A friend of mine dates two guys....It started while in the university,d first guy came along but just wanted companionship,it was a mutual thing,the second one also came along,she agreed because she believed d first will soon leave but till now none of them has refused to go oooo.The both have them has really invested a lot in her,d first has been a dear friend providing moral n spiriyual support while the second one has been financially active over the years...Now they have both proposed marriage,she has had sex with both of them also and lost her virginity to the second.She loves the first so much and wants to marry him but she doesn't want to hurt the second one. Pls,nairalanders what should she do,cos this don pass my wisdom oooo.

*matured advice please,tnx.*

what is she doing now

pickabeau1: what is she doing now

I don't get d question o,do u mean if she is working or wat

bettydee:
I don't get d question o,do u mean if she is working or wat

yep

She's a confused soul.

since she has been handling the both for years without letting anyone go...and she has allowed both to invest so much in her...i think she shud b ready to accomodate and marry both of dem.....dats one reason y i hate double-dating......

pickabeau1:

yep

She has a very good job with a big pay

temigracie: since she has been handling the both for years without letting anyone go...and she has allowed both to invest so much in her...i think she shud b ready to accomodate and marry both of dem.....dats one reason y i hate double-dating......

Babe u harsh o....m rili tired of seeing ha depressed. U know she can't marry the both of them and she doesn't want to loose d first one.

Had sex with both dudes,
Accepts any ‘help’ from both dudes,
Been playing with both dudes,
Want to marry both dudes?
Love both dudes?

.. Mehn She must be one greedy, selfish soul. Remind me what help she needs again. wtcheew!

bettydee:
She has a very good job with a big pay

Ok... good so finances should not be an issue for then though one cant say maybe she did not use them

Maybe they want their investment.

Can she do a pro vs con analysis of each of the suitors... positives and negatives

Lets continue from there

Mehn, this your friend wicked ooo , well back to that. Weather she wants to hurt the second one or not, she has already hurt him. Hence she loves the 1st dude she have to tell the 2nd guy everything, and let him go. She should tell him that she loves another dude, and cannot continue again. Then she must tell the 1st dude too, all about it, to avoid future complications.

"These bîtches ain't loyal"

pickabeau1:

Ok... good so finances should not be an issue for then though one cant say maybe she did not use them

Maybe they want their investment.

Can she do a pro vs con analysis of each of the suitors... positives and negatives

Lets continue from there

Kk,I ll talk 2ha abt dat.tnx pickabeau.

that friend is 'u'

bettydee:
Babe u harsh o....m rili tired of seeing ha depressed. U know she can't marry the both of them and she doesn't want to loose d first one.

...okay,i hope she ll b able to handle the situation maturely..mayb she shud call d oda one n explain reasons y dey cant b togeda.....if not,she ll cause heartbreak for d one she doesnt feel anything for....well,i think she shud go for d one her heart truly desire....but,she s wicked oooo

bettydee:
Kk,I ll talk 2ha abt dat.tnx pickabeau.

Yep..let her consider the following guide.. Not prescriptive but a guide from the Late Mrs Odukoya
Marriage is no bf/gf game... she may not even marry any of them

1. WHO AM I?
Before you can know the person who is right for you, you must know yourself. If you do no know who you are, it would be impossible for you to find the right person to fit you. The Bible asks rhetorically, “Can two walk together except they agree?” (Amos 3:3). It is very vital that you too should have in you the qualities you are looking for in your future partner. For instance, if you want a prudent husband /wife, you must be prudent yourself or else you will have confusion in your home. Do you want a sincere, faithful and honest/truthful husband/wife; you must be sincere, faithful and honest/truthful alike. Do you want a perfect gift from God? You have to be a perfect gift yourself or else that perfect gift will intimidate you.
2. AM I OBSESSED AND COMMITED TO THE WILL OF GOD?
God’s desire is to affect our entire lives for our own good. His commandments are therefore all embracing. In determining your commitment level, you need to ask how far you are willing to go in walking with God and whether there are areas you consider too sacred for God to touch. Also consider how obedient you are to His Words written in the Bible.
3. DO I HATE SIN WITH MY ENTIRE BEING AND WITH A PASSION?
Through self examination, one should be able to say whether one abhors sins or there are areas in which one is willing to accept compromises. It is true that no one is perfect, but if you marry someone who compromises and who does not see sin as sin, then you have problems in your hands.
4. IS HE/SHE A COMMITTED BELIEVER OR CHRISTIAN?
The Lord says that, “Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever…” 2Corinthians 6:14-18. He is the Manufacturer, Author and Maker of marriage and relationships. He alone knows what is best and has given this instruction for our good, peace and bliss. For perfect spiritual compatibility, a Christian (devoted follower of Christ) should choose a Christian, a Muslim should choose a Muslim and other non-Christians should choose non-Christians. If you marry a non-Christian, be ready to be an in-law to the Devil (idols).
5. WHO AM I INTELLECTUALLY?
You must also be able to know your intellectual strengths and abilities, that way you can determine who can agree with you in this regard. Based on your academic accomplishments, you should be able to say whether you are likely to be threatened by your spouse’s intellectual accomplishments or whether you will be able to provide leadership, and in fact enhance her.
6. WHAT IGNORANCE WOULD DISTURB ME?
Some people are very exposed and well informed about life, social etiquettes, world politics, fashion, current affairs, etc; but others are not. And such ignorance may be irritating; therefore, it is advisable that you look into this area carefully.
7. WHAT PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL QUALITIES DO I HAVE?
Apart from the spiritual and intellectual knowledge of one’s self, the emotional, sexual and physical aspect is also equally very important. In the aspect of the emotions, you must find out if you are an extrovert or an introvert; if you make friends easily or not, etc.

