Timbuktou:


It's right there in what I quoted and put in bold.

i honestly didn't interprete it that way. If she did, would she bother telling him at all?

damiso:




A child is able to view the parents marriage from a very proximate view. Dare say I that part of a child's early views on marriage can be formed from viewing the relationship bee tween their parents. So yeah I can't speak for my dad but I can say that the age diffrence would not be an overriding factor on which my dad would have judged his wife against her other redeeming qualities.now I am not saying they did not have differences but I did not think the age difference made her respect him any less or would have been the main thing he could change.

The older generation kept a lot of their conflicts under wraps

I never saw my parents argue

I'm sure they did

Unlike those who nowadays argue in front of their kids

My point is this

The best person to review a marriage is still the spouse and not kids

As for career, that sef too is even subjective because for me sef a woman who is settled in her career has the resources to be a bit more flexible in prioritising work life/balance . A younger woman who might have just been starting out in career and then giving that up along the line for family might have some resentment at what might have been if she did not have to sacrifice her career for her family. Majority of the women I know who took career breaks to tend to family are women who are a bit more stablished career wise.

Yes this is also true
However someone starting out is more inclined to be flexible unlike someone who has a kid level position

Good points

pickabeau1:
boohoo

Whats the issue with diabetes

with good health and information, it can be well managed

why did the girl now back out

The man needed time to consider all the pros and cons... not some emotion laden decision

There is a high probability I would do the same thing in her shoes. He could also have left the ring with her but still tell her he needed to think about it. I wouldn't want him to come back to me merely out of pity. As much as I would say the girl is at fault for not disclosing on time, I have to consider that it was a fast moving relationship and she probably didn't realise he would propose so soon. You wouldn't want to spill sensitive information like that to every Dick and Harry you date.

Kimoni:


There is a high probability I would do the same thing in her shoes. He could also have left the ring with her but still tell her he needed to think about it. I wouldn't want him to come back to me merely out of pity. As much as I would say the girl is at fault for not disclosing on time, I have to consider that it was a fast moving relationship and she probably didn't realise he would propose so soon. You wouldn't want to spill sensitive information like that to every Dick and Harry you date.

What's the issue with the ring

Is the ring a souvenir

Ifyou keep the ring and he decides not to pursue..what next?

Awkward!!

I now see women are obsessed with tokens and bits n bobs

The man is the main catch not the ring

Na wa

pickabeau1:



The older generation kept a lot of their conflicts under wraps

I never saw my parents argue

I'm sure they did

Unlike those who nowadays argue in front of their kids

My point is this

The best person to review a marriage is still the spouse and not kids



Yes this is also true
However someone starting out is more inclined to be flexible unlike someone who has a kid level position

Good points

Children are perceptive very perceptive. even if they do not argue if front of their children children can see if their parents have a good relationship. Your point is I can't say they did not have conflict and my own point I can say that they had conflicts (you know I like to be real) but those conflicts were not as a direct result of the age difference. Those conflicts would have arisen even if there was a 20 year age gap.

As for someone starting out , a couple closer in age are often both just starting out and so would both need more resources in starting and sustaining a family. So all this flexibility talk is not really applicable. I don't know alot of couples close in age where the wife can afford(note the word afford) to take a career break to tend to family.

I need to go to bed, this NL is bad for my health joor.

Kimoni:
He said they had several moments where they had both spilled everything about their past and he was pained because according to him, he said everything there was to say and he thought she did the same not knowing she had deliberately left out that important factor.

Kimoni:
You wouldn't want to spill sensitive information like that to every Dick and Harry you date.

Be ni 0!


TV
^{...my lovely sisters, never letting facts cloud their emotions !}

damiso:
However like so many others have said I think it's down to the individual. And finding that person who complements you and who you can tolerate to a certain extent. To put a blanket figure of '7 to 12' age differential just feels a bit specific to me.

You are right, it is down to the individuals involved - and every case is unique. I did say generally and advise the range as a rule of thumb, not a precise measure. On the flip side, I think you and others are being to "generalist" A loose plan/idea is better than none

Funnily enough, it's women that ideally want this - in some cases moreso than men who do not always think long-term. Think amongst the couples you know; the male will typically be older (and taller ).

