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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? (22436 Views)
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Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Blockus: 3:03pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
bukatyne: Yup!!! There lives revolve around their children and church mostly.. |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by cococandy(f): 4:06pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
If you're sharing your bed with a woman you don't trust with your life .someone who wakes up in the midnight to stare at you sleeping helplesslessly by her side and also eat the food that she makes for you. Hmmmmmmm I don't know what to call such a man njokusboy: 2 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Blockus: 4:12pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
cococandy: If you're sharing your bed with a woman you don't trust with your life .someone who wakes up in the midnight to stare at you sleeping helplesslessly by her side and also eat the food that she makes for you. A Chronic Gambler or an Adrenaline Junkie... Every night he eats her food and goes to bed in that house with her innit, is one night he survived a game of Russian Roulette. |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by cococandy(f): 4:18pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
The things we read on here . Blockus: |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by gogo2479: 4:45pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
Blockus: To answer your question, I have 5 sisters and yes I consider all of them, my mother included to be greedy One of my sister is always wishing death on her mother in law now the woman is dead and she is coming to bother my life on what is required of me as the father in law since my father is deceased to do during the burial of the woman she has been wishing death on. Moreover, I'm married and my wife is not exempted either, she has a good job, good income but feels every major financial expenses in the house capital intense projects, are under my exclusive list as a man, all she feels responsible for is groceries. But what drives me crazy is the she still doesn't have any saving or she claims, so she is constantly nagging my life for money for this money for that and if she doesn't get it then she will start showing her true color. 1 Like |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Blockus: 4:50pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
gogo2479: O Shiit!!! I am truly sorry Sir, you have earned the right to make those comments I questioned earlier. **Rushing home to appreciate all the wonderful women in my life including my Nwababy.. ** 3 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by pickabeau1: 4:54pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
nigerian god again.. topic Not everyone marries for love I wonder why this is shocking to some of us... Let us be real People change also... thats life. the spouse that you love so much today can change tomorrow For those who dont trust their wives enough, you can utilise trustee companies to manage assets upon demise Its available for those who are based abroad - Gerber does something like that In Nigeria, you have IBTC, UBA Trustees, First Trustees, Insurance companies like GT Assur have products tailored to educational needs 1 Like |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by raumdeuter: 5:52pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
Blockus: I am quoting you because I saw you were the most vocal for the making wifes next of kin The typical Nigerian household, the wife doesnt contribute anything financially and she doesnt know how the kids financial welfare is taken care of No responsible father would put the financial future of his kids in the hand of a wife like that. Just like the example gogo2479 gave. Several women have come on this forum very angry to open thread that why should they contribute to their own childs school fees. Most Nigerian women believe the money they make is 80% for them alone and the financial running of the house is for the man solely. So with this background, Would you as a husband, after your demise leave such decisions to the wife? A similar example: Conversely a lot of Nigerian men believe they shouldn't do anything regarding cooking in the house and that the wife does everything. If you are the wife in the house and you have to be away(analogous to death) Would you leave the cooking decision to your husband who never showed any such inclination? or simply just cook for the time you would be away and put in fridge. Actually most Nigerian women would rather get the family member or friend to cook for their kids while away than depend on a husband who has never boiled an egg successfully in their marital life In some cases, the wife might in the absence of the man learn to be financially responsible to the family and the husband too might learn to cook for his household BUT why take the risk? 1 Like |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Nobody: 6:01pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
raumdeuter: Ok so you have written all of this now without giving any solution. So what if a man dies and his children are 12, 10 and 8. Who should he give his possesions to? Just tell us who without long explanations? |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by raumdeuter: 6:11pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
Nashville: The solution is simple When roles are blurred in the marriage then these issues would reduce. When men stop seeing it as a taboo to enter the kitchen or clean the house OR when women stop seeing it as a no go area to spend their money on their own family it would reduce If in your case you pay the mortgage and your wife pays the bills or vice versa, Would you see any reason to be suspicious of her financial responsibility? or where the man enters the kitchen cook or mops bath the kids would the wife see any reason to doubt the wellbeing of the kids when she isnt at home? BUT in cases where the man cross his leg watching TV all day and the wife would rather buy another lace instead of paying kids school fees or saving up for their endowment fund Sorry we would continue to see this 1 Like |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Nobody: 6:15pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
