flyingdutchman:
Marry yourselves! She probably hooked the man with pregnancy claims after desperately fighting off other women...

I must have hit a nerve. nle o

TV01:

Leave them.

Be it begged, borrowed, lent or stolen, it's now a part of the local culture. It's become "tradition". An initiative to change or remove said tradition is fine, but to wilfully subvert, or act contrary to it, for selfish reasons is nonsense.

See someone claiming that a man insisting that his wife take his surname because "she is his wife" as a not good enough reason. We took so many yam tubers, I'm sure her people are still finding creative ways to cook it.

Not only will she bear my surname - exclusively - I reserve the right to re-state her given first name or assign any dimunitive I see fit. For the duration of the world cup she was called "babynho" as she served me beverages and sweatmeats !


All traces of her fathers name and authority have been rightfully erased .


TV

What if it was the woman that gave the man money used in buying the yams and also the bride-price?
#thinkingoutloud

Godmystrength:
What if it was the woman that gave the man money used in buying the yams and also the bride-price?
#thinkingoutloud

he's a weak man then he should bear her names including her surname.

fair is fair!

coogar:

he's a weak man then he should bear her names including her surname.

fair is fair!

okay o

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh".

Where is the oneness in a marriage if a married lady is not prepared to change from her maiden name to husband's name?

A married lady who is not ready to love, submit and respect her husband is not that will be championing keeping of her maiden name.

Little wonder most marriages are experiencing all sorts of issues.

feedthenation: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh".

Where is the oneness in a marriage if a married lady is not prepared to change from her maiden name to husband's name?

A married lady who is not ready to love, submit and respect her husband is not that will be championing keeping of her maiden name.

Little wonder most marriages are experiencing all sorts of issues.

And where in the quoted scripture did it say that a woman should bear the husband's name?

A man is the one doing the cleaving right?

If she is having problems with people IDing her eg if she have important contract or projects still running,she should explain to her husband and keep the maiden name for sometime before finally changing it. This will help her counterparts to get used to her new name and make necessary changes. Though i have done change of name legally i still kept my maiden name on few things till they finally runs out to avoid the protocol of change and this was based on my husband advice.

Amhappy: If she is having problems with people IDing her eg if she have important contract or projects still running,she should explain to her husband and keep the maiden name for sometime before finally changing it. This will help her counterparts to get used to her new name and make necessary changes. Though i have done change of name legally i still kept my maiden name on few things till they finally runs out to avoid the protocol of change and this was based on my husband advice.

Maybe she can adopt this method if hubby is getting a hard on seeing her maiden name

I Personally told my woman to use her maiden name as her middle name, she was even like whyyyy? I said for prefrence sake... I don't think it's a big deal for a middle name.

She uses both names as a compound name. It's not as if she has refused to use his name. She uses it along with her dad's and her reason makes sense. If you have built a career on a name then it is totally understandable that she would add her husbands name to the name she is known as professionally. It does not change a thing about their marital status

TV01:

Nash dude, how far?

You are late, this is already happening; apart from double barrelled names - which are old hat really - we now have "meshed" (amalgams) names or alternate (father then mother) surnames for the offspring.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/9664227/Couples-fuse-surnames-in-new-trend-I-now-pronounce-you-Mr-and-Mrs-Puffin.html
http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/advice-support-40/families-relationships-50/881485-gave-your-children-different-surnames-please-help-me-i-have-less-than-24-hours-all.html - (hint marry him you dimwit)

Weak men, over to you.

TV

What is TV?

Bigsteveg:

What is TV?

Maybe TELEVISION.

soulglo: She uses both names as a compound name. It's not as if she has refused to use his name. She uses it along with her dad's and her reason makes sense. If you have built a career on a name then it is totally understandable that she would add her husbands name to the name she is known as professionally. It does not change a thing about their marital status

He doesnot want her maiden name at all

She is already hyphenating the names according to the OP

Godmystrength: Maybe TELEVISION.

I tire for the guy o, all his comments/post always end with TV

Bigsteveg:

I tire for the guy o, all his comments/post always end with TV

I guess it kind like a signature. You know his username is TV 01

Nah baby!

OmoAlata1:

I must have hit a nerve. nle o

well what did you get married for then if not to carter to his insecurities.the heck! if he wants you to root out your first name even, just do it.

troy20: well what did you get married for then if not to carter to his insecurities.the heck! if he wants you to root out your first name even, just do it.

is this what marriage is? You are like a TV and your husband has the remote control? Asking me to root out my first name? Is he going to rename me or what? na wa o.

