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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name (8455 Views)
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Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Bigsteveg(m): 10:04am On Jul 23, 2014 |
ireneidiva: Am not jobless, dats ur problem..wanna claim to know me even when we've neva met. Am not jobless, i just want to create time for a deluded fellow. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Nobody: 10:12am On Jul 23, 2014 |
OmoAlata1: Why are Nigerian men so insecured? what is the big deal about keeping one's maiden name? I am so tired of this nonsense Why are nigerian men so insecure? Why do nigerian men carry drinks to your parents before marrige? You are tired of this nonsense? I hope you are also tired of your marriage? This case is straight forward, if tired get out. Hypocrites. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Nobody: 10:27am On Jul 23, 2014 |
This name change is alien (where I'm from), Our grandmothers were never called Mrs anything, it was mother of this; daughter of that, wife of this. This name change wey una wan kill yourself over borrowed culture. 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by TV01(m): 11:06am On Jul 23, 2014 |
...then do so. With immediate effect and instant alacrity ! You live in a culture were they are certain expectations and norms associated with marriage. Taking your husbands surname is one of such. If for any reason you preferred to do it differently, you should have mentioned it before saying "I do". Presumably he carried out in full the expectations of a man seeking a wife? I thought so. Husband; you are either "poor husband" for having to deal with this nonsense or "poor & weak" for acceding to it. The choice is yours. To be honest, you should have exercised "choice" with more discretion before asking for her hand. Abi you no ask? TV |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Nobody: 11:36am On Jul 23, 2014 |
They like am like that what doesn't make sense to you could make sense to others Nonso23: Women just love chasing the wind. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Nobody: 11:39am On Jul 23, 2014 |
Why are you fond of putting tv after any post of yours? Are you selling television or what? TV01: ...then do so. With immediate effect and instant alacrity ! 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by coogar: 12:10pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
Godmystrength: I am not for against any of the method adopted so far it works for them. According to the OP, the woman wants to retain her maiden name and still take up her Hubby's name as well. eg some Adenike Abiola Adewale got married to Mr Olusola Ayanlowo. According to what all the men are saying here, after marriage she is suppose to become Mrs Adenike Abiola Ayanlowo. Some women want to be Adenike Abiola Adewale-Ayanlowo. If the husband does not want his name hyphenated with maiden name, is she allowed to drop one of her own middle name and take her maiden name to be her middle name to then become Mrs Adenike Adewale Ayanlowo? nah, she's not allowed. the only name she's allowed to pick is her first name. her father has collected her bride price, i have bought the rights to strike off her maiden name completely. 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Godmystrength: 12:23pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
coogar:Okay then. What if she decides that she wants to change her middle name to some other name (because she never liked the name at all) i.e maybe from Mrs Adenike Abiola Ayanlowo to Mrs Adenike Ayoola Ayanlowo, will you allow her or insist that she must continue bearing the middle name? sorry to be disturbing you with my questions. I just want to be clear. modified: Sorry i didn't see the part in bold before commenting. Are you saying because she is married, she has no right to have a middle name? Just her first name and your name? |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by coogar: 12:54pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
Godmystrength: Okay then. What if she decides that she wants to change her middle name to some other name (because she never liked the name at all) i.e maybe from Mrs Adenike Abiola Ayanlowo to Mrs Adenike Ayoola Ayanlowo, will you allow her or insist that she must continue bearing the middle name? it depends..... if she's the type that doesn't give a fuss about names.....she gets to keep all her names including first, second, third to the 10th name & my surname. however, the moment she broaches the subject of keeping her maiden name, she loses the right of keeping any name apart from her first name. she either takes my offer or she gets kicked out of my life like polio. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by apolonius(m): 12:57pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
We can as well bear her maiden name together na,abi? Some things are too trivial and clear to be debated. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by royalty2013: 12:59pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
Go nd settle wif ur husband..na family issue b dis... |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by repogirl(f): 1:24pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
All I can say is marriage cannot survive without compromise and understanding by both parties involved.... the woman has given her reasons to keep her name, what is the mans own? If he gives her a good reason other than 'you are my wife and so you must bear my name', a reasonable woman should agree to it. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Godmystrength: 1:38pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
coogar:Okay i get you. Thank you. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Godmystrength: 1:46pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
repogirl: All I can say is marriage cannot survive without compromise and understanding by both parties involved....But what other reason do you think a man can give in this case apart from the one you stated above because IMO that is the ONLY reason they have. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Stillfire: 2:20pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
onetouch7: This name change is alien (where I'm from), Our grandmothers were never called Mrs anything, it was mother of this; daughter of that, wife of this. This name change wey una wan kill yourself over borrowed culture. This is the most intelligent comment on this thread. I will always reiterate on threads like this how the British came to destroy traditional African structures to insert theirs and African men ran along with it because it asserts their authority without being checked by our assertive foremothers who had the rights to boycott any policy brought on by patriarchy. The irony today is that the British who brought these alien traditions today have their women being spoilt by choices while African men still want to hold on to rules and regulations alien to their original traditions. 4 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by pickabeau1: 2:28pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
