Sophyrocks:


You just said the truth ke? This your comment is an excuse for you not knowing much about women. With this your mentality, you will soon come back to nairaland when you get married to post stories that touch. If you dnt know anything about women or do not care about the issues with women or have no idea what makes women tick, pls do not get married. its not by force. just remain single with this your mentality. A selfish person can never have a happy marriage.

i knw more abt women dan u, d op said he does his best to please his wife n she still frustrates him, he shud stop pleasing he n pleas himsef. i dont knw wat i av said wrong now. my best relationships were d once i pleased mysefs.

Henrypraise:


i knw more abt women dan u, d op said he does his best to please his wife n she still frustrates him, he shud stop pleasing he n pleas himsef. i dont knw wat i av said wrong now. my best relationships were d once i pleased mysefs.

This is the problem with some people. people going into marriage with the wrongest mindsets. Always believing they know so much thinking all women are the same and thinking relationship is the same as marriage, even deceiving themselves that some women remain the same in marriage. You claim to be happy in your selfish relationships without knowing the thoughts or how the other partner feels about it. The ladies may be letting you have your way now but after marriage, you will hear another story. and that is how you want it to continue in marriage? I pity you. If everybody is interested in only pleasing themselves then divorce will continue to increase. No wonder there are many issues in marriages. Then when women complain about this, you will say they nag too much. You will come back here with your story. I doubt you even know what 'Marriage' means.

Some really unreasonable comments/advices here. If you see or treat your wife as someone you did a favor by marrying her, how do you expect the marriage to work.

To the op and all other men in "similar situations", check yourself...maybe, just maybe it is you that's the problem. It's normal for we women to whine and complain. You really should be worried if your wife doesn't cos maybe she's getting her happiness outside of her marital Home and you wouldn't want that.

And please, if you are not married, you have no business dishing out advice IMO.

Sophyrocks:


This is the problem with some people. people going into marriage with the wrongest mindsets. Always believing they know so much thinking all women are the same and thinking relationship is the same as marriage, even deceiving themselves that some women remain the same in marriage. You claim to be happy in your selfish relationships without knowing the thoughts or how the other partner feels about it. The ladies may be letting you have your way now but after marriage, you will hear another story. and that is how you want it to continue in marriage? I pity you. If everybody is interested in only pleasing themselves then divorce will continue to increase. No wonder there are many issues in marriages. Then when women complain about this, you will say they nag too much. You will come back here with your story. I doubt you even know what 'Marriage' means.

Stop decievin ursef, all women ar same dia is no difference. N if I always please mysef in my relationship, I don't see any reason y I shud complain, any lady dat can't cope shud find her level, I plan to giv birth to only one child n I have a reason (to please mysef) once I get dat den every oda tin falls into place.

Henrypraise:


Stop decievin ursef, all women ar same dia is no difference. N if I always please mysef in my relationship, I don't see any reason y I shud complain, any lady dat can't cope shud find her level, I plan to giv birth to only one child n I have a reason (to please mysef) once I get dat den every oda tin falls into place.

Dnt worry. you will soon see something when you get married. Carry on. nothing do you.

Op, something is wrong with your wife. She has a very horrible attitude.

Sincerely speaking, Marriage is not a poverty alleviation programme. Why must i expect my husband to spend money on my family? Where is it written that it is a must for a huband to be financially responsible over his wife's family? What sort of silly culture is that? you see why it isnt everything our mothers do that we must do? I dnt get why that is compulsory. If my husband, out of his own free will, wants to help them out, No problem. But it is sooooo wrong to compel one's husband to do that. Very wrong!! What am i a graduate for? why am i working? No wonder some men have absolutely No respect for women. Tufiakwa!! Pushing so much financial load on a man is so unfair. Nigerian women need to change this mentality seriously.

What people don't know is that majority of. People are good at pretending
When them show you attitude you go bow
Make we just pray make God no put us for a scenario that we can't control

Bootybuttchic:
and its the man who gets all the blame,this man just said something thats bothering his marital life,and everyone is leashing on him like hes a woman hater,too many hypocrites on nairaland,so u tink a woman cant do all he listed up there smh....its why i avoid female freinds.....why cant u just advice or ignore......,..,nairalanders and their super perfect life..mstweeew



mk3jax and @op God will help ur marriage just be praying,remember God can do everything....and try communicating with her.....i pray she is the type that can understand sha..,.cos when u talk to some people,what they understand iswhat they are thinking from their own mind.....they just go all anticlockwise on u.....it is well

Correct babe!

Don't mind all these family section NLers. I have seen through most of them and I'm no longer impressed with their "mature" posts. mtcheeeeeeeeew.

This is that ishi right here, and people have the guts to call me a career bachelor. Well, I can't take this ishii, even my girl knows that. Thank God divorce is now an option. Whenever I actually get married and my wife suddenly grows balls, I'm kicking her out-a-my-house. Thank God I'm getting a pre-nup.

When i tell my mother and aunts say me i no one marry,they take it as a taboo.
Omo,me i no just get strength for women/marriage o.They believe everything about the marriage should be about them them them!Me i no get that kind strength to dey give woman unnecessary attention o.Those people can give you unnecessary headache.
With women,small problems are always big problems

It's great reading through most of the posts in this thread. Kudos to those great minds with likable suggestions, appreciation to those that even registered in other to drop their opinions/experience and to those whose suggestions aren't matrinony-friendly, it was nice having u too on board. I really think marriage issues of this nature are better solved by seeking minimal external opinion/advice, and the final decision be left in the hand of the disturbed spouse, as too many advices might get things more complicated.

