bellong:




Street smart is adopting basic investigation techniques in background check. Stroll to her area, talent spot people you believe can have info about her (be careful with the info given). Try to get to know her university colleagues if you could go through the stress. Ask question in a place of work, etc... These are the things I did coupled with what I got divinely.

How do you expect to get info from her parents? It is not even advisable asking for their opinions as they naturally will create a good picture of their daughter.

The world is a very big place
Gone are the days when communities were communities
I dont even know what my neighbours look like and I spend weeks in Nigeria every year, so if anyone asks me about them I will just be looking like dundee united

These days na to pray to God and be very close to God to help one be sensitive to things. It is well

bellong:




Street smart is adopting basic investigation techniques in background check. Stroll to her area, talent spot people you believe can have info about her (be careful with the info given). Try to get to know her university colleagues if you could go through the stress. Ask question in a place of work, etc... These are the things I did coupled with what I got divinely.

How do you expect to get info from her parents? It is not even advisable asking for their opinions as they naturally will create a good picture of their daughter.

The girl after getting pregnant was sent to ghana to deliver the baby and lived there for 3 years before coming back.She went to uni and started working immediately after graduation.

Who are the neighbours,colleagues that could have known about this.It was her ex family who told a friend of the family what was going on.
Bellong let's us thank God for grace.That's all i know.

@Tearoses that's just it.

tearoses:
This TV sef
So you are calling 24-25 young!!!
When girls finish Uni at 21 these days
4 years of working
Some 25 year olds have already bought their first houses and have had heaps of lovers, heartbreaks and emotional baggage by then.
I even thought you were referring to 19 year olds.
You are calling 25 young in this jet age! Haaaaaaa!!!!

Buky, Edwife & NBbabe, You are all right Ladies. Everyone for themselves jare in this marriage thingy. A & B can have very different requirments.
Just make sure you pick and marry the correct piece that fits your own jigsaw & you too are the missing piece of your partners jigsaw.

I’ve have seen plenty with my koro koro eye
I’ve seen where hubby and wifey have affairs and bring home one pikin each and they got back together again.
One mans meat is another mans poison. So long as one gives the right one meat and the right one poison

I thought he meant 17 or 16 sef

I will make a leap to say that people cool off after school/service. My friends and I used to joke that if we did not find our spouses before working, we would not have time to mix.

A 34yr old who has been working since 22 and a 25yr old who just graduated/served might have the same record/baggage

Except it is to go OmoT's style.

Each to his own

When Elijah was instructed to annoint Hazael King over Syria, Jehu over Israel and Elisha as prophet, the words that follow is, "...him that escape the sword of Hazael shall Jehu slay and he that escape Jehu shall Elisha slay..."

Summary, like I said earlier, marriage is not entered into with logic alone. There is the spiritual sensitivity. The part that you miss in logic and investigation, you get from the spirit.

I maintain that we all can know if we want to know. Sincerity, thoroughness, openness and commitment are what is needed.

Tearoses took my response off my fingers. Bellong, be thankful, while we all like to take credit for our good decisions, let us not lose sight of how taking certain things into the hands of God makes all the difference.

I recall that I fasted for 7 days on top this matter to get the right direction, I was much younger, not particularly looking, had just broken off a long-term relationship and just felt like the right thing to do at that time

bellong:
How do you expect to get info from her parents? It is not even advisable asking for their opinions as they naturally will create a good picture of their daughter.

Thank you Bellong. I always testify how mine was by the grace of God. It is He who delivers. The reason I took a more generalist approach to this piece was so that all men can relate. I am chastened !

Ecclesiastes 7:26 And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.

If young women are sluts and gold diggers, did sluttery and gold digging start today. If young women can have children out of wedlock or baggage, cannot older women. All I am hearing is potential issues that can arise - which are not tied to age, or about compatibility per se?

One day I may relate my encounter with a possessed woman. Her parents knew and covered it up and earnestly tried to sell me on her. They were actually in fear of her - indeed there is a God.

The biological imperatives and relationship dynamics between men and women are pretty much unchanging. All told, stray from these and you will bear your burden. No one has made a cogent rebuttal to anything I have written. When they do so, I will acknowledge - and respond.


