TV01:


The Ukranians have a saying; "before you marry a woman check out her mother". I just find it hard to believe any man would rather "just go with their heart", than properly armed with knowledge, understanding, well set expectations and a long-term view.

TV

ApexTitan:
While you may find it hard to believe so there are many men who are totally sold on the idea of the Disney-styled approach to relationships and marriage. In just going with their hearts they fall under the impression, or delusion even, that they have found/will find their own special snowflake.

I'm not married but I used to think like that at one point myself. Thank the heavens that I have come to a better understanding. On my occasional excursions on social media when I come across photos of old flames from my university days I'm filled with feelings of gratitude walahi, e for rough for my side.

pickabeau1:
Bodashee
Sorry I'm still looking for the question..lol

bodashee:
Two options were open to me. I could have kept quiet and watched the guy jump the queue like everyone else, or spoke up like I did. I'm which you think would have been best? basically.

bodashee:


Two options were open to me. I could have kept quiet and watched the guy jump the queue like everyone else, or spoke up like I did. I'm which you think would have been best? basically.

TV01:

I think you were absolutely right - and courageous - to speak up.

Obviously you took stock of any potential danger in your speaking beforehand - you know the terrian better than I do. I would have suggested you made the point by saying how he had made a mockery of the law/societal protocol, and all those who adhered to it, as opposed to making it about "your place" in the queue or "your right" to enter before him.

And I wouldn't necessarily have made a fuss about entering before him - not least because there was no danger of your not getting a seat. That way you don't come across as aggressive/attitudinal and merely pained on your own behalf. You are also more likely to have others support you - not that their support was your aim. The naysayers may have seen it as you just wanting to prove a point, as opposed to decrying lawlessness.


TV

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pickabeau1:



Speaking was the best even if it was futile

But I thought the issue was respect no?

freecocoa:
TV01, you mentioned me but it's like you changed your mind, why is that?

TV01:

I did mention you, but only in reference to Salseras post. What I changed my mind about was responding to "your plight" myself. I would have told you about yourself in 3-D and served those who had earlier advised you sour wine . But as Salsera hit it in short measure and was extremely tactful, I thought I'd leave it .

TV

bodashee:


That's why I mentioned that I would derail a bit o .

freecocoa:
Lol, you can still try. You know, you can only guess, you can never be sure my dear.

freecocoa:
Bodashee I have been in that place before but mine was in a banking hall.

You did the right thing by speaking up and I think it's still okay you made it about you but I am of the opinion, you spoke to the wrong person.

You have no business with the man directly, as he didn't try to take your place, the people(or person in front of you, sending you a position backwards) who allowed him in, did. What I would do, was I the one, is, tell the person standing in front me that, when the two persons originally supposed to go before me, goes, I'll take my turn, then let him/her deal with the person in front of them, who is also about to take his/her turn, doing this will awaken them to seeing how allowing the man in, affects others on the queue.

In as much as I'm all for "educating people", I am also all for "minding my business"

You can pass the message across without infringing on people's right, that's how I see it.

TV01:

Absolutely, it's a template. I expect individuals to factor accordingly. I didn't apply it to the letter myself. I made some well-considered exceptions for my wife. And some thngs I wouldn't budge on - big items like divorce and smaller ones like tattoos. It's choice.

The Ukranians have a saying; "before you marry a woman check out her mother". I just find it hard to believe any man would rather "just go with their heart", than properly armed with knowledge, understanding, well set expectations and a long-term view.

I thank God, nothing I've encounterd in marriage has fazed me and if I haven't anticipated and had a plan for everything, the right course typically comes easy. I did my groundwork, prep and due dilligence. Set my standards way high prior, and my expectations way low after . I'm very happy.


TV

ApexTitan:

Where are you seeing these mystery women?

bodashee:
Nice convo you guys got going there. I don't think the woozy feelings should be enough to direct the course of a person's decision in terms of marital choice. Even for people you take your time to study, you can still find surprises, how much more when "follow your heart" is the mantra.


Meanwhile, Sorry o but I'm going to derail a bit. I had an interesting encounter with someone on my way back from work today and the drama that ensued got me thinking.

I use the BRT buses on my back from work. So this evening, I did the normal thing and joined the queue so I could take a bus. Then some man comes from nowhere feeling fly and jumps the queue. And people give him space, so he ends up about 3 places before me. Meanwhile, I'd already made it clear that it was wrong for them to even give the dude space in the first place. Sha, I walk up to him and tell him clearly "you can't enter this bus before me", so he reluctantly allowed take the space before him. Finally we got into the bus, then he starts talking plenty about how I don't have respect for men, and all the other people that allowed him jump the queue, are they less human than I am? So a hot debate started about who was right and who wasn't.

