bukatyne:

LOL!

And tell them it is best for the family thereby breeding frustrated wives who become frustrated teachers(I do not know why teaching is seen as the go to job) who in turn breed frustrated children

njokusboy:

What do you mean by "stand by you".. The problem with you people is that you are too romantic/sentimental... In many marriages, the partners only tolerate each other for the sake of the children.. They don't wanna separate because they have grown up children and are worried about the effect on them so there is no "standing by you" in the first place... Besides the children are for both of you, it shouldn't hurt her that you are keeping your stuff for your children.. In most of this marriages, the women know that the husbands does not trust them with life... Trust my dear, is not automatic, that I marry a woman does not automatically make her the most trust worthy person... Trust is earned and we give it to the most deserving person not automatically "the wife"...This marriage of a thing is even overrated... Nd why should you let her know?
I Thank God you said ideally, it is not an ideal world, less than 20% of marriages and less than 10% of everything on Earth is ideal...
You guys just have a "romantic novel idea" of what a marriage ought to be like

cococandy: If you're sharing your bed with a woman you don't trust with your life .someone who wakes up in the midnight to stare at you sleeping helplesslessly by her side and also eat the food that she makes for you.

Hmmmmmmm
I don't know what to call such a man

A Chronic Gambler or an Adrenaline Junkie...

Every night he eats her food and goes to bed in that house with her innit, is one night he survived a game of Russian Roulette.

Blockus:


A Chronic Gambler or an Adrenaline Junkie...

Every night he eats her food and goes to bed in that house with her innit, is one night he survived a game of Russian Roulette.

Blockus:




This is not an attack on you... But do you consider your mum and sisters to be greedy women?!

Just asking cos it would be interesting to know where you got this idea from!

gogo2479:

To answer your question, I have 5 sisters and yes I consider all of them, my mother included to be greedy
One of my sister is always wishing death on her mother in law now the woman is dead and she is coming to bother my life on what is required of me as the father in law since my father is deceased to do during the burial of the woman she has been wishing death on. Moreover, I'm married and my wife is not exempted either, she has a good job, good income but feels every major financial expenses in the house capital intense projects, are under my exclusive list as a man, all she feels responsible for is groceries. But what drives me crazy is the she still doesn't have any saving or she claims, so she is constantly nagging my life for money for this money for that and if she doesn't get it then she will start showing her true color.

O Shiit!!!




I am truly sorry Sir, you have earned the right to make those comments I questioned earlier.

Blockus:

O Shiit!!!

I am truly sorry Sir, you have earned the right to make those comments I questioned earlier.

**Rushing home to appreciate all the wonderful women in my life including my Nwababy.. **

raumdeuter:

I am quoting you because I saw you were the most vocal for the making wifes next of kin

The typical Nigerian household, the wife doesnt contribute anything financially and she doesnt know how the kids financial welfare is taken care of

No responsible father would put the financial future of his kids in the hand of a wife like that. Just like the example gogo2479 gave.

Several women have come on this forum very angry to open thread that why should they contribute to their own childs school fees. Most Nigerian women believe the money they make is 80% for them alone and the financial running of the house is for the man solely.

So with this background, Would you as a husband, after your demise leave such decisions to the wife?

A similar example: Conversely a lot of Nigerian men believe they shouldn't do anything regarding cooking in the house and that the wife does everything. If you are the wife in the house and you have to be away(analogous to death) Would you leave the cooking decision to your husband who never showed any such inclination? or simply just cook for the time you would be away and put in fridge.

Actually most Nigerian women would rather get the family member or friend to cook for their kids while away than depend on a husband who has never boiled an egg successfully in their marital life

In some cases, the wife might in the absence of the man learn to be financially responsible to the family and the husband too might learn to cook for his household BUT why take the risk?

Nashville:

Ok so you have written all of this now without giving any solution. So what if a man dies and his children are 12, 10 and 8. Who should he give his possesions to? Just tell us who without long explanations?

raumdeuter:

The solution is simple

When roles are blurred in the marriage then these issues would reduce. When men stop seeing it as a taboo to enter the kitchen or clean the house OR when women stop seeing it as a no go area to spend their money on their own family it would reduce

If in your case you pay the mortgage and your wife pays the bills or vice versa, Would you see any reason to be suspicious of her financial responsibility? or where the man enters the kitchen cook or mops bath the kids would the wife see any reason to doubt the wellbeing of the kids when she isnt at home?

BUT in cases where the man cross his leg watching TV all day and the wife would rather buy another lace instead of paying kids school fees or saving up for their endowment fund Sorry we would continue to see this

Nashville:

Chai, diaris God o.