TV

naijababe:
Bellong, be thankful, while we all like to take credit for our good decisions, let us not lose sight of how taking certain things into the hands of God makes all the difference.
I recall that I fasted for 7 days on top this matter to get the right direction, I was much younger, not particularly looking, had just broken off a long-term relationship and just felt like the right thing to do at that time

Your conclusion only strengthens my position. Nowhere have I given credit to self but trying to say many people leave out one at the expense of the other which is a recipe for failure. If any should be left out, the spiritual direction is not what should be compromised.

TV01:

Thank you Bellong. I always testify how mine was by the grace of God. It is He who delivers. The reason I took a more generalist approach to this piece was so that all men can relate. I am chastened !

Ecclesiastes 7:26 And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.

If young women are sluts and gold diggers, did sluttery and gold digging start today. If young women can have children out of wedlock or baggage, cannot older women. All I am hearing is potential issues that can arise - which are not tied to age, or about compatibility per se?

One day I may relate my encounter with a possessed woman. Her parents knew and covered it up and earnestly tried to sell me on her. They were actually in fear of her - indeed there is a God.

The biological imperatives and relationship dynamics between men and women are pretty much unchanging. All told, stray from these and you will bear your burden. No one has made a cogent rebuttal to anything I have written. When they do so, I will acknowledge - and respond.


TV

If in your prayers God revealed to you that your wife to be was 4yrs younger, what would you have done?

TV01:

Thank you Bellong. I always testify how mine was by the grace of God. It is He who delivers. The reason I took a more generalist approach to this piece was so that all men can relate. I am chastened !

Ecclesiastes 7:26 And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.

If young women are sluts and gold diggers, did sluttery and gold digging start today. If young women can have children out of wedlock or baggage, cannot older women. All I am hearing is potential issues that can arise - which are not tied to age, or about compatibility per se?

One day I may relate my encounter with a possessed woman. Her parents knew and covered it up and earnestly tried to sell me on her. They were actually in fear of her - indeed there is a God.

The biological imperatives and relationship dynamics between men and women are pretty much unchanging. All told, stray from these and you will bear your burden. No one has made a cogent rebuttal to anything I have written. When they do so, I will acknowledge - and respond.


TV

Guess we had same experience. Although, the parents of mine never knew. To the glory of God, she is completely free from it and happily married today.

bellong:


Your conclusion only strengthens my position. Nowhere have I given credit to self but trying to say many people leave out one at the expense of the other which is a recipe for failure. If any should be left out, the spiritual direction is not what should be compromised.

You are right bellong and thank you for being patient with us and responding accordingly.

edwife:


You are right bellong and[b] thank you for being patient with us[/b] and responding accordingly.

Patience is my middle name...

tearoses:
This TV sef
So you are calling 24-25 young!!!
When girls finish Uni at 21 these days
4 years of working
Some 25 year olds have already bought their first houses and have had heaps of lovers, heartbreaks and emotional baggage by then.
I even thought you were referring to 19 year olds.
You are calling 25 young in this jet age! Haaaaaaa!!!!

Buky, Edwife & NBbabe, You are all right Ladies. Everyone for themselves jare in this marriage thingy. A & B can have very different requirments.
Just make sure you pick and marry the correct piece that fits your own jigsaw & you too are the missing piece of your partners jigsaw.

I’ve have seen plenty with my koro koro eye
I’ve seen where hubby and wifey have affairs and bring home one pikin each and they got back together again.
One mans meat is another mans poison. So long as one gives the right one meat and the right one poison

All I have said is that men are best served by marrying wives significantly younger - not that every man must marry a young girl.

A 25 year old female is young relative to a 35 year old male, no? Even if I counselled marrying a virgin, would that be synonymous with marrying a 19 year old?

And I would certainly advise avoiding women with numerous lovers and lot's of baggage. Even if one knowingly chooses one with a past, be sure she has totally given up her old ways. Again, what would any of the females here advise your male relatives?

All the rest you've raised are issues that can plague any union. Nothing to do with the age or dynamic - which you claimed worked for you in your first response?

