My husband was supposed to marry a girl buy it didn't end up in marriage because they were both AS. He is still very much in love with her. Always chatting with her and calls her his darling. As soon as he comes back from work, he starts chatting with her till food is served and then time to pray. Like I do not exist in the home.

He compares me to her because she is on the slim side and I am a bit big; not too fat and not slim.
I tried exercising which I lost some weight BT shortly I got pregnant and added back but just recently miscarried. It seems though he doesn't love me but probably managing me.

She is also working and I don't.
It's not like I don't want to work but I have been failing job tests I also tried a business but I was duped. So I am focused on getting a job

He never compliments me but does so to others. If I cook he never says he enjoys my meal. But when his mum and cousin came visiting she liked all my meals and said she never knew I could cook.

I try to make the home lively BT he picks offence with what I do or say. His cousin just came to stay for a while and would enjoy what I say. even laughs but my hubby just gets offended even to the surprise of his cousin.

When we are going out he can take his time waiting for his cousin when he is running late but if I am the one he shouts till the roof comes down.

I have tried talking to him. He says I complain a lot it's something i observed that can ruin the marriage but he wouldn't listen. I don't know if I should tell his mum because if it continues like this I could just walk away for him to marry the girl because they are from same tribe. I am igbo.

These are just few of the things frustrating me and wanting to call it quit. I can't mention this to my parents because initially they were not in support till I convinced them through my sisters.
Please I need your advice. What to do. Should I tell my mother in law all these and see what happens as speaking to my hubby isn't producing any results.

This is simply the result of an unplanned marriage:::
did u even court this guy for up to 2weeks??

My advise is for you to PRAY!!.... Either you pray for him to find peace with you or you find peace with him... Both ways your marriage might still last!

Dont divorce, simple take a walk. Creating artificial scarcity makes demand for the product go up. Prayer will not solve this. Take a leave to your parents, friend or far away from him. You must not be an option. Give him time to come to his senses, and even if he doesnt, then you have fuliflled marriage laws, you can soar.

Eeew!..dis is so touching..bt with dis i'm sure u forced urself on d dude,dats y he culdn't show u true luv..i'm sori to say o.

Lynpetra

dytbabe: Lynpetra

You talk your own first na.I won draw inspiration.

Take a Break. Step back and look at yourself, it gives you the time to process emotions and recuperate. Thus, making you more calm. It will help you to know if you really need/love him, likewise it will also make him realise your value and importance.

dytbabe: Lynpetra

lynpetra:
You talk your own first na.I won draw inspiration.

See them

The marriage is still too young na.Why get tired already?You need to talk to his mother and your parents about this development.My sister,it will only take time,but that love he has for that lady will die.Concentrate more on doing something for yourself.Sit him down and talk to him about this.The other gurl no go marry again?Sometimes,we should give way for time to heal wounds.

Hmnnnn

All these less than a year marriage wahala, una dey make me fear o.

Anyway, it seems your presence is suffocating him, just give him some space, but tell his mum first.

Try as much as possible not to quarrel.

Heyya... Sorry... I ll prob advice u to inform his mum first b4 takn any drastic decision so dat his mum won't blame u later for being rude.... Pele tk heart

First of all, tell your mother in law. More importantly, tell it to God and I pray you are not pregnant... If not, try not to get pregnant yet so he does not send you out with the kid later on...

Also, ask him where his love is... If its with the lady or with you and in this case... I believe it should be with the lady. This is a serious issue and I pray it works out.

Why are 60% of Nigerian marriages ending in Divorce nowadays? The problem is because they do not put divorce on the table during courtship. It is something you should discuss about and know its causes and issues...

Please let your mother in law knows what is hapenning and if you dont want to leave, then be ready to fight for him....

How? Take it by force before they take it from you... Its now FIRE prayer case o... You have to pray by FIRE and get it back BY FIRE...

Its very easy... go to MFM or any bookshop near you and ask for Prayer Rain... check the sections and I am very sure there is one that pertains to this same situation... Fast and pray the prayerpoints assigned to it and believe me, you will see wonders.

Like wat lynpetra said, u need to talk to his parent. And the 1st thing u need to win them to your side esspecialy his mother by pleasing her. For his family 2b behind u,u are having an advantage. Then try to please him by making him happy and thats when you can do the talking,telling him whats hurting u and what u want so as to have a cool family and happy relatinship. And if he still continue after the talking,introduce his parent (mama) into it. And when it comes to your parant, best thing u should talk to the cool 1 thats having a hearth for you (either your papa or mama). Explain it to her/him, she/he is gonna give a good advice. The only outsider that can knw abt this should be your husband pastor.But dont rush telling him 1st o,without passing his parent,yours and the talking to him when he's happy after pleasing him. That my own opinion o.

