OP u re wasting ur talent!!

U sabi write long novel like dis and u never join chimmamanda adichie dey chop money?? SMH

Kanwulia: Ha!
Were they ever emotionally-involved? Nor be KNACK AM-KNACK AM dem take born all of we for Africa?

I have NEVER met an emotionally-involved African man o.

Even the BI-HOMOS!

Maybe that is because you tend to overlook that part of them when you meet one or you prefer the "bad weed smoking Rick Ross Wannabe" guys. We exist! Just that materialism has blinded the typical African woman from detecting them

LyndaRoyce: Wooh! Are the men now begging for conscience and emotional trait
The whining should be postpone till chickens grow teeth!

We are not begging for it. It is left for sensitive and mature women to see it in us and have a peaceful and enduring relationship/marriage or a feminist kill-joy woman like you to ignore it and see it as whining whereby letting your man slip off your hands into the hands of another woman who i initially described and leave you to do the real whining about how men are cheats and players.

Now with most of the comments i have read here, i tend to believe that part Nairaland is really full of teenagers as members. Look at this educative thread being fiiled with comments like "I don't understand the rubbish the op just typed here", "This is BS", "I read it and it did not make any sense" etc. These are comments from little boys and psychologically immature men...And funny enough, THESE ARE THE KIND OF MEN BOYS MOST NIGERIA WOMEN FALL FOR! What a crying shame.

@liberty, this post actually make a lot of sense and it gives a lot of insight into understanding the nature of men. if only women could read this and seek to understand men and their reason for certain reactions. Well, as to those who say that it's too long to be read, I guess the saying that 'put a diamond in a book and give the book to an African, he'd still not get the jewel cos he'd never even open the book much less go through it' is somewhat true. Endeavor to read things like this. It won't hurt or cost you anything.

liberty24: In a relationship, having your partner withdraw at an emotional level can bring confusion, pain and frustration.

Women who relate to men that do this are often bewildered by why and how this happens. Speaking as a man, and one who considers himself sensitive and emotionally available, there are particular situations and scenarios that cause me to withdraw. And I imagine that other men, regardless of how in-tune they are with their emotional nature, would respond in similar ways.

Just because a man withdraws does not mean he is withdrawing from you.

First, I just wanted to express that when a man seeks solace or withdraws from a conversation, it probably has nothing to do with the beloved. It has more to do with the emotional intensity and confusion around emotions than with any particular person. It just takes men more time to integrate and understand the watery realm of emotions. And understanding emotions isn’t something that happens for us spontaneously in the midst of a heated discussion. We need space and time to figure out what is happening, both within our own self and with our beloved. Men have been discouraged from feeling emotional. We have been mocked, attacked, and belittled when showing emotions. Big boys don’t cry, toughen up, and bite the bullet are all phrases men grow up with. So when we are faced with emotional situations, we are total novices. The biggest harm that is not recognized or appreciated for the depth of damage that it causes at the emotional level to a man is that men are expected to be tough, to protect, and kill to defend their family. Violence, and the expectation of violence, mandates an absence of emotional sensitivity.
It is a double standard to expect a man to be emotionally available and to have him be able to harm another human being.

Have compassion and understand the kind of conundrum that a man faces when being emotional vulnerable and awakening to deeper sensitivities. It is rare enough to find a man who wants to delve within and unleash his inner passion. It doesn’t mean that he is going to be masterful at it. For men to be comfortable in their own skin and accept their feeling nature takes a growth curve.

A woman has a lifetime of experience navigating the oceanic tides of emotional states.

Women grow up with emotional states and are accepted as sensitive, feeling beings. She is able to observe, feel, recognize and better communicate her feelings than a man. Women are also adept at observing and recognizing the emotional states in other people. And when a woman finds a man who loves her, at some level, she feels a great deal of hope because she has found an emotional match, somebody who understands those hidden tides and influences. Women will share all their heart and feelings, and not understand how this can impact a man. And when a man doesn’t respond as she needs, the feelings of being hurt or misunderstood arise. How those feelings are expressed matter a great deal.

The best men want an intimate connection with women, and often don’t know how to do that.

Men don’t fall short in the emotional realm because we are emotionally immature. We are emotionally inexperienced. Men face expectations and pressure about emotions that are confusing and contradictory. And when we find a woman who loves us and we love in return, it brings to life a living fire that had been suppressed for a lifetime. Yet fires burn, and the burgeoning sensitivities is akin to a child learning to walk. We fall down, we make blunders, and we are blind as to how to listen and communicate our emotions.

