Thankyou to everyone who responded. I just need to make a few things clear. My husband and I have been intimate since we made up more than 7 months ago. I did forgave after the first infidelity God knows i did. But i must admit that it has been difficult to trust him but all the same i have continued to make a concerted efforf towards repairing the marriage. The cheating started recently when i started catching him in a lie and eventually by a stroke of luck worked with someone who knew the woman who was dating him.

So easy with the insults, i know this maybe a one sided story but it is life threatening considering people here are being infected with HIV without knowing. I have asked him to get tested for STI's but he has refused. Honestly what's a girl supposed to do?

Nigerians tho alwayz makin excuses for infedelity
Av neva bin married but av been with a cheatin partner and believe me its a bad experience.what you need to know is once u caught him cheating and accept him back he will go bak and cheat probably hiding it more dan before. cheating makes u insecure and somtimes can make one loose self esteem
Thirdly,Trust which is d foundation of every relationship disappears.u will never trust him
Even if u deny u do.deep down ur still afraid he will make d same mistake.....
U don't love him again all u feel towards him is resentment.If D love is gone dear so is the marriage.as an african you probably were raised to believe divorce is wrong.that's why most african women endure even beating for marriage.
If its not making you happy...WALK AWAY
Mind you the way u fight 'WILL'have impact on your children lives.most serial killers and mudrers comes from abusive home
Consider your children too. U might tink ur doin them a favour by staying but if your not happy u start resenting them too.

forgotusername: I met my husband on the rebound after I broke off my engagement with an ex as a result of infidelity. I moved abroad at a young age with my family, and met my husband who had come here to study a master's. After dating for 6 months he went to Naija for a holiday for 3 weeks to see his family. Unbeknown to me during this holiday he engaged a girl that he had been dating for a short while and the introduction was done. He came back and life continued like nothing happened he did not tell me about his engagement or the existance of this girl. I fell in love with him because he was there for me after i suffered heartbreak and was a gentleman at the time. Our intimacy life was very mediocre made worse by small size but at the time I overlooked this because he treated me so well. After 1 year of dating a discovered i was pregnant - failed contraception and thats when the ugly truth came out. He told me he was going ahead with his planned marriage and told him to go ahead and iresolved to being a single parent, after a month he begged for my forgiveness and told me he was in love with me and broke things off with his fiance at home. I took him back though I was not in love witj him and felt betrayed and decieved by his actions I thought about my unborn child growing up without a father. PRESENT DAY - we fight all the time, I dont trust him and i have even started to resent him. The fighting has reached uncontrollable heights and as a result have decided to seperate for the sake of the two kids we now have. I am unsure whether to divorce him or try and make things work. We have not had sex in almost a year i feel nothing for him and instead find sex a painful experience. It is affecting me so much that I can not sleep well at night. I need some advice. Do i stay in a loveless marriage or just concentrate on raising my kids? Tx for reading.

You are absolutely right in ur thoughts about him using you to get a visa..that would have been his plan all along,only few Nigerians would want to genuinely settle down with a foreigner in a foreign land and have a family wth them.
but right now he has decided to stay probably becos he already has two kids with you,but you still cant rule out the possibility that he still got married to that lady or another and probably has a family back in Nigeria becos he isnt gonna spend all his life in your country,he is gonna come back home someday and would always wanna have a family to come to.
But accepting him back after what he did was absolutely wrong becos he showed you where you stood in his life(second choice).but the deed is done now.

My Advice: there are so many widows and single mums around with more than even two kids to fend for.the most important aspect of ur life right now is ur kids and you, becos when ur husband finaly decides to move back to Nigeria you wont let him move with the kids.so start planning for ur and their future without him in the picture.he may genuinely love you now,but the fact that he nearly left you for another will never be forgoten by you hence the constant fighting.


So try making things work out btween you both but if from the bottom of ur heart you are sure things cant work...just divorce and move on,life is too short to spend trapped and sad.
But before you leave secure the future of ur kids financially and be absolutely aware of the rigours of single parenthood and be prepared.

This is my advice...the decision is yours to make.

Get out! Do not stay in it because if there is no love your marriage is dead regardless.

MrsChima: Get out! Do not stay in it because if there is no love your marriage is dead regardless.

