Men and women (not boys and girls ) of Nairaland, I would like your views on this please.

I have known him for a while, and after several months of his asking and begging, I finally agreed to go out with this guy, a few months ago.

He is very good at communicating - texts, whatsapps, bbm messages, calls. He messages me first thing every morning and last thing at night, and several times during the day (we both work full-time). He says I'm the best thing that happened to him (I know I am ), and he has expressed his desire for us to get married, several times. He tells everyone who cares to hear, about me. He may be described as the dream man for any woman, because he has practically everything a woman wants in a man. However, he is not as good when it comes to literally "going out" or seeing. Each time we have gone out / seen, I have been the one to initiate the date. Money is not his problem, so I don't understand why he appears not to be enthusiatic about going out / seeing. Could it be that he is not as serious as he claims to be?

The reason why I bring this up is that I have turned down a number of guys since we started dating, but I don't want to turn down another good guy, for someone who ended up not being serious. This morning, I considered breaking up with him, after thinking about the situation.

Are there any men who could relate to his lack of interest in going out / seeing? Could you bear not to see your "other half" in almost a week, in a new relationship? Should I give him some more time or should I give him a kick in the backside and move on?

I need your views, please.

Thank you.

He might be an introvert...

one of the xteristics of relationship is communication
why don't you tell him what has been bothering you
his response will determine if he is really into you or not

SomebodyLovesMe:
Men and women (not boys and girls ) of Nairaland, I would like your views on this please.

I have known him for a while, and after several months of his asking and begging, I finally agreed to go out with this guy, a few months ago.

He is very good at communicating - texts, whatsapps, bbm messages, calls. He messages me first thing every morning and last thing at night, and several times during the day (we both work full-time). He says I'm the best thing that happened to him (I know I am ), and he has expressed his desire for us to get married, several times. He tells everyone who cares to hear, about me. He may be described as the dream man for any woman, because he has practically everything a woman wants in a man. However, he is not as good when it comes to literally "going out" or seeing. Each time we have gone out / seen, I have been the one to initiate the date. Money is not his problem, so I don't understand why he appears not to be enthusiatic about going out / seeing. Could it be that he is not as serious as he claims to be?

The reason why I bring this up is that I have turned down a number of guys since we started dating, but I don't want to turn down another good guy, for someone who ended up not being serious. This morning, I considered breaking up with him, after thinking about the situation.

Are there any men who could relate to his lack of interest in going out / seeing? Could you bear not to see your "other half" in almost a week, in a new relationship? Should I give him some more time or should I give him a kick in the backside and move on?

I need your views, please.

Thank you.

Why not discuss this directly with him, instead of expecting him to somehow get into your mind and read from your thoughts that you want him to initiate dates? He's not a mind-reader, neither is he Professor X.

my dear marriage is about compromise. Not wanting to go out or outing aint an issue. Deal with it or better still keep initiating d outing. U cant let go of a good man because of dis minor issue. *a bird at hand is worth....... U no go like cheating man in place of a one who detest outing.

you want to break up with this guy just for the fact that he doesnt like going out?
you must be a comedian.you are joking right?

OP, you said he talks about you to anyone who cares to listen (SHOW OFF), not all naija men can do that. Know this for sure, going out ain't just his thing. I have a friend (female) who doesn't like going out even on dates (its just her nature). i want to say its the same with him. Don't break up with him on such flimsy excuse. I think 1 guy has started sweet talking you. I pray you wont regret your decision if you break up with him.

Mayydayy: you want to break up with this guy just for the fact that he doesnt like going out?
you must be a comedian.you are joking right?

No, you miss the point.

I could care less about going out - but I definitely care that it doesn't seem to matter to him whether he sees me or not.

tope24: OP, you said he talks about you to anyone who cares to listen (SHOW OFF), not all naija men can do that. Know this for sure, going out ain't just his thing. I have a friend (female) who doesn't like going out even on dates (its just her nature). i want to say its the same with him. Don't break up with him on such flimsy excuse. I think 1 guy has started sweet talking you. I pray you wont regret your decision if you break up with him.

I understand your point, but I think I should clarify mine. Guys are constantly sweet-talking me, so I'm not moved by that. I truly care about this guy.

My issue is this: If he doesn't care enough to want to see me, could it be that he is not as interested in me as he claims to be? Will he just disappear one day? I value actions more than words.

If you just got into a new relationship, would you not be eager to see your partner as often as possible, for at least the first few months?

SomebodyLovesMe:

I understand your point, but I think I should clarify mine. Guys are constantly sweet-talking me, so I'm not moved by that. I truly care about this guy.

My issue is this: If he doesn't care enough to want to see me, could it be that he is not as interested in me as he claims to be? Will he just disappear one day? I value actions more than words.