Think back to Uni in Naija, how many jambite girls dated jambite boys - I no get sniff as jambite 0! Female hypergamy demands higher status in males and that usually comes with an age difference.

I was referencing it in particular with reference to sexual compatibility for this convo, not even status. As an ideal, it tends to work for both parties on many levels. People have just lost sight of why.

Afterall, speak the truth, how many Naija women consider their age mates "small boys"? Or even those proximate in age. How many girls dump guys when they can land bigger - and often older - fish?

And it's global. Afterall, I did not coin the adage "half your age plus 7 years". That's a particular Western saying. Only now the West is shaming men who marry younger.

All the women who partied or focused on their careers are hitting their 30's with no suitors, and asking where al the good men have gone? Into the arms of younger more nubile women.

Men are instinctively drawn to nubility and youth - it speaks to child-bearing. Dem's the facts. I'd wager my last dollar your relative youth was part of your DH' attraction. I'd also bet you've called your age mates "small boy" and would not have given a fellow jambite a look in !

Speak the truth - all y'all


TV

TV01:


Be ni 0!

TV

TV!!!!!!!

"Everything" is relative oooo

Everything to a guy does not mean everything to a lady ooo

If we are to exchange the gender, I am so sure the guy would not make this disclosure as part of "everything" he spilled. It's not HIV now.

And seriously, the girl has done something lacking in most girls of today. Hasn't anybody considered the fact that she was honest enough to disclose before accepting the ring? Meaning she had no ulterior motive? It was probably her guts that failed her that she didn't disclose early enough or she wasn't sure of his intentions.

Haba, brothers, why una dey discourage babes from yarning the truth now?

TV01:

You are right, it is down to the individuals involved - and every case is unique. I did say generally and advise the range as a rule of thumb, not a precise measure. On the flip side, I think you and others are being to "generalist" A loose plan/idea is better than none

Funnily enough, it's women that ideally want this - in some cases moreso than men who do not always think long-term. Think amongst the couples you know; the male will typically be older (and taller ).

Think back to Uni in Naija, how many jambite girls dated jambite boys - I no get sniff as jambite 0! Female hypergamy demands higher status in males and that usually comes with an age difference.

I was referencing it in particular with reference to sexual compatibility for this convo, not even status. As an ideal, it tends to work for both parties on many levels. People have just lost sight of why

Afterall, speak the truth, how many Naija women consider their age mates "small boys"? Or even those proximate in age. How many girls dump guys when they can land bigger - and often older - fish?

And it's global. Afterall, I did not coin the adage "half your age plus 7 years". That's a particular Western saying. Only now the West is shaming men who marry younger.

All the women who partied or focused on their careers are hitting their 30's with no suitors, and asking where al the good men have gone? Into the arms of younger more nubile women.

Men are instinctively drawn to nubility and youth - it speaks to child-bearing. Dem's the facts. I'd wager my last dollar your relative youth was part of your DH' attraction. I'd also bet you've called your age mates "small boy" and would not have given a fellow jambite a look in !

Speak the truth - all y'all

TV

Really?? these days when men want to take charge of their wife's ATM and providing the required minimum (food, housing and shelter) in the home is seen as parasitic, because enough willing and "matured singles" are ready to hand over their salary in exchange for joint "headship" of the house and the guys are more than ready to accept these terms as long as they both share the financial responsibility? And to think they will even start hating on the ones that insist on doing things the old fashion way?

TV, is it the same planet we are sampling our men from

pickabeau1:


What's the issue with the ring

Is the ring a souvenir

Ifyou keep the ring and he decides not to pursue..what next?

Awkward!!

I now see women are obsessed with tokens and bits n bobs

The man is the main catch not the ring

Na wa

Com'on Pick, I used the ring and proposal interchangebly in my write up, remember? The ring symbolizes the renewed commitment between them. So it's not just the ring but what it signifies. Them no dey sell ring for market ni?

Kimoni:

Com'on Pick, I used the ring and proposal interchangebly in my write up, remember? The ring symbolizes the renewed commitment between them. So it's not just the ring but what it signifies. Them no dey sell ring for market ni?