I asked a simple question and specifically requested for a simple answer without long story; yet you wrote this epistle and did not answer the question. Anyway I will rest my case since you cannot answer! Yet you claim the solution is simple.

raumdeuter:
The solution is simple
When roles are blurred in the marriage then these issues would reduce. When men stop seeing it as a taboo to enter the kitchen or clean the house OR when women stop seeing it as a no go area to spend their money on their own family it would reduce
If in your case you pay the mortgage and your wife pays the bills or vice versa, Would you see any reason to be suspicious of her financial responsibility? or where the man enters the kitchen cook or mops bath the kids would the wife see any reason to doubt the wellbeing of the kids when she isnt at home?
BUT in cases where the man cross his leg watching TV all day and the wife would rather buy another lace instead of paying kids school fees or saving up for their endowment fund Sorry we would continue to see this

raumdeuter:

I am quoting you because I saw you were the most vocal for the making wifes next of kin

The typical Nigerian household, the wife doesnt contribute anything financially and she doesnt know how the kids financial welfare is taken care of

No responsible father would put the financial future of his kids in the hand of a wife like that. Just like the example gogo2479 gave.

Several women have come on this forum very angry to open thread that why should they contribute to their own childs school fees. Most Nigerian women believe the money they make is 80% for them alone and the financial running of the house is for the man solely.

So with this background, Would you as a husband, after your demise leave such decisions to the wife?

A similar example: Conversely a lot of Nigerian men believe they shouldn't do anything regarding cooking in the house and that the wife does everything. If you are the wife in the house and you have to be away(analogous to death) Would you leave the cooking decision to your husband who never showed any such inclination? or simply just cook for the time you would be away and put in fridge.

Actually most Nigerian women would rather get the family member or friend to cook for their kids while away than depend on a husband who has never boiled an egg successfully in their marital life

In some cases, the wife might in the absence of the man learn to be financially responsible to the family and the husband too might learn to cook for his household BUT why take the risk?

Blockus: Hmmm!

I wouldn't call a Man that leaves his wife in the dark about the finances of the house a responsible man.. #Just Saying.

If a man does not teach his wife about financial management before he passes, is it his brother or his children that would handle his estate better? I was thought that a wife is a mans partner in marriage and they all have their roles to play in the home. When one isn't there, the other fills up the missing persons role.

Anyways, lemme ask.. If a woman in a marriage has money, can she will it all to her kids or her siblings to manage in trust for her kids?

raumdeuter:

Most women already believe household finances are the man's sole responsibilities and most Nigerian men have accepted it that way and also decided/believed household chores and cooking are solely the wifes duties.

The wife is an adult also , Most likely she has her values set and might not be willing to change it to start being financially responsible for her house.

Would you call a woman whose husband can not cook "irresponsible woman" too?

If a woman in the house has money and while alive the husband doesnt care about the household finances but rather spends all his money on himself alone, Would it be reasonable for her to leave her wealth in the man's care.

soulglo:

That's why you have Trusts. That's the responsible thing to do. Your wife, the mother of your children can then be trustee along with any other entity you want. Michael Jackson is gone but his children get their millions every year from the trusts he set up for them. They get their stipend now but will get gradual control of the full trust as they age. In less than a year after his death his brothers were in court to try to remove the Trustees he appointed and gain control of the Trusts. Thank God it failed.

raumdeuter:

Most women already believe household finances are the man's sole responsibilities and most Nigerian men have accepted it that way and also decided/believed household chores and cooking are solely the wifes duties.

The wife is an adult also , Most likely she has her values set and might not be willing to change it to start being financially responsible for her house.

Would you call a woman whose husband can not cook "irresponsible woman" too?

If a woman in the house has money and while alive the husband doesnt care about the household finances but rather spends all his money on himself alone, Would it be reasonable for her to leave her wealth in the man's care.

raumdeuter:

I am quoting you because I saw you were the most vocal for the making wifes next of kin

The typical Nigerian household, the wife doesnt contribute anything financially and she doesnt know how the kids financial welfare is taken care of

No responsible father would put the financial future of his kids in the hand of a wife like that. Just like the example gogo2479 gave.

Several women have come on this forum very angry to open thread that why should they contribute to their own childs school fees. Most Nigerian women believe the money they make is 80% for them alone and the financial running of the house is for the man solely.

So with this background, Would you as a husband, after your demise leave such decisions to the wife?

A similar example: Conversely a lot of Nigerian men believe they shouldn't do anything regarding cooking in the house and that the wife does everything. If you are the wife in the house and you have to be away(analogous to death) Would you leave the cooking decision to your husband who never showed any such inclination? or simply just cook for the time you would be away and put in fridge.

Actually most Nigerian women would rather get the family member or friend to cook for their kids while away than depend on a husband who has never boiled an egg successfully in their marital life

In some cases, the wife might in the absence of the man learn to be financially responsible to the family and the husband too might learn to cook for his household BUT why take the risk?

cococandy: Did you say average/typical Nigerian household?

Modified
Which kind of comment is the bolded biko?
You house isn't the average nigerian household.

That bolded there is the most annoying comment I've read on this thread. So because you've greedy females in your lineage all the hardworking wives many of home match the hubby's income kobo to kobo and some of who surpass his income are grouped into your 'typical' household?

Mtchewwwwwwwww

.

raumdeuter:

Trustee isnt that common in Nigeria yet, even many Nigerians dont even use life insurance

Moreover the thread is about why Nigerian men dont make their wife their next of kin. So the few that would use trustees means that they dont use their wife

Would you advise a woman whose husband and FATHER OF HER CHILD who rarely takes any form of financial responsibility to make such husband the next of kin and sole beneficiary of her wealth when she has young kids

Blockus:


Be cool...