Stillfire: Traditionally women have always been known by the men who had authority over them by their fathers and later their husbands So Stillfire the daughter of MoreOxygen will be known as Stillfire the wife of PourWater when she was married Oyibos introduced Mr and Mrs... thats all It is even the effects of modernism that women can now compound names or keep their maiden names 6 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Nobody: 2:52pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
apolonius: We can as well bear her maiden name together na, abi? Some things are too trivial and clear to be debated. Best comment on this thread. Very soon, she would want her children to also bear her maiden name. Or better still, in the spirit of equality, if they have four children, two will bear her maiden name and the other two will bear her husband's name. Isn't that what equality is about? Then the next fight will be which of the children will bear whose name? But there must be something to fight about because it seems the idea of marriage is to fight endlessly and prove a point. 4 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by TV01(m): 2:56pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
pickabeau1: Leave them. Be it begged, borrowed, lent or stolen, it's now a part of the local culture. It's become "tradition". An initiative to change or remove said tradition is fine, but to wilfully subvert, or act contrary to it, for selfish reasons is nonsense. See someone claiming that a man insisting that his wife take his surname because "she is his wife" as a not good enough reason. We took so many yam tubers, I'm sure her people are still finding creative ways to cook it. Not only will she bear my surname - exclusively - I reserve the right to re-state her given first name or assign any dimunitive I see fit. For the duration of the world cup she was called "babynho" as she served me beverages and sweatmeats ! All traces of her fathers name and authority have been rightfully erased . TV |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by pickabeau1: 3:02pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
TV01: .... at the bolded.. it is however fallacious to claim that women taking their husbands name was due to whiteman Unfortunately chimamanda also helped in propagating that fallacy Nashville: .. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by bukatyne(f): 3:04pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
@OP: Since you are a 'friend', you should have the details: Did they discuss this before marriage? 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by lilmax(m): 3:05pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
coogar:this guy sha |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Stillfire: 3:06pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
pickabeau1: Children are known by their fathers, don't make it a female thing. Traditionally, men married more than one wife. In Igboland, the apt description of the woman is the daughter of... That is why women can leave their husbands house and go back to their fathers' house. In fact women are buried in their father's place. You are using Christianity to argue. [url]http://books.google.com/books?id=04VwpwD7R_AC&pg=PA12&lpg=PA12&dq=are+igbo+women+buried+in+their+father%27s+house&source=bl&ots=8SAUZxFU13&sig=P0eNaRveOmzNiJ16bN8yXw8feNg&hl=en&sa=X&ei=G8DPU4arL4yWyASm7YDYAg&ved=0CB0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=are%20igbo%20women%20buried%20in%20their%20father's%20house&f=false[/url] 2 Likes
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Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by apolonius(m): 3:08pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
Nashville: Well said. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Nobody: 3:09pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
TV01: I would advise men to hire McKinsey, BCG, and other top consulting firms to help them in presenting a good enough reason why a wife should take her husband's name. Because it seems now that it has to be hotly debated. Better still they may hire lawyers and settle in court whose name is to be used. |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by repogirl(f): 3:12pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
coogar:na wa o, you better sleep with both eyes open because when your wife is fed up with your over bearing dictatorship attitude, she will put otapiapia in your food. 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by pickabeau1: 3:13pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
Traditionally in Nigeria... Women are identified by their men An igbo lady has discussed this here too and affirmed the same.. Even your book says the same Read 1,1,2 Stop spreading fallacies Stillfire:
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Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by Stillfire: 3:16pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
I see coogar shouting traditional marriage rights. Does African tradition allow you to sleep with your 'virgin' bride before the wedding night? 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by crackhaus: 3:21pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
I still don't see how this issue can be the cause of debate between a normal thinking woman and her husband. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by coogar: 3:21pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
Stillfire: nowhere did it say in your write-up that igbo women do not take their hubby's last name. this link is a diversion........it clearly states there that a man can wake up & sends his wife packing.....if the woman leaves her hubby, the bride's family must refund bride-price. that's exactly what i said in my earlier submission. i would drive the obnoxious wife back to her father's house safe and sound and collect my bride price. if a woman loves her surname so much then she doesn't need a husband. Stillfire: I see coogar shouting traditional marriage rights. yes, it does. all my ancestors lost their virginity at age 15 & they were unmarried then. though, majority of them married the maidens they lost their virginity to but they all test-drove. my ancestors in ituku were never as mumuish as the ones who bought into christian norms of no test driving. 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by TV01(m): 3:21pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
Nashville: Best comment on this thread. Very soon, she would want her children to also bear her maiden name. Or better still, in the spirit of equality, if they have four children, two will bear her maiden name and the other two will bear her husband's name. Isn't that what equality is about? Nash dude, how far? You are late, this is already happening; apart from double barrelled names - which are old hat really - we now have "meshed" (amalgams) names or alternate (father then mother) surnames for the offspring. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/9664227/Couples-fuse-surnames-in-new-trend-I-now-pronounce-you-Mr-and-Mrs-Puffin.html http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/advice-support-40/families-relationships-50/881485-gave-your-children-different-surnames-please-help-me-i-have-less-than-24-hours-all.html - (hint marry him you dimwit) Weak men, over to you. TV |
Re: My Husband Insists I Remove My Maiden Name From My Name by OmoAlata1(f): 3:46pm On Jul 23, 2014 |
Greensaint: lol, was my statement that painful? |
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