Men experience a learning curve when awakening to their deepest sensitivities.

And just as any beginner, they make mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes are colossal, and sometimes laughable. Men need an emotional example, how to be live with and operate with emotions in a healthy way. We also need to be accepted as we are, beginners with beautiful intention. To demand for a man to have the mastery over their emotions is an outrageous expectation. For most men, mastery over emotions means suppressing them, hiding feelings behind a mask of stoicism, or just turning off the emotions entirely. It takes time to even identify the subtle emotions, let alone to know how they function and their influence on our own self and those around us.
Any teacher knows that mocking a beginner or putting them down, criticizing them or their approach, will stunt the learning curve, if not completely stopping it.

The beloved woman becomes that guide into the mysterious realms of feeling emotions. When she expresses anger, puts down her man, belittles or mocks him, a man feels attacked. When she demands him to be sensitive, a man feels.......
- See more at: http://www.pandctimes.com/top-reasons-men-withdraw-emotionally-relationship

I read it all and I loved it! The subtly message in it spoke volumes to those that can relate to what the article is saying. A very interesting read I must say. Whoever wrote this piece must have one special woman his heart is pleading with for understanding.

ideology:

Thanks for being Objective,

See the last part of the write up Below

You have Also highlighted a Point, where a Lady will will feel ignored, Not actually Understanding what the guy is passing Through. The guy according to the writer is not Ignoring the Lady, but withdrawing to fix his Emotions.

During this Period, if the Lady is Not nurturing and fill up the gap, the relationship breaks away.
The writer also highlighted that the man during this people is usually mocked and being addressed as weak as seem


Women set the example and emotional tone that allows their partner to feel safe.

When a man faces a woman who is emotionally stable, it allows him to understand his own emotions. The depth of understanding that the woman has with herself and her own emotional nature will give him the security to express and unveil his own strengths. The woman who is emotionally secure brings a presence of emotional security to the relationship.
A well meaning man will appreciate this and do his best, and grow faster and reveal the depths of his spirit with increasing strength and confidence.
Granted, the ideal is that a man can figure out his emotional state and come into his own emotional maturity through his own self-generated willpower.

Yet the reality is that teachers, guides and mentors accelerate this process and help a person navigate the confusing and mysterious realms of emotions. There are a great many pitfalls and bewildering mirages when it comes to the shifting sands of sensitivities. And as man learns his emotional state, he is also facing the additional challenges from his friends, family, and world that challenges that awakening at every step.

The woman who is insecure with her own emotions will see a man who withdraws as a threat and denigrate him and go on the attack. This is the antithesis of supportive behavior. She may not realize that he is a man who is brave beyond measure to face his own soul and bare his spirit with vulnerable trust. When a man doesn’t respond as she needs and demands at the emotional level, lashing out will only cause harm. Gentle understanding and compassionate acceptance brings healing and deepens the relationship.

One of the best qualities women have is the ability to nurture. Nurturing is not aggressive. And with a man, directing aggression at him will generate an aggressive response. He will either fight or run. The flight or fight response is deeply ingrained into every human being. In essence, attacking a man who is opening his heart will trigger a survival level instinct.

Once that survival level power fully awakens in relationship, the dynamics in the relationship changes and may never come back to equilibrium.

Nurturing is not forceful, instead it is accepting and allows for a natural growth curve. Be patient.

Just as a tree takes time to come into its fullness and blossom, a man who is learning to embrace his deeper truths will need time to fully ripen into his potential.

Appreciate the men who take the time to stand up against society to discover, feel, live and unleash their sensitive side. It takes a lion’s heart full of courage to face down societal expectations and programmed beliefs.

Give him gratitude, honor his spirit, thank him for being available with his sensitivity in ANY way that he is able. Such a person is one of a kind, a warrior in the truest meaning of the word.

Source:elephantjournal.com

Longest piece of craaaaaaap!!

ogbronx: Nice write-ups and basically true but let me add an observation here, lots of ladies are emotionally selfish. Men have emotional needs too. Most men stopped caring and being emotionally involved because in most relationships, it is not reciprocated.
Good relationship give mutual attention to feelings of the couple.
The guys here would agree with this that women are the reasons why men seem not to be emotional these days.
We men are born to be tough but gentle and caring to one person we really care about which usually turns disastrous when she let's you down. Many men have lost faith in women and the few who do are regarded as Mugu.

