ujsizzle:
Why do men always think maga and mugu?
There is the possibility all those while you bothered to be emotional and she wasn't reciprocating, she was trying to figure out where you fit in her life?
Then one morning she wakes up and you stop. The sweet, nice guy of the day before just disappears and in his place she's got someone who won't even open up about the slightest thing.
Pray if you were in her shoes, what would be your first thought? Will it far from thinking all that emotional blahblah was probably just player stuff and now you're totally in, he's reverted back to his old self?

We--both sexes--misunderstand ourselves a lot. And not making an attempt to see things through the others eyes just compounds it.
So you see, the insecurity exists for both male and female.

Wow, i. Love this, let me address the mugu part. A girl's response to a guy will show if the guy is being regarded as mugu. So it not always a general case.

Yes, like u said we misunderstand ourselves, that's what The writer is trying to address, though his focus is the man, and how the woman should respond.

But Now You have raised a point that probably the lady was also doing some thinking too.
I think guys should note your point

Sagamite:

What comment did the guy make?

The comments implied that am emotionally weak,.

ujsizzle:
Why do men always think maga and mugu?
There is the possibility all those while you bothered to be emotional and she wasn't reciprocating, she was trying to figure out where you fit in her life?
Then one morning she wakes up and you stop. The sweet, nice guy of the day before just disappears and in his place she's got someone who won't even open up about the slightest thing.
Pray if you were in her shoes, what would be your first thought? Will it far from thinking all that emotional blahblah was probably just player stuff and now you're totally in, he's reverted back to his old self?

We--both sexes--misunderstand ourselves a lot. And not making an attempt to see things through the others eyes just compounds it.
So you see, the insecurity exists for both male and female.

men do not always think maga/mugu. Ok, I lied, most men do. Alot. It's not always because of personal experience either. Gender-biased info, especially on the internet, is the culprit, methinks. Pretty much the same way many girls (even those who have never been in a relationship) believe guys only want their bodies and would always cheat.

We (male and female) usually do not try to understand the other sex personally, but tend to flow with the tide of gender stereotype. Herd mentality.

That said, many girls take too long to wonder where guys fit in their lives. The reason, I think, is rather selfish. She's weighing him against other guys to see which would be better for her (guys can be selfish too).

The guy is on the bench outside wondering if he'd ever come in. Hours in the cold turn to days and then to many months. The roses in his hands wilt, and finally he leaves, convinced he's wasting time. She realises she cannot hear anyone shivering outside the window anymore, and she peeps. She sees he's gone and feels disappointed and hurt because she has the right to.

Guys don't wear nice shoes, so girls don't bother trying to walk in them.

Oahray: men do not always think maga/mugu. Ok, I lied, most men do. Alot. It's not always because of personal experience either. Gender-biased info, especially on the internet, is the culprit, methinks. Pretty much the same way many girls (even those who have never been in a relationship) believe guys only want their bodies and would always cheat.

We (male and female) usually do not try to understand the other sex personally, but tend to flow with the tide of gender stereotype. Herd mentality.

That said, many girls take too long to wonder where guys fit in their lives. The reason, I think, is rather selfish. She's weighing him against other guys to see which would be better for her (guys can be selfish too).

The guy is on the bench outside wondering if he'd ever come in. Hours in the cold turn to days and then to many months. The roses in his hands wilt, and finally he leaves, convinced he's wasting time. She realises she cannot hear anyone shivering outside the window anymore, and she peeps. She sees he's gone and feels disappointed and hurt because she has the right to.

Guys don't wear nice shoes, so girls don't bother trying to walk in them.

What if she didn't leave him outside for months?

You're very dramatic you know

2sExy1: Last time I was emotionally involved stabbed, broken, damaged, smashed, regarded as sissy, a weakling, not man enough and killed.. like a phoenix I rose from the ash without my old looks.

Which brings me back to my point.

It is a viscous cycle.
What goes around. . . .
Some man don wound one babe. . . The babe wound you!

Equation balance!

Beware of DAMAGED GOODS!

Decryptor:

Maybe that is because you tend to overlook that part of them when you meet one or you prefer the "bad weed smoking Rick Ross Wannabe" guys. We exist! Just that materialism has blinded the typical African woman from detecting them

No problem for me o.

I don pass that stage. You wound me, I PHOCK you up BAAAAAAD!

No mercy!
The trap wey I go set for the dude eh?
E nor go recover lai lai!!!!

I be OGBONGE ORRRROSCO COMMANDRESS.

