Last week, I was on the students' union page of University of Ilorin. I noticed a particular post that asked a kind of begging question about why it is seen as wrong for a lady to "ask a guy out." I paused to read through the plethora of comments that followed, but what ought to be an issue for a deep reflection and intellectual submission was battered with juvenile contributions by suspected freshers.

For a start, I must say that typical African orientations are noble. However, there are some that obviously did not take the human nature into consideration and on the long run, they defeat the interest of humanity. Those are the ones I call the primitive mentality of African convention. It is proper to teach our ladies to be modest right from childhood just like the male child too but it seems that most of the teachings can make our ladies modern zombies.

When we talk about emotion, it is not only peculiar to human but even lower animals. To my amazement, there is a moral criminalization and societal reprobation of ladies following the dictates of most of their emotions. Such is the case for review.

If a man can sees a lady and develop that desire to be more than a friend, obviously a lady can too. Since she is not a chinese doll or an American robot. The concern here is that our society gives man the freedom to make that known to the lady but the vice versa is not obtainable. If the intelligence, moral stand, brilliance, godliness or any other worthy factor of Ngozi can make Emeka approach her for a relationship, why can't Hauwa approach Danladi if she sees the man in Danladi? As simple as this issue is, the consequences are so bad and it includes high rate of divorce, domestic violence, emotional problems etc.

What do you expect of a lady whose orientation is to perpetually keep her emotion to herself? The perfect match is not bold enough to make a move or maybe he is not even aware someone somewhere is "tripping". Then, she would rather say yes to a scallywag than celebrate her 30th birthday as a spinster. So, what do you expect of such union? Whatever he says is the law, bow for him come what may, he is your brother and therefore superior... These are too much to bear now. Our ladies should not feel like second class citizens and please guys, be sensitive to green lights too.

Guys too should know how it feels to timidly say "let me think about it," "but i don't want a broken heart again," "that is what you all say" "are you serious that you love me?"... Guys too should not make an offer from a lady the topic for discussion among their friends. It does not make you superstars but immature parrots.

Lack of communication is one of the problems the world is battling with. I think that we can start bridging it from here.

Hidentity is an African.

First and foremost,a large percentage of girls/ladies can't deal with rejection! That's the major thing stopping them from approaching a guy they like and admire and want to be with. Don't blame the African custom. It has little or nothing to do with the custom. Heck! The African custom seem to be affording females more free-will to approach the male sex with the intent of having a relationship.


But the question is,how many girls can deal with rejection? That's what is stiffling whatever little courage they might have in trying to 'toast' a guy.

#low_Self_Esteem