raumdeuter: Chai, diaris God o. I asked a simple question and specifically requested for a simple answer without long story; yet you wrote this epistle and did not answer the question. Anyway I will rest my case since you cannot answer! Yet you claim the solution is simple. 3 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by raumdeuter: 6:18pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
Nashville: raumdeuter: The simple solution is in bold, the rest is clarification |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Blockus: 6:28pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
raumdeuter: Hmmm! I wouldn't call a Man that leaves his wife in the dark about the finances of the house a responsible man.. #Just Saying. If a man does not teach his wife about financial management before he passes, is it his brother or his children that would handle his estate better? I was thought that a wife is a mans partner in marriage and they all have their roles to play in the home. When one isn't there, the other fills up the missing persons role. Anyways, lemme ask.. If a woman in a marriage has money, can she will it all to her kids or her siblings to manage in trust for her kids? 2 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by raumdeuter: 6:55pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
Blockus: Hmmm! Most women already believe household finances are the man's sole responsibilities and most Nigerian men have accepted it that way and also decided/believed household chores and cooking are solely the wifes duties. The wife is an adult also , Most likely she has her values set and might not be willing to change it to start being financially responsible for her house. Would you call a woman whose husband can not cook "irresponsible woman" too? If a woman in the house has money and while alive the husband doesnt care about the household finances but rather spends all his money on himself alone, Would it be reasonable for her to leave her wealth in the man's care. |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by soulglo: 9:15pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
raumdeuter: That's why you have Trusts. That's the responsible thing to do. Your wife, the mother of your children can then be trustee along with any other entity you want. Michael Jackson is gone but his children get their millions every year from the trusts he set up for them. They get their stipend now but will get gradual control of the full trust as they age. In less than a year after his death his brothers were in court to try to remove the Trustees he appointed and gain control of the Trusts. Thank God it failed. 1 Like |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by raumdeuter: 9:55pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
soulglo: Trustee isnt that common in Nigeria yet, even many Nigerians dont even use life insurance Moreover the thread is about why Nigerian men dont make their wife their next of kin. So the few that would use trustees means that they dont use their wife Would you advise a woman whose husband and FATHER OF HER CHILD who rarely takes any form of financial responsibility to make such husband the next of kin and sole beneficiary of her wealth when she has young kids |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Blockus: 10:24pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
raumdeuter: [b]Sorry but lemme correct something here: the rule that says women do household chores, cook and take of the kids was already in place long before you and I. Even the bible alludes to it. Men provide for the family.. Now if a man is the provider, why do we have a problem with women spending what they provide? Anyways.. I believe the one constant idea I am getting from everyone who supports the notion of not making their spouses their NOK here seems to be men with bad wives and I don't believe they are bad because they don't make money. So the trick here is to find a good woman to be married to that you can trust with your life. I believe the day a man picks a wife, he has picked his 2nd in command that ranks above even his mother. The day you realize that you have lost all trust in her and it's irreparable, pack up and move cos you are not safe with such a person. Your next of keen should be someone responsible enough to always look out for your interest like you would and I believe that a Mans wife is ideally be that person. [/b] 3 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by cococandy(f): 10:25pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
Did you say average/typical Nigerian household? Modified Which kind of comment is the bolded biko? You house isn't the average nigerian household. That bolded there is the most annoying comment I've read on this thread. So because you've greedy females in your lineage all the hardworking wives many of home match the hubby's income kobo to kobo and some of who surpass his income are grouped into your 'typical' household? Mtchewwwwwwwww . raumdeuter: 2 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Blockus: 10:40pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
cococandy: Did you say average/typical Nigerian household? Be cool... We all can only offer opinions based on our experience and environment of growth. I have witnessed a lot and seen families suffer because the Man died without will or his wife as next of kin. It would also be interesting to see how a woman who has depended on her husband for everything would turn around and deliberately squander his estate when she knows that source is not renewable. 2 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by soulglo: 10:45pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
raumdeuter: Of course I would not. Who's fault is it that Trusts are not being used. No one but the person who chooses not to use it. I would not tell a woman who's husband is useless to give her husband control of money the children need to survive neither would I advice a man to do that with a wife who has to wear every asoebi and refuses to learn how the family balances their joint accounts every month. It seems that the average nairalander believes that women are out to kill their husbands for money. No one is saying anything about her being an absent mom or walking out on the marriage.it is just a matter of do not trust your wife. I personally think people are just used to living in fear. Basing life changing decisions like this on fear 2 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by cococandy(f): 11:04pm On Aug 27, 2014 |
