femo , no dulling o..follow the demon wey dy ur left shoulder o

hollajay: femo , no dulling o..follow the demon wey dy ur left shoulder o

Guy wetin b ur own na, ah de here de pray for psalmuria. u de spoil my prayer.. u sure say no b u b d demon??

Make I update b4 battery die!!
...............................................................................
The knock on the door was getting louder... Its more than a knock... It sounded like they were hitting my doors with a sledge hammer...assuming it was a wooden door it should have been spoilt by now...

GBOOM!! GBOOM!! GBOOM!!

Me and my babe (or should I say babe-to-be) were so frightened , holding eachother in fear..
Eventually the door gave way, and 5 hefty men in pink (funny looking crew ) entered into my room, though 2 were at the door post..
I was so scared, Enny was already in tears, grabbing me from behind..

'NA YOU DEM DEY CALL PSALMURAI ABI?'...One of them barked!!
'Ye...Yes...Yess Nna me b.........'
Before I could finish my sentence I was expecting a mopol-grade slap..
.but I was surprised at what they did instead..
They all jumped on me... like a lion to an antelope..The one who spoke tore open my shirt...Some were struggling with my Pants, the others were kissing me roughly...
'shio...which kin rugged men be this?...I thought..
Like he was reading my mind...he withdraw from my pants and...
'we are the PINK-BOXERS the only rugged gay cult in Nigeria'...
'I was like GAY CREW'...I was about to laugh when I felt a tongue on Broda JT...
It felt good in a funny way...
Meanwhile I was hearing moans from the other part of the room...
'shebi dem b gay..why dem dey rape my babe na'...I thought angrily still struggling to set myself free..
I looked up to see eniola self-servicing, and moaning aloud..
'Yeeeh!! So na perve'rt I wan marry sef?...na me dem dey Bleep na she dey moan...na wa o'
I'm sure my neighbors hears my shout for help... but none came out to help... (its a cold world o )
They all over powered me and had their way...till it was morning... My as'shole never remained the same!!

Dad called me the second day to inform me that bro Wale (point1) and his gang has been arrested... Mtchewww old news!! I wanted to tell him what happened yesterday's night... But I was so ashamed to talk, besides if I did tell him, there's nothing he'll do and it won't change anything..

We started dating afterwards I mean me and eniola, we were really in love but for different reasons I must say... She loved me cos, she'd gotten what most girls around want..I.e the title "Psalm's babe"- and I loved her cos she wasn't stingy...she's a free giver and I received it with joy *winks--u knw wat I mean*...
...............................................................................

now you are making sense and the girl self for no sleep for first day naaaa,more petrol to ur fire

Dude am patiently waiting for the story to continue o

.................................................................................
Exams were fast approaching and I could count how many times I've been to class... If my attendance were airtime is won't be able to call a friend for more than a minute. Likewise was it also for Nonso... We hardly go to classes all we do is straph, get high, play videogames and eat!
I know you'll be asking 'shebi he said he can send Mtn-Mtn msg with his GP'...yes la I can..100Level was a repetition of what I did in secondary school and since I was the semi-brilliant Type I was good to go...

"Guy aw dis exam go be now"? ...Nonso asked.
"Omo boy ..ah no know o...we go do am nhoni"...I answered.
RING!! RING!! RING!!
My phone rang...
I looked at the phone and saw that it was my class rep. Calling,I smiled cos I knew a way has presented itself

"hey alaye wetin dey nw?" I greeted
"Boss mi I dey like dele o" he answered
"anything for your boy?"....
"Ehn actually yeah, question paper dey up for grabs"... Said my Class rep. (whose name is John).
Bros D showed up..."You see, always dey trust me... You know say I bring more light into ur life than NEPA!!" he bragged
"ah John, how much that one go be now and how many courses?"...I asked
"its not yet out"
I was confused now...'what does he mean by that'..I thought
"but you said its up for grabs na?" I asked..
"yeah it is....woh look I want both of us to sneak into some lecturers office to get the questions...what do you think"...He proposed..
Bros D (demon) and the angel appeared infront of me almost immediately ...
"Guy... No dull o... This is your chance to pass without sweat!... If you like let am pass you... Na F9 you go use bath...u go see!" Bros D adviced
"Sam, what if you get caught? Na expulsion b dat o..." Angel said. I was suprised to hear angel speak pidgin...'shey kingjames English don finish for hin mouth'
John sensing I was confused at the decision...continued...
"we'll make almost 200k each if we pull this through o"
"Shiiiiit!! That settles it ...I'M IN!!!" I exclaimed

We met at an eatery to plan the next line of action...they say 'if you fail to plan you plan to fail'
"This is gon b as easy as taking candy from a baby" ...I thought
WAS IT GONNA BE THAT SIMPLE?? DID WE GET CAUGHT?? DID WE SUCCEED?? Get the answers to that in my next update.....
...............................................................................