If you just got into a new relationship, would you not be eager to see your partner as often as possible, for at least the first few months?

ooh, i get your point now. The best advice i will give you is to talk to him. You need to have a heart to heart talk with him on this issue. If he refuses to change, then you can take whatever action you want to take.

tope24:

ooh, i get your point now. The best advice i will give you is to talk to him. You need to have a heart to heart talk with him on this issue. If he refuses to change, then you can take whatever action you want to take.

I will have a chat with him. Much appreciated.

SomebodyLovesMe:

I will have a chat with him. Much appreciated.

you're welcome

The best is to express you mind to him...maybe that's his own nature..you like going out but he dose'nt..then ask him y he does'nt like going out.. How sure are u that,if u leave him u will surely get a beta person like him?.think verywell b4 jumping into conclusion.

I can see the love for him is not there,just because he does not like going out on a date makes want to break up.If the love is really there tell him,or you brought the topic to help you tell him ?lol.And if you are not ok with the relationship just quit,imagine you saying you attempted to quit this morning but you changed your mind.

Princecalm: I can see the love for him is not there,just because he does not like going out on a date makes want to break up.If the love is really there tell him,or you brought the topic to help you tell him ?lol.And if you are not ok with the relationship just quit,imagine you saying you attempted to quit this morning but you changed your mind.

It's not about the love not being there. It's about averting the risk of a heartbreak. If you read my other comments, you might understand better.

He probably doesn't know that this has a negative effect on you. I reckon he just wants to chill, get comfy and cozy with you. This might be his own way to spending time with the woman he loves after his full time job.

My advise is you tell him and make him conscious of this habit. You said he loves you and money ain't his problem, I don't see why he won't change.

SomebodyLovesMe:

I understand your point, but I think I should clarify mine. Guys are constantly sweet-talking me, so I'm not moved by that. I truly care about this guy.

My issue is this: If he doesn't care enough to want to see me, could it be that he is not as interested in me as he claims to be? Will he just disappear one day? I value actions more than words.

If you just got into a new relationship, would you not be eager to see your partner as often as possible, for at least the first few months?

Right on.

KMTee: He might be an introvert...
one of the xteristics of relationship is communication
why don't you tell him what has been bothering you
his response will determine if he is really into you or not

Yes do this.

SomebodyLovesMe:

It's not about the love not being there. It's about averting the risk of a heartbreak. If you read my other comments, you might understand better.

you don't really love him,why should the act of not taking you out threten to end the relationship

Princecalm: you don't really love him,why should the act of not taking you out threten to end the relationship

It's not the act of not taking me out that is the issue. You haven't quite understood the post.

He should be wanting to see you as often as possible, whether its a new relationship or not a man should make out time to be with their woman. I can't say why he doesn't seem interested in getting to meet you often. Maybe his places of interest is not same as yours so he could then not want to meet you often coz you may end up in such places. For example, I had this Ghanaian colleague whom I was deeply having this crush on but each time we hold a normal discussion she always brings in this church, fellowship, and bad people who goes about trying to kill or bring down others, I then realised both of us can't have anything serious as I am not in for one who parades so much holiness. Do you both have interesting discussion when together like via text and phone? It could still be that its his nature and not the out door type. Its up to you to make him wants to meet you and go out together with you the more. However, if this is his only shortcoming then to quit the relationship on this basis will not make much sense to me. No one or relationship is perfect and without compromise. How many more relationship do you intend to quit for the other? The next guy out there will have his own flaws. If you love this guy, stay with him and make it work. Yes you can.

SomebodyLovesMe:
Men and women (not boys and girls ) of Nairaland, I would like your views on this please.

I have known him for a while, and after several months of his asking and begging, I finally agreed to go out with this guy, a few months ago.

He is very good at communicating - texts, whatsapps, bbm messages, calls. He messages me first thing every morning and last thing at night, and several times during the day (we both work full-time). He says I'm the best thing that happened to him (I know I am ), and he has expressed his desire for us to get married, several times. He tells everyone who cares to hear, about me. He may be described as the dream man for any woman, because he has practically everything a woman wants in a man. However, he is not as good when it comes to literally "going out" or seeing. Each time we have gone out / seen, I have been the one to initiate the date. Money is not his problem, so I don't understand why he appears not to be enthusiatic about going out / seeing. Could it be that he is not as serious as he claims to be?

The reason why I bring this up is that I have turned down a number of guys since we started dating, but I don't want to turn down another good guy, for someone who ended up not being serious. This morning, I considered breaking up with him, after thinking about the situation.

Are there any men who could relate to his lack of interest in going out / seeing? Could you bear not to see your "other half" in almost a week, in a new relationship? Should I give him some more time or should I give him a kick in the backside and move on?

I need your views, please.