My dear, this marriage is heading no where. The sooner you cut your looses and move on , the better. I find it simply ridiculous staying in a marriage which is still very young and yet there is no single love from your hubby. He is a smuck.... How old are you by the way?

OP you need to spring a shocker on him by giving him some space to figure what he wants from life and where he really wants to be. NOTE; keyword here been SPACE = SEPARATION and not DIVORCE. I believe in d preservation of d holy matrimony by every means possible.

That said, you can hardly be fingerred in ds situation. I mean you can't be blamed for his genotype status that annuled whatever plans he had with this other woman. Its just too early in d day for him to start
acting this way towards you.

Take the time out to develop yourself career wise. This could be key to solving this quagmire. Get GMAT, SHL, nd GRE texts, arm yourself nd nail that job. Your miscarriage sad as it is, may be a blessing in disguise. If its possible, sort out your career first before taking in again. I have a feeling his respect nd love for you will shoot thru d roof once he sees you as a partner in d union who can bring a whole to d the table than some pussiee which sadly is only what you can offer at d moment.

That said I think he's been a complete a$$ for making you feel cheap nd secondary to his Ex. But you can't afford to sit your a$$ at a point and whine. The challange of value addition has been thrown at you. This is your moment, seize it!
Whatever happens, we're here for you OP

Hmmnnn, tough one.

I will say; stop trying too hard to earn his love, you will irritate him more. Play your role as a wife and leave the rest. If he doesn't want to hear you talk, then stay all by yourself. Find a new hobby that you can do at your leisure. Try to occupy yourself by yourself. The day he decides to talk and joke with you, respond, if he doesn't want, lock up and continue living your life.

Try as much as possible to get a job even if the pay isn't much, this will keep you busy. Learn a craft, read a novel, watch a movie, go out with your female friends, go to the gym, look good for yourself and LOVE yourself. This is not necessarily to make him start warming up to you, but it is to make you feel better about yourself and not care so much about how he treats you.

Truth is, there is nothing under the sun you can do to make him "come around". Not even involving families will help, in fact, it will make it worse cos he will become very discreet and defensive and you, my dear, will be at the receiving end.

I doubt this their relationship/friendship will go on forever. They are still trying to get used to being apart and prolly missing each other. You didn't give them enough time to heal, so now, you are left with no other option than to pray and believe that "this too shall pass". Most times, it does pass, but one can't be sure of when and how.

In summary, continue your responsibilities as a wife, love yourself and get busy with your life. 

I will advice you delay getting pregnant for now. A child does not miraculously take away the problems in a marriage. It will further compound it. Make sure you see a head way in this issue before you bring a child into a loveless marriage.

And for those screaming "did you not see all this before you two got married?" will you please leave her the heck alone?! She is asking for a solution, not an analyses of her mistakes.

Goodluck sis.

orbis: My dear, this marriage is heading no where. The sooner you cut your looses and move on , the better. I find it simply ridiculous staying in a marriage which is still very young and yet there is no single love from your hubby. He is a smuck.... How old are you by the way?

. You are right.

Her husband's heart is somewhere else and no matter how she tries to love,she wil just end up irritating him.

Get yourself a boy friend and face the damn mutherfuccker fire for fire.

If he becomes a problem too much to handle ,you simply visit one babalawo to reset his head

Thanks you all for the advice

Billyonaire: Dont divorce, simple take a walk. Creating artificial scarcity makes demand for the product go up. Prayer will not solve this. Take a leave to your parents, friend or far away from him. You must not be an option. Give him time to come to his senses, and even if he doesnt, then you have fuliflled marriage laws, you can soar.

I second this post!

No mystery here.

Op your husband does not love you. Probably never did.
You knew this so its not like you are a victim. You knew he had an AS woman that he loves but he couldn't marry but you went ahead to be his wife. Why? What was your reason?

If you truly love him you are going to have to wait until he gets used to you. Right now he is rebelling against the idea of having you as his wife instead of the AS lady. Hence his impatience and shouting, etc. But it will get better with time if you can be patient. Someone here said in time the love between them will die. Fortunately for you, that's true. He'll calm down after your first and second baby. You just have to be patient.


This story is incomplete though.
Do you actually love him?
How do you know about his past relationship with the AS girl? Did he tell you or did you find out?
Who introduced you to him? His people or your people or was it a chance meeting?

