I quite agree with a lot of the posters. My friend was madly in love during courtship and failed to notice the shortcomings of madam. Sometimes guys love with their heart rather than with their brains.

whatever90:

LMAO moyola ,who be agbaya

haaa

Agaba waz wat ah typed o!!

Moyola:

haaa

Agaba waz what ah typed o!!

oh,was thinking it was smbody else

frenchman:

I quite agree with a lot of the posters. My friend was madly in love during courtship and failed to notice the shortcomings of madam. Sometimes guys love with their heart rather than with their brains.

Hmm, how about he LOVED what he SAW, and it came back to bite him.    Just because something comes in a pretty package doesn't mean it's wonderful once it's opened, fellas!

frenchman:

I quite agree with a lot of the posters. My friend was madly in love during courtship and failed to notice the shortcomings of madam. Sometimes guys love with their heart rather than with their brains.

Its one thing to be blindly enough not to notice an overbearing attitude in a woman and its anothre thing to actually swallow it when you notice it. Two things are involved, its either the guy's a weakling and he's wife is taking advantage of that, or the guy just uses his wife as an excuse when he dosent want to hang out with you guys or when he dosent want you guys around.

I dont think his wife will go that far if he dosent like it  

frenchman:

I quite agree with a lot of the posters. My friend was madly in love during courtship and failed to notice the shortcomings of madam. Sometimes guys love with their heart rather than with their brains.

i am glad you came back to tell us this important part of the story. anyways, i think it's high time you let him enjoy his marital life. saturday games, clubbing, tripping, pubs and hanging out should be reduced. if he can make it, bonus and if he cannot make it there you guys should just accept it. i will not like my husband going out everytime too. there is a big difference between a married man and a bachelor. the married man can no longer make decisions, he must consider his wife.

tangent,
I am also a married man, and its not that we go out all the time. I have never gone clubbing before.
You know unlike Naija, you really don't have the time going round clubbing, partying all the time when you have got work to do. but occassionally its not wrong for one to go out.
Personally, I think a woman that is jealous and possesive is suffering from an acute form of insecurity and inferiority complex.

Frenchman,
The fact still remains that you are a third party to this marriage. No matter what you say or hear here, you cannot do anything to change things unless your friend makes up his mind on his own.

Who knows, he might think you are suffering in your own marriage too? Not like that is the case but you only know what he tells you or what he wants you to know or see. He might be making excuses to bail out on hanging out with you (to avoid spending money) or he might say things based on his anger towards his wife at that particular time.

frenchman:

tangent,
I am also a married man, and its not that we go out all the time. I have never gone clubbing before.
You know unlike Naija, you really don't have the time going round clubbing, partying all the time when you have got work to do. but occassionally its not wrong for one to go out.
Personally, I think a woman that is jealous and possesive is suffering from an acute form of insecurity and inferiority complex.

But why is she feeling like that? There is a reason to why she's being insecure. Maybe your friend should ask her why ESPECIALLY if she wasn't like this before. Also, if she WAS like that before the marriage, why didn't he stay far away from her, eh?

Love, I guess. Love, they say conquers all, but not in this case

Ehen Moyo and tangent

I was just trying to visualize what she does to the poor dude if he comes home late as the frenchman said.

Just a suggestion.

may be she kicks his balls and snake

tangent:

@ jjyou, if a man owns his house and he is either violent or abusive, the court can put a restraining order on him till his partner/wife is comfortable with him in the house. an englishman's house is his castle is an old fable that does not apply in the land these days. laws can be manipulated to suit whoever. do u know how many men languishing in the prison system because of their wives? [b][b]women teach the children to lie against their fathers to put him in more trouble[/b]. i am not saying this is right or acceptable but i am telling you these things happen.[/b] stop thinking these things happen only in council flat areas. it is widespread and cuts across every class in the society. there are greedy and evil men/women everywhere.

this is my last post on this.  i love the way you put the men/women. i personally have always been against buy now pay later relationships. it is not worth it.

if a man owns his house and he is either violent or abusive

no human being has any right to be abusive or violent towards another. it is never acceptable.

