I don't know why I feel this way, or even why I'm writing this.

If you've ever had a crush on someone in your life you may understand, otherwise better you pass because you will never understand.

It is awful enough to have a straight crush, and not be able to face your crush and be out with it, how more awful if your crush is a man, like yourself!

***Alert***
##this this is as gay as can be, so if you're apathetic to stuffs like this twerk out!##

*********************************************

So I've had a crush on this dude for 7years going, that is until 2days ago when I came out to him, and accepted his rejection with dignity.

*****

We first met in the senior secondary school I was placed in after Junior School cert exams, he was not exactly strikingly handsome, he is someone you can classify as 'just there', so I still can't see the justification for my crush.

I remember going 'love insane', like a teenage girl struggling with her first crush, only worse, considering I'm a teenage boy struggling to accept an alien emotion, or drown in my foolishness.
I got his number and bombarded his cell with pointless calls, I was using my mum's cellphone to do this as I didn't have mine then.
I'd leave my class and go to his, and refuse to leave even when we have a teacher in mine, just so I'll be around him. Then suddenly he was transferred in year 2, and I tried to keep in touch but he never seemed to take me serious, and finally after a year of trying in vain I gave up and moved on.

########

Two years later we met again, this time around online, I observed he seemed different from the guy I used to know back in school. He seemed flirty
now, or so I thought, and the fire within me which until then had reduced to embers rekindled, I resumed trying to get his attention, but try as I did I couldn't, so after a year I gave up trying and just embraced his excuse for friendship, which I didn't take seriously, and I never planned to come out to him!

I still had his number, so once in a while, usually in festive periods, I call or text him so it wouldn't seem like I cared, although I did care.

When I got my first smartphone, signed up with Whatsapp and saw that he was using it I was elated, I thought 'this might just be the answer to my predicament', unrepentant as I was.

We've been chatting ever since, and until a couple of days ago, never had any discussion even remotely related to sex, or sexuality.


*********************************************

Last week our conversation steered towards the private and overly personal, and I didn't realise when I began telling this dude about my watching p0rn and ma5turbat1ng. And then I was about coming out to him when I restrained myself, but he must have sensed it, because he kept on pressuring me to be out with it, for days to come I tried to steer our discussions away from the topic of what I was hiding, but the mofo was unrelenting, until I stylishly came out to him, saying and denying, and reluctantly comfirming. And when I was done telling him I asked if he hates me now that he knows, he said no, but he'd like to know who I have a crush on, he knows it isn't him, I told him it is, he said he wouldn't believe it so I let him be.

After about 24hrs I tried to make him see that I mean what I said, I reminded him of all the things I did for him, the calls, the text, the constant visits and the nervous giggles. The unnecessary eye contact in school, I must have struck a nerve, because he immediately asked that I stop telling him about all this, tha he is straight and these stuffs disgust him.

It surprises me how I didn't hurt, but instead just apologised for causing him whatever discomfort I might have, and thanked him for listening to my confession. I guess I was grateful he didn't start a drama.

I wanted to cry my eyes out afterwards, possibly because of all the memories that came rushing back to me, and would have cried, had my Dad not called just then


#####so, that's it. I think, my greatest achievement of the year 2013 is COMING OUT TO MY LONGEST ENDURING CRUSH, AND OVERCOMING THE CRUSH IN THE PROCESS!#####



***I feel FREE! ***

Yuck not waiting for update

lyfe: Yuck not waiting for update

must you comment? Mtssww, out with your holier than thou attitude, hideous clown!

You need Deliverance..

Dondave11: You need Deliverance..

you need enlightenment

EyesWideOpen:
you need enlightenment

I wouldn't even count that as achievement to start with, you know you ain't normal. Tell me how you feel after seeing the pix below.

lyfe:

I wouldn't even count that as achievement to start with, you know you ain't normal. Tell me how you feel after seeing the pix below.

The op is a deluded clown.

Don't expect him to get turned on even after seeing such a sumptuous hips and backside just imagine what the dolt classified as achievement.

He is gay, just trying to mask it

lyfe:

I wouldn't even count that as achievement to start with, you know you ain't normal. Tell me how you feel after seeing the pix below.

appreciating beauty has nothing to do with sexuality, but you wouldn't know that.

Buzzonix: It's good you came out to face your fears/crush, such an experience can bring the psychological feel of freedom. I just hope NL homophobes won't devour you.

They are toothless dogs that can only bark.

The sad thing is they wouldn't just admit it but like myself, most of them are bisexual, buh hate that they they are attracted to same sex and thus the hate they project to gay peeps.

shizzle11:
The op is a deluded clown.

Don't expect him to get turned on even after seeing such a sumptuous hips and backside just imagine what the dolt classified as achievement.

He is gay, just trying to mask it

violating my space, pls mind ur bizness.

Dondave11:
lols.. 0P, So u created this moniker just to post this Rubbish. I pity ur Life. U need Deliverance..

Cretin.

you need that more than I do nigga, just see how hate has deluded you. I'm in no way related with that poster. You didn't think no enlightened persons are on NL, did you? Well sorry to burst your bubble dawg, alot of enlightened individuals are on NL, just as alot of intellectually lacking persons like yourself are.

Dondave11: Cut the crap and stop the pretence. You created that moniker after posting that Piece of Shyt u call Post.

unlike you I'm a real nigga, if I created that moniker I would acknowledge it. So pls take your whiny a55 outta here!

#GoandDie

Buzzonix:
Wtf?? I'm not the op.

no mind the clown

U dis homo.... . . Well I dont wanna talk now and my OGA @ the top will say another.........


But wait I don't hate u..... . BUT I BLEEPING HATE UR INTIMATE ORIENTATION

EyesWideOpen:

violating my space, pls mind ur bizness.

Really? well am sorry....Ride on alone with your folly

....I'm out

Pastor Aji: U dis homo.... . . Well I dont wanna talk now and my OGA @ the top will say another.........


But wait I don't hate u..... . BUT I BLEEPING HATE UR INTIMATE ORIENTATION