Whether the man (or woman) is Nigerian or not, it can be difficult to determine if that foreigner you're dating is free to date, marry or is already taken.

How To Know If Your Nigerian Man Is Married, Seeing Someone Else Or, Has A Wife Back Home
By Olaniyi "The Voice" Abodedele

Today I want to stand up and speak on behalf of many innocent ladies across the globe who have been deceived by a few Nigerian men for one reason or the other while they are married to a Nigerian lady.

Nigeria is a country made up of the lawful and the unlawful, pretty much like other countries we all know. One difference is, Nigerians see the developed world as countries which present them with great opportunities they can take advantage of. The honest truth is that, they are a hard working bunch, no matter which field they find themselves.

For too long, Nigeria and Nigerians have been readily associated with the online scams, financial crime, identity theft, deceit and impersonation – termed ‘419’. However, beyond the unfortunate stereotyping, there are several positive characteristics and cogent intriguing traits of the country, and its people.

Mostly when you hear about Nigerian men, it’s either about one controversy or the other, the sad reality is that bad news spread like wild fire over good news. A country so blessed, yet, refuses to grow due to corruption and ignorance of its leaders, a country so blessed; yet, honesty is a scace commodity amongst majority of its citizen. A country so blessed; yet, the mindset of the average person are questionable. Despite all these Nigerian men are still one of the most loving men, if you are lucky to meet the good ones.

The topic about Nigerian men is never ending from Africa to Europe to Asia to the middle East, down to America and Australia; they are cherished by lucky women who have met the right ones, and by women who are yet to be stung by the few selfish, self-centered and desperate Nigerian men out there. Experiences differ from woman to woman, a lot have been hurt by sheer insincerity of some Nigerian men, while so many have had the privilege to experience real love.

Bold, brash, infuriating, funny, crafty, big-hearted, double-dealing, sexy, crazy, loving, mischievous, hard working. Never say never. Take your pick! All these adjectives (and more) describe the quite essential Nigerian man. A lot has been said about them, some good, some not so good, yet they are in high demand by many ladies all around the world.

During the December holiday and festivities in Nigeria, you will be amazed by the different kind of Nigerians you will come across. Nigerian-Indian, Nigerian-Chinese, Nigerian-Afghan, Nigerian-British, Nigerian-American, Nigerian-South-African, Nigerian-Zimbabwean, and Nigerian-Saudi-Arabian; trust me the list continues and is as many as the number of countries you can remember. It is baffling how Nigerian men meet ladies from India, Afghanistan and more. The norms and traditional beliefs in these countries are so tough, yet Nigerian men come home with ladies from these countries. The answer is not so farfetched, Nigerian men don’t give up; they are very persistent and go all out for what they want, not minding at what cost they get it.

There's the absolute belief that Nigerian mothers raise their daughters while they spoil their sons. Definitely true. From the time he comes screaming from her womb into the world, and all rejoice that "it's a boy!", he is adored by the female folk in the family, whether mothers, sisters and aunties, and their girlfriends/wives are expected to pick up from there. How many little girls have been asked to wash dishes and when asked if Junior can join her, have been told "No! He can’t because he is a boy!" How many hearts have been broken by those brown, twinkly deceiving eyes and wicked, dimpled grin? They are most likely countless.

How many ladies have fallen for the "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again" to the "It wasn't my fault; she tricked me into getting her pregnant!" Nigerian men are as different as they come but there are some characteristics that stand them out that are constant and trail them wherever they go. THEY ARE HARD-WORKING, THEY PLAY HARD, THEY LOVE THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE, THEY LOVE WOMEN, THEY HAVE "SWEET MOUTH", MOST OF THEM ARE FINE & THEY LOVE GOOD FOOD.

It is a fact that most foreign ladies have had bad experiences with some Nigerian men; likewise a lot have experienced real love and care from their Nigerian partners. A lot have been hurt, and a lot have also hurt Nigerian men in return. I guess it’s a general characteristic of humans when it comes to relationships and not just Nigerian men.

For the sake of innocent women who are in relationships with Nigerian men, and are looking forward to marriage, we will suggest you look out for any of the following signs to be sure your man is who he says he is. One honest truth about Nigerian men is that they are very smart and good at whatever they choose to do, be it lying, cheating, illegal or legal stuff, so you must also be intelligent and smart to deal with them.