On this issue of wills and estates,different opinions are allowed of course. But it will 'pain' me to ignore such a blatant lie . For what na? Just so he can make a cheap point? I'll be doing a great disservice to womanhood and humanity in general if I let that lie slide. From female bankers to teachers to lawyers,doctors and nurses. To the big shot female CEOs, politicians,MDs etc etc To the rural areas filled with women who wake up by 5am to make sure they get to the village market before 6am on their bicycles selling every bit of odd and end to make a living and support their families. To the small and medium sized shop owners,supermarkets,boutiques and beauty parlors. this dude has the nerves to say nigerian women don't even know how their kids fare financially. What bollocks!!! I come from a line of hard working women. Even my grandma in her old age has refused to retire from trading. Says force of habit can't let her put away a trade she used to raise her 12kids alongside my grandpa(of blessed memory) Who's this dude that has seen ALL nigerian families and knows that the women don't care for the financial welfare of their kids? Do I even go into the case of marriages where the husbands have refused to sit up and win bread? But wifey is doing all that plus the wife's work(and there are many of such homes around too) Where did he get his 'typical' from? I don't think anyone should be stopped from making their opinions known,but I won't let such a lie pass me bye. Una goodnight. Blockus: 4 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by raumdeuter: 12:07am On Aug 28, 2014 |
Blockus: WHat does the same bible say about wife and inheritance, If you want to pull the bible card? The bible emphasize inheritance to the children more than the spouse Would a woman feel comfortable leaving her food catering responsibilities to a man who has never done it before? Same thing with putting financial responsibilities on who has never taken any before |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by raumdeuter: 12:13am On Aug 28, 2014 |
soulglo: Life decisions and trust are earned. If the hypothetical man we mentioned here who doesnt take financial roles for the family was different(Financially responsible to the family), would the wife have any issues leaving him to take charge? Any woman that is fully involved in her household finances would hardly be left out as a Next of kin Some women are even the chief earner, in the household or the main accountant, So which man would leave such out as a Next of kin The issue of women who are not next of kins arise more in families where the man is the only one in charge of finances and the woman does her own thing separately |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Nobody: 3:58am On Aug 28, 2014 |
bukatyne: Why do you think divorce is worse in the WEST.... The only difference is our attitude to divorce... it's a global... as someone said, keeping sentiment aside, no two people from different background, with different orientation are ever one... |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Nobody: 4:16am On Aug 28, 2014 |
cococandy: If you're sharing your bed with a woman you don't trust with your life .someone who wakes up in the midnight to stare at you sleeping helplesslessly by her side and also eat the food that she makes for you. Lolzzz, I see, I see... go do some research, you go find out plenty things, people marry for a lot of reasons, procreation is at the top, love does not even come second... why is this even an issue... That you don't trust a person to handle your finances does not mean you are scared the woman would kill you at night... actually, many couples habour that fear, but they don't always sleep on the same bed like you assume and even when they do, the man finds refuge in the knowledge that if he dies of food poisoning or the woman stabs him at night, the woman own don finish be that... people go craze for her head, ofcourse, na she everybody go first attack... the woman. knows that too... In the course of marriage, many things happen, people realise that their spouse isn't what they thought, people realise that they spouse are not reliable, people realise that they spouse may be too greedy, people's eyes become opened to the many faults of their spouse, many of which they didn't catch or were too infatuated to notice during courtship, the only difference between Us and the Whites is that we do not immediately go to the law court and end the union like they do... we tolerate each other for the rest of our lives, making each others lives miserable and acting as a catalyst for the journey to the land beyond... "Shey na till death do us part abi"? ABI U THINK SAY BLACK MAN LIKE HIM WIFE PASS WHITE WEY DEY DIVORCE EVERYDAY |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Blockus: 5:45am On Aug 28, 2014 |
cococandy: On this issue of wills and estates,different opinions are allowed of course. I would like to type a longass post in support of this but it's easier to just Bless this post. I also come from a long line of powerful, resourceful and hardworking women so I also wonder where most of these folks are getting this notion as well. Pfft.. To each his own. 1 Like |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by jaybee3(m): 5:58am On Aug 28, 2014 |
The mind boggles 2 Likes |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Nmeri17: 12:13pm On Aug 28, 2014 |
Kanwulia: You didn't add "TWAAAAAA" to this one abeg what does "doooo " mean in bini?? whenever I'm down in Edo and their women tell me doo ion know what to reply :-( |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Kanwulia: 1:29pm On Aug 28, 2014 |
Nmeri17: Thanks for reminding me. TWAAAAAAAAAAAAA to FIAAAAAAAAAKWA!!!!! Dooooo is a form of greeting like "e pele sir"! |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Nobody: 4:20pm On Aug 28, 2014 |
soulglo: So, this is where you have been hiding, no? Nice post. Anyway, I'm still waiting for you to tell me the secret to ya glowing soul and the bubble ____ - with the buffalo soldiers. |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by soulglo: 8:18pm On Aug 28, 2014 |
SirShymex: Not hiding oh. I only pop up when I hear my name |
Re: Why Are Some Wives Been Denied Next Of Kin Status By Their Husbands? by Nobody: 8:44pm On Aug 28, 2014 |
soulglo: Just call my name...and I'll be there. Erm, interesting. I guess I need to give you a bird-call where there aren't that many eyes watching, init? But one thing though, will you surely come there? Don't fret, I just wanna tell you a nice children story, and don't keep me "Waiting in Vain" like Bob Marley said. |
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