Godmystrength: is this what marriage is? You are like a TV and your husband has the remote control? Asking me to root out my first name? Is he going to rename me or what? na wa o.

easy there.its sarcasm.shouldnt be that hard na.

My last name is my identity, it's my history, it means every thing to me, it tells the world about me my linage, who I am and my future if it survives..

Personally, If the woman I am getting married to refuses to drop her fathers name irrespective of who the father is, then am sorry that's a total deal breaker, every one's opinion is subjective, what's next? Our kids would also bear their mom's maiden name too?

"And therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife and they shall become ONE flesh and one body" Genesis 2:24

Roland17: My last name is my identity, it's my history, it means every thing to me, it tells the world about me my linage, who I am and my future if it survives..

Personally, If the woman I am getting married to refuses to drop her fathers name irrespective of who the father is, then am sorry that's a total deal breaker, every one's opinion is subjective, what's next? Our kids would also bear their mom's maiden name too?

"And therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife and they shall become ONE flesh and one body" Genesis 2:24

Does Gen 2:24 prove that a woman whould take on her husband's name? or in this case, remove her maiden name?

Roland17: My last name is my identity, it's my history, it means every thing to me, it tells the world about me my linage, who I am and my future if it survives..

Personally, If the woman I am getting married to refuses to drop her fathers name irrespective of who the father is, then am sorry that's a total deal breaker, every one's opinion is subjective, what's next? Our kids would also bear their mom's maiden name too?

"And therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife and they shall become ONE flesh and one body" Genesis 2:24

1. The bolded statement totally contradicts everything else you wrote. The wife in this situation might have the exact same mind set.
2. What does a wife answering to a hyphenated last name have to do with the last name the children bear? Totally different issue
3. What does that scripture have to do with a woman bearing a man's last name. In fact it should be the man bearing the woman's last name if you want to take that scripture literally
4. You are right. It's subjective. So if you love everything about a woman and she loves you too then drop her like a hot potato if she chooses to keep her last name. That makes a ton of sense. Life is too short to deal with the absolute traumatic experience of having a woman who adores you bearing a hyphenated name. Oh the horror.

soulglo:

1. The bolded statement totally contradicts everything else you wrote. The wife in this situation might have the exact same mind set.
2. What does a wife answering to a hyphenated last name have to do with the last name the children bear? Totally different issue
3. What does that scripture have to do with a woman bearing a man's last name. In fact it should be the man bearing the woman's last name if you want to take that scripture literally
4. You are right. It's subjective. So if you love everything about a woman and she loves you too then drop her like a hot potato if she chooses to keep her last name. That makes a ton of sense. Life is too short to deal with the absolute traumatic experience of having a woman who adores you bearing a hyphenated name. Oh the horror.

Contradictory because she has chosen to get married and I am also defiant about last names? Marriage is all about sacrifices and not force, call me old fashioned but I am not getting married to a lady who is hell bent on keeping a last name rather than paving her future with her new family..did u miss where I mentioned my surname is my future?

Your number four point is absolutely wrong, read what I said again, it is absolutely wrong, if you ever base the primary reason to get married on LOVE then you have not made a wise decision if every other factor is considered, you have only made an emotional decision that situations and challenges during life cycles can kill...


Do u think most marriages going through divorce are still not in love?

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP A MARRIAGE, NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! If she is defiant my dear like I said earlier I would move on, it's not a do or die affair and it's not complicated, we are both making it easier for us..

bukatyne:

Does Gen 2:24 prove that a woman whould take on her husband's name? or in this case, remove her maiden name?

I detest arguing biblically because understanding is subjective but if a man is courageous enough to leave his enclave and his dwelling in search of a wife and finds one, have they not become one? What does one mean? In my culture one means everything and that includes changes to her last name, her new home, her allegiance and total commitment is to the new family we are about building together, so is mine..

I am in no way suggesting she is to forget her original family, far from it, parenting is one unique calling I revere but even her father would tell her your new future lies in your new home..

Roland17:

I detest arguing biblically because understanding is subjective but if a man is courageous enough to leave his enclave and his dwelling in search of a wife and finds one, have they not become one? What does one mean? In my culture one means everything and that includes changes to her last name, her new home, her allegiance and total commitment is to the new family we are about building together, so is mine..