If any guy is dealing with me, he berrra deal straight or BAIL ourra town!

ujsizzle:
What if she didn't leave him outside for months?

You're very dramatic you know

our view of time and it's passage, is subjective, even if we all look at the same wall clock.

Someone's handle just lost some weight... I mean, a dash (-)

baron2000:

Then you have been doing the wrong people.

Not at all. I never give what I can't receive. You knack me I SUPER KNACK YOU AND YA WALLET!

You wan toto, I wan MONEEEEEY.
Love is not necessary!
This is business!
I can love myself!
You sef love YASEF!

Who wan love African man?
I dey krrrrrrase?
That is like casting ya pearls to GRADE A SWINE!!!!

Tufiakwa!!!!

Decryptor:

Instead of you to read and digest it, you say it is too lengthy...When your man begins to withdraw emotionally from you tomorrow, you'd accuse him of cheating and men generally of not being loving. SMH @ Nigerian women

Lol...Dear...still tu lengthy.

ujsizzle:
What if she didn't leave him outside for months?

You're very dramatic you know

He wrote it in a poetic form,

But He raised a point, the guy may think you are comparing him with another, and then walks away.

We should also not bring in past experiences and general notions and relate with the individual in person.

But Pls if the guy waits for a lady for up to a month, i won't blame the guy for leaving, because i know what men will pass through during this period.
He may lose his job, fall ill etc if he's not careful.

Kanwulia:

Not at all. I never give what I can't receive. You knack me I SUPER KNACK YOU AND YA WALLET!

You wan toto, I wan MONEEEEEY.
Love is not necessary!
This is business!
I can love myself!
You sef love YASEF!

Who wan love African man?
I dey krrrrrrase?
That is like casting ya pearls to GRADE A SWINE!!!!

Tufiakwa!!!!

you are making sense jor. They just don't understand where you are coming from.

Love and life have their ecosystem with its food chain. We all have our roles and it's good to be proud of it (I guess)

We cannot all be the lion that eats the deer.
We cannot all be the deer that eats the grass and gets eaten by the lion.
We cannot all be the grass that gets eaten by the deer.

Some have to be the maggot that help the deer's corpse (or is it carcass?) decay faster, so the grass can grow better and feed more deers that would feed the lions.

#BeMaggotAndProud

Oahray: our view of time and it's passage, is subjective, even if we all look at the same wall clock.

Someone's handle just lost some weight... I mean, a dash (-)

So how long is too long anyway?

An underscore (_) I feel so incomplete now

ujsizzle:
So how long is too long anyway?

An underscore (_) I feel so incomplete now

If the man waits for a month, he has tried

Oahray: you are making sense jor. They just don't understand where you are coming from.

Love and life have their ecosystem with its food chain. We all have our roles and it's good to be proud of it (I guess)

We cannot all be the lion that eats the deer.
We cannot all be the deer that eats the grass and gets eaten by the lion.
We cannot all be the grass that gets eaten by the deer.

Some have to be the maggot that help the deer's corpse (or is it carcass?) decay faster, so the grass can grow better and feed more deers that would feed the lions.

#BeMaggotAndProud

In "FAT". . . . .

GBAM!!!

You sabi book!
Na you biko o!!!!
Dem nor know say LOVE GAME NA DOG EAT PUSSSSY!!!
Eat or you GET EATEN! Period!
Abeg hellep me L'Educate dem o!

ideology:
If the man waits for a month, he has tried

As a general rule?

ideology:
If the man waits for a month, he has tried

As a general rule?

ujsizzle:
As a general rule?

Not generally, because some men can withstand longer period. Not its not fair if the period gets more than a month. The man is usually unstable during this period, he may loss appetite, fall ill, sleep late wake up late too, which can affect his job or business.

Immediately he recovers and moves on, its gomna be difficult to change his mind.

ideology:
Not generally, because some men can withstand longer period. Not its not fair if the period gets more than a month. The man is usually unstable during this period, he may loss appetite, fall ill, sleep late wake up late too, which can affect his job or business.

Immediately he recovers and moves on, its gonna be difficult to change his mind.

oh well. I didn't think the temporary illness was peculiar to every man.
Things you learn everyday....

ujsizzle:
oh well. I didn't think the temporary illness was peculiar to every man.
Things you learn everyday....