laws can be manipulated to suit whoever. do u know how many men languishing in the prison system because of their wives?

of course i know. i used to attend a mainly Nigerian church so i know the lawlessness out there. a friend nearly got himself some GBH for self inflicted wounds by his ex wife. i know these things happen. you may not like it the major motivation has always been housing or trying to inflict pain of homelessness on the other.

stop thinking these things happen only in council flat areas. it is widespread and cuts across every class in the society. there are greedy and evil men/women everywhere.

that is not true. it does not and will not cut across every class. you have to look for the factor motivating the group of women doing these things and be able to rule out certain segment of the society.

you are a smart 21yrs old.  if you are really 21 and know these things God help the fortunate woman whose son is coming near Canada water.  it has been good talking to you.

let this prisoner story be told please. just want to place on record not every man marry to get paper or free load.  what a brilliant world. mothers now have sons requiring other women daughters to feed and house them.
thank God for the women that came before me that didn't deform me to that level

frenchman:

Love, I guess. Love, they say conquers all, but not in this case

don't worry. love is blind marriage is opening his eyes. she would soon join the ever growing association of single parents and thyank God for london nigeria pastors that love praying for the singles

tangent:

@ jjyou, if a man owns his house and he is either violent or abusive, the court can put a restraining order on him till his partner/wife is comfortable with him in the house. an englishman's house is his castle is an old fable that does not apply in the land these days. laws can be manipulated to suit whoever. do u know how many men languishing in the prison system because of their wives? women teach the children to lie against their fathers to put him in more trouble. i am not saying this is right or acceptable but i am telling you these things happen. stop thinking these things happen only in council flat areas. it is widespread and cuts across every class in the society. there are greedy and evil men/women everywhere.

This is the more reason why we have more cohabitation that marriage these days. I asked a friend of mine a british if he was gonna get married to his girlfriend? If he was Igbo he would have said, 'tufiakwa'

He was like 'if she bears my children, does my laundry and spends my money, what else do I want. I am not ready for someone who is going to throw me out of my house and take 85% of my wealth in the name of divorce'.

After rweading of a divorce case which was purely unjust, a nother friend told me, 'to hell with marriage for now. If I make it till 80, i will consider if she is still there'

[/quote]don't worry. love is blind  marriage is opening his eyes. she would soon join the ever growing association of single parents and thyank God for london nigeria pastors that love praying for the singles[quote]

JJYOU,
Well said, I would have advised my friend to look at the divorce option, but I think it wont be right for me to be married and encouraging divorce of someone else.

We all knew how madam was before our friend brought her from Naija (no disrespect meant) , now that she is here, the center can no longer hold. May God save us from canterkerous women.

frenchman:

JJYOU,
Well said, I would have advised my friend to look at the divorce option, but I think it wont be right for me to be married and encouraging divorce of someone else.

We all knew how madam was before our friend brought her from Naija (no disrespect meant) , now that she is here, the center can no longer hold. May God save us from canterkerous women.

amen my brother. 2 years ago i attended a seminar titled only the poor marry. almost every person i know that brought these lovely naija sisters here lived to regret it. as i say thank God for lawyers and accountants.  if you don't want nobody touching your assets invest in Ghana or nigeria through a trust. the returns are reasonably high. i don't use this word lightly. i hate greedy and foolish people

agaba123:

He was like 'if she bears my children, does my laundry and spends my money, what else do I want. I am not ready for someone who is going to throw me out of my house and take 85% of my wealth in the name of divorce'.

After rweading of a divorce case which was purely unjust, a nother friend told me, 'to hell with marriage for now. If I make it till 80, i will consider if she is still there'

the mrs and i went to a wedding on saturday. after the blessing the man asked the people looking for a partner to come out. it was only 1 guy for about 50 ladies. you know there is trouble ahead.

JJYOU:


the mrs and i went to a wedding on saturday. after the blessing the man asked the people looking for a partner to come out. it was only 1 guy for about 50 ladies. you know there is trouble ahead.

Yes there is wahala

frenchman:



We all knew how madam was before our friend brought her from Naija (no disrespect meant) , now that she is here, the center can no longer hold. May God save us from canterkerous women.

