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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage (9301 Views)
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Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by Nobody: 2:27pm On Aug 09, 2014 |
SAMBARRY: Tv all this grammar because of sec i have lost quite a few pounds pondering on the matter 3 Likes |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by texanomaly(f): 7:05am On Aug 16, 2014 |
5minsmadness: I think it all comes down to communication. If one partner is not happy with a situation, they should discuss it with the other person involved not with some guy at the office. How often is too often should be discussed between the two of them. They can come to an agreement that is satisfactory for both of them. I don't believe 3x a week is unreasonable. 1 Like |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by greatgod2012(f): 11:32am On Aug 16, 2014 |
damiso: walahi, you no go kill me with laughter........wetin you know understand here now Abeg, TV01, ride on jare, i'm really gbadunning you, i enjoys reading your posts. @post, communication is the key, any partner who feels unsatisfied should communicate with his/her partner, and then, a little compromise won't be a bad idea too. |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by damiso(f): 2:39pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
greatgod2012: Aunty na jelosinmi I go all these big big grammar e.g. 'Bio-mechanical intimate function' 'male-female intimate binary' amongst others oro amba ara wa sun yii Abi Imi (on top this intimacy talk) Don't mind me jare TV01 actually writes like my late Dad oyinbo ti poju (English too much).I agree with his summary though which is that intimate issues should be tailored to a couple's individuals preferences with communication being key like you said. |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by Acidosis(m): 2:44pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
greatgod2012:can you elaborate? |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by baralatie(m): 7:11pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
coogar:here you guys get it wrong.test drive does not mean sexual needs met!many complaints come from those who indeed had test drives.intimacy in the marital I statehood.. is a totally different set up. it is not premarital.overture,not a one night stand. what you seek comes attached to a human being who faces other value which affect marital Intimacy and this is what pawns out in many homes |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by Fxwarrior: 7:30pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
Op what exactly do you wish to achieve.Are you encouraging promiscuity in these days of hiv, ebola and other sundry diseases. You can talk about it.Tell her you are the active type and ask if 3-5x a week is okay by her. You neednt sleep with her to determine that. |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by coogar: 7:42pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
baralatie: here you guys get it wrong.test drive does not mean sexual needs met!many complaints come from those who indeed had test drives.intimacy in the marital I statehood.. is a totally different set up. i don't understand what you are saying.... |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by baralatie(m): 7:52pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
coogar:let me make it plain 1.premarital.sex does not mean sexual satisfaction when eventually one gets married. 2.the marital institution sees sex differently.it is not the same way you share intimacy in one night stands,or with girlfriends. 3.the parts used for intimacy are directly connected to a complete person with feelings,values etc and these build pressure. 4.not all imagined fantansies about she.x is wholly considered satisfying by the wives of some husbands. 2 Likes |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by baralatie(m): 7:53pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
coogar:let me make it plain 1.premarital.sex does not mean sexual satisfaction when eventually one gets married. 2.the marital institution sees sex differently.it is not the same way you share intimacy in one night stands,or with girlfriends. 3.the parts used for intimacy are directly connected to a complete person with feelings,values etc and these build pressure. 4.not all imagined fantansies about she.x is wholly considered satisfying by the wives of some husbands. |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by coogar: 8:13pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
baralatie: says who? if the premarital sex is crap, why marry the crappy partner in the first place? i would rather know what i am dealing with for the rest of my life rather than playing lottery with my future partner.
maybe in nigeria.... the marital institution where i am at sees sex the way it is with girlfriends and whoever. my newlywed neighbours have been having noisy sex in their bedroom balcony all summer.
huh??
then why marry such frigid women? that's exactly the point here, isn't it? if they had test-driven, both partners would have known the dos & don'ts. if things won't work out, let them go their separate ways. if my wife isn't satisfied with my cravings, she's in trouble. 1 Like |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by baralatie(m): 8:38pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
coogar: how do you define the type of intimate relationship you have with your wife?is it banging a striper or like meeting a quickly or all are the same! does a gr8 she.x oriented girl mean you can marry her taking into. consideration the hype of sex in other countries like Briton and its allies,why are reports suggesting that some couples are sexu.ally not satisfied.despite been engaged in premarital sex. |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by coogar: 8:47pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
baralatie: you don't expect me to be reeling that out here, do you? it's just compatibility. 2 like- minds with the same level of libïdo. we both want it when we want it. no excuses of headache, stress or whatnot!
if she's not good in bed, then she's not good enough for me to marry. all other good qualities she's got is useless to me.
