@ dotmanz
Am sorry, but I think your wife was possessed or had mental problems.
Or maybe, just maybe. ....you're not telling us the full story.
Am sorry bout all that happened to you and hope your next attempt at love is more successful

dotmanz: The problem we men have is trust. We mostly under estimated women, we assume, despite all the chaos, she wldnt be so mean to kill her husband, the day mine happened, she actually threatened me, at that period, she was always locking up the bedroom door and throw a pillow on the sofa out in the livingroom. At about 10pm, my phone rang. I looked up the caller, unknown caller (hidden number). I picked up the call, 'hello! It was her voice, the voice said 'its like u dnt value ur life'. And she dropped the call immediately. Just 3 minutes after the call, a message came in, it was from her number, the message says, 'watch it!!!'

I took it for a mere threat, I under estimated her, till the following day, it was like dream to me, she used a sledge hammer (construction hammer 12kg weight) on me, before she started, I noticed she locked all the doors leading to my flat, I was actually seated on a reading chair in the bedroom, she came in and locked up the bedroom door, meanwhile, the hammer had been snicked into the room, I never knew. When she started by saying she was going to kill me today, I was even smiling, ofcourse she knows how skillful I am when it comes to attack and defense as a trained Martial Artist. Before it dawn on me that it was a real battle, she had already striped me naked and reached for the hammer, she flinged straight at my head, I splited skillfully but unexpectedly, the hammer hit the wall and she lost her balance due to the weight of the hammer. I still cldnt attack her, I watch out for her membrane artery, I made a slight impact just to get her unconscious. Just a slight hitting of the artery, she passed out.

Knowing that she would pass out for just few minutes, I rushed up and put on another set of clothe, I took away the hammer and search for the key, I didn't get the key to find my way out. I had to force the door, she eventually sneezed to life as I was forcing the dooropen, when she found herself on the floor, she started crying..

She picked up her phone, she called all member of her family that I beated her till she fainted.

Na wa o. Can someone be this bad?? I wonder what she will have to say if she is called for her own side of the story. smh o. May God never let my sons or relatives or family member come across a woman as described in dotmanz's post.

I'm glad some Nigerians are thinking of popularizing this topic, and I'm also glad many Nigerians on this thread are responding with insightful experiences and analysis. Honestly, many people here have actually echoed thoughts that I've brooded on for several years now.

The association and this thread forgot one key area though:
Aside from the direct psychological and physical attacks, these types women are also champions in the use of 3rd parties to inflict these types of abuse on a male partner. Infact, this is arguably the MAJOR mode of their attacks.
It is normal for these types of women to employ a sympathetic thug admirer, brother, sister, or even grossly rehashed submissions to legal authorities, to inflict physical or psychological trauma on their partners.

My interest and opinion on this matter is not to criticize/defend any gender, but purely for solutions purposes. I believe that it is good that efforts like this grow until domestic violence be seen as something that can happen on BOTH sides equally, if it's not addressed this way, then overall cases will INCREASE.

Why do I say so? A good portion of the domestic violence cases claim "self-defense" i.e; she slapped/hit/bit/jacked/etc me first.
Currently, society and even hollywood glamorizes or comedizes a woman who slaps a man in reaction to a comment or to his displeasing her (without getting physical, I mean). Unfortunately as much as we wish so (and as can be read on this forum) in real life not all men can fold their arms or "walk away" when this happens. So if women could learn that it's EQUALLY bad (and even dangerous) to hit men, or jack/taunt them into a fight, the total cases of domestic violence by both men and women will indeed REDUCE.

I believe that the pro-women groups should join in championing this cause. However, right now unfortunately they are spending resources in worldwide effort to convince/threaten men to ignore their self-preservatory instinct, [s]and profiting from the sorrows of couples when that fails[/s]. Infact, it's been argued that current popular pro-women teaching indirectly drives up the numbers of these cases.

Meanwhile @dotmanz I may know you. I was in the same tkd organisation, in the same school, at the same time. Feel free to PM me. God bless.

In fairness to God, I wnt deny that there were no issues she was acting on, but they were just too pertinent to argue. And she make those points in her insults and while trying to breed the fire of her troubles, she once mentioned that she goes about sitting around the neighbourhood so that she could hear enough of my gist, and she confirmed that I dnt spend as much money as I used to spend on my ex when we were dating, she said she heard that I payed her school fees.., I found out she made a bet with some friends to be the first to drive a Honda baby-boy car, she argued she must know what I do with the rest of my monthly income after giving her the upkeep allowances..