When I came to understanding, I approached marriage knowing exactly what would work best and what I wanted - and was sensitive enough not to take anything as read or for granted - approaching without knowledge or a plan increases the risk of a k-legged union.

Women united in campaigning for mature singles Brodas beware!


TV

bellong:


I understand the part of grace but many do fail in what they should do.

As Christians, approaching the issue of marriage require both spiritual sensitivity and being street smart. I knew every detail about my wife before I even approach her. People are very thorough about stuffs that are temporary but when it comes to the institution that can mar or break their destinies, they handle it with levity.

The world is complicated but God in His infinite mercies doesn't leave us clueless. It is why you guys found out before entering one chance. The girl acted stupidly, your brother could have gone ahead with her had it been she was truthful from the beginning. At least, some people here advocated keeping such secret from potential spouse because what is in the past should stay in the past.

You know sometimes, I pity people who have "stories" they need to share with their intended before the wedding. There is so much uncertainty about the outcome of the story that you get confused as to whether to share, when to share and how to share. A colleague was just telling me how he broke off his engagement 2 days ago because the girl shared her "story" with him.

So there is this girl he met and within 3 months, he wanted to take things to the next level. He travelled all the way to London to propose to her. On the d-day, he knelt down on one knee and said the usual. She started crying that she had something important to tell him. She had Type 2 diabetes He started crying as well but was very angry that she had waited till that moment to tell him something this important. I pointed out to him that their courtship was quite short so she wasn't really at fault. He said they had several moments where they had both spilled everything about their past and he was pained because according to him, he said everything there was to say and he thought she did the same not knowing she had deliberately left out that important factor.

Anyways, he took back his ring and asked for more time to think about it. Unfortunately, the girl felt pained that he could actually withdraw the proposal so she sent him a text telling him that she didn't think the relationship was worth it, that if he could take his ring back, she wasn't sure he could handle her issue so they should both take the easier route and break the relationship completely .

Personally, I told him I didn't think he should break up with her or withdraw his ring the way he did. She must have been at a loss all along as to how to go about breaking the news to him but at least she had enough integrity to tell him before accepting his proposal. Then he shocked me; he said he would even have preferred she held it back and told him after the proposal but telling him at that joyous moment not only confused and demoralized him but left a permanent scar in his life. Poor girl! You are damned if you do, you are damned if you don't. Hmnnnnnnnnnnn

Relationships are complicated. What works for A might not work for B. There is no manual in this institution. I can only listen to how you do yours and tweak it to suit my own situation but it will be foolhardy to adopt what works for you from pali to pali.

bellong:
Guess we had same experience. Although, the parents of mine never knew. To the glory of God, she is completely free from it and happily married today.

Great to hear there was a happy ending. I am none the wiser in my case. We should meet up one day and swap stories. Not sure online is the best place to share this kind of thing.

bukatyne:
If in your prayers God revealed to you that your wife to be was 4yrs younger, what would you have done?

I went through a process of learning in preparedness for marriage. So I was able to take charge. I only asked God that I not do anything contrary to His will and to keep me safe - even from myself - lest I act hastily.

I am a man. I wanted to woo and win my wife for myself. If anyone wants a gift-wrapped wife delivered to their front door, they can pray for that. God responds to each accordingly.

And if He had said she'd be 4 years younger, I would probably have queried it - then made absolutely sure and doubled my due dilligence. That does not change the thrust of my advice to men on this thread - the dynamic is generally better if your wife is younger.

Funny how when BabyOsisi was peddling deception in a womans approach to marriage no one challenged her?


TV

Kimoni:


Relationships are complicated. What works for A might not work for B. There is no manual in this institution. I can only listen to how you do yours and tweak it to suit my own situation but it will be foolhardy to adopt what works for you from pali to pali.

Yes you are right but an undisputed fact is that let God lead. All these sorry stories will reduce. Type 2 diabetes na sickness now not something she intentionally caused herself.

I believe it should be part of the first things to have told the guy. It is not like she did abortion or something. The period she disclosed was not bad either and I think she should have waited a day or two after not to spoil the moment.