Dude let's make a tv series

rubbish lol,pure rubbish

CallMeFemi: Make I update b4 battery die!!
...............................................................................
The knock on the door was getting louder... Its more than a knock... It sounded like they were hitting my doors with a sledge hammer...assuming it was a wooden door it should have been spoilt by now...

GBOOM!! GBOOM!! GBOOM!!

Me and my babe (or should I say babe-to-be) were so frightened , holding eachother in fear..
Eventually the door gave way, and 5 hefty men in pink (funny looking crew ) entered into my room, though 2 were at the door post..
I was so scared, Enny was already in tears, grabbing me from behind..

'NA YOU DEM DEY CALL PSALMURAI ABI?'...One of them barked!!
'Ye...Yes...Yess Nna me b.........'
Before I could finish my sentence I was expecting a mopol-grade slap..
.but I was surprised at what they did instead..
They all jumped on me... like a lion to an antelope..The one who spoke tore open my shirt...Some were struggling with my Pants, the others were kissing me roughly...
'shio...which kin rugged men be this?...I thought..
Like he was reading my mind...he withdraw from my pants and...
'we are the PINK-BOXERS the only rugged gay cult in Nigeria'...
'I was like GAY CREW'...I was about to laugh when I felt a tongue on Broda JT...
It felt good in a funny way...
Meanwhile I was hearing moans from the other part of the room...
'shebi dem b gay..why dem dey rape my babe na'...I thought angrily still struggling to set myself free..
I looked up to see eniola self-servicing, and moaning aloud..
'Yeeeh!! So na perve'rt I wan marry sef?...na me dem dey Bleep na she dey moan...na wa o'
I'm sure my neighbors hears my shout for help... but none came out to help... (its a cold world o )
They all over powered me and had their way...till it was morning... My as'shole never remained the same!!

Dad called me the second day to inform me that bro Wale (point1) and his gang has been arrested... Mtchewww old news!! I wanted to tell him what happened yesterday's night... But I was so ashamed to talk, besides if I did tell him, there's nothing he'll do and it won't change anything..

We started dating afterwards I mean me and eniola, we were really in love but for different reasons I must say... She loved me cos, she'd gotten what most girls around want..I.e the title "Psalm's babe"- and I loved her cos she wasn't stingy...she's a free giver and I received it with joy *winks--u knw wat I mean*...
...............................................................................

GogetterMD: Dude let's make a tv series

Urmmm... R u serious bout this...

fijiano202: rubbish lol,pure rubbish

... Would comeup with something better...

.................................................................................
We met at an eatery... To discuss about the plan and our profit... We decided to strike on a Friday night..when they'll have left the office for the mosque or their homes..

The day came faster than expected... We met in a lecture theatre as planned...
"Guy now is the time o"... I said
"Dude make we pray"... John advised..
'Shio pray?? Shey u think say God go look ur side?'... I'm a realist I always face the truth, whether ugly or beautiful...so praying in a scenario like this is a waste of time..
Well it seems God was against us...cos we left traces(mistakes) here nd there..

We Broke in, we didn't get a key... I'm sure the security man should have been alerted by that...
Well we raided a couple of offices successfully gathering our merchandise...

But if God be against you who'll be for you... The security ma eventually came looking for us...
"who goes there"? He asked..
"who goes there?" He asked for the second time..

On hearing this we were scared to death, we never planned of getting busted (atleast if we did we would have known what to do by now)..
The security man started raiding every office opened... There's 8 offices in that building...8 different lecturers' office ..

I must say the security man was a smart one... Cos he knew we would start from the top floor incase of any danger... He checked the groundfloor's office to be sure of his theory and it was confirmed...the ground floor's offices were untouched....

We were hearing footsteps climbing the stairs...
I whistled to alert John, but the slow'poke didn't get my signal..
...The Footsteps were getting closer, I had to run into the office from the door post that I was..
"John...E don be o...the security is coming after us" ...
He hurriedly carried the Questions...and darted for the exit...