I view those points baseless and was hoping she would understand the etiquette of a house-wife with time.

I'm well convinced she's here reading these posts, I dnt want to mention names..

I'm going to add this so that women can learn, though I consider it a digression.

Just two weeks after she left, her closest friend, her supposed informant that feed her with those gist, came to my apartment at about 9pm, I came back late from work, I got home about 8pm. I was lining on the bed in the bedroom when I heard a knock on my door, I was surprised, I looked up the time, it was 8:45pm, I went across the livingroom to the main entrance, I peeped through the transparent window, it was her closest friend, the supposed informant. I was like 'E kale oh' that means 'good evening in Yoruba, she responded sluggishly. I said hope there is no problem, she said jokingly, are u not suppose to open the protector first, what if I'm being chased by something, I opened the main door, then the protector. She came in. She sat on a two-sitter seat, while I decided to seat alittle far from her due to my curiosity about her unusual visit at such odd hour.

She started by asking me, how was work and so on.. She said she actually saw me as I returned. I said really, that's nice

the talk started, 'as a matter of fact, I should have told you some things long ago, since when u were dating ur ex-girlfriend, but I didn't know how you were going to take it, and I never had the time to open up to u till ur wife came, I didn't want to make it look like I'm trying to break ur home. I really love you so much, I didn't tell u all these while because I was scared u might think I'm throwing myself at u, my friend was very impatient and she doesn't appreciate what she had, shey u know that me, I've known u for a long time before she came, I'm the one that knows how kind and how calm u are.. I waited patiently as she read her 'tonight @ 9', meanwhile my compound gate closes 10.pm and she knows, after the whole thing, I smiled and told her to come and go so, she doesn't get stocked in my flat, she started looking like DSTV decoder, acting funny, I said it repeatedly, she noticed I was getting irritated by her stupidity, she now sluggishly stood up and took two steps towards the door, i was after her to lock the door upon her departure, when she got to the door, she held the handle still without opening the door, she turned back at me and said, 'can u please kiss me?' At that time, all the hatred I had for her for feeding her friend with some stupid talks about me grew.. I shouted in loud voice, 'please I dnt have time for this, just open the door and move.. she shamefully left at about 9:48pm.

I was so surprised, It was like a movie to me, I kind of, ..could it be that this lady fed her friend with those talks about me to enable her have her way? Can a woman go a far as that.. I said life is a is wide range of experience and lessons. What do they gain destroying others to restructure their miserable lives?

interesting

If this tale is true... i dont see any blame for your wifes friend

Worst case she did not encourage your ex wife to work on her marriage

The decision and the consequencs should be borne by your ex wife

This just highlights how treacherous her friend is.. no need for hatred

dotmanz: In fairness to God, I wnt deny that there were no issues she was acting on, but they were just too pertinent to argue. And she make those points in her insults and while trying to breed the fire of her troubles, she once mentioned that she goes about sitting around the neighbourhood so that she could hear enough of my gist, and she confirmed that I dnt spend as much money as I used to spend on my ex when we were dating, she said she heard that I payed her school fees.., I found out she made a bet with some friends to be the first to drive a Honda baby-boy car, she argued she must know what I do with the rest of my monthly income after giving her the upkeep allowances..
I view those points baseless and was hoping she would understand the etiquette of a house-wife with time.
I'm well convinced she's here reading these posts, I dnt want to mention names..
I'm going to add this so that women can learn, though I consider it a digression.
Just two weeks after she left, her closest friend, her supposed informant that feed her with those gist, came to my apartment at about 9pm, I came back late from work, I got home about 8pm. I was lining on the bed in the bedroom when I heard a knock on my door, I was surprised, I looked up the time, it was 8:45pm, I went across the livingroom to the main entrance, I peeped through the transparent window, it was her closest friend, the supposed informant. I was like 'E kale oh' that means 'good evening in Yoruba, she responded sluggishly. I said hope there is no problem, she said jokingly, are u not suppose to open the protector first, what if I'm being chased by something, I opened the main door, then the protector. She came in. She sat on a two-sitter seat, while I decided to seat alittle far from her due to my curiosity about her unusual visit at such odd hour.
She started by asking me, how was work and so on.. She said she actually saw me as I returned. I said really, that's nice
the talk started, 'as a matter of fact, I should have told you some things long ago, since when u were dating ur ex-girlfriend, but I didn't know how you were going to take it, and I never had the time to open up to u till ur wife came, I didn't want to make it look like I'm trying to break ur home. I really love you so much, I didn't tell u all these while because I was scared u might think I'm throwing myself at u, my friend was very impatient and she doesn't appreciate what she had, shey u know that me, I've known u for a long time before she came, I'm the one that knows how kind and how calm u are.. I waited patiently as she read her 'tonight @ 9', meanwhile my compound gate closes 10.pm and she knows, after the whole thing, I smiled and told her to come and go so, she doesn't get stocked in my flat, she started looking like DSTV decoder, acting funny, I said it repeatedly, she noticed I was getting irritated by her stupidity, she now sluggishly stood up and took two steps towards the door, i was after her to lock the door upon her departure, when she got to the door, she held the handle still without opening the door, she turned back at me and said, 'can u please kiss me?' At that time, all the hatred I had for her for feeding her friend with some stupid talks about me grew.. I shouted in loud voice, 'please I dnt have time for this, just open the door and move.. she shamefully left at about 9:48pm.
I was so surprised, It was like a movie to me, I kind of, ..could it be that this lady fed her friend with those talks about me to enable her have her way? Can a woman go a far as that.. I said life is a is wide range of experience and lessons. What do they gain destroying others to restructure their miserable lives?