Lol, he may not be outrightly ill, but He's not gonna be himself during the period. He can be spending most time indoors alone, which is not healthy

ideology:
Lol, he may not be outrightly ill, but He's not gonna be himself during the period. He can be spending most time indoors alone, which is not healthy

Wow. So if I want to make a man suffer, all I have to do is make him wait huh
.......even if I have absolutely no interest in him...nice

Now I see why you lot think we're just taking you for a ride most times.

ujsizzle:
So how long is too long anyway?

An underscore (_) I feel so incomplete now

oh... An underscore. See my whack memory. *hides face*

I'm not sure I can answer that question as patience levels differ for many reasons. Still... Consider this scenario.

Let's say time is a queue in a banking hall, and there are two queues.

At the time miss Uj and Miss Sizzle walked in together some 10 mins ago, queue A had 63 persons, and qeueue B had 32 persons. Uj joined the shorter queue B, while Sizzle joined queue A.

Back to the present... 10 mins later, Sizzle is the 49th person on queue A. Uj is still the 33rd person on queue B.

The reason? Cashier A has been diligently working. Cashier B has been absent, though he returns briefly to sweet-talk the customers into hanging on before grabbing something and disappearing again.

1) Technically, which queue is longer?
2) If neither is in a hurry to go anywhere, who is more likely to abandon her queue, miss Uj or miss Sizzle?

ujsizzle:
Wow. So if I want to make a man suffer, all I have to do is make him wait huh
.......even if I have absolutely no interest in him...nice

Now I see why you lot think we're just taking you for a ride most times.

lol
Pls don't use it as a weapon, its part of the reason, normally nice guys have become different, they now wanna flow with the general norms.
He now transfers the hurt to other ladies he will meet.

liberty24: In a relationship, having your partner withdraw at an emotional level can bring confusion, pain and frustration.

Women who relate to men that do this are often bewildered by why and how this happens. Speaking as a man, and one who considers himself sensitive and emotionally available, there are particular situations and scenarios that cause me to withdraw. And I imagine that other men, regardless of how in-tune they are with their emotional nature, would respond in similar ways.

1. Its not about you.
Just because a man withdraws does not mean he is withdrawing from you.

First, I just wanted to express that when a man seeks solace or withdraws from a conversation, it probably has nothing to do with the beloved. It has more to do with the emotional intensity and confusion around emotions than with any particular person. It just takes men more time to integrate and understand the watery realm of emotions. And understanding emotions isn’t something that happens for us spontaneously in the midst of a heated discussion. We need space and time to figure out what is happening, both within our own self and with our beloved.


2. Meeting up to cultural expectations.

Men have been discouraged from feeling emotional. We have been mocked, attacked, and belittled when showing emotions. Big boys don’t cry, toughen up, and bite the bullet are all phrases men grow up with. So when we are faced with emotional situations, we are total novices. The biggest harm that is not recognized or appreciated for the depth of damage that it causes at the emotional level to a man is that men are expected to be tough, to protect, and kill to defend their family. Violence, and the expectation of violence, mandates an absence of emotional sensitivity.
It is a double standard to expect a man to be emotionally available and to have him be able to harm another human being.

3. Be patient with us!
Have compassion and understand the kind of conundrum that a man faces when being emotional vulnerable and awakening to deeper sensitivities. It is rare enough to find a man who wants to delve within and unleash his inner passion. It doesn’t mean that he is going to be masterful at it. For men to be comfortable in their own skin and accept their feeling nature takes a growth curve.

A woman has a lifetime of experience navigating the oceanic tides of emotional states.

Women grow up with emotional states and are accepted as sensitive, feeling beings. She is able to observe, feel, recognize and better communicate her feelings than a man.


Women are also adept at observing and recognizing the emotional states in other people. And when a woman finds a man who loves her, at some level, she feels a great deal of hope because she has found an emotional match, somebody who understands those hidden tides and influences. Women will share all their heart and feelings, and not understand how this can impact a man. And when a man doesn’t respond as she needs, the feelings of being hurt or misunderstood arise. How those feelings are expressed matter a great deal.


4. Men are emotionally inexperienced!
The best men want an intimate connection with women, and often don’t know how to do that.

Men don’t fall short in the emotional realm because we are emotionally immature. We are emotionally inexperienced. Men face expectations and pressure about emotions that are confusing and contradictory. And when we find a woman who loves us and we love in return, it brings to life a living fire that had been suppressed for a lifetime. Yet fires burn, and the burgeoning sensitivities is akin to a child learning to walk. We fall down, we make blunders, and we are blind as to how to listen and communicate our emotions.