Okay oo
So you support her move to coax a lifetime decision using tears and gragra?

damiso:


Children are perceptive very perceptive. even if they do not argue if front of their children children can see if their parents have a good relationship. Your point is I can't say they did not have conflict and my own point I can say that they had conflicts (you know I like to be real) but those conflicts were not as a direct result of the age difference. Those conflicts would have arisen even if there was a 20 year age gap.

As for someone starting out , a couple closer in age are often both just starting out and so would both need more resources in starting and sustaining a family. So all this flexibility talk is not really applicable. I don't know alot of couples close in age where the wife can afford(note the word afford) to take a career break to tend to family.

I need to go to bed, this NL is bad for my health joor.

No problem
Morning..

I think you lot just argue even in the face of reality\

I ask you did u date a person in your age brecket before u settled down\\if you did, is your husband in the same age bracket and what is the range\

On this same forum, you have posters saying they cant date their age mates from reasons ranging to being stingy , too immature and the vague NOT CARING aka no money etc

Once women don start to dey date older person, young guys no dey appeal again

Kimoni:


Really?? these days when men want to take charge of their wife's ATM and providing the required minimum (food, housing and shelter) in the home is seen as parasitic, because enough willing and "matured singles" are ready to hand over their salary in exchange for joint "headship" of the house and the guys are more than ready to accept these terms as long as they both share the financial responsibility? And to think they will even start hating on the ones that insist on doing things the old fashion way?

TV, is it the same planet we are sampling our men from

PaulOlarinde:
help me

With what?

pickabeau1:
I think you lot just argue even in the face of reality\

I ask you did u date a person in your age brecket before u settled down\\if you did, is your husband in the same age bracket and what is the range\

On this same forum, you have posters saying they cant date their age mates from reasons ranging to being stingy , too immature and the vague NOT CARING aka no money etc

Once women don start to dey date older person, young guys no dey appeal again

Pickabeau, what is this? Is this meant for Kimoni?? When did you ask me all these questions??

Stop mentioning me, use unclear joor

Meanwhile on the other hand if men think that they can wait until any age before they get married and think that they can automatically pick up a younger woman when they are ready, they may get a big shock.

Women are not stupid and these days men too are being left on the shelf. The older the man is, the more likely he too has baggage and baby momma all over the place & many women dont want a man with luggage either.

The first question I will have in my mind of a 35 year old man who isnt married is Why not? What happened? and I will did deeper in to his hostory.
I have a collegue who when he got to 38 he met a girl in her mid twenties. Her family werent happy with the age gap and they convinced the girl to break the relationship.
The reality was that most girls of his age had tons of baggage and the younger girls were NOT interested in him or just too imature for him. He is still unmarried now and he is now in his fourties.

Many of these young girls are looking for someone to catapault them out of their current lives. The first emotion that comes to them is not love. its survival. I didnt marry my hubby becasue he was 6 years older, I married him becasue I loved him and would have loved him if we were the same age. I didnt go looking for an older man. TV you are advocating for a man to go searching for a younger woman

The reality of this is panning out in the USA when old cargo men are going to the village to pick young girls. They bring them to Amelica and the girls grow wings and then pop pop pop. tragedy!

You are lucky you married a younger good wife. I was lucky I married an older good husband, there are many people who have the opposite experience.

In short if a man finds a good woman regardless of her age, he should go with it.

Stands down from podium


I no gree at all at all

Kimoni:


Pickabeau, what is this? Is this meant for Kimoni?? When did you ask me all these questions??

hahaha.... its an open question

I have seen so many female posters saying guys their age are small to them

So why the brouhaha...

pickabeau1:


hahaha.... its an open question

I have seen so many female posters saying guys their age are small to them

So why the brouhaha...

Dont beleive everything you read on NL
The reality can be quite different
If you think about it, many girls say they cant marry a "poor" man
He has to be rich
He has to be caring (caring for some people means money )
He is too stingy bla bla bla

But in reality many wives work and use some of their salary to fend for the household.
So what happened?
Are the ones who say this not married or are they the few who married men rich enough for them not to work?