smithereen: I'm glad some Nigerians are thinking of popularizing this topic, and I'm also glad many Nigerians on this thread are responding with insightful experiences and analysis. Honestly, many people here have actually echoed thoughts that I've brooded on for several years now.

The association and this thread forgot one key area though:
Aside from the direct psychological and physical attacks, these types women are also champions in the use of 3rd parties to inflict these types of abuse on a male partner. Infact, this is arguably the MAJOR mode of their attacks.
It is normal for these types of women to employ a sympathetic thug admirer, brother, sister, or even grossly rehashed submissions to legal authorities, to inflict physical or psychological trauma on their partners.

My interest and opinion on this matter is not to criticize/defend any gender, but purely for solutions purposes. I believe that it is good that efforts like this grow until domestic violence be seen as something that can happen on BOTH sides equally, if it's not addressed this way, then overall cases will INCREASE.

Why do I say so? A good portion of the domestic violence cases claim "self-defense" i.e; she slapped/hit/bit/jacked/etc me first.
Currently, society and even hollywood glamorizes or comedizes a woman who slaps a man in reaction to a comment or to his displeasing her (without getting physical, I mean). Unfortunately as much as we wish so (and as can be read on this forum) in real life not all men can fold their arms or "walk away" when this happens. So if women could learn that it's EQUALLY bad (and even dangerous) to hit men, or jack/taunt them into a fight, the total cases of domestic violence by both men and women will indeed REDUCE.

I believe that the pro-women groups should join in championing this cause. However, right now unfortunately they are spending resources in worldwide effort to convince/threaten men to ignore their self-preservatory instinct, [s]and profiting from the sorrows of couples when that fails[/s]. Infact, it's been argued that current popular pro-women teaching indirectly drives up the numbers of these cases.

Meanwhile @dotmanz I may know you. I was in the same tkd organisation, in the same school, at the same time. Feel free to PM me. God bless.

That's pretty cool. I'm the fair flexible guy that comes with this guy that sells akara by Awo and Moremi hostel hall entrance, his nickname is 'Joge' Makanjuola was the coach then, I used to train at the Basket ball pitch floor in Sports centre. That was long ago anyway.. I met one of our set then in PH recently, Moses. It was through him I got to know the Master (Makanjuola) is Late, May his soul rest in peace. He produced good fighters from OAU, so committed and courageous..

chuksmad: Some men are really suffering in silence. The first world countries are paying for it now, thats why u see a lot cases of divorce in western world. That is why i prefer the moslem world the way they handle marital issue. They understand better.

What has happened along the line? This is not right and it's not suppose to be like this!!!

dotmanz: In fairness to God, I wnt deny that there were no issues she was acting on, but they were just too pertinent to argue. And she make those points in her insults and while trying to breed the fire of her troubles, she once mentioned that she goes about sitting around the neighbourhood so that she could hear enough of my gist, and she confirmed that I dnt spend as much money as I used to spend on my ex when we were dating, she said she heard that I payed her school fees.., I found out she made a bet with some friends to be the first to drive a Honda baby-boy car, she argued she must know what I do with the rest of my monthly income after giving her the upkeep allowances..