Op, I really sympatize with you, its heartbreaking when u love someone more than he loves you. Pls, dont look at this marriage as doomed becos yr parents were against it, let that motivate u to make it work to prove them wrong. Be the best wife u can be, pray and learn about your God. Try to do things he enjoys doing with him, stop complaining to him, rather complain to God and learn to hear from the holy spirit for direction. He chose u becos of yr genotype and is frustrated he cant change it, but let him see u married him becos u love him. Since yr competition is sending messages, u too send messages, dress neatly/sexy when he is around, if he doesnt compliment yr cooking, ask him how d food was or ask if u shd prepare anything special for him, treat him d way u would want him to treat u even when u feel he doesnt deserve it. After sex u can tell him about his r/ship with his ex, calmly explain how u feel. Just forget pride and do more than he deserves, if u feel he is not worth it, then divorce is an option.

egopersonified: Op, I really sympatize with you, its heartbreaking when u love someone more than he loves you. Pls, dont look at this marriage as doomed becos yr parents were against it, let that motivate u to make it work to prove them wrong. Be the best wife u can be, pray and learn about your God. Try to do things he enjoys doing with him, stop complaining to him, rather complain to God and learn to hear from the holy spirit for direction. He chose u becos of yr genotype and is frustrated he cant change it, but let him see u married him becos u love him. Since yr competition is sending messages, u too send messages, dress neatly/sexy when he is around, if he doesnt compliment yr cooking, ask him how d food was or ask if u shd prepare anything special for him, treat him d way u would want him to treat u even when u feel he doesnt deserve it. After sex u can tell him about his r/ship with his ex, calmly explain how u feel. Just forget pride and do more than he deserves, if u feel he is not worth it, then divorce is an option.

Couldn't have said it better.

So many a times we really don't bother oursefs about all these things before jumping into marriage,I'm sure youv known all along about his feelings for this lady but you were more interested in becoming his madam at all cost.
Now,here you are with this dilema. You should stay in that house and set things right,why must u give him space,lyk u dnt knw he neva rili luvd u as much frm d start. U better go on your knees and tell God about your home,den talk to his mum,nd get youself smtn to do.God bless you home.

Billyonaire: Dont divorce, simple take a walk. Creating artificial scarcity makes demand for the product go up. Prayer will not solve this. Take a leave to your parents, friend or far away from him. You must not be an option. Give him time to come to his senses, and even if he doesnt, then you have fuliflled marriage laws, you can soar.

SECOND THIS!

The best advice u can gt nw wld b frm smone who is experienced so I suggest u talk 2 ur mum or an elderly woman....

5minsmadness: No mystery here.

Op your husband does not love you. Probably never did.
You knew this so its not like you are a victim. You knew he had an AS woman that he loves but he couldn't marry but you went ahead to be his wife. Why? What was your reason?

If you truly love him you are going to have to wait until he gets used to you. Right now he is rebelling against the idea of having you as his wife instead of the AS lady. Hence his impatience and shouting, etc. But it will get better with time if you can be patient. Someone here said in time the love between them will die. Fortunately for you, that's true. He'll calm down after your first and second baby. You just have to be patient.


This story is incomplete though.
Do you actually love him?
How do you know about his past relationship with the AS girl? Did he tell you or did you find out?
Who introduced you to him? His people or your people or was it a chance meeting?

Yes I love my hubby. I have been his friend for a long time even when he was dating the AS lady. We grew closer after he told me they went for compatibility test as a marriage pre-requisite and they can't marry. We became really close and after two months we started dating and after 6 months of dating he proposed

diegs:

Yes I love my hubby. I have been his friend for a long time even when he was dating the AS lady. We grew closer after he told me they went for compatibility test as a marriage pre-requisite and they can't marry. We became really close and after two months we started dating and after 6 months of dating he proposed

So you 'married your best friend'.

Be patient with him. It can really be frustrating for a man thinking thinking he has lost out on the love of his life. Prove him wrong. Show him he hasn't lost out on the love of his life. Show him that you are right there.

It will be difficult. But if you love him it is very possible. Follow the bolded advice I previously quoted. It worked for a friend of mine. It will work for you.

Truckpusher: Get yourself a boy friend and face the damn mutherfuccker fire for fire.

If he becomes a problem too much to handle ,you simply visit one babalawo to reset his head

hahahhahahaha, best advice ever

diegs:

Yes I love my hubby. I have been his friend for a long time even when he was dating the AS lady. We grew closer after he told me they went for compatibility test as a marriage pre-requisite and they can't marry. We became really close and after two months we started dating and after 6 months of dating he proposed

That man is obviously not your friend. If he were, he won't treat you with that much disrespect.

Most people don't take time to heal from a broken relationship. They think the best way to move forward it to find someone else . . . Your husband was the one rushing, not you. Dating someone else barely 2 months after breaking up with the love of his life is not the best way to move forward.

He needs time to heal, to mourn his relationship with his ex, to learn how to let her go . . . . and you need to give him that time.

Since you knew his history, you should't have let him use you as his rebound. But you did . . . so now, you need to let him go in order to get him back.

You allowed yourself to be a pawn in their love circle . . . His ex is probably not yet willing to let him go so even as his wife, you are still second best in this story.

I've been involved in this AS-genotype saga before, and believe me, it doesn't end nicely.

Give the guy a break . . . .