The security man hearing loud footsteps upstairs ran after us...it was a hot chase... We ran to the top floor..I was leading while John was following.. He was right behind us... Shooting after us!!
"John get down--get down!!" I shouted
as I threw a flower vase at him...which he shot to pieces...We were so scared, but we dare not stop running...we saw another door leading somewhere we weren't sure of where it was leading us to but we just had to keep moving ...Behold, the door led to the roof...the roof is decked.... He ran to the far corner, while he also followed us...

"Hands Up!!, stop there Or I shoot!!"
We had no choice but to stop where we were!!
We were busted or so I thought.
"na una dey theif things for this building abi?? Na una wan make me lose my job abi??...Thank God say I don catch una!! He said smiling...

He pointed a Torch to our face...but we were wearing a clothed mask...
"oya remove the mask..." he ordered...
................................................................................
I dey come make I go market!!

No tey o .cos I carry chair they wait u for here. Thief!

I've lost interest in this story

................................................................................
We were confused...
We were about removing the mask...when I sighted a tree nearby... I didn't need a priest to tell me that the tree was my excape route...
I jumped from the rooftop to the tree..sliding down to the ground...
John seeing me also acted fast trying to escape he jumped....but the security man wasn't gonna let two of us escape that way... He shot at John... ''ARGHH!!'' John was hit...
Seeing he was only hit on the leg the security personnel got angry and shot continuously at us... But we were lucky to get away...

When we got home I tried cleaning up his wound... And when it was morning I rushed him to the chemist for some first aid..
They removed the bullet and treated it for him..

THE EXAM DAY:
We reported at the exam hall around 10am cos we had paper around 11....
I noticed that there were more security men around than usual...but I didn't careless...
I was chilling on hundred of thousands already within 2weeks... Now that's some fast money...
I sighted John...his leg has improved ...he no longer uses his couches....

I sighted some Mopol officers then I knew something was up... I'd totally forgotten bout our little action film 2weeks ago...
The security dudes were whispering to each other...Something was definitely up!!

11am:
HEY YALL!! ...form a single file please....shouted a mopol...we were surrounded by mobile policemen...

Then they started searching...well its a regular procedure for them to search everybody....

When it was John's turn...they looked quizzing at him...
"you where's the key the HOD gave you?"...a security man asked...
"I've misplaced it..."
"when?" they asked...
"two weeks ago".... He answered
Then I remember.........
We were on our way home running... I was carrying John so that we could move faster...
"wait!! Wait!! Wait!! Sam...I've misplaced the key"
I was worried "when last did you see it".... Ermm I'm sure it was with me on the rooftop!!
"oooh!! I'm sure you misplaced it on the tree..."...
"yeah yeah!! Maybe"...

Then it dawned on me that he dropped the key on the rooftop...jeez!! we've graduated!!!
Before John could gave an explanation...an officer came and searched his legs....everybody was confused, about what he was trying to do...
Until...
"YES!! Its him...see the bullet wound..." he said..
Fuckit!!! Its done!! we're busted...I admitted..

I watched in tears as John was dragged away...
They were beating him mercilessly...
"where's your partner?? Where's your partner"...the mopol asked while dragging him into their van...
WAS I CAUGHT?? WAS HE EXPELLED?? WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.....find out in the next episode of this series!!
................................................................................

Guy...u sure Say no be firing squad issue be dis so?

Nice story line,man.......this is about the best story I've read on NL after Christar's "school life"

Na wetin i hate b dis, story go dey swt me dey go, d nxt tin na mak u jus hang me wit suspense. Which day u go jus close eye type long update

@OP abeg no vex for me ooo,nice tory u got over here, abeg wettin ds slang "alaye"mean?

According to you, your friend's arrsse was 'busted'. then yours too? You must be a gay!!!
And you will do quite fine without the mockery of the angel part.

Phinity318: @OP abeg no vex for me ooo,nice tory u got over here, abeg wettin ds slang "alaye"mean?

Alaye ---- bad guy, u digg??

hakunajay: According to you, your friend's arrsse was 'busted'. then yours too? You must be a gay!!!
And you will do quite fine without the mockery of the angel part.

Dude m as straight as 6 o'clock.......loving pussy since 1809 ...this story is just a work of my BEAUTIFUL MIND... Though I used the real name of my peeps buh its purely fictional.... Still as straight as a Nepa pole man !!

@funlover naaah... Expulsion would do

@denlightened awww thnkx ....

@valdes00 no ves o... Na part of the art b dat...