Let us examine issues before proceeding further. It has been established that one of the most fundamental urges of human existence is to form a pair. Such pairing may be in the form of friendship, love, relationship, companionship of any other sort (marriages, civil unions, etc.) Right from the beginning of time, humans have been attracted and attached to each other- remember Adam and Eve? There is the attachment or bond between mother and child and there is the kinship system in most human cultures that calls for and explains the universality of marriage. Despite these natural tendencies, human beings all over the world are faced with a myriad modern tendencies that has affected and still affecting marriages.

For example, Nigerians living in the Diaspora have been experiencing high divorce rates. Reasons for such alarming divorce rate may differ from one couple to another, yet a good number of Nigerian couples are still married to each other, even when some of the ladies know their husband in the Diaspora is married to a foreign lady abroad. These discoveries are very alarming and have played a major part in me writing this article. I have seen situations where Nigerian women lie with their husbands, telling foreign women that they are their sisters, or a brother's wife and they even help clean up the house. They sleep in the guest room while their husband and the foreign woman sleep in the master bedroom. What a life. will you agree to this? One thing you must have up in your head as a foreign lady is that a few Nigerian men are selfish and self-centered.

Back to the basis of the article; how to know if your Nigerian man is married, seeing someone else or has a wife back home in Nigeria.
First, if you are getting married to your Nigerian man, and any of his family members, especially his parents are not present or involved in the marriage, you should have every right to be worried. Don’t welcome the excuse “we don’t have enough money to invite them”. Marriage is a lifetime experience. Knowing the Nigerian culture, it is an absolute joy for parents to see their children getting married and will do as much as they can to support the wedding financially or otherwise.

Let’s assume you fall for the excuse as to why his family or parents could not be part of your wedding. If after two years into the wedding, he has not taken you to Nigeria to meet his parents and entire family, and you are yet to see any concrete plan he is making to achieve that, you should have every reason to cry foul; in most cases there is something to hide. If your Nigerian man is financially buoyant and travels to Nigeria most often and has never insisted you come with him, do the calculations all by yourself.

When you are dating him and he refuses to take you to his house where he stays, and he continues to give you excuses, or he tells you he stays with his friends, his brother or his sister, be alert, especially when he gives you appointments at restaurants and you guys sleep over at hotels or at his friend’s house. Face it Girl, you are a fling- the dude is most likely married or has a steady affair.

One thing ladies should understand is that most Nigerian families, especially brothers and sisters will stand by each other, even if it means lying to save or support whomever is involved. If your man buys a lot of children’s clothes, toys, chocolates and ladies' clothing more often and sends them home, seriously, you have every reason to be worried. Something is wrong somewhere. It is most likely that he is not only married back home but also has kids.

If suddenly your Nigerian man starts to talk about his sister which he didn’t usually talk about in the past, and receives phone calls very often from that sister of his, please be careful. That sister is most likely married to him or she is his girlfriend back home in Nigeria. If you are not smart enough, he will most likely introduce her to you, in order to soften your heart and believe his story.

Pay close attention, when a Nigerian man is not legal in the country and begins to talk about how you should help him become legal. If you notice the desperation in him and all he talks about with you is how to be legal and, afterwards, invite his sister or brother's wife for a visit, at that point you should be very vigilant. I strongly advice you begin to make your own personal investigations.

One thing most Nigerians take seriously is religion. Ask to go to church with him regularly and tell him to introduce you to his pastor. If he refuses to take you to church with him, or does not want you to meet his pastor or imam, something is wrong. You are most likely a fling and, he has no intention of marrying you. If he doesn’t want you to meet his friends or whenever you guys are with his friends and he acts reluctant to leave you alone talking with them, something is not right somewhere. The average Nigerian man likes to flaunt or show off their women to their friends and family.

It is quite unfortunate that many foreigners have a negative perception of Nigerians, and they fail to see the good side of these wonderful black people. Yes, I very much agree that there are a number of unscrupulous Nigerians who tarnish the image of the country every now and then. But they are few in number considering the large population of the country. This is a country of over 160 million people. If, for instance, only 10% of the population, just 10%, have some bad traits; that small percentage gives a whopping 16 million people. Just imagine! That number is more than the population of some six to ten West African countries put together!

LADIES, regardless of your upbringing or how desperate you are to get married, once you are an adult, it's your responsibility to set the standard on how you want to be treated. Just because your friends’ Nigerian men are treating her good is no reason you should jump into the hands of any Nigerian man that comes your way.

You deserve to be happy and only you can choose the way you want to live.

Source: yahoogroup - fornaijamenonly