can assure you that you are not alone on this road and it is good you are not denying the fact or heaping the blame on your husby. This conditional is clinically referred to as Dyspareunia (painful intercourse) and it is a condition experienced by roughly 20% of women. Causes can include: Vaginismus (Spasm in the vaginal muscles), Anatomy of the cervix (causing the P to reach cervix region quickly ), Vaginall opening disorder, Injury to the vulvaa or vaginaa, Pelvic inflammation (causing pain doing intercourse). It would even be intact hymen or remnants of the hymen that are stretched during intercourse.

Apart from the physiological reason, Dyspareunia could have physiological roots as a result of developmental factors such as troubled parent-child relationships, negative family attitudes toward sex, traumatic childhood or adolescent sexual experiences, and gender identity conflicts may all predispose one toward developing a sexual dysfunction. Hostility toward a partner, preference for another partner, distrust, poor communication and lack of attraction to a partner can all emerge as pain during intercourse.

Aside the obvious effect of this experience which is pain before, during or after intercourse, the more important concern is the guilt, depression and poor self-esteem, lack of marital fulfillment and strain in martial relationship.

Without excusing your husband's unsaintly attitude, you have to understand that every married man is bound to be frustrated if he is not getting his portion of 1. Respect and 2. SX, so I would implore you to understand where he is coming from. The first few years in marriage is when you lay your marital foundation and it has to be painstakingly built so that the union can emerge a Castle and not just a Chalet.

In offering my advise, I would assume you have attempted using lubricating oils as this is the place to start else, go see a doctor whose specialist is in Sexuall medicine. Treatment can be addresses from the the promotional dimension (increases awareness and helps individuals have a healthy and fulfilling sex life), curative dimension (clinical treatment of specific sexual disorders) or/and rehabilitative dimension (helps patients regain sexual health). Modern day medicine has catered from some pain you do not have to be belabored with.

Best of luck to you and your husby, tell him he is a great man!

Mary_John247:

The problem now is that sex is extremely uncomfortable for me. It is always a battle for him to penetrate, because for me the pain always feels like the first time. Just imagine that everytime we want to get down there is always a struggle before he finally enters. My husband is tired and has told me that i need to find a way of solving this issue. Infact he said I should not speak to him until I am ready to open my legs and stay put for him to penetrate. He says he is loosing all the desire he has for me at the moment. I dont know what to do, I am so distraught. I feel like a failure as a wife, I mean who has ever heard of a new wife running from sex because of the fear of pain.

vicishow:

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vicishow:

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TV01: @ OP, you appear to have a great union and this is merely a challenge to be overcome. You are in the best setting and with the right person to do just that.

One day you will look back on this trying time and laugh and in future you may well be able to share your experience to help others. I have nothing to add to the "good" advice that has been advanced by some contributors here. But please permit me to wish you a long, joyous and fruitful union.

May the grace of The Lord abound abundantly towards you.


Now to this;


Firstly, it doesn't sound immoral, it is immoral. It's also ungodly and your warped theology is at best pitifull, not too mention blasphemous.

Secondly, I always ask testers these two questions;

1. How does one acquire the expertise to test?
2. What does one test for exactly? If it is simply "compatibility" - as opposed to very specific detail - and if so, to what degree?

Thirdly - and I hope OP willl not take offence - lets look at the "type" of case in question;

If HTB had insisted on testing, then encounteed the challenge, with no commitment, why would he not simply be minded to move on? If he stays, then the situation remains unchanged - a challenge to work through. Thereby making SBM a moot point

Instead, he got to know her as a person, her character, desires, aspirations etc, and came to care and commit to that person. Giving them the perfect foundation to face the challenge - Marriage!

Say he had "moved on" after SBM, thus learning to walk away from challenges, as opposed to rising to meet them and quantify outcomes based on his own satisfaction - the exact wrong mindset for one seeking to be married.

He would also be liable to place an over-emphasis on "sexual compatibility" in his eventual choice, overlooking more vital considerations, which could present serious challenges. But as he is used to not rising and inclined to satisfying himself, faiiure is more likely. More likely even if there are no other issues, but "sexual compatibility" changes for the worse at some future point.

And the lady in such a situation? Repeat cycles of testing and rejection. What feelings would follow that? What attitude? Man-hater? edgy and wary at the very least? There's a whole school of them with us here on NL.

OP, apologies for belabouring the point and referencing your challenge, but I am so applauding you and hubby right now. Believe, you will triumph over this by His grace.

Let the purveyors of wantoness and preachers of permissiveness continue. Be that to cover up their own promiscuous pasts or justify their self-seeking choices. Those who will hear will hear.


TV