Well said, but till tomorrow, men will Always be Emotional, they Just wanna hid it because of their Previous Experience or Don't Wanna be seen as weak,

Also recent schools of Thoughts believe Ladies Love Tuff guys, and Some folks also believe the One that shows less Concern in relationship is in charge.

These are all Crazy believes that are Rendering relationships useless.

ideology:

Well said, but till tomorrow, men will Always be Emotional, they Just wanna hid it because of their Previous Experience or Don't Wanna be seen as weak,

Also recent schools of Thoughts believe Ladies Love Tuff guys, and Some folks also believe the One that shows less Concern in relationship is in charge.

These are all Crazy believes that are Rendering relationships useless.

So very true!

Simple reason y men detach emotionally after a while is simply cos they get attracted to the girl's physical features, get to know her and then discover she isn't as interesting (no mystery, no mental allure, no intrigue), just clingy n demanding. So u suddenly wish u hadn't gone all gungho about her and asked her out. FULLSTOP

Oahray: thanks for this bro. I didn't click the link cos of the way the op just broke off the whole thing.

The article explains what I've been trying to communicate to a female friend without success. I have a good mind of sharing the link with her, but... The posts on this thread have been disappointing. It's a mentally lazy generation. I'd likely still have to explain after she 'reads' it.

It's a mindset issue, we are in a world where wrong ethics Become a norm. I just wish humans can open up and learn the right things.

LIKE I SAID THIS WRITE UP IS NOT FOR PLAYERS, they May never Accept the writer's views

ogbronx: So very true!

Yea

Ps : i love people with different mindset towards life. You are One of the few real men out there, stay cool.

Calebosko: IF I BECOME NAIJA PRESIDENT, My 7 points
agenda
1. I am going to make sure any guy or girl
who breaks each others heart will spend
20years in jail.
2. No man is entitled to more than one
wife.
3. Any guy without 6 packs or any girl
without figure 8 will have to relocate to
Iran or Iraq for survival...
4. No work on Mondays
5. You must not have more than 2kids..
6. If U are married and ain't paying
attention to your wife,you will be jailed
until you change.
7. Every cheating man or woman must be
kept in a zoo for 2months.
8. No sex until U seek permission from
your local Govt. and it's once per month.
Will u vote for me

Lol, I'll vote you for putting smiles on my face, actually i Laughed, very Funny Tho, but it seems you Understood what the writers seeks to address in a broad way.

Oahray: nice angle. You are right.

However, I think it's more than just a reaction to women's 'emotional selfishness.' Truth is, women generally show more emotional intelligence than men. They are better able to send and process received body language signals. It comes quite 'naturally' to them.

(At this point, the article attributes this to nurture, as against nature, maintaining that men grow up suppressing emotions cos of upbringing and society, while women are free to explore theirs. Whether it's nature or nurture, is a topic for another day)

It starts even from before a relationship starts. A girl sees a guy she likes, sends a torrent of 'come-get-me' signals, but he does nothing. The girl thinks he doesn't fancy her. Truth is, he probably just couldn't decode her greenlight.

Same with relationships. A girl wants to show how she feels, she uses non-verbal signs expecting him to get it. Her partner misses it, and she feels neglected or even unloved.

As a reaction, the guy feels she's making a mountain out of a mole hill, and withdraws to try to figure out within himself what's really wrong. She interprets his withdrawal as lack of interest in her, and at times mirrors him out of frustration.

They slowly drift apart. With time, another relationship licks the dust.

Wow this is beautiful, you brought it home, but i Think i writer area of Interest is when the relationship starts, the guy Normally pours out all his Heart, does things like
1. Calling her 3 Times a day.
2. always Wanna see her or Hear From her
3. Buys her gifts. Etc

Which Many see as being weak or being too emotional.
While the Lady, May not show all this feeling, even Though she Loves him.
Now the guy feels the girl is not reciprocating, he withdraws to control his excesses (Emotions)

during this Period, the Lady May think the guy is not interested in her again.
But the writer, has Advised that ladies should Understand men Under this light, Move in and nurture the man's Emotions. hence he said that man is Emotionally Immature.

ideology:

Yea

Ps : i love people with different mindset towards life. You are One of the few real men out there, stay cool.

mstchewwwww...you beginning to spend too much time on romance section...