Thank you.

hey gal....my own opinion is...I fink there z still something bout him u havnt gotten 2know... I'd say he z probably hiding sometin or protecting something... talk to him...if he is comfortable doing all dese on phone den he z hiding/protecting some thing; might be good like he z d shy type or bad. Me I believe in a mutual chemistry

tope24: OP, you said he talks about you to anyone who cares to listen (SHOW OFF), not all naija men can do that. Know this for sure, going out ain't just his thing. I have a friend (female) who doesn't like going out even on dates (its just her nature). i want to say its the same with him. Don't break up with him on such flimsy excuse. I think 1 guy has started sweet talking you. I pray you wont regret your decision if you break up with him.

Exactly my thought.....

Sit n talk......

You guys need to discuss...he might not be da outing type,you know.
Better still,you can arouse that spirit in him

I guess he is a shy one

SomebodyLovesMe:

It's not the act of not taking me out that is the issue. You haven't quite understood the post.

xo tell me why you considered breaking up

He is an introvert. We don't like social gatherings. Its not a bad thing, we are friendly and talk to other people. But we just can't hang out. There is nothing you can do, its just the way we are. We communicate better when we write it down, instead of talking about it. Our emotions are actions, and not words. Most of the time, we just want to be alone. We are not lonely. But people drain our energy. Its not you, its us. Nothing is wrong with him.

my dear, if you can't deal pls leave. Am passing through the same thing now. Your own is better cos this is a new relationship. you will get fustrated and eventual heartbreak

I think that's his nature, he's not d going out type. what u shd do is work ur way around that. u shd communicate with him abt this instead of quitting the relationship. also I think u shd always visit him at his place and think of fun things to do indoors together. go on outings once in a while to spice things up

My dear I think I can relate to this...the bible says "God is a God of knowledge by whom actions are weighed" this passage shows that God weighs ur actions more than ur words.take this frm sme1 that has been there if sme1 loves u they wud naturally want to be with u,spend time wit u.d fact u are thinkin if he is into u is d reason u wil knw he isn't into u like that.if sme1 is into u it will show by what they do not wat de say.IF U DNT LOVE SME1 ENOUGH TO SPEND UR FREE TIMES WIT DEM,d IDEA OF A RSHIP IS POINTLESS. So my solution talk wit him abt it but also be careful

OP, I think you are a small girl and I don't think you are ready for a relationship yet.
You seem to a great guy in your hands but your looong throath is still making you eye some other guys that are making passes at you.
Maybe you should dump him so that a more deserving girl will pick him up.

Reading and comprehension is a problem in nigeria.if u are someone intelligent u wud see d problem statement "" he refuses or lacks d desire to spend time wit a woman he says he wants to spend d rest of his life with,in a new relationship!!! Common who does that??"" Hw can u say u love sme1 and in one week u dnt see d need to see ur better half?and she always initiates this whearas sme guys travel to different states jst to see their girlfriends. Its either he is stringin her along or he isn't sure yet or Not jst into her as I think.Don't dump him,jst keep ur options open. Abeg enough said! *continues readin newspaper*

ronald4lif: He should be wanting to see you as often as possible, whether its a new relationship or not a man should make out time to be with their woman. I can't say why he doesn't seem interested in getting to meet you often. Maybe his places of interest is not same as yours so he could then not want to meet you often coz you may end up in such places. For example, I had this Ghanaian colleague whom I was deeply having this crush on but each time we hold a normal discussion she always brings in this church, fellowship, and bad people who goes about trying to kill or bring down others, I then realised both of us can't have anything serious as I am not in for one who parades so much holiness. Do you both have interesting discussion when together like via text and phone? It could still be that its his nature and not the out door type. Its up to you to make him wants to meet you and go out together with you the more. However, if this is his only shortcoming then to quit the relationship on this basis will not make much sense to me. No one or relationship is perfect and without compromise. How many more relationship do you intend to quit for the other? The next guy out there will have his own flaws. If you love this guy, stay with him and make it work. Yes you can .

How many Nigerian ladies will listen to the bolded ?

If he doesn't feel like seeing you often, ask him why, don't come asking us. When he gives you an answer you do not understand, ask him to explain himself.

One character I dislike in these ladies is expecting the man to read your mind and know everything you want and how you want it. The next thing, you want to break up as if you are guaranteed of a better person out there..

100Cents:

How many Nigerian ladies will listen to the bolded ?

If he doesn't feel like seeing you often, ask him why, don't come asking us. When he gives you an answer you do not understand, ask him to explain himself.

One character I dislike in these ladies is expecting the man to read your mind and know everything you want and how you want it. The next thing, you want to break up as if you are guaranteed of a better person out there..

Sigh. Sometimes, one has to wonder at the lack of comprehension of many in this country.