.................................................................................
I watched in tears ah he was dragged away... I knew it was only a matter of time till they come for me... The paper was cancelled and everybody were instructed to go home..
Most people knew we did it together I mean me and John, everybody were just sympathetic... I don't get it were they sympathetic for me or John..its quite confusing... My classmates would see me and the next thing I'll hear is...
"ah!! Ehya!! Omase o!!"
"hmmm, ehya!!"
"ehya, be strong my brother, u hear"
I've heard about 6000 ehyas that morning, and it wasn't helping. That was the last time I set my eyes on John until...

One hot afternoon, after a hot round of sex with eniola...I was so exhausted...we were through with exams now...I was feeling secured now on John's issue..."if they wanted to come for me, they would have done that ever since"...

Just then I heard someone banging my door...
Nobody has ever hit my door that hard, ofcourse apart from PINK BOXERS crew...

"Do you wanna bring down my door" I questioned obviously pissed.

"don't worry when you get to the station I'll answer that " anonymous said...

At this point I was confused... "Station? How did he know that I was in? On what charge am I going to the station??" I thought

As I opened the door I saw a familiar face......
Officer akunaka.... Jeez!! WTF!!

"You suprised to see me right?? *laughs...seems I was made to wreck people like you"....he said
"and besides you are invited to the station for questioning"...he added while dragging me out with only my boxers on..he handled me so roughly he almost tore my boxers.. which exposed my dangling tool for all to see...

AT THE STATION---
I was in their interrogation room... A poster saying 'Police is your friend' was hung on the wall..everywhere was covered in dust...the only gadget there was the electric fan, a fan that's as slow as a Golf ½

"hey Mr Psalmurai am I correct"..I wasn't suprised he knew me, my gospel was on almost every lip.. "You are repping ikotun badly... Now with you as a case study people think every ikotun youth is a criminal like you" ...he continued

Staring at him nonchalantly... I've got this nonchalant stare that can make you lose your cool and make you wanna just do something horrible to me... Like one day my pastor was advising me on how to live my life, I was feeding him that stare, he got angry and landed a fat tumbler on my head...well sure its fun getting people mad...or don't you think..

Seeing the stare was already getting at him... He handled it maturely and went straight to the point..."You are under arrest for burglary"...he informed me..with a straight face...
"Really?" I said raising an eye brow...
"do I look like someone who's joking"...he said shouting...
"woah!! Then I must be in big trouble o...abi?" I said...
he just looked at me with fire in his eyes...and walked out...I heard him saying something to someone but couldn't make out what he was saying...

Suddenly an officer so 'ryback looking' walked in and said or rather introduced himself...."Popular psalmurai...they call me the 'pain aflict'...I'm sure we're gonna have fun together don't you"....
He smiled exposing his teeths that looks like that of Dracula,.
At this point, I knew I was Fuc'ked up, Bigtym... After some hours of his powerful ministrations... I was seeing myself in a rap battle with 2pac, Nate dogg, proof and biggie...but his venom-like saliva brought me back to life, My face has added weight significantly... My eyes were half-closed like I had Apollo...my cheeks were far bigger than my buttocks now... And my torn lips looked like that of Demba Ba !!!

As I looked up... I saw someone with a similar facial properties... But while mine was fresh his' seem to have been weeks old... I knew I had seen the face somewhere... I tried placing where I saw the face...one more look at his face I also saw him looking at me like he was also trying to identify me... Pain aflict laughed and was like
"lemme save yall the stress...Sam meet John, John- Sam!!" he introduced us...
We were suprised on how changed we were... And pain-aflict was still laughing ...well the foo'l dey laugh at his handwork...that I was sure of!!

"so why am I here, you still haven't told me where I burgled"..I spat angrily..
"baby sharap there... No be you and John kizzle (steal) those question papers abi?" well that's just the confirmation that I needed... I look at John ...he wore that look that's saying 'I don taya sef make una kuku kill me'....

As we were marched out of the interrogation room into the prison... We were taken to the counter to write a statement... Just the Eniola walked in still crying (cos she was crying when I left home) ... Then she looked at the officer behind us and asked...
"sir I'm looking for psalmurai...he was brought in here a couple of hours ago"...she said
The officer was busy laughing and so was John...
"psalm don do free facial surgery o" he joked!!
Then it dawned on her.... The 'demba BA' looking dry chested, Apollo eyed boy was her darling Sam...
"How did your face change so much in such a short time?" she asked crying..
I just pointed at 'pain-aflict' in the far corner...
"oh!!" that was all she could say...
"well that explains it all" she continued...