that's because most people don't know what they want. if they are not sexüally satisfied, why marry her? if i know my woman is a log of wood but decided to marry her regardless, who am i to complain later that she's not good in bed? 1 Like |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by baralatie(m): 9:18pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
coogar:to you the only thing you want from your wife is s.exual satisfaction! |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by Nobody: 9:32pm On Aug 16, 2014 |
coogar:GBAM!!! |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by TV01(m): 11:00am On Aug 19, 2014 |
baralatie: here you guys get it wrong.test drive does not mean sexual needs met!many complaints come from those who indeed had test drives.intimacy in the marital I statehood.. is a totally different set up. it is not premarital.overture,not a one night stand. what you seek comes attached to a human being who faces other value which affect marital Intimacy and this is what pawns out in many homes coogar: i don't understand what you are saying.... baralatie: let me make it plain coogar: says who? Coogar me old mucker, I'm afraid bro' Balaratie is pretty much spot on here. For the reasons as noted and the "female imperative" coogar: Not much difference between pre-marital and newlywed shaggin'. Especially if it's before kids and the marriage dynamic proper sets in. coogar: Evenif you discard a GF after determining the coupling is not up to scratch, it does not follow that if it is, it will continue to remain so after marriage. Shall we take this to the man cave? It's about time we touched on hypergamy and the feminine imperative in more detail. It's actually quite dangerous for men to marry wothout being fully aware of this. TV 1 Like |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by coogar: 11:43am On Aug 19, 2014 |
TV01: haha!
thought so too!
but i would be in a much safer place knowing she was once good at it......rather than going ahead with a woman that has never been good at it & expecting miracles to happen after marriage. i would be a hypocrite if i complain about her performance after knowing she has never been up to scratch.
hypergamy is an interesting topic. women rarely accept it exists or they try to make you think it was never thought about during their selection process. |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by TV01(m): 12:21pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
coogar:...if anything newlywed 2backbeastin' should get progressively better - for a time... coogar: but i would be in a much safer place knowing she was once good at it......rather than going ahead with a woman that has never been good at it & expecting miracles to happen after marriage. i would be a hypocrite if i complain about her performance after knowing she has never been up to scratch....point! But it's still no guarantee and frigidity can be dealt with... coogar: hypergamy is an interesting topic. women rarely accept it exists or they try to make you think it was never thought about during their selection process....for most women, sex is first and foremost a means to an end. For most men, it is an end in itself. Many women go about their ways instinctively and often are not consciously aware why. It's why you have the "just follow your heart" mantra and it's variants. Seemingly all about feelings , but in truth it's the FI kicking in. The feminine imperative is largely about getting a man to invest in them and their children. Nesting basically. For the most part sex is secondary, or something to help them secure what they want. Once a woman has got the man and the children, it takes a lot of desire and effort to keep the urge (and the figure) for sex. In fact where there are competing interests on her time, sex will typically take a back seat. Ask any of the married women here if sex got more vigourous or frequent after the advent of a child, talkless children. Don't get me wrong, it can still hit the heights and there can still be frenzied bouts. But it's not like a plane on a 10'000 mile journey, taking off, climbing to 38'000 feet, and then crusing at the altitude until just before landing. Any man that thinks that's how his sex life will play out over the course of his marriage needs an ice dousing and a slap with a wet fish to sharply reset his expectations. Lots of things can help sha! TV 1 Like |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by coogar: 12:51pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
TV01: it must get better till the end of time o!
frigidity can be dealt with? how? where's the time to start taking housewife for sex therapy sessions?
women should shape up then! so what's a man to do then? no wonder marital infidelity is almost inevitable.
time to start investing in potent aphrodisiacs to slip in my wife's dinner plate. sex taking a back seat is a no-no! what's the essence of marriage then if what is meant to be freely enjoyed is being rationed?
that's my expectation and we men should start demanding our expectation from our partners. why should we accept the status quo. women can't continue to frown at polygyny & marital infidelity and still deny their husbands at home. if a woman feels she can no longer meet her husband's needs then she should be a sarah. she should get extra hands like a maiden for her husband. men are being shortchanged with this arrangement & it's now clear why many men in our generation are shunning marriage. |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by 5minsmadness: 1:30pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
Double post
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Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by 5minsmadness: 1:31pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
TV01: Like what pls? There's a strong rumour going on about one of our managers who works downstairs. She got one of these calabar house helps and it is said her husband got the girl pregnant. Her initial action was to drive the girl home after making sure she aborted the pregnancy. But do you know she started complaining that she missed the girl cos the girl was really hardworking and kept the house clean and condusive for her, the kids and her husband. As I type this the calabar girl is back in the house by madam's request and I hear husband, wife and housegirl have an "understanding" pls oh, I didn't mention any names oh, if you read this and think you know d couple am talking about you are on your own! |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by TV01(m): 1:32pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
