To a lot of people, maintaining a long-term relationship is a source of unparalleled fulfillment. Why else would all these popular online dating services use their member success stories as marketing material? Even Tinder, which is generally perceived as a hook-up app, uses the idea of two people connecting at a heightened emotional level in their ‘It Starts Here’ video, in which the “it” is most definitely a meaningful relationship.
It’s no question that one of the best feelings we’ve ever experienced has been that of love for another person, all the while knowing that that love is being returned tenfold.
So why do some of us never find that kind of love? Why are some of us afraid of finding it? Or why do some of us who found it fall out of it? I think it’s obvious that it’s all in where we’re positioned emotionally, intellectually and sexually, which is something you can keep in mind when reading this.
Now, I’m not here to tell you exactly what kind of person you need to be; you’re whoever you already are. Moreover, I don’t consider myself to be an expert at relationships; I’ve only had two I’d consider to be long term (1 year and 3 years). This list is simply a collection of things I always tried to keep in mind, and I feel like they’re gender neutral enough to share with everyone.
Depending on where you’re at, maybe it’ll help you see things differently.
10. BE READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP
Every element on this list is important to me, except this one is the only one that, if forgotten or ignored, can lead to tragedy before the beginning of anything.
Take the time (a couple of minutes, not a millennia) to assess how you feel about the person that you’re seeing and, most importantly, how they make you feel about the past, present and future.
You know you’re ready if the past feels like it’s long gone, and all you can think about is how good you feel right now and how amazing things are gonna be.
9. NEVER MAKE YOUR NEXT PAY FOR YOUR EX
This was the best advice ever given to me.
After my first girlfriend decided to leave me, I was an inconsolable mess. I just couldn’t understand why, after all that I’d given to her and all that I had put up with, she could just leave me for some guy who was supposed to be “just as good as her brother.”
If my friend hadn’t told me this, I truly feel like I would have brought some major trust issues and anxiety into my next long-term relationship.
Seriously, leave all your baggage at the door and remember that each partner is different from the other. Don’t make them walk on eggshells from the get-go.
8. BE HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING
This is an absolute no brainer.
If the relationship is going to develop into anything meaningful, your partner will have become your best-friend and confidant. Therefore, anything relevant to what you guys have together (which is pretty much everything) needs to be on the table.
Do I need to elaborate on this?
I shouldn’t, because trust is the mortar that holds every relationship together.
7. GIVE IT YOUR ALL
Anybody who’s been in a serious relationship will tell you that it’s a lot of work, which isn’t a bad thing; considering anything that’s worth holding on to requires a monumental amount of work.
Sometimes you’re going to need to go far out of your way to get something done for them, and you should be able to do this without thinking about it.
In fact, I think you should enjoy doing it.
6. REMEMBER WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF YOUR LIFE
You’re nothing without your dreams and aspirations.
Absolutely nothing.
Always stay focused on self-improvement and attempt to strike a balance while doing so. If you find yourself way off-balance while trying, like I did a year ago, then something is critically wrong with you or where you feel you are in life.
Moreover, you should be constantly building towards each others goals, instead of repeatedly restructuring them. If you’re unhappy with the way your life is turning out, it’s going to seep into the relationship and test it.
5. IT’S ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS, NOT THE BIG THINGS
Grandiose acts of love and compassion (like expensive nights out, followed with ice skating or some other shit) are awesome, but the level of planning involved in bringing them to realization make them fabricated.
It’s the little things that you do every day, be it the way you pass your fingers through their hair or the way you slice their sandwiches, that truly matter.
A dozen tiny things you do a day far outweigh the three big things you do a year.
4. ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING EACH OTHER
Let’s say its been a year since you started dating; it’s safe to say that you’re in a relationship because you couldn’t stop seeing each other when you started out. That excitement should never go away and every moment you look at them needs to fill you with an insurmountable amount of joy.
Everything you do with them needs to feel like the best thing ever.
3. WHEN ARGUING, IT’S NEVER ABOUT WHO’S RIGHT
Arguments will happen. If they aren’t, then there may be an unhealthy amount of repression going on or you’re in the most boring relationship on the planet.
The thing that people forget is that when they do happen, it’s rarely about proving the other person wrong or dishing out some form of punishment; it’s about finding out what’s wrong and fixing it.
And once it’s fixed? Well, then comes the most important part of any argument, forgiving (depending on the situation) and forgetting.
If you’re a healthy couple, you’ll argue about something else that’s dumb a couple of weeks later and end up hugging and/or kissing five minutes into it.
2. ACCEPT CHANGE
You’ll both change. Everyone changes.
It’s really important that you both accept each other as you transition into better, more experienced versions of yourselves. Stronger couples will work through any differences they’ve acquired and focus on the more positive things they bring to the relationship, as well as the goals they’ve set out for themselves and each other.
This doesn’t mean that couples that can’t accept each others changes are weaker. You both need to look out for your own interests as individuals and if you don’t see eye to eye on the future, well then…
1. KNOW WHEN TO LET GO
You know that feeling. Anyone who’s been in a break-up has felt it; this inexplicable feeling of foreboding, days, weeks and sometimes months beforehand.
Holding on to a relationship that has run its course is disastrous. You risk ending it (and I assure you, it will end) with nothing but feelings of resentment, betrayal and hopelessness.
Contrary to what people like to believe, mutual break-ups exist and, from my experience, they involve a bottle of wine, lots of hugging and constant thanks for the years leading up to them.
I’m not saying these kinds of break-ups are easy. You know, I’d even go so far as saying that they end up being a little bit more challenging to deal with. You’ll find yourself wondering, “Did we give up to soon?” or “Things were so good between us, if only we tried a little harder…” Shit like that can lead to sleepless nights and depressing days.
So how do you remedy any kind of pain resulting from a break-up?
Focus on the things that make you happy and try to remind yourself that events of the past are lessons for the present and preparation for the future.
If you can remember that:
Your next is going to be thebest.
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Thanks!!
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