Men experience a learning curve when awakening to their deepest sensitivities.

And just as any beginner, they make mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes are colossal, and sometimes laughable. Men need an emotional example, how to be live with and operate with emotions in a healthy way. We also need to be accepted as we are, beginners with beautiful intention. To demand for a man to have the mastery over their emotions is an outrageous expectation. For most men, mastery over emotions means suppressing them, hiding feelings behind a mask of stoicism, or just turning off the emotions entirely. It takes time to even identify the subtle emotions, let alone to know how they function and their influence on our own self and those around us.
Any teacher knows that mocking a beginner or putting them down, criticizing them or their approach, will stunt the learning curve, if not completely stopping it.

The beloved woman becomes that guide into the mysterious realms of feeling emotions. When she expresses anger, puts down her man, belittles or mocks him, a man feels attacked. When she demands him to be sensitive, a man feels.......
- See more at: http://www.pandctimes.com/top-reasons-men-withdraw-emotionally-relationship

There, I fixed it! It should be easier to read now





Wait.....




This ain't right!

Oahray: oh... An underscore. See my whack memory. *hides face*

I'm not sure I can answer that question as patience levels differ for many reasons. Still... Consider this scenario.

Let's say time is a queue in a banking hall, and there are two queues.

At the time miss Uj and Miss Sizzle walked in together some 10 mins ago, queue A had 63 persons, and qeueue B had 32 persons. Uj joined the shorter queue B, while Sizzle joined queue A.

Back to the present... 10 mins later, Sizzle is the 49th person on queue A. Uj is still the 33rd person on queue B.

The reason? Cashier B has been diligently working. Cashier A has been absent, though he returns briefly to sweet-talk the customers into hanging on before grabbing something and disappearing again.

1) Technically, which queue is longer?
2) If neither is in a hurry to go anywhere, who is more likely to abandon her queue, miss Uj or miss Sizzle?

Lol, your Analogy,
So the guy feels the Lady is buying Time to Compare him with Other guys, walking away is The option he's left.

Oahray: oh... An underscore. See my whack memory. *hides face*

I'm not sure I can answer that question as patience levels differ for many reasons. Still... Consider this scenario.

Let's say time is a queue in a banking hall, and there are two queues.

At the time miss Uj and Miss Sizzle walked in together some 10 mins ago, queue A had 63 persons, and qeueue B had 32 persons. Uj joined the shorter queue B, while Sizzle joined queue A.

Back to the present... 10 mins later, Sizzle is the 49th person on queue A. Uj is still the 33rd person on queue B.

The reason? Cashier B has been diligently working. Cashier A has been absent, though he returns briefly to sweet-talk the customers into hanging on before grabbing something and disappearing again.

1) Technically, which queue is longer?
2) If neither is in a hurry to go anywhere, who is more likely to abandon her queue, miss Uj or miss Sizzle?

So Uj and Sizzle are both men, and the cashiers women, right?

B is longer and is likely to abandon ship.

......Cashier A has been working diligently and B has been posting his customers.

liberty24: In a relationship, having your partner withdraw at an emotional level can bring confusion, pain and frustration.

Women who relate to men that do this are often bewildered by why and how this happens. Speaking as a man, and one who considers himself sensitive and emotionally available, there are particular situations and scenarios that cause me to withdraw. And I imagine that other men, regardless of how in-tune they are with their emotional nature, would respond in similar ways.

Just because a man withdraws does not mean he is withdrawing from you.

First, I just wanted to express that when a man seeks solace or withdraws from a conversation, it probably has nothing to do with the beloved. It has more to do with the emotional intensity and confusion around emotions than with any particular person. It just takes men more time to integrate and understand the watery realm of emotions. And understanding emotions isn’t something that happens for us spontaneously in the midst of a heated discussion. We need space and time to figure out what is happening, both within our own self and with our beloved. Men have been discouraged from feeling emotional. We have been mocked, attacked, and belittled when showing emotions. Big boys don’t cry, toughen up, and bite the bullet are all phrases men grow up with. So when we are faced with emotional situations, we are total novices. The biggest harm that is not recognized or appreciated for the depth of damage that it causes at the emotional level to a man is that men are expected to be tough, to protect, and kill to defend their family. Violence, and the expectation of violence, mandates an absence of emotional sensitivity.
It is a double standard to expect a man to be emotionally available and to have him be able to harm another human being.