8. CAN I LOVE THIS PERSON FOR LIFE?
You need to be sure that this person you have chosen to marry you will live him/her till death separates you, come what may. Matthew 19:3-8.
9. DO I KNOW THE QUALITIES I AM LOOKING FOR IN MY INTENDED SPOUSE?
You must know what you want in an intended spouse or else you could see him/her but not recognize him/her. Possibly list them and let the Holy Spirit guide your listing against selfishness.
10. DOES HE/SHE HAVE QUALITIES I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT?
A lot of people settle for qualities that they can live with, but this is an error. It is wiser to choose partner with qualities you cannot do without. As we cannot live without air and water, there are some traits/things that we need our partners to have that will make life more comfortable and bearable for us.
11. CAN MY INTENDED COMPLEMENT MY EFFORTS TO FULFILL MY PURPOSE IN LIFE?
This is very important, but first of all, you need to identify your purpose. That way you can now tell who would be able to complement you and who cannot. Your spouse must be committed to you as well committed to your purpose.
12. CAN I HELP OR ALLOW HIM/HER TO ACCOMPLISH HIS/HER GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE IN LIFE?
If you desire someone who will help you to get to where you are going in life, you should also be willing to reciprocate the gesture.
13. IS HE/SHE FLEXIBLE AND UNDERSTANDING OR RIGID AND UNCOMPROMISING?
You need to have a person who can adjust to your needs. If he/she is not, it is indicative that the choice you have made is a poor one.
14. AM I PROUD OF HIM/HER?
Can I proudly introduce my intended partner to my family and friends or am I embarrassed to take him/her out to visit people? Can we walk together along the street, sit together in the car or any other public transport means? Am I always excited when people see us together? Can we wear same clothes?
15. DO I KNOW MY INTENDED PARTNER’S STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES?
Concentrate therefore on knowing the person you are intending to marry rather than indulging in sex, petting or necking as these would create false intimacy, arouse unguided and unguarded emotions and blind you to objective judgments.
16. AM I READY TO ACCEPT HIM/HER WITH HIS/HER FAULTS?
You need to decide if you can celebrate your intended partner with all his/her faults and weaknesses. If you cannot, you’ll end up frustrating yourselves. You must understand as you take steps to the altar, that marriage requires unconditional love, an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. In spite of his/her faults, you must love and celebrate your partner in marriage. Therefore, care must be taken to know the faults and imperfections of the person you have chosen to marry.
17. DO I ACCEPT HIS/HER FRIENDS AS MY FRIENDS?
If you are uncomfortable with your intended partner’s friends, it is a pointer that you probably do not know him/her enough and you can’t afford to marry a stranger. Marriage will commit you to accepting his/her friends, family and all he/she stands for and show that you have fully accepted him/her.
18. HAVE WE DISCUSSED OUR DIFFERENCES?
You need to discuss those basic things that are very different between you two. For instance, family background, educational background, differences between a man and a woman (physiology, mannerism, characters and traits/habits, etc).
19. CAN WE PLAY TOGETHER?
Life isn’t all about work, business and all that seriousness. A couple needs to relax sometimes and just play. Do you play together? Can you indeed play together? Can you cope with his/her hobbies?
20. DO WE BRING OUT THE BEST IN EACH OTHER?
Do both of you encourage and inspire each other to greater heights? How does your presence or intervention affect his/her performance? This is very important.
21. AM I MARRYING HIM/HER BECAUSE I BELIEVE I CAN CHANGE HIM/HER, BECAUSE MY FRIENDS LIKE HIM/HER OR MY PARENTS PRESSES ME TO MARRY

Chai,

So she has been actively dating two guys and enjoying benefits from both of them while servicing them. And both you and your friend cannot see anything wrong with that. I thought that was cheating but then in Nigeria; anything goes. I would advise her to keep both of them while waiting for a third guy ok. Three guys isn't too much!