Decryptor: Now with most of the comments i have read here, i tend to believe that part Nairaland is really full of teenagers as members. Look at this educative thread being fiiled with comments like "I don't understand the rubbish the op just typed here", "This is BS", "I read it and it did not make any sense" etc. These are comments from little boys and psychologically immature men...And funny enough, THESE ARE THE KIND OF MEN BOYS MOST NIGERIA WOMEN FALL FOR! What a crying shame.

Lol
See what i said the writer's Audience is a real man not players or people who are into relationship for fun

Oahray: nice angle. You are right.

However, I think it's more than just a reaction to women's 'emotional selfishness.' Truth is, women generally show more emotional intelligence than men. They are better able to send and process received body language signals. It comes quite 'naturally' to them.

(At this point, the article attributes this to nurture, as against nature, maintaining that men grow up suppressing emotions cos of upbringing and society, while women are free to explore theirs. Whether it's nature or nurture, is a topic for another day)

It starts even from before a relationship starts. A girl sees a guy she likes, sends a torrent of 'come-get-me' signals, but he does nothing. The girl thinks he doesn't fancy her. Truth is, he probably just couldn't decode her greenlight.

Same with relationships. A girl wants to show how she feels, she uses non-verbal signs expecting him to get it. Her partner misses it, and she feels neglected or even unloved.

As a reaction, the guy feels she's making a mountain out of a mole hill, and withdraws to try to figure out within himself what's really wrong. She interprets his withdrawal as lack of interest in her, and at times mirrors him out of frustration.

They slowly drift apart. With time, another relationship licks the dust.

Very nice analogy

Yea, I just realized that most Nigerians love to read gossip stuff that is of no value to them. What a generation?

2sExy1: mstchewwwww...you beginning to spend too much time on romance section...

2Sexy i Knew you will Talk, lol. Am Just Having a Nice Time this write up am Already Planning to Print it and paste it in my Room even Frame it.

It's not bad to find love abi.
Love is the Sweetest thing in the world.

Oahray: nice angle. You are right.

However, I think it's more than just a reaction to women's 'emotional selfishness.' Truth is, women generally show more emotional intelligence than men. They are better able to send and process received body language signals. It comes quite 'naturally' to them.

(At this point, the article attributes this to nurture, as against nature, maintaining that men grow up suppressing emotions cos of upbringing and society, while women are free to explore theirs. Whether it's nature or nurture, is a topic for another day)

It starts even from before a relationship starts. A girl sees a guy she likes, sends a torrent of 'come-get-me' signals, but he does nothing. The girl thinks he doesn't fancy her. Truth is, he probably just couldn't decode her greenlight.

Same with relationships. A girl wants to show how she feels, she uses non-verbal signs expecting him to get it. Her partner misses it, and she feels neglected or even unloved.

As a reaction, the guy feels she's making a mountain out of a mole hill, and withdraws to try to figure out within himself what's really wrong. She interprets his withdrawal as lack of interest in her, and at times mirrors him out of frustration.

They slowly drift apart. With time, another relationship licks the dust.

You are right. Though this "emotional dullness" Lol, is exaggerated.
The case of "greenlite" turned down by guys could be for many reasons like shyness, complex or the guy isn't really interested. I have experienced where a gal hated a dude after long periods of green lite and nothing from the guy. He knew she was interested in him but he didn't want anything more than friendship.
Many guys know when women fancy them and are interested but for many reasons act like they don't see it. Also, MANY men understand women's non-verbal signs too but Ego and machismo might get in the way.
I really think its just the approach that differs how men and women react to emotional issues. Simply put, men are also as soft but have to act tough cos we have to. We have emotions too.
Some couples really understand themselves emotionally and all. These type are memorable and withstand outside influences.
The whole thing is completed though.

laplace12: Op go back and organise that post If you want me to read it.

the post is so complicated. Haba!

ideology:

Wow this is beautiful, you brought it home, but i Think i writer area of Interest is when the relationship starts, the guy Normally pours out all his Heart, does things like
1. Calling her 3 Times a day.
2. always Wanna see her or Hear From her
3. Buys her gifts. Etc