coogar: it must get better till the end of time o!Very unlikely. Women are much more "fragile", are more easily subject to "mood driven desire" and don't have a pure "sex imperative" like men. The vagaries of marriage and life generally mean they have a less desire, less consistent desire and more frequent dips. They have less testosterone, are more prone to illness, suffer through childbirth and are more likely to have reproductive illnesses. Think fibroids, endemetriosis, vagismus, various discharges and sundry ailments. The flight path I described, most men would be more than able to do live with that, it's mostly the women that mean flying consistently at that altitude is not really likely. coogar: frigidity can be dealt with? how? where's the time to start taking housewife for sex therapy sessions?It's a long term deal. Even if not frigidity, you are almost certainly going to encounter some "turbulence ". Many that may affect libido. coogar: women should shape up then! so what's a man to do then? no wonder marital infidelity is almost inevitable.Agree about women shaping up, but men have to support them. And yes, it's absolutely why a lot of fidelity happens. Men have these unrealistic expectations and then look outside when they are not met. Better set expectations and real commitment would greatly reduce the levels of infidelity. And I can't stress getting a wife that you "fancy die" as well. That helps animate your commitment with motivation. I think marrying a significantly younger wife helps in a lot of ways. Not least because as the man matures he gets less demanding, more appreciative and more indulgent. Without being prescriptive I think 8 - 12 is good. A gym culture without your propmting is real good as well. Assuming the man is taking good physical care of himself, otherwise it could backfire. coogar: time to start investing in potent aphrodisiacs to slip in my wife's dinner plate. sex taking a back seat is a no-no! what's the essence of marriage then if what is meant to be freely enjoyed is being rationed?Aphrodisi wetin? Hmmm...I suppose, but I wouldn't. And don't marry a player, digga, glorified runs girl, ex sugary mama, feminist...actually, it's prolly easier to say what you should marry ! "A younger woman, from a good home, with strong faith and moral values, who is fit, healthy, well endowed, highly accocmplished and a virgin to boot" And then Captain, expect a routine flight, but be prepared to manage your flight path. coogar: that's my expectation and we men should start demanding our expectation from our partners. why should we accept the status quo. women can't continue to frown at polygyny & marital infidelity and still deny their husbands at home.Male female expectations for sex during the course of a normal marriage will rarely match. coogar: if a woman feels she can no longer meet her husband's needs then she should be a sarah. she should get extra hands like a maiden for her husband. men are being shortchanged with this arrangement & it's now clear why many men in our generation are shunning marriage.I said some things can help. Money is one of these. Outsource as much as possible so wifey can focus on hubby. The current culture of both parents working back-breaking hours just to make ends meet does no thelp. Men are shunning marriage because it's increasingly a bad-deal for them - apart from sex. Most men would still prefer to marry and have a side-chick, than not marry and have a harem of side-chicks. I am not championing polygamy, side-chicks or runs. Just the right setting of expectations. TV 1 Like |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by TV01(m): 1:33pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
5minsmadness: Like what pls? I think I've mentioned pretty much all in my response to coogar. TV |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by 5minsmadness: 1:38pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
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Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by 5minsmadness: 1:39pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
TV01:OK seen them. Thanks. Reading about the "female imperative" for the first time. Makes a lot of sense. |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by TV01(m): 2:43pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
5minsmadness: Reading about the "female imperative" for the first time. Makes a lot of sense.Women are not hard to understand. The key is not asking women what women want. They'll tell you what they think you want to hear or what they believe will make them sound good. TV |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by Nobody: 2:53pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
5minsmadness: A colleague at the office is complaining that his wife doesn't satisfy him in bed. He says he wants it at least three times a week but she on the other hand is content with twice a month. They have been married two years and have a kid. Sex should be an act of intimate love making with several styles to spice it up.not d old missionary style.always do soetin new and advenrturous that wil make u long for each other even wen u av misunderstandings. Sex 6 times a week is not a bad idea,its either an early morning quickie or a sweet night collision wuld do. It depend on how u make of it#myopinion# |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by Nobody: 4:32pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
TV01: TV, are you talking about your wife and marriage? |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by TV01(m): 7:53pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: TV, are you talking about your wife and marriage?Yes to a degree. And yours too when you finally get there ! TV **he said to me...he said; "there are some things I wish l knew about before marriage", to which l replied "there are some things you can't know about until you are married"** ...do quick CFW 1 Like |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by Nobody: 8:00pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
TV01: If and when. Until then I will contradict statements like this one: ...for most women, sex is first and foremost a means to an end. You are not a woman and you don't know most women. And the fact that MANY women have a lower libido after giving birth has different reasons. I am quite sensitive when it comes to generalisations of this kind. Never mind. 1 Like |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by TV01(m): 10:15pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: If and when.And if you do, unless you are innured from the common things that come upon married couples, prepare yourself ! carefreewannabe: Until then I will contradict statements like this one:Contradict is not the same as disprove. carefreewannabe: You are not a woman and you don't know most women. And the fact that MANY women have a lower libido after giving birth has different reasons.You are a woman and you don't know most women either. Your point being? And whatever the reason for some women having lower libido after birth, the fact remains that many have it. You still have not disproved it. And it's but one of the many reasons why libido may drop in women. Along with those for causing a drop in men carefreewannabe: I am quite sensitive when it comes to generalisations of this kind.Why? Simply debunk them if they are wrong. Otherwise your "sensitivity" avails nothing. carefreewannabe: Never mind.Honestly, I don't . TV 4 Likes |
Re: Intimate Incompatibility In Marriage by coogar: 10:24pm On Aug 19, 2014 |
ephee: i wish all the nigerian ladies have this kinda mentality but na lie. eba & ewedu have eroded the sex drive of the majority of them. |
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