TV01and Bellong - so you guys have had encounters with ogbanjes before pray tell, are they as beautiful as people describe them to be

TV - what would I advise my brothers - marry whoever your heart chooses. You will know when you meet the right person and you guys will fit like you were made for yourselves. Your inner peace will testify to him/her.

edwife:
Brother Tv01 i have always been one of your fan(yes believe it) but i just had to table all the cards out there,not to scare or discourage anyone but to open their minds to unseen or unknown expectations.

It is thought out there,no one can deny that-in my church alone RCCG we have so many cases that you keep wondering everytime you hear a story,what happened?what went wrong?

It is well.

Thank you, but Bukatyne remains my F-I-C !

I didn't see your post as a rejoinder to mine - I actually thought they were addressing different things? To be honest I found it hard to discern a main premise or marry the content with the conclusion. I was further confused by your subsequent responses to Pickabeau1? Even after re-reading as I said I would.

The issues in your church or any other are for myriad reasons - all worth discussing - however, I've seen nothing to re-consider my position. And while it's no tthe whole of it, it's definitely something to seriously consider.

As for evolution, I don't subscribe to that, not to say they are guesses at best.


TV

Kimoni:
TV01and Bellong - so you guys have had encounters with ogbanjes before pray tell, are they as beautiful as people describe them to be

Beauty they say lies in the eyes of the beholder....

Meanwhile, it is those that are possessed with marine spirits that are provocatively "fine".

bellong:


Beauty they say lies in the eyes of the beholder....

Meanwhile, it is those that are possessed with marine spirits that are provocatively "fine".

You are using style to dodge my question o

Are they as beautiful as we hear them to be?
Was it that "provocative" beauty that attracted you?

TV01:

Thank you, but Bukatyne remains my F-I-C !

I didn't see your post as a rejoinder to mine - I actually thought they were addressing different things? To be honest I found it hard to discern a main premise or marry the content with the conclusion. I was further confused by your subsequent responses to Pickabeau1? Even after re-reading as I said I would.

The issues in your church or any other are for myriad reasons - all worth discussing - however, I've seen nothing to re-consider my position. And while it's no tthe whole of it, it's definitely something to seriously consider.

As for evolution, I don't subscribe to that, not to say they are guesses at best.


TV

@the bolded fair enough!

Well as for my post many people understood it,so i couldn't put it any better than i did.Sorry.

And for my response to pickabeau what i meant was this,as i answered Bucky:

we can discuss something together and along the line after much deliberation,i see that his decision is more practical or favourable than mine, i let him go ahead.

or sometimes after so much arguments,i will let him go ahead and do what he thinks is right,for peace sake sometimes but it has always worked on my favour because it doesn't always work the way he thought it will ,so like a prodigal son he comes back and says you were right.

When next we found ourselves in such situations,he won't hesitate to let me have my way.

We are equal but gifted differently.In all there should be harmony in the home and this harmony must be in sink with nature.Marriage is a give and take.

For the fact that i might let him get away with certain things,doesn't mean because i am weak or dumb,only because i want peace.
Over the years,i have learned to pick my battles.

Kimoni:
TV01and Bellong - so you guys have had encounters with ogbanjes before pray tell, are they as beautiful as people describe them to be

Mine was snake spirit. She was simply stunning, but even that had an edge. And it was difficult to reconcile her behaviour. Only when she manifested did it make absolute sense.

Kimoni:
TV - what would I advise my brothers - marry whoever your heart chooses. You will know when you meet the right person and you guys will fit like you were made for yourselves. Your inner peace will testify to him/her.

That's terrible advice and a cop out. If it works it's mostly luck - unless he is a God-fearing somebody. And men - faithful or not - are not to be driven by emotions and feelings.


TV

TV01:

Thank you, but Bukatyne remains my F-I-C !

I didn't see your post as a rejoinder to mine - I actually thought they were addressing different things? To be honest I found it hard to discern a main premise or marry the content with the conclusion. I was further confused by your subsequent responses to Pickabeau1? Even after re-reading as I said I would.

The issues in your church or any other are for myriad reasons - all worth discussing - however, I've seen nothing to re-consider my position. And while it's no tthe whole of it, it's definitely something to seriously consider.

As for evolution, I don't subscribe to that, not to say they are guesses at best.


TV

All these big big grammar are you a professor??

