galantjoe: may be u are not married. it is when you marry that u will see the true nature of womanhood.
May be u are still in shallow love. take it or leave it.

Blockus:


I guess I understand you now.. And its all good bro.


ALL the best with your kids.

soulglo:


Bottom line is someone with your ideology should lay it all out before you get married. Before you marry her tell her and those giving her in marriage to you that her financial security and stability ain't your problem. Her job is to carry the babies and cook soup for you. I am sure the whole town will line up their daughters for you. Of course you will not say that. You will not say it because anybody would imagine that something has to be wrong somewhere.

Many women want babies but not with just anybody. So yes, it is also her child but she does not need to have those babies with you. She can have babies with the type of man that would make sure she is fine if the children need her to slow down career wise to be there for them. The kind of man that if God forbid something happens to him in the midst of her career break she would not have to run to someone else to make ends meet. I know women with Masters degrees who stop work for years because of some need the family might have. I thank God that they have the type of partnership that allows for that to happen. Makes a ton of sense to me now why Nigerians leave their children with just anybody just so they can go to work. Why wouldn't they when quitting their job could mean financial ruin in the future. Where's the support? There are sacrifices made in marriage. I just wonder if you expect her to provide and care for you if God forbid you were sick or injured and not able to work for a period of time. I personally would wrap you up like a Christmas present and send you to you parents. After you are well you can come back and continue to fill up space. Why should a woman go out of her way to care for a bedridden husband when he treats her like an enemy.

galantjoe: may be u are not married. it is when you marry that u will see the true nature of womanhood.
May be u are still in shallow love. take it or leave it.

Blockus:



Please!! Please!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Marry me and I promise to make you Lolo's of all Lolo's with the Title of Eze Nwayi and have servants wait you hand and feet..


Just say 'I will marry you' and forgerrabout everything.. Infact, you will not be my Next of Kin but my Now Now Kin.

bukatyne:

Seriously?

Do you know what a husband or wife entails in the sense of the word? I am not talking of cleaner, cook, financencier, moneybag, ATM, plumber, electrician, se.x partner, baby making machine or surname donator.

I am talking of husband et wife

Do you know what it really means?

simplyOJ: There are also numerous cases of men using their Fathers and brothers. There was a similar case of such that happened at my wife's place of work last year 2013. After the man passed, making his father the first option and brother the 2nd, the wife and kids where practically left in the cold. The office had to own their own frantically enter into some form of agreement between the father and brother for his wife and kids to be able to collect some stipend..

njokusboy:

The problem with your analogy is that you automatically assume that all wives are Good wives.... In the course of a marriage, a man or woman might discover that their partners are not trustworthy, it's not like you get married with the mindset that your wife is not to be trusted... Many married people are only tolerating each other.. As Africans, we consider divorce a bad thing and scorn at divorcees... Forget the sentiments, not all wives will cater for your collective interests when you die.... you make the most trustworthy person in your life your next of kin, the most trustworthy person may be your wife but does not have to be your wife....
Not all Men trust their Wives and it's not the Man's fault, it's because, not all wives are GOOD/ TRUSTWORTHY wives... Not all wives Trust their Husband and it is not the Wives fault, it's simply because not all Husbands are GOOD/TRUSTWORTHY....
In an ideal world, all husbands should trust their wives as much as they trust themselves and vice versa, Unfortunately, dear, it is not an IDEAL world... The point the dude was making is, a Man should make the most Trusted person His next of kin... be it wife, a brother, a friend, a pastor... etc...

BOTTOMLINE: The most trustworthy person is not neccesarily the Wife... why am I repeating mysef?

sexybash: If you know you want to focus on a man
Then tell your parent not to waste time sending you to school
Abi. You can even master the art of scheming
Learn to work for your own money so you can afford the luxuries of life you need

donpeey22: You know the truth but just don't want accept. 99% of women in their selfishness, seek wealthy men for marriage. Even women who are relatively doing well Financially still will not marry a man who isn't atleast as wealthy. It's been known that most married people lose trust way into marriage, don't be Carried away by d lovey dovey thing you are still enjoying as a newly married lady, you may understand better later in your marriage, though i pray yours wont be too bad.

cococandy: what truth? That women don't get rich in the course of their marriages even if the man was wealtheir than her when they got married?
Is all this your sermon based on the idea that man are always richer? If it was the other way round,would you be so comfortable saying women should will their wealth to their siblings because their husbands may not be the most trusted person in their lives?
I don't pretend that there aren't bad wives and husbands out there.