We all can only offer opinions based on our experience and environment of growth.

I have witnessed a lot and seen families suffer because the Man died without will or his wife as next of kin. It would also be interesting to see how a woman who has depended on her husband for everything would turn around and deliberately squander his estate when she knows that source is not renewable.

Blockus:


[b]Sorry but lemme correct something here: the rule that says women do household chores, cook and take of the kids was already in place long before you and I. Even the bible alludes to it. Men provide for the family..

Now if a man is the provider, why do we have a problem with women spending what they provide?

Anyways.. I believe the one constant idea I am getting from everyone who supports the notion of not making their spouses their NOK here seems to be men with bad wives and I don't believe they are bad because they don't make money.

So the trick here is to find a good woman to be married to that you can trust with your life. I believe the day a man picks a wife, he has picked his 2nd in command that ranks above even his mother. The day you realize that you have lost all trust in her and it's irreparable, pack up and move cos you are not safe with such a person.

Your next of keen should be someone responsible enough to always look out for your interest like you would and I believe that a Mans wife is ideally be that person. [/b]

soulglo:
Of course I would not. Who's fault is it that Trusts are not being used. No one but the person who chooses not to use it. I would not tell a woman who's husband is useless to give her husband control of money the children need to survive neither would I advice a man to do that with a wife who has to wear every asoebi and refuses to learn how the family balances their joint accounts every month. It seems that the average nairalander believes that women are out to kill their husbands for money. No one is saying anything about her being an absent mom or walking out on the marriage.it is just a matter of do not trust your wife. I personally think people are just used to living in fear. Basing life changing decisions like this on fear

bukatyne:

Very very true

The types I call 'Nigerian' husbands like the 'Nigerian' god

cococandy: If you're sharing your bed with a woman you don't trust with your life .someone who wakes up in the midnight to stare at you sleeping helplesslessly by her side and also eat the food that she makes for you.

Hmmmmmmm
I don't know what to call such a man

cococandy: On this issue of wills and estates,different opinions are allowed of course.
But it will 'pain' me to ignore such a blatant lie .
For what na? Just so he can make a cheap point?
I'll be doing a great disservice to womanhood and humanity in general if I let that lie slide.

From female bankers to teachers to lawyers,doctors and nurses.
To the big shot female CEOS, politicians,MDs etc etc
To the rural areas filled with women who wake up by 5am to make sure they get to the village market before 6am on their bicycles selling every bit of odd and end to make a living and support their families. To the smalle and medium sized shop owners,supermarkets,boutiques and beauty parlors.
this dude has the nerves to say nigerian women don't even know how their kids fare financially.
What bollocks!!!

I come from a line of hard working women. Even my grandma in her old age has refused to retire from trading. Says force of habit can't let her put away a trade she used to raise her 12kids alongside my grandpa(of blessed memory)

Who's this dude that has seen ALL nigerian families and knows that the women don't care for the financial welfare of their kids?

Do I even go into the case of marriages where the husbands have refused to sit up and win bread? But wifey is doing all that plus the wife's work(and there are many of such homes around too)

Where did he get his 'typical' from?

I don't think anyone should be stopped from making their opinions known,but I won't let such a lie pass me bye.

Una goodnight.

Kanwulia:

Of course I am right.
No need for JABOLOGY!
If not for children, NAIJA women nor go marry lai-lai!!!
I nor for TRYAM!

Do you know what it takes to live with a NIGERIAN man under the same ROO'P'. . . . . for more than 6 month?
Shegey! Death is "MO BETA"! AYAKATAAAAAAAAAA BONGOOOOOO!!!!

If I nor get flenty-flenty MARRIED LOVERS, I for don commit suicide tey tey ke!



One day woman go make AKAMU from nose take carry her own belle WITHOUT MAN AND DEM BLOKOS wahala and shakara
Amiiiiiiiiin oooooooooh!!!!

I loooooove my roommate husband o.

OH ISRAEL TO THY TENT!
. . . . . And JUDAH too!

Nmeri17:

You didn't add "TWAAAAAA" to this one abeg what does "doooo " mean in bini?? whenever I'm down in Edo and their women tell me doo ion know what to reply :-(

soulglo:


Of course I would not. Who's fault is it that Trusts are not being used. No one but the person who chooses not to use it. I would not tell a woman who's husband is useless to give her husband control of money the children need to survive neither would I advice a man to do that with a wife who has to wear every asoebi and refuses to learn how the family balances their joint accounts every month. It seems that the average nairalander believes that women are out to kill their husbands for money. No one is saying anything about her being an absent mom or walking out on the marriage.it is just a matter of do not trust your wife. I personally think people are just used to living in fear. Basing life changing decisions like this on fear

SirShymex:

So, this is where you have been hiding, no? Nice post.

Anyway, I'm still waiting for you to tell me the secret to ya glowing soul and the bubble ____ - with the buffalo soldiers.

soulglo:

Not hiding oh. I only pop up when I hear my name