My problem with your recommendation TV is that, it is largely one sided.
You have highlighted the advantages of marrying young singles without talking about its numerous disadvantages. Secondly, you have also not talked about the advantages of marrying matured singles while touching on its disadvantages indirectly.

So I am happy to inform you that you have been able to confuse me but not convince me on why men should marry young singles

Kimoni:


You are using style to dodge my question o

Are they as beautiful as we hear them to be?
Was it that "provocative" beauty that attracted you?

The taste of the pudding is in the eating... Find your own too.


Although, I have good eyes for "beauty" but it has never been a determinant in any of my relationships.

She had this meek and impeccable character. It was more or less a deception to lure unsuspecting victim.

TV01:

Mine was snake spirit. She was simply stunning, but even that had an edge. And it was difficult to reconcile her behaviour. Only when she manifested did it make absolute sense.


That's terrible advice and a cop out. If it works it's mostly luck - unless he is a God-fearing somebody. And men - faithful or not - are not to be driven by emotions and feelings.


TV

The basis of marriage itself is both an emotion and a feeling. L-O-V-E

bellong:


The taste of the pudding is in the eating... Find your own too.


Although, I have good eyes for "beauty" but it has never been a determinant in any of my relationships.

She had this meek and impeccable character. It was more or less a deception to lure unsuspecting victim.

Bellong and TV - you know these girls might not even be aware of what they are carrying. It's a possibility, innit?

Kimoni:


Bellong and TV - you know these girls might not even be aware of what they are carrying. It's a possibility, innit?

She was aware and knew who transferred it to her.

bellong:


She was aware and knew who transferred it to her.

Waoh! It is well o

Kimoni:
All these big big grammar are you a professor??

No - but it certainly helps when ones argument is weak !

Kimoni:
My problem with your recommendation TV is that, it is largely one sided.

I don't think so.

Kimoni:
You have highlighted the advantages of marrying young singles without talking about its numerous disadvantages.

There are not numerous disadvantages, and relative to older singles there are mostly advantages.

Kimoni:
Secondly, you have also not talked about the advantages of marrying matured singles while touching on its disadvantages indirectly.

If you believe this, kindly point them out and we can discuss - that's what should have happened all along. All I have heard is disagreement based on different premises, or an outright campaign for older singles - female solidarity !

Kimoni:
So I am happy to inform you that you have been able to confuse me but not convince me on why men should marry young singles

I am not trying to convince you. I am talking to the men.


TV

Kimoni:


The basis of marriage itself is both an emotion and a feeling. L-O-V-E

Wrong!


TV

TV01:

Great to hear there was a happy ending. I am none the wiser in my case. We should meet up one day and swap stories. Not sure online is the best place to share this kind of thing.


I went through a process of learning in preparedness for marriage. So I was able to take charge. I only asked God that I not do anything contrary to His will and to keep me safe - even from myself - lest I act hastily.

I am a man. I wanted to woo and win my wife for myself. If anyone wants a gift-wrapped wife delivered to their front door, they can pray for that. God responds to each accordingly.

And if He had said she'd be 4 years younger, I would probably have queried it - then made absolutely sure and doubled my due dilligence. That does not change the thrust of my advice to men on this thread - the dynamic is generally better if your wife is younger.

Funny how when BabyOsisi was peddling deception in a womans approach to marriage no one challenged her?


TV

@Bold:

Long story

If you had wooed and God said no, won't you have taken who He gave you?

I agree about the querying part because that was not your expectations. If God told me a man 5 yrs older was my hubby, I probably would over query too. I can't deal with older men

I am not campaigning for 'older women' as you put it which is a relative term (I remember a friend of mine who was very desperate at 22; her mother married at 16 etc etc.) however, there is no one size fits all or best dynamics as you put it.

The important thing is to find the bone of your bon and the flesh of your flesh.

And yes, I believe in soul mates/ the one person God destined/prepared for you.

Kimoni:
Bellong and TV - you know these girls might not even be aware of what they are carrying. It's a possibility, innit?

To start with maybe - they could have taken it knowingly or unknowingly, but ultimately it will manifest. The one I met knew, and it explained her behaviour and her family' fear of her.

TV