And the two guys sef are very silly. Whoever she choses to marry will be the ultimate loser, because this kind of lady will forever have a back-up boyfriend. She would always want/need something from another man because her husband cannot have it all.

I thought you were gonna say she lost her virginity to both of them ni?
On a more serious note,it's neither of them.
Let her search her mind.

Nashville: Chai,

So she has been actively dating two guys and enjoying benefits from both of them while servicing them. And both you and your friend cannot see anything wrong with that. I thought that was cheating but then in Nigeria; anything goes. I would advise her to keep both of them while waiting for a third guy ok. Three guys isn't too much!

And the two guys sef are very silly. Whoever she choses to marry will be the ultimate loser, because this kind of lady will forever have a back-up boyfriend. She would always want/need something from another man because her husband cannot have it all.

Yes... you are right and that was my first line of thought... i however feel she may be contrite..
She may have not known the relationships will last that long

I also wondered how the guys cope knowing each other.. normally they will both dump her

There must be something special about the girl.. her well paying job perhaps?

All these b.itches sha, when they are enjoying things, they wunt be worried, buh wen it turns sour they'd now be crying for help

Sharp runs girl... Tell her to get the bride price from Mr A & B na...

Funny thing is: Both A & B also have side chicks

If she chooses A, there is a high probability that A will end up marrying his side chick.

If peradventure, she ends up with A or B; her marriage would be filled with troubles

Yeye woman,
Only you chop 2 d*cks concurrently, chop spiritual and moral help, chop finance, and now you're confused on whose bride price to chop

Make she go marry her papa na...

HAD SEX WITH BOTH OF THEM?? some girls can be so stupid sha

Sex is overrated.


I nor qoute anybody ooh!

Nashville: Chai,

So she has been actively dating two guys and enjoying benefits from both of them while servicing them. And both you and your friend cannot see anything wrong with that. I thought that was cheating but then in Nigeria; anything goes. I would advise her to keep both of them while waiting for a third guy ok. Three guys isn't too much!

And the two guys sef are very silly. Whoever she choses to marry will be the ultimate loser, because this kind of lady will forever have a back-up boyfriend. She would always want/need something from another man because her husband cannot have it all.

Well said.

pickabeau1:

Yes... you are right and that was my first line of thought... i however feel she may be contrite..
She may have not known the relationships will last that long

I also wondered how the guys cope knowing each other.. normally they will both dump her

There must be something special about the girl.. her well paying job perhaps?

Contrite and you have been dating both of them since University. Abeg tell me another story. Nothing special about her as she gets financial help from the second guy. She just feels she is smart and can play both of the guys together.

At this point, the two guys may not want to feel like losers so they both will continue doing everything for her. But trust me, I wouldnt be surprised if the one she marries brings the whole thing up after marriage. Guys hardly forget these things.

If she is wise, she should leave both guys and find another mugu.

too many biiitches in my country nigeria.

I pray non of them marry you. Useless girl. You are a dog, a wicked lady, you are no different from a witch.

Blood suck biiitch.

Get the fvck out of my sight. Who.re!

Nashville:

Contrite and you have been dating both of them since University. Abeg tell me another story. Nothing special about her as she gets financial help from the second guy. She just feels she is smart and can play both of the guys together.

At this point, the two guys may not want to feel like losers so they both will continue doing everything for her. But trust me, I wouldnt be surprised if the one she marries brings the whole thing up after marriage. Guys hardly forget these things.

If she is wise, she should leave both guys and find another mugu.

She is about to settle now... contrition is not out of it

On the financial help.. she may or may not be getting it anymore as she supposedly has a good job

if the guys are so into her, though aware of each other.. that presents a very intriguing male thought pattern

Lets see and get more info... i believe in second chances

barackodam: All these b.itches sha, when they are enjoying things, they wunt be worried, buh wen it turns sour they'd now be crying for help

they are the ones disturbing pastors for prayers to get husband.

mencade5: they are the ones disturbing pastors for prayers to get husband.

Exactly

chai....all diz comments you all are commenting,Diaris God ooooo. Even Mynd44 and Acidosis sef talk

pickabeau1:

She is about to settle now... contrition is not out of it

It is not contrition; she cannot marry two people so she has to choose one. So she is in a dilemma. If she could legally marry both, I am sure she will but now she is looking for the smartest thing to do.

She needs deliverance