For my husband not to trust me to take care of his/our kids if he dies before me or for me not trust him to take care of my/our kids if I die before him,there's something HUGELY wrong with the union.
It's not something writing a skewed will fix.
Maybe they better be divorced before the man dies or the woman dies.
I'd rather not have someone I don't trust in the lives of my young kids who I'm leaving behind.

Anyway I think I've made my point

donpeey22: *Btw, lorrie, from my aproko when i don do for ya dp, u fine well well no be small, infact if i marry your type na you go geh everything*8-)8-)

soulglo:


I am not sure why you're repeating yourself either. Of course every single woman that ever lived is not an angel and families are all set up differently. The point is you cannot have this grand plan of having a partner stand by you through life only to find out when you die that she was cut off financially. If that is your plan or at any point you feel like it's what you are going to do then let her know. No one ever said you should not leave something in Trust for your children. We just do not agree and will never agree that ideally the wife and mother of the kids should be primary beneficiary

njokusboy:

What do you mean by "stand by you".. The problem with you people is that you are too romantic/sentimental... In many marriages, the partners only tolerate each other for the sake of the children.. They don't wanna separate because they have grown up children and are worried about the effect on them so there is no "standing by you" in the first place... Besides the children are for both of you, it shouldn't hurt her that you are keeping your stuff for your children.. In most of this marriages, the women know that the husbands does not trust them with life... Trust my dear, is not automatic, that I marry a woman does not automatically make her the most trust worthy person... Trust is earned and we give it to the most deserving person not automatically "the wife"...This marriage of a thing is even overrated... Nd why should you let her know?
I Thank God you said ideally, it is not an ideal world, less than 20% of marriages and less than 10% of everything on Earth is ideal...
You guys just have a "romantic novel idea" of what a marriage ought to be like

soulglo:


Nothing romantic about it. I am surrounded by people with marriages were partnership is everything. Not sure why you're seeing romance. I am sure you're the type who buys pots and pans for his wife on valentines day. Since you consider what I am saying as romantic. Bye Mr. Romantic

dabriggs: Long grammar...its simple..

They dont trust that when they die the woman will not remarry a man who will invariably take possession of thier sweat.

Or she might have a boyfriend who she will blow the cash with and enjoy his hard earned wealth after he is gone.

If men could get guarantee that these would not happen, they will surely make their wives next of kin more often than not.

Nashville: What an interesting debate.

Bottom line is that if you have been a great husband to your wife; you will have little to worry about. But if you beat your wife, cheat on her, treat her like a dog, then you will be worried she wants to kill you and take your property.

Someone said earlier that most people are not really married and I quite agree with that. They just live together and make babies. Unfortunately, a forum like Nairaland with a majority of young people just shows that the next generation have a disjointed understanding of marriage. They go into marriage full on suspicion, lack of trust, and in some cases even hate. How can these people have good marriages? How can you marry someone you do not trust? Don't you think she will know that you don't trust her? How do you think she will react? By loving you more? Gush!! Damn!!

How can you get married and then feel your wife is going to kill you? Why marry a potential killer? Why would she want to kill you when you have done nothing wrong? Some of you guys are better off single for life. Seriously, some men DO NOT deserve a wife. Unfortunately some silly women will still marry you guys and entertain us in the family section. But honestly, some of the posts on this thread have been very disappointing to read.

ladygogo: The mind boggles. . There are very few marriages in naija. Most couples are just living like flat
mates.

bukatyne:

And you will see them championing marriage cause like no tomorrow or mocking single ladies/guys

Na them dey use their suffer head situation as yardstick for how marriage should be..



Most of the Guys commenting on this thread are the type that would make their wives quit their job the day she starts making more money than them.

uplawal: Pls tell me,what does it mean?btw,those that are in the reality are giving examples,you have to judge by majority of examples sometimes,are you married?,all those things you just ignored makes up marriages,each duties to both,its just a natural thing to trust your kids over your spouse.Next of Kin is not denying of Inheritance,wife before the death of the man and younger brother and children after the death of the man.

Blockus:


Na them dey use their suffer head situation as yardstick for how marriage should be..



Most of the Guys commenting on this thread are the type that would make their wives quit their job the day she starts making more money than them.