Some people in the bus said I was just being vindictive (which I know I wasn't),and some others thought I had a valid point. And my point was this: didn't it just nulify the effort and law abiding nature of all the others who took their places on the queue in the proper manner if one person could have just come from nowhere and jump the queue. I think as insignificant as it seemed, its a social vice that should be nipped in the bud. Other social offences like overtaking at a corner, driving on the brt lane, parking in wrong places and some other stupid things Nigerians like to do and get away with, they start with this kind of action going on without anyone standing up to say its wrong. But I'd like to kno what you guys think as well.

RoyalRoy:


Very tactical.
I love your approach.

Lol

edwife:
I wouldn't have said a word if i were you,i am someone who always mind my business and try not to get on someone's way.Beside,that Lagos scares me to death,in fact anywhere in Nigeria except Abuja.

@TV that was brutal.....

ApexTitan:
Talk about the elephant in the room.

What is going on between Oga TV and Freecocoa and how is whatever they are talking about in line with the spirit of this thread?

edwife:
I wouldn't have said a word if i were you,i am someone who always mind my business and try not to get on someone's way.Beside,that Lagos scares me to death,in fact anywhere in Nigeria except Abuja.

@TV that was brutal.....

pickabeau1:


Sorry I could not help but come in

Is it really brutal

I was following snippets of the convo on the compatibility of a (born again?)/Christian who believes in God and a self professed atheist

How can two walk except they be agreed

An atheist will never respect someone who believes in a fairy tale and a pie in the sky God

So the kids will be torn between a fada who is trying to instill biblical principles in his God and a mother who holds such thoughts in comtempt

Why is the matter even up for discourse
It defies logic

freecocoa:
TV01 I first have to ask, do you have anything against me? Cos you sure sound like you do.

freecocoa:
Firstly, you do have to understand that whatever I write about me on here is strictly my business and well within my rights, so I shouldn't care whatever sight it makes to you or anyone for that matter.

freecocoa:
No where in that post of mine did you read that I make a better case for gay rights than he, or even If I did, I never said that was the proof of me being more intelligent, I said I wanted him to agree with me when we argue on that, if otherwise, please feel to show me, btw don't I have the right to think myself more intelligent than anyone?

freecocoa:
You fail to realise that, the topic wasn't about religion, as basic as it might be, I am at liberty to seek opinions on it as it is an area where experience is key, plus I didn't even say I am more intelligent than christians, seriously am trying so hard to understand why you would make such statement? Na wa o.

freecocoa:
You haven't made any points with the friend statements at all, it is very glaring that the issue with the ex is about me given the way it was presented in the OP, so I don't see how that is supposed to change anything but if you are implying that other issue where I asked about a friend, is also about me, then over mistaken is your middle name.

freecocoa:
See me see trouble o, it is very obvious that your problem is with me thinking myself intelligent, I think myself intelligent in the absolute sense ni o my dear, now what others think about that is relative, as can clearly be seen here, you think I'm the dumbest one on here as you so tacitly have shown but someone else will think otherwise.

freecocoa:
I have nothing to prove to you as you are not a judge of intelligence, anyone can claim to be intelligent, till you beat me at a standard test for measure of intelligence, will I take you as more intelligent than I am.

freecocoa:
All you've done so far, is tell your opinion of me and because I am intelligent, I understand that it's something you are entitled to but doesn't define me.

pickabeau1:


Sorry I could not help but come in

Is it really brutal

I was following snippets of the convo on the compatibility of a (born again?)/Christian who believes in God and a self professed atheist

How can two walk except they be agreed

An atheist will never respect someone who believes in a fairy tale and a pie in the sky God

So the kids will be torn between a fada who is trying to instill biblical principles in his God and a mother who holds such thoughts in comtempt

Why is the matter even up for discourse
It defies logic

freecocoa:
That's the main reason why I am sceptical, granted the other things on the list might be childish but we all have had wishful thinking at some point, knowing when to grow up is important, so what if it takes a little push to do that? Like anyone is an island.

Even the most intelligent people do stup1d things sometimes, that's why we are human.

I must admit, as much as I've been insulted and insulted others on here, I am deeply hurt by TV01's words, not because I can't take insults but because this is too personal and seriously uncalled for and to think it's from someone I actually respected even though I don't agree with him on most things I'm taken aback for real.

And whatever I even posted is with the consent of the young man, who is also a nairalander.

keppyy:


Babymama once said she relates well with people that easily express their imperfections and I can say the same for me...

I was really shocked by TV01 because I respect him a lot too...

I think people take Nairaland too serious and have low tolerance level...

You may have opposing views with someone and still appreciate the person...

Don't let anyone pull you down...