I view those points baseless and was hoping she would understand the etiquette of a house-wife with time.

I'm well convinced she's here reading these posts, I dnt want to mention names..

I'm going to add this so that women can learn, though I consider it a digression.

[b]Just two weeks after she left, her closest friend, her supposed informant that feed her with those gist, came to my apartment at about 9pm, I came back late from work, I got home about 8pm. I was lining on the bed in the bedroom when I heard a knock on my door, I was surprised, I looked up the time, it was 8:45pm, I went across the livingroom to the main entrance, I peeped through the transparent window, it was her closest friend, the supposed informant. I was like 'E kale oh' that means 'good evening in Yoruba, she responded sluggishly. I said hope there is no problem, she said jokingly, are u not suppose to open the protector first, what if I'm being chased by something, I opened the main door, then the protector. She came in. She sat on a two-sitter seat, while I decided to seat alittle far from her due to my curiosity about her unusual visit at such odd hour.

She started by asking me, how was work and so on.. She said she actually saw me as I returned. I said really, that's nice

the talk started, 'as a matter of fact, I should have told you some things long ago, since when u were dating ur ex-girlfriend, but I didn't know how you were going to take it, and I never had the time to open up to u till ur wife came, I didn't want to make it look like I'm trying to break ur home. I really love you so much, I didn't tell u all these while because I was scared u might think I'm throwing myself at u, my friend was very impatient and she doesn't appreciate what she had, shey u know that me, I've known u for a long time before she came, I'm the one that knows how kind and how calm u are.. I waited patiently as she read her 'tonight @ 9', meanwhile my compound gate closes 10.pm and she knows, after the whole thing, I smiled and told her to come and go so, she doesn't get stocked in my flat, she started looking like DSTV decoder, acting funny, I said it repeatedly, she noticed I was getting irritated by her stupidity, she now sluggishly stood up and took two steps towards the door, i was after her to lock the door upon her departure, when she got to the door, she held the handle still without opening the door, she turned back at me and said, 'can u please kiss me?' At that time, all the hatred I had for her for feeding her friend with some stupid talks about me grew.. I shouted in loud voice, 'please I dnt have time for this, just open the door and move.. she shamefully left at about 9:48pm. [/b]

I was so surprised, It was like a movie to me, I kind of, ..could it be that this lady fed her friend with those talks about me to enable her have her way? Can a woman go a far as that.. I said life is a is wide range of experience and lessons. What do they gain destroying others to restructure their miserable lives?

Exactly this happended to me. When I noticed my wife's best friend was the one that was always giving her weird ideas that were causing problems in my home after which she would come around, pretending to be mediating in the crisis and at the same time seducing me by telling me how ungrateful my wife was for having a nice man like me, I simply played along and started dating her on the side until my wife found out! Today, they are bitter enemies while I now enjoy peace in my home and marriage.

SStoneCCold:
Exactly this happended to me. When I noticed my wife's best friend was the one that was always giving her weird ideas that were causing problems in my home after which she would come around, trying to mediate in the crisis and at the same time seducing me by telling me how ungrateful my wife was for having a nice man like me, I simply played along and started dating her on the side until my wife found out! Today, they are bitter enemies while I now enjoy peace in my home and marriage.

Wickedness. Still married to the same wife?

^^^Yes o, I still dey married to her o. Na now our marriage dey sweet pass sef as her eyes don open.

By why did you have to date her friend to prove your point??

SStoneCCold: ^^^Yes o, I still dey married to her o. Na now our marriage dey sweet pass as her eyes don open.

Godmystrength: By why did you have to date her friend to prove your point??

I sat my wife down severally to warn her about what I have noticed about her friend but she didn't listen. In fact, she told me point blank in the presence of some family members in the middle of a particular crisis that I should forget about coming between her and her best friend and that I was just wasting my time. I became very cold and aggressive to her friend and that didn't work too. In my frustration, two friends who were much older and matured in marriage seperately advised me to use that strategy when they noticed how moody I was. And surprisingly, it worked like magic. When I talk now, my wife listens

Stone cold gentleman

SStoneCCold:
I sat my wife down severally to warn her about what I have noticed about her friend but she didn't listen. In fact, she told me point blank in the presence of some family members in the middle of a particular crisis that I should forget about coming between her and her best friend and that I was just wasting my time. I became very cold and aggressive to her friend and that didn't work too. In my frustration, two friends who were much older and matured in marriage seperately advised me to use that strategy when they noticed how moody I was. And surprisingly, it worked like magic. When I talk now, my wife listens

pickabeau1: Stone cold gentleman

Na so I see am o my sister. No need to dey follow woman talk too much again

Edited.