So much for going home to take a wife.
I said it in one thread months back that it is better to get the devil you know here than going to naija for the 'angel'. Those girls overdo it. Yes you may say that girls here have tasted every manliness , what about them over there? They are worse and their desire to blend makes do worse things.
No all of them sha. before mgbo go land for me head

dont get involve in other people marriage friend or not,ur friend isnt complaining so leave it that way.

agaba123:

Yes there is wahalaSo much for going home to take a wife.
I said it in one thread months back that it is better to get the devil you know here than going to naija for the 'angel'. Those girls overdo it. Yes you may say that girls here have tasted every manliness , what about them over there? They are worse and their desire to blend makes do worse things.
No all of them sha. before mgbo go land for me head

for years me, almond joy and nwando have been saying same thing here.  majority of them are buy one get one trouble free.  check the thread will you take your gift back? i told my story there.  i nearly bought myself one lovely nightmares too. she is still here and we remain friends. i am thankfull to God it was only money that went

Na wa for this man o.

Yes o, bringing in a wife from Naija is not always the best, most times the guys always regret this.
Girls here or from Naija, the content of the girls character should be paramount.

JJYOU:

for years me, almond joy and nwando have been saying same thing here.  majority of them are buy one get one trouble free.  check the thread will you take your gift back? i told my story there.  i nearly bought myself one lovely nightmares too. she is still here and we remain friends. i am thankfull to God it was only money that went

What is your story?

And if you were smart enough to dodge, why didn't frenchman's friend do the same?

JJYOU:

for years me, almond joy and nwando have been saying same thing here. majority of them are buy one get one trouble free. check the thread will you take your gift back? i told my story there. i nearly bought myself one lovely nightmares too. she is still here and we remain friends. i am thankfull to God it was only money that went

Lol buy one get one trouble free

frenchman:

Yes o, bringing in a wife from Naija is not always the best, most times the guys always regret this.
Girls here or from Naija, the content of the girls character should be paramount.

Gbam!

Ms. Lurker:

What is your story?

And if you were smart enough to dodge, why didn't frenchman's friend do the same?

dont worry. it is history now. i didnt park there too long.  

why didn't frenchman's friend do the same?

good question. i dont blame the man. we all dont reason or work out things at same speed.  people are different.  some believe people change thier habits and give them the benefit of  doubt and later regret it.  others choose thier audience selectively.

i dont like bad relationships. it sucks life and energy out of you. worse still breaks your focus.

This is why I believe in waiting and living with the person prior to being married. You can't hide stuff like this when you are living together. I want to see exactly what I'm getting off the bat!

he is married man with children. let him plan around it. imagine planning to go out and not let your wife know before? if it were the woman, am sure he will feel the same. i think married men should act like one and not playboy. hanging out with your friends drinking beer while madam is at home eh? not really good. he should mandate a date for both of them at least every friday or every forthnight, help madam with work in the house, play with the kids, read and do homework with them, bath them, rub madam leg, back, hair etc
maybe then madam will feel comfortable letting him go once in a while.

when people get married, their priority should change if not, their madam will help them

Ms. Lurker:

This is why I believe in waiting and living with the person prior to being married. You can't hide stuff like this when you are living together. I want to see exactly what I'm getting off the bat!

living in sin is not an option in so many relationships. Christians are not allowed to co-habit. a very high prorpotion of co-habiting relationships fail plus the small matter of many nigerians giving nollywood actors a run for thier money. people have masks.

I'm Christian and I before didn't believe in co-habitation but this day and age, I rather wait and see who I'm dealing with. If that means we live together then so be it. I don't want to be hitched to someone who flips on me in any type of way.

just google the word cohabiting and see what comes up.  Any relationship between two people, who live together in close proximity, develops problems. Cohabiting couples find it easier to quit the relationship and the split is as painful as a divorce. Couples in live-in arrangements are 9 times likelier to split compared to married people.