Actually its not only on NL
U should know I don't buy the gospel of thing here

a lot of my contemporaries married ladies within 3- 5 years

The exceptions are the age mate marriage

The saying my money my money by ladies was not from NL but real life

tearoses:


Dont beleive everything you read on NL
The reality can be quite different
If you think about it, many girls say they cant marry a "poor" man
He has to be rich
He has to be caring (caring for some people means money )
He is too stingy bla bla bla

But in reality many wives work and use some of their salary to fend for the household.
So what happened?
Are the ones who say this not married or are they the few who married men rich enough for them not to work?

bukatyne:


@Bold:

Long story

If you had wooed and God said no, won't you have taken who He gave you?



The important thing is to find the bone of your bon and the flesh of your flesh.

And yes, I believe in soul mates/ the one person God destined/prepared for you.

God does not give people wives/husbands as a standard practice.
There is no one person for any one.
If you believe so, what happens to the destined spouse of all the persons who died in accidents before marrying?
Are their destined spouses destined to a life of marital unhappiness?

tearoses:
Meanwhile on the other hand if men think that they can wait until any age before they get married and think that they can automatically pick up a younger woman when they are ready, they may get a big shock.

Women are not stupid and these days men too are being left on the shelf. The older the man is, the more likely he too has baggage and baby momma all over the place & many women dont want a man with luggage either.

The first question I will have in my mind of a 35 year old man who isnt married is Why not? What happened? and I will did deeper in to his hostory.
I have a collegue who when he got to 38 he met a girl in her mid twenties. Her family werent happy with the age gap and they convinced the girl to break the relationship.
The reality was that most girls of his age had tons of baggage and the younger girls were NOT interested in him or just too imature for him. He is still unmarried now and he is now in his fourties.

Many of these young girls are looking for someone to catapault them out of their current lives. The first emotion that comes to them is not love. its survival. I didnt marry my hubby becasue he was 6 years older, I married him becasue I loved him and would have loved him if we were the same age. I didnt go looking for an older man. TV you are advocating for a man to go searching for a younger woman

The reality of this is panning out in the USA when old cargo men are going to the village to pick young girls. They bring them to Amelica and the girls grow wings and then pop pop pop. tragedy!

You are lucky you married a younger good wife. I was lucky I married an older good husband, there are many people who have the opposite experience.

In short if a man finds a good woman regardless of her age, he should go with it.

Stands down from podium


I no gree at all at all

I have been following this discussion and it is quite entertaining how people on NL work themselves up over nonsense.
Let people speak for themselves.

I prefer a WOMAN to a girl. Women in their 30s are far more attractive than lil girls in their 20s who are insecure and immature.
Women in their 30s look better, behave better, are wiser, more confident and far more sensual. FEMINITY at its peak.

To each their own

tearoses:
Meanwhile on the other hand if men think that they can wait until any age before they get married and think that they can automatically pick up a younger woman when they are ready, they may get a big shock.

They most certainly will - if they don't possess the requisite "status" or are in bad shape. Otherwise, a man will almost always have his pick of available women - even unavailable ones sef !

tearoses:
Women are not stupid and these days men too are being left on the shelf. The older the man is, the more likely he too has baggage and baby momma all over the place & many women dont want a man with luggage either.

Being a baby fada does not deter women. In fact for some wierd reason - actually not wierd at all, having fathered children speaks to a mans "fitness" - it draws women. I've experienced it out with my kids. It's even more pronounced if the kids are good looking !

tearoses:
The first question I will have in my mind of a 35 year old man who isnt married is Why not? What happened? and I will did deeper in to his hostory.

And you should always do forensic due dilligence. That has been made clear as pragmatic for both sexes.
However, while you are busy doing CSI Mapo on a presentable 35 year old man, other women will stampede over you to get to him !

tearoses:
I have a collegue who when he got to 38 he met a girl in her mid twenties. Her family werent happy with the age gap and they convinced the girl to break the relationship.

The reality was that most girls of his age had tons of baggage and the younger girls were NOT interested in him or just too imature for him. He is still unmarried now and he is now in his fourties.

He must be "unlearned". I always caveated that he must be a "good prospect". 38 years for a man is not a thing. Firstly, he should have been spinning a number of plates and had better game, secondly the "family" excuse was just that.

