There comes a time in the life of a Nigerian girl, that it is expected of her to have this singular purpose distilled in all her pursuits -irrespective of how much sense she has made of her life, how fat she earns or how much she looks like she’s having a swell time: to find (or be found) by a man, a good man, who works diligently with his hands and eschews wee-wee.

This is not a feministic piece. The boys are pressured too, even though women have it worse, seeing that they themselves mount these expectations on themselves.

I remember when in my late teens, I had sworn by my right hand that the age 22 would not meet me single. I was already counting with my fingers how many years I would spend in the University, the one year at Youth Service and the immediate marriage that ought to follow.

Who had put such unwise thoughts in my head? Perhaps I saw the agitation in the faces of the women I knew who lived out the conviction that if the big O (30), met a woman single, then she was standing on the brink of eternal doom.

Or perhaps the thought came to me in morning devotions when my mother interceded for certain relatives who were doomed in their singleness. ‘Heavenly Father,’ she’d pray, ‘you know they are over-ripened for marriage. Send them good men.’

So the Nigerian girl is in a fit. Once she’s 25, she is a gleaming, sun-ripened mango in a garden waiting to be plucked, with everyone around her singing, “When will you marry, this year or next year?”. At 28, she becomes giddy and at 30 she ought to flee to a tabernacle, praying and hoping to be preserved from rottenness.

We are not taught that we define our ‘ripeness’, not age. Some are ripe at eighteen, some take a longer time, say 40. We are all not Justin Biebers. It takes some of us time to learn and unlearn certain things required for life-time commitment.
For instance, we need time to unlearn polygamy. (And I roll my eyes at any one who is stuck in the belief that only men are polygamous in nature.) Marriage requires one to be single-eyed, to say of ones lover: ‘All I see and want is you; no one else can satisfy.’ This is tough, my people, seeing that the world is full and teeming with handsome men.

We need time to unlearn our childhood selfishness and time to learn sharing. For some of us, sharing is not our forte. Our sleep is deeper and our beds feel better when we are on it alone. Our meals taste better when another hand is not dipped into the same bowl with us.

We need time to make up our minds that for a huge part of our lives, we would play second fiddle. I see my father sacrifice his will on the altar of my mother. I see my mother let go lucrative opportunities because, ‘It doesn’t sit well with your father.’ And I ask myself, Are you ready for this? to give over your will and not carry on as usual your every decision; your life a shared compartment? Your life so shared that even your waking hours could alter another’s day?

And after she’s is wedded, the Nigerian girl’s next point of duty, of course is motherhood- there are no questions about it. Mother-in-law is sitting in a corner, arms folded, tapping her foot in anticipation of her grandchild.

Though it is 21st century, society has failed to grasp that not all women have maternal instincts; not all bosoms will nurse a child. We all shall not be wives and mothers. This is not a curse; this is a declaration of fact. Can we not see our orphanages bursting forth with unwanted children, abandoned at birth by unwilling mothers? The Nigerian girl, turned woman has these babies, not because she loves motherhood, but because mouths would wag and mother-in-law would threaten fire and brimstone if she doesn’t produce after her kind.

With these few points of mine, I am still pondering my readiness.


Writer: Ucheoma Onwutuebe, copied from www.femmelounge.ng


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Nice write up

Good one, Miss please don't stop pondering ur readiness like u said not all bosom will nurse a child some will sag naturally, not all girls shall become wives because some are runs girls.

Nice write up OP.