@SStoneCCold
Some women are weird creatures...

SStoneCCold:
I sat my wife down severally to warn her about what I have noticed about her friend but she didn't listen. In fact, she told me point blank in the presence of some family members in the middle of a particular crisis that I should forget about coming between her and her best friend and that I was just wasting my time. I became very cold and aggressive to her friend and that didn't work too. In my frustration, two friends who were much older and matured in marriage seperately advised me to use that strategy when they noticed how moody I was. And surprisingly, it worked like magic. When I talk now, my wife listens

So you cheated on your wife because you wanted to teach her a lesson. That is not fair jare. What if you infected yourself with some ish and brought it home during that period? . Those two friends advised you wrongly IMO. Though you might be thinking it worked for you but it still was a BAD thing to do...

dotmanz:

Mind you, the woman in question is on this forum, and I guess reading this post..

After a whole long time, Apology came, but sorry.. It will amount to a big risk..

Someone whose mother was butchered by a mad man, would run a thousand miles at the sight of a dirty looking mechanic..

I hope she is not one of the shallow minded people here who chant "All Nigerian men are violent, useless and cheat"?

It is good you have your life back.

I do not believe and advocate divorce but there is a cross-road you get to that divorce is the only option except one of the parties dies in the process.

You took the right decision and I salute your courage.

.

Godmystrength: So you cheated on your wife because you wanted to teach her a lesson. That is not fair jare. What if you infected yourself with some ish and brought it home during that period? . Those two friends advised you wrongly IMO. Though you might be thinking it worked for you but it still was a BAD thing to do...

I guess the wife's part was the right thing to do, listening to thrash from her friend. Cheating is bad, true, but so is allowing a friend come between you and your spouse. At times a cold lesson is what people need to cure their hearts of foolishness. Some women never learn.

Sabretooth1: I guess the wife's part was the right thing to do, listening to thrash from her friend. Cheating is bad, true, but so is allowing a friend come between you and your spouse. At times a cold lesson is what people need to cure their hearts of foolishness. Some women never learn.

I never said the wife's part was the right thing to do. If she were the one here, she would have been told that what she did was wrong. One thing i know is that i won't put myself at risk just because i want to punish an erring spouse.........Well since your wife is fine with it, then good for both of you....


[size=5pt]You just risked your life for nothing..... well maybe for something sha because i guessed you enjoyed the game while it lasted....[/size]

sorry for bothering you. Don't be offended. Have a good week

Sabretooth1: I guess the wife's part was the right thing to do, listening to thrash from her friend. Cheating is bad, true, but so is allowing a friend come between you and your spouse. At times a cold lesson is what people need to cure their hearts of foolishness. Some women never learn.

We all commit blunder on daily basis, why has God not hurt us in a painful way to teach us one of those cold lessons? Or even cut off some Men's manhood on account of extra marital affair?

What is bad is bad, giving it a special term is encouraging a bad humanitarian policy.

I believe in dialogue, I believe in forgiveness and I appreciate and encourage people to engage in a constructive approach in managing issues, and not a destructive way.

Everything we do, register a certain lasting impression on the reciever's mind, and the fact that the end time thing is having a negative impact on people's day to day attitudes is not enough reason why we should chose to dance to the un-Godly Reggae.

Godmystrength: I never said the wife's part was the right thing to do. If she were the one here, she would have been told that what she did was wrong. One thing i know is that i won't put myself at risk just because i want to punish an erring spouse.........Well since your wife is fine with it, then good for both of you....


[size=5pt]You just risked your life for nothing..... well maybe for something sha because i guessed you enjoyed the game while it lasted....[/size]

sorry for bothering you. Don't be offended. Have a good week

better to do that than have a crashed marriage! I know you are woman so u might not understand. If it takes cheating to avoid a broken marriage then I have no objections

Impulse80: better to do that than have a crashed marriage! I know you are woman so u might not understand. If it takes cheating to avoid a broken marriage then I have no objections

oh.......your call

Good old thread

This is eye opening chai dotmanz you are a MAN