Send him to me - for free sef - within a year he will be fighting them off with a cattle prod !

tearoses:
Many of these young girls are looking for someone to catapault them out of their current lives. The first emotion that comes to them is not love. its survival. I didnt marry my hubby becasue he was 6 years older, I married him becasue I loved him and would have loved him if we were the same age. I didnt go looking for an older man. TV you are advocating for a man to go searching for a younger woman

No you did not go searching for an older man. Consciously or unconsciously you searched for a man with the requisite status/maturity or potential. That typically comes wrapped up "older"

And yes, I am advocating for men to favour younger women - and in part 2 I'll explain more as to why !

tearoses:
The reality of this is panning out in the USA when old cargo men are going to the village to pick young girls. They bring them to Amelica and the girls grow wings and then pop pop pop. tragedy!

That is a small demographic - and they are not "made men". I always caveated that the men must be "standing".

tearoses:
You are lucky you married a younger good wife. I was lucky I married an older good husband, there are many people who have the opposite experience.

Aunty CC, luck rarely has anything to do with a successful marriage - luck had nothing to do with it, in both our cases !

tearoses:
In short if a man finds a good woman regardless of her age, he should go with it.
Stands down from podium
I no gree at all at all

Absolutely, I merely offer a flexible template with justification for how to go about it.

I notice you skipped my "jambite" questions !

TV

innervoice:


I have been following this discussion and it is quite entertaining how people on NL work themselves up over nonsense.
Let people speak for themselves.

I prefer a WOMAN to a girl. Women in their 30s are far more attractive than lil girls in their 20s who are insecure and immature.
Women in their 30s look better, behave better, are wiser, more confident and far more sensual. FEMINITY at its peak.

To each their own

Free us with our gra-gra ontop small small gist na !

Quick Question - is your preference in terms of a wife or a girlfriend?


TV

mbulela:

God does not give people wives/husbands as a standard practice.
There is no one person for any one.
If you believe so, what happens to the destined spouse of all the persons who died in accidents before marrying?
Are their destined spouses destined to a life of marital unhappiness?

Much appreciated.
It can be hard conversing with the kind of parochial perspective one finds in places like the RCCG. I'm learning patience !


TV

pickabeau1:
Actually its not only on NL
U should know I don't buy the gospel of thing here

a lot of my contemporaries married ladies within 3- 5 years

The exceptions are the age mate marriage

The saying my money my money by ladies was not from NL but real life

TV is obviously talking about 10+ and above age difference or 1/2 your age + 7 yrs rule.

5yrs gap are 'age mates'

TV01:

Free us with our gra-gra ontop small small gist na !

Do you suffer from multiple personality disorder? Who is us?

Quick Question - is your preference in terms of a wife or a girlfriend?

I am a married man.

Question for you, how old is your wife? Is she already expiring?

TV01:

Much appreciated.
It can be hard conversing with the kind of parochial perspective one finds in places like the RCCG. I'm learning patience !


TV

It is my personal belief; it has nothing to do with RCCG

mbulela:


God does not give people wives/husbands as a standard practice.
There is no one person for any one.
If you believe so, what happens to the destined spouse of all the persons who died in accidents before marrying?
Are their destined spouses destined to a life of marital unhappiness?

I believe there is one perfect will of God for you and several permissive wills while others just jam themselves and try to work it out.

For example, God's perfect will was for Balaam not to respond to Balaak's call to curse Israel, when he insisted on going, God told him to bless the Israelites.

Also note that even if God gives you your perfect will, you both still have to make it work.

innervoice:
Do you suffer from multiple personality disorder? Who is us?

I'm not having the discussion alone am I? And while I may have a personality disorder, it's not the "multiple" type !

innervoice:
I am a married man.

Not the answer, but anyway...any polish or sophistication an older woman has can be aquired by a younger woman.

innervoice:
Question for you, how old is your wife? Is she already expiring?

10+ years younger than me . Distractingly nubile and I'll expire before she does !

What is the age diff between you and your wife?


TV

bukatyne:


It is my personal belief; it has nothing to do with RCCG

And you are welcome to it - it's still parochial.


TV

bukatyne:

5yrs gap are 'age mates'

TV