Advice of the century

forgotusername: Thankyou to everyone who responded. I just need to make a few things clear. My husband and I have been intimate since we made up more than 7 months ago. I did forgave after the first infidelity God knows i did. But i must admit that it has been difficult to trust him but all the same i have continued to make a concerted efforf towards repairing the marriage. The cheating started recently when i started catching him in a lie and eventually by a stroke of luck worked with someone who knew the woman who was dating him.

So easy with the insults, i know this maybe a one sided story but it is life threatening considering people here are being infected with HIV without knowing. I have asked him to get tested for STI's but he has refused. Honestly what's a girl supposed to do?

Just move on he doesnt love you.. you will find someone who wll respect you love you and ur kids...you dont want those kids growing up i a home like this.

Truckpusher: Advice of the century

Hey boo! Miss me?

MrsChima:

Hey boo! Miss me?

Sort of


Who misses a hothead?

Truckpusher: Sort of


Who misses a hothead?

You did. . I have seen you combed Lagos lagoon looking for me sha!

MrsChima:

You did. . I have seen you combed Lagos lagoon looking for me sha!

I missed your wahala sha.

How you dey na?

forgotusername: Thankyou to everyone who responded. I just need to make a few things clear. My husband and I have been intimate since we made up more than 7 months ago. I did forgave after the first infidelity God knows i did. But i must admit that it has been difficult to trust him but all the same i have continued to make a concerted efforf towards repairing the marriage. The cheating started recently when i started catching him in a lie and eventually by a stroke of luck worked with someone who knew the woman who was dating him.

So easy with the insults, i know this maybe a one sided story but it is life threatening considering people here are being infected with HIV without knowing. I have asked him to get tested for STI's but he has refused. Honestly what's a girl supposed to do?

. Sorry but na akata I see written all over ur body.

forgotusername:
It started when we stopped having sex. I don't feel anything during sex and I don't reach climax eventually my body just turned off. I am cannot brinv myself to kiss him either. Secondly he needed a visa to stay here so as a citizen our marriage meant he could get an spouse visa. My problem is that I am not sure him choosing me was love either or that he just wanted to stay here. Going to do the extent of introduction makes it very diffucult to trust him too. Though his family accepted me in the end, I feel that our marriage is not blessed because of the heartache he caused his fiancee by dumping her after they had set a date for their traditional wedding. I did walk away initially so he is the one who begged but i feel guilty at the way he treated his former lady. Its hard for me to trust him, and the fact that i am NOT Nigerian makes it even harder in this situation because i question his motives.

both of you deserves each other and moreover you are reaping what you sowed,what goes around comes around,this your story should be a lesson to all naija b!tches.

forgotusername:
@ola24u i am not an agressive person at all. I am quite even tempered most of the time. As for the immigration issue you could not be further from the truth. I have already assured him that should things go pear shaped we will remain legally married till he gets his permanent residence. I am doing it for my kids one, two being an African immigrant myself though brought up here I understand that staying abroad has its advantages for him so I can never take that away from him. Most importantly i need him close so he can have a relationship with our kids especially my son who, I would like to be raised as a proud African and Igbo man knowing his language culture and roots.

When you mention the other side being green you are assuming that I am leaving him for another man? Well to answer that no if we do end up divorcing then a 2nd marriage is not something i will be interested in. Perhaps a companion but don't intend bringing another man into my kids lives perhaps later on in life.

Bobo you are right, it is psychological i have forgiven him and currently in counselling Pastoral and professional but as i progress with it I have come to realise that I simply do not love him. And it will be very difficult to make my body available to him. As far a being friends and co parents i am ready for that. But he insists on working things out but i think this desire is driven more by shame than anything else as he says he can see i no longer love him. He is not abusive nor does he nag disrespect or maltreat me. For the past 2 years i have been hoping love will grow but sha its hasn't. He is a great man and friend but not a lover.

ladies sha,you never loved him in the first place but you complained to make him look bad,I'm sure there is someone else you are comparing him with,anyway good luck.

forgotusername:
After 7 months of trying to make things work and put the past behinds i have caught my dearest hubby cheating and he even tried to lie about it! I took all the advice on board let go of my anger and was trully working on building trust........ then gbam turns out he couldn't keep it in his pants either

I am expected to forgive him AGAIN for the same LIE DECEIT etc..... or just call it a day

its your fault,so shut up.