I am in no way suggesting she is to forget her original family, far from it, parenting is one unique calling I revere but even her father would tell her your new future lies in your new home..

thank God o, men still actually exist. For me, its simple. If you cant commit to me by symbolically taking on my name, what is the meaning of the vows you just took? Women, dont deceive yourself - any man that allows you to partially commit to the marriage isn't going to fully commit to you either. He is going to have a stash of wealth and women on the side to supplement whatever is going on in your "marriage".

There are many cultures where it's customary for the woman to keep her name. I'm glad I don't have to change mine.

@Topic They should have discussed it prior to their marriage. What happens next depends on them both.

EnlightenedSoul: There are many cultures where it's customary for the woman to keep her name. I'm glad I don't have to change it.

They should have discussed it prior to their marriage. What happens now depends on them both.

Can you name some of them..

pickabeau1:

Can you name some of them..

- Asian countries like China, Cambodia etc. The children take the fathers name, the mother keeps her own.
- South Asian countries tend to go the double name route. Canada is big on the double name thing too.
- Some Hindu groups keep their surnames.
- Belgium and certain other Europeans keep their surnames. Bosnia.
- Arab cultures (patriarchal) also keep their surnames in tact.
- Most matrilineal African cultures.
- Some Patriarchal African cultures do the same. The ones I know about are all Horn African cultures, but I'm sure there are others. Perhaps someone can help me out.

My S/O is Eritrean, and they keep their maiden names. Same with Ethiopia. My own culture too (Somali).

Growing up, when someone would call asking for my mom referring to her as Mrs.*Father's Surname*, she would make it a point to tell them that there is no such person, and would go on to correct them with her own "maiden name".

In actuality, to us there is no such thing as a "maiden name". The idea is foreign. Your name is your name period.

Roland17:

Contradictory because she has chosen to get married and I am also defiant about last names? Marriage is all about sacrifices and not force, call me old fashioned but I am not getting married to a lady who is hell bent on keeping a last name rather than paving her future with her new family..did u miss where I mentioned my surname is my future?

Your number four point is absolutely wrong, read what I said again, it is absolutely wrong, if you ever base the primary reason to get married on LOVE then you have not made a wise decision if every other factor is considered, you have only made an emotional decision that situations and challenges during life cycles can kill...


Do u think most marriages going through divorce are still not in love?

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP A MARRIAGE, NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! If she is defiant my dear like I said earlier I would move on, it's not a do or die affair and it's not complicated, we are both making it easier for us..

Again. Again. AGAIN. I highlight another one of your comments to prove that you haven't thought out your point. Marriage is not by force but you support the idea of a woman being FORCED to drop a name she's comfortable with.

EnlightenedSoul:

- Asian countries like China, Cambodia etc. The children take the fathers name, the mother keeps her own.
- South Asian countries tend to go the double name route. Canada is big on the double name thing too.
- Some Hindu groups keep their surnames.
- Belgium and certain other Europeans keep their surnames. Bosnia.
- Arab cultures (patriarchal) also keep their surnames in tact.
- Most matrilineal African cultures.
- Some Patriarchal African cultures do the same. The ones I know about are all Horn African cultures, but I'm sure there are others. Perhaps someone can help me out.

My S/O is Eritrean, and they keep their maiden names. Same with Ethiopia. My own culture too (Somali).

Growing up, when someone would call asking for my mom referring to her as Mrs.*Father's Surname*, she would make it a point to tell them that there is no such person, and would go on to correct them with her own "maiden name".

In actuality, to us there is no such thing as a "maiden name". The idea is foreign. Your name is your name period.

Thank you. This is the funny part. It is actually a borrowed culture for Nigerians too. Before this was introduced to Nigerians people were referred to as the daughter of this or that or "she came from that compound" etc.

soulglo:
Again. Again. AGAIN. I highlight another one of your comments to prove that you haven't thought out your point. Marriage is not by force but you support the idea of a woman being FORCED to drop a name she's comfortable with.

Nne,

Yet again and again you fail to understand where it's not by force for me to get married to a lady who has refused to drop her maiden name for a new family name, i am not forcing her that is why I laid down my criteria for a union and she lays down hers too before we tie the knot, there are some issues that can be compromised and worked on amicably and there are some that are deal breakers for both and the name issue is one for me personally and that is why it's no force, if she refutes and believes her maiden is more valuable than a new family she is venturing into then it's a deal breaker, we both move on.. No be by force na, Where am I forcing her?

Well I won't be surprised if you highlight another point without stating your own case...

I would rest this argument with a popular Igbo proverb, however you choose to interpret it is totally up to you.. "Mma nwanyi wu di luru ya" "the beauty of a woman rest's in the husband she is married to".

*double