Have compassion and understand the kind of conundrum that a man faces when being emotional vulnerable and awakening to deeper sensitivities. It is rare enough to find a man who wants to delve within and unleash his inner passion. It doesn’t mean that he is going to be masterful at it. For men to be comfortable in their own skin and accept their feeling nature takes a growth curve.

A woman has a lifetime of experience navigating the oceanic tides of emotional states.

Women grow up with emotional states and are accepted as sensitive, feeling beings. She is able to observe, feel, recognize and better communicate her feelings than a man. Women are also adept at observing and recognizing the emotional states in other people. And when a woman finds a man who loves her, at some level, she feels a great deal of hope because she has found an emotional match, somebody who understands those hidden tides and influences. Women will share all their heart and feelings, and not understand how this can impact a man. And when a man doesn’t respond as she needs, the feelings of being hurt or misunderstood arise. How those feelings are expressed matter a great deal.

The best men want an intimate connection with women, and often don’t know how to do that.

Men don’t fall short in the emotional realm because we are emotionally immature. We are emotionally inexperienced. Men face expectations and pressure about emotions that are confusing and contradictory. And when we find a woman who loves us and we love in return, it brings to life a living fire that had been suppressed for a lifetime. Yet fires burn, and the burgeoning sensitivities is akin to a child learning to walk. We fall down, we make blunders, and we are blind as to how to listen and communicate our emotions.

Men experience a learning curve when awakening to their deepest sensitivities.

And just as any beginner, they make mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes are colossal, and sometimes laughable. Men need an emotional example, how to be live with and operate with emotions in a healthy way. We also need to be accepted as we are, beginners with beautiful intention. To demand for a man to have the mastery over their emotions is an outrageous expectation. For most men, mastery over emotions means suppressing them, hiding feelings behind a mask of stoicism, or just turning off the emotions entirely. It takes time to even identify the subtle emotions, let alone to know how they function and their influence on our own self and those around us.
Any teacher knows that mocking a beginner or putting them down, criticizing them or their approach, will stunt the learning curve, if not completely stopping it.

The beloved woman becomes that guide into the mysterious realms of feeling emotions. When she expresses anger, puts down her man, belittles or mocks him, a man feels attacked. When she demands him to be sensitive, a man feels.......
- See more at: http://www.pandctimes.com/top-reasons-men-withdraw-emotionally-relationship

Nice one @OP.

For those interested in keeping and improving upon their relationship with their man, they'll read this carefully and try to avoid falling foul of the points you've listed here - esp. for those who've already tied the knot.

For those wanting to end their relationship, they do exactly what this post advices them not to do. (esp. for those still dating)

ideology: lol
Pls don't use it as a weapon, its part of the reason, normally nice guys have become different, they now wanna flow with the general norms.
He now transfers the hurt to other ladies he will meet.

So what if she's comparing you to the rest? Isn't she allowed to make the best possible choice given different appealing options?

Of course likewise the options are allowed to move on if they don't want to be weighed on a scale.

ujsizzle:
So Uj and Sizzle are both men, and the cashiers women, right?

B is longer and is likely to abandon ship.

......Cashier A has been working diligently and B has been posting his customers.

thanks. I mixed that up. So bad at multitasking.

You get the point. Most times, time is longer when there's no end in sight. When a guy is motivated, he can chase a girl for months, even years. When he loses hope however...

How long is too long? Even for me, I still don't know.

Oahray: thanks. I mixed that up. So bad at multitasking.

You get the point. Most times, time is longer when there's no end in sight. When a guy is motivated, he can chase a girl for months, even years. When he loses hope however...

How long is too long? Even for me, I still don't know.

Off topic.
What do you have to do to kill a man's hope?

ideology:
Lol, your Analogy,
So the guy feels the Lady is buying Time to Compare him with Other guys, walking away is The option he's left.

exactly bro. Everyone likes to think he's important enough to not be kept waiting (pardon my english if it's incorrect). Unless of course he believes the other person is important enough to keep him waiting.

ujsizzle:
So what if she's comparing you to the rest? Isn't she allowed to make the best possible choice given different appealing options?

Of course likewise the options are allowed to move on if they don't want to be weighed on a scale.

You are free to put him on Scale for as Long as you like,
But Don't Complain if you Don't Like the One you end up with.

But if men were to Scale ladies too, believe me the Lady they are Busy dying for May end Up to be number35 on the list and that's not Love.

ujsizzle:
Off topic.
What do you have to do to kill a man's hope?

a man would like to answer a woman's question, but a man would be unfair to a certain other (probably good) man