Even if cohabiting couples eventually get married, their marriages are twice more likely to fail compared to spouses who have not cohabited prior to their marriage.

i believe only God and finding ones life partner in life helps in forming healthy relationships

enjoy the full  article


Cohabitation is neither accepted by society nor by religion and the failure rate of such arrangements is high as portrayed by grim statistics. Notwithstanding this fact, live-in arrangements are turning the norm these days.

In the 1960s just 5 out of 100 women were willing to cohabit in the UK. Today, more than 70 out of 100 women live together with their mate preceding their marriage. Majority of the cohabiting couples comprise of people aged between 25 and 34.

Why do People Like to Cohabit?

To understand what motivates them into such a decision, you have to comprehend the psyche of the young. Cohabiting couples unanimously state that they intend to have fun while concentrating on enhancing their earning capabilities. Live-in arrangements perfectly suit such requirements. They share the rent and domestic chores with their partner, while simultaneously enjoying the freedom entailed by the status of single hood. They are free to date anyone, their movements are not restricted and, above all, their earnings are not shared.

Many of the cohabiting couples also state that this arrangement suits their physical requirements for intimacy while they are not tied down by marital responsibilities. Moreover, the Damascus sword of divorce is pleasurably absent in such a situation. If their live-in arrangement gets rocked by problems, they can easily separate, unlike in divorce which is an intrinsically legal procedure.

This outlook should not be mistaken to mean that cohabiting people hold anti-marriage views. More than 70% of them eventually aspire to settle down in marriage. Though people do opt for a live-in arrangement in the initial stages, it is a temporary contract entered into, due to non-availability of finances to celebrate a wedding. 50% of these relationships get terminated by the end of a year, usually, in a marriage and, on rare occasions, in a split.

Married Couples Enjoy Many Benefits

Marriages compare much favourably to cohabitation arrangements.

Marriages induce unconditional commitment and partners in a marital union are, therefore, more happy and relaxed due to the security they enjoy. Cohabiting couples are insecure for partners lack the basic commitment to make the relationship a success.

Statistics prove that domestic violence and physical abuse are more in a cohabiting relationship.

Any relationship between two people, who live together in close proximity, develops problems. Cohabiting couples find it easier to quit the relationship and the split is as painful as a divorce. Couples in live-in arrangements are 9 times likelier to split compared to married people.

Even if cohabiting couples eventually get married, their marriages are twice more likely to fail compared to spouses who have not cohabited prior to their marriage.

The main aim of cohabiting couples is to concentrate on earning more. Yet, oddly enough, it is the married, who are high earners. Married couples have more money for they have joint earnings. They share the household chores and child-raising responsibilities enabling either spouse to earn for the family.

Women also benefit emotionally from a marriage. Marriage makes them feel secure and fulfils their needs for companionship. Men find marriage equally advantageous, but benefits derived by men are more economic in nature. Women take on the household responsibility, freeing them to concentrate on career development and accentuating earning potential. In other words, men and women benefit equally from a marriage, while neither partner benefits in a cohabitation arrangement.

The number of people who are cohabiting is rising in the UK, compared to the rest of Europe. A little known fact worth mentioning at this juncture is that cohabiting partners in France and Germany have a slightly lower risk of divorce, compared to married couples there. This leads us to believe that it is not the nature of the live-in arrangement that is responsible for the emergence of the negative consequences. Rather, the subsidiary factors like the economic, educational and social background of the cohabiting partners are responsible for the high failure rate of such relationships.

Cohabiting relationships are mainly formed to avoid the repercussion of a failed marriage, like a divorce. Yet, oddly enough, by entering into such a relationship, couples are increasing their chances of a split. Cohabiting couples take their relationship seriously and when it eventually gets terminated, their experiences are similar to those of divorced people. Children too suffer all the divorce-associated ill-effects.

http://articles.webraydian.com/article4753-Marriages_Vs_Livein_Relationships.html

My dear I'm not disputing you.

I see your point.

I also think it depends on the two people involved. I wouldn't use cohabitation as a reason to split when things get tough. I know relationships are hard.

But to bring someone over that yo haven't had that much interaction with prior too OR it's been a long time since said interaction, I see nothing wrong with testing out the waters by living together briefly. You just don't know these days, unfortunately.

some people are great pretenders and actors