Which Many see as being weak or being too emotional.
While the Lady, May not show all this feeling, even Though she Loves him.
Now the guy feels the girl is not reciprocating, he withdraws to control his excesses (Emotions)

during this Period, the Lady May think the guy is not interested in her again.
But the writer, has Advised that ladies should Understand men Under this light, Move in and nurture the man's Emotions. hence he said that man is Emotionally Immature.

hmmm interesting, explains a lot.
Say, what if he really isn't interested anymore? Or he just stops trying completely, what's she supposed to do? Still nurture?

ogbronx: You are right. Though this "emotional dullness" Lol, is exaggerated.
The case of "greenlite" turned down by guys could be for many reasons like shyness, complex or the guy isn't really interested. I have experienced where a gal hated a dude after long periods of green lite and nothing from the guy. He knew she was interested in him but he didn't want anything more than friendship.
Many guys know when women fancy them and are interested but for many reasons act like they don't see it. Also, MANY men understand women's non-verbal signs too but Ego and machismo might get in the way.
I really think its just the approach that differs how men and women react to emotional issues. Simply put, men are also as soft but have to act tough cos we have to. We have emotions too.
Some couples really understand themselves emotionally and all. These type are memorable and withstand outside influences.
The whole thing is completed though.

Cool Some folks are getting the gist, but your focus is woman. If am to add to your Point, ladies if your non -verbal signs are not yielding fruits, try Verbal signs, it doesn't Mean you are cheap.

#It's certainly Better you Speak your mind, One Lesson have learnt.

ujsizzle:
hmmm interesting, explains a lot.
Say, what if he really isn't interested anymore? Or he just stops trying completely, what's she supposed to do? Still nurture?

The guy that was interested Cannot Just all of a sudden stop being interested. It's either the Lady has Done something wrong, for example the Lady, starts feeling the guy is Just being Obessed, or is a weak Fellow who's not Mature and needs to grow up, Some ladies May see the guys outPouring of Love as being a MAGA or "MUGU"

In any case, seek redress, nurture the man's emotions or find out if you offended the guy and sincerely apologize. then See his reactions.

See why I love nairaland,
This is the best social network have visited, really nice folks around, somewhere, people that think differently.
Its such a great feeling

ideology:

2Sexy i Knew you will Talk, lol. Am Just Having a Nice Time this write up am Already Planning to Print it and paste it in my Room even Frame it.

It's not bad to find love abi.
Love is the Sweetest thing in the world.

goof-lock!

I am just busy working on my website.. otherwise, na here I for carrry yansh siddon.

Ideology, you just fairly new to romance section... I have read countless post by nairaland ladies who dont appreciate a nice guy. they tag them mugu, sissy, not man enough.... Sagamite can bear witness, wackyj1 as well. I dey come.

I could not fix the piece. Please organize yourself

ideology:

The guy that was interested Cannot Just all of a sudden stop being interested. It's either the Lady has Done something wrong, for example the Lady, starts feeling the guy is Just being Obessed, or is a weak Fellow who's not Mature and needs to grow up, Some ladies May see the guys outPouring of Love as being a MAGA or "MUGU"

In any case, seek redress, nurture the man's emotions or find out if you offended the guy and sincerely apologize. then See his reactions.

Why do men always think maga and mugu?
There is the possibility all those while you bothered to be emotional and she wasn't reciprocating, she was trying to figure out where you fit in her life?
Then one morning she wakes up and you stop. The sweet, nice guy of the day before just disappears and in his place she's got someone who won't even open up about the slightest thing.
Pray if you were in her shoes, what would be your first thought? Will it far from thinking all that emotional blahblah was probably just player stuff and now you're totally in, he's reverted back to his old self?

We--both sexes--misunderstand ourselves a lot. And not making an attempt to see things through the others eyes just compounds it.
So you see, the insecurity exists for both male and female.

2sExy1: I am just busy working on my website.. otherwise, na here I for carrry yansh siddon.

Ideology, you just fairly new to romance section... I have read countless post by nairaland ladies who dont appreciate a nice guy. they tag them mugu, sissy, not man enough.... Sagamite can bear witness, wackyj1 as well. I dey come.

I get your point, not only ladies, even guys do, because it has become a norm. I mean just last night a guy made similar comments because i expressed my emotions.

Just believe there is someone different out there.

ideology:

I get your point, not only ladies, even guys do, because it has become a norm. I mean just last night a guy made similar comments because i expressed my emotions.

Just believe there is someone different out there.

What comment did the guy make?