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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. (3562 Views)
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The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by symbian123(m): 10:56am On Jan 05, 2014 |
This is the private diary of a Viagra housewife... Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried. Day 2 Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed. Day 3 This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears. Day 4 A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood. Day 5 What absolute bliss!!. Day 6 Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that. Day 7 This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy. Day 8 I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there. Day 9 No time to write. He might catch me. Day 10 Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over.... Day 11 I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig. Day 12 I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous... Day 13 Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bastard. Day 14 I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more Hot. Help me! Day 15 I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go and Bleep himself and he did. Day 16 The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac. Day 17 Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference...Christ! Here he comes again! Day 18 He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss! 1 Like |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by unmask: 12:28pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
hahaha......wicked lady you spoilt all the fun.... should have told him to go bleep himself everytime |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by immortalvoices(m): 12:36pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
I HEAR VOICES... |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by thiefnubu(m): 12:46pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Amazing!! 1 Like |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by Caracta(f): 1:23pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Quite funny and interesting. Me likey. |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by jaybee3(m): 1:25pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Hmm |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by Nobody: 3:04pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Interesting! .. Nice piece of art 1 Like |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by MaziOmenuko: 3:10pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
This is funny; very creative... Would have been fun if you dragged it a bit...the pre-viagra stage, viagra state and post-viagra stage. You gerrit? |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by Nobody: 3:19pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
1 Like |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by sdqxxx(m): 4:00pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by thonyokun(m): 4:00pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Not interesting at all |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by freda506(f): 4:58pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Nice 1 Like |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by Shekson(m): 5:53pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Imaginatively funny 1 Like |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by DonaldGenes(m): 7:06pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
. |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by symbian123(m): 8:24pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
unmask: hahaha......wicked lady you spoilt all the fun.... should have told him to go bleep himself everytime That's just gonna awaken the beast more |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by symbian123(m): 8:25pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Caracta: Quite funny and interesting. Me likey. Am blushing... Thanks |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by symbian123(m): 8:26pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Mazi_Omenuko: Lol... Yes I do... Thanks for the advice bro.. Happy New Year. |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by symbian123(m): 8:27pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
thonyokun: Not interesting at all Create your own na |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by symbian123(m): 8:28pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
freda506: Nice Arigato Amiga |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by Caracta(f): 8:57pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
I don't think I would have read it if it was long. |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by LadyH(f): 9:12pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by symbian123(m): 9:46pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Caracta: I don't think I would have read it if it was long. Well it's still long though.. |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by symbian123(m): 9:46pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
LadyH: LadyH: |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by LadyH(f): 8:43am On Jan 06, 2014 |
symbian123: |
Re: The Private Diary Of A Viagra Housewife. by Nobody: 2:37pm On Jan 09, 2014 |
*spreads mat* op is dat all. Go on abeg! |
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