"oya money for visitation." the officer inquired streching his hands....
"ehhh!! Dem dey pay to come see people again... Hin be wizkid??"...eniola said suprised...
"Fool these ones pass wizkid o"..." Them be federal guests as you see them so, "...The officer said laughing...
With that said, I just started preparing my mind for my new home which is either gonna be....AGODI or KIRIKIRI housing estate
Officer akunaka showed up....and
"officer take them inside, they are meeting the disciplinary committee tommorow"....
When I heard that, I knew my admission was already in shreds...."fuckit" I said crying...

WAS I EXPELLED?? WHAT WAS THE OUTCOME OF THE MEETING WITH THE COMMITTEE?? DID I GET TO COME OUT OF THIS??... You'll get to knoow in the next update...
.................................................................................
Make I crash... Idc

psalmurai !!! ...ur story is onpoint go on bro

Guy..u're d best thing dat has happened to nairaland in recent time...I dey feel u die..ur sense of humour is legendary...kip it coming bro !

Femi, no let me swear 4 u ooo. Which kind tin b dis na........ Again again

**Trying 2 calm myself, while waitin 4 d nxt update**

CallMeFemi:

Alaye ---- bad guy, u digg??



Dude m as straight as 6 o'clock.......loving pussy since 1809 ...this story is just a work of my BEAUTIFUL MIND... Though I used the real name of my peeps buh its purely fictional.... Still as straight as a Nepa pole man !!

@funlover naaah... Expulsion would do

@denlightened awww thnkx ....

@valdes00 no ves o... Na part of the art b dat...

Yup thanks gee,Ah diggg



Carry go.

Oga u do wel o.plz kip it kumin!

................................................................................
The prison was dark and smelly as usual... I was sleeping on the floor thinking why I was like this... For a while I was regretting why I par took in the deal... But there's no use crying over spilled alomo...

Officer akunaka came in and....
"psalm! John! Your time as come to face the wrath of the law...*throws clothes at us* put them on, I'm sure you'll be needing them"...
I hurriedly put on the cloth ... It was a typical prisoners apron... A shapeless jacket + a short nicker... We headed out of the prison...
Then thought of my parents came and tears flowed freely from my eyes... "you are not going to the supreme court na, kpatakpata na expel dem go expel you, y you con dey cry like woman na" Bros D said.... With that said if I could slap him I would, I just dismissed him, afterall he put me in this trouble in the first place...

"CASE 28/4658/2014 of Mr Sam& Mr John burglary claims..." Shouted the jury...

I walked in boldly with John behind me... What I saw send shivers down my spine...
I saw 6senior professors (all those baba with white hair and bear-bear) their stare alone can make you admit you killed abacha...

"Young men can please introduce yourself?" a prof instructed.
"Good day sir, I'm Sam ,200l accounting"
"I'm John 200L accounting"

"you are even my students... So you are charged for burglary and question paper theft, what do you have to say about that"...an Old man said..

I stepped up...Freestyle mode activated ..
"Good day to the Committee once more, sir we are not guilty of what they charged us for... Thanks" I said and sit down.

The committee were suprised at my boldness... They looked at themselves in awe ...
"so are you trying to say the security are lying"

"No sir, I answered, they aren't lying about the house being burgled but us being the burglar would be rather called a mistake rather than a lie"...I said with upmost boldness..

"hmmm!! Objection my lords" officer akunaka shouted from his stand..
"objection overulled".... Said one of the prof.

"Sir they've got no proof that we did it..." I further said...

"its a lie, they both confessed to it in the station"...officer akunaka said
"yes!! We did say we were the ones ...but it was out of the torture we received, they were ready to kill us if we didn't admit to it...."
I paused a lil to let it sink.
"My lord!! Order them to provide evidences and witnesses".... I said or rather instructed..

"have you got any evidence??" the committee chairman instructed...

"No sir but we've got a witness".... He said

"what's a witness without an evidence?" ...."you can simply pay or threaten someone to testify in this disciplinary court!!" I objected...

"invited the witness in"... The committee chief instructed...

Officer akunaka looked at me with that crooked smile... I knew he had some shits under his sleeves... But I cared less I knew I had this show on lock or maybe I didn't

"Sam we don die o" John said pulling my cloth for attention....

I turned around to see who walked in.... Who I saw....made tears drop from my eyes, broke my heart, and made me feel betrayed ..

I saw..............
................................................................................
Make I sleep small I dey come back

Come oh.. Continue.. #suspenation

Oh my God ! ...u wan take suspense kill person ni?

you saw.........................................................................................................Eniola, i guess.

Walai...nah person wey dem sell question to dem catch

eniola dn gt u bursted