DukeNija:


Bros abeg no vex o, is it your wife who doubles as life partner and mother of your children you are referring to with such disdain?
You seem to be a very angry person who feels he's doing a woman a favor by marrying her. I am not married, but I felt the urge to say I am very disappointed in your choice of words towards your wife.

Using words like "putting her under my roof", "feeding her and our kids" "bitching about everything" is just too disrespectful to your wife and I'm afraid your marital challenges can be traced to your negative attitude towards your her. Please approach your marriage with a better countenance and see your wife as you see yourself by truly loving her and sincerely appreciating her contributions to your home. And yes you need to praise her for cooking, cleaning after you and your child, taking care of you and maintaining the home. Yes, you must praise her. Try telling her how much you appreciate her efforts and cooking, and how delicious her food is and see if she won't be overjoyed and do something special for you.

If only all men can think like you. Such a matured response.

thorpido:
If the other part is not facilitating the communication,there's nothing you can do.

Thats what am saying. But why such thing is happening? Its not like u dragged him to the church- both wanted same, innit?

Sophyrocks:



Dnt worry. you will soon see something when you get married. Carry on. nothing do you.

Wit or wit out ur endorsement to carry on, I will carry on, If I may ask, wat ar dos tins m yet to see?

All dat matas is pleasin mysef 4 instance: I will buy a car 4 my wife not cos I want to but cos I don't want her to share mine wit me, just as I will get a tv 4 my kids in dia room not cos I like to but cos I don't want dem to disturb me wen m watchin wat I want, hope u get me? All u do just ensure u please ursef n stop pleasing sumbody, a smart person will take ir further by lettin u tink he is doin u dos favour cos of u, but d truth is dat he is doin dos favours cos of himsef.

pls kindly check if u r giving her a good sex the way she want it. itz one of d reasons women misbehave n tlk to her

Henrypraise:


Wit or wit out ur endorsement to carry on, I will carry on, If I may ask, wat ar dos tins m yet to see?

All dat matas is pleasin mysef

You are going to see that Selfish people NEVER have a happy marriage. Its always one problem after another. Selfish people are better of as singles for life so that they can satisfy themselves to the fullest. Just like the Op's wife, that woman is very selfish and she is causing pain for her husband. Same as you, when you continue to be all about satisfying yourself alone, you will cause pain to your partner and your children. Your partner will even follow suit and start satisfying herself alone too then the marriage becomes unbearable.

Sophyrocks:


You are going to see that Selfish people NEVER have a happy marriage. Its always one problem after another. Selfish people are better of as singles for life so that they can satisfy themselves to the fullest. Just like the Op's wife, that woman is very selfish and she is causing pain for her husband. Same as you, when you continue to be all about satisfying yourself alone, you will cause pain to your partner and your children. Your partner will even follow suit and start satisfying herself alone too then the marriage becomes unbearable.

I like dis ur write up, very matured n precise, but d fact still remain its beta dat d op pleases himsef n stop pleasin his wife cos its only gonna make her get more selfish n irritated towards him.

I am not a selfish person, m very kind. U av not encountered sumone as kind as me

mk3jax:


Well I have a similar issue with my wife. She was miss perfect agreeing to everything I want when she was looking for marriage and after marriage, her real self started to manifest. First it was constant complain about my family for no reason, then she graduated to wanting to control my life and determine who I am to give money or not and where I can and cannot go. She complains about everything and never appreciating anything I do. I provide all the financial need of the house 100% yet she want me to take care of her parent and siblings(both married and single ones) like i am their father and every time I refuse to send them money it is quarrel. She also expect me to praise her for almost everything she does like I demand same praise for putting her under a roof, paying all the bills, feeding her and our child and making her as comfortable as possible.
She bitches about everything I do making me feel like i am a child that doesn't have a sense of making my own decision despite being very successful in my career and handling lots of real life responsibilities that she can never imagine doing.
After the birth of our child, she turned to something else which in turn made me to make up my mind that I will never have a second child. She has time to watch all her tv programs to make herself happy but as soon as I pick my remote to play a game despite working from morning to night while she sits at home, she complains and I have over time disregarded her complains and do what I want to do to make myself happy. I have just one life to live and being married to someone doesn't gives them a control over my life and if you don't want to stay married to me again, then get the fu.c.k out of my life and go take care of yourself. I almost divorced her sometime ago but just decided to calm down. I hope we do not separate because of my love for our child but if we have to, then so be it because I will not live a life of a prisoner because of a child.

bros your wife is just reacting to just the way you treat her. check your self properly if you are doing the right thing /treating her well........
buy another TV women don't like and cant stand watching video game

DukeNija:


Bros abeg no vex o, is it your wife who doubles as life partner and mother of your children you are referring to with such disdain?
You seem to be a very angry person who feels he's doing a woman a favor by marrying her. I am not married, but I felt the urge to say I am very disappointed in your choice of words towards your wife. I take care of people who are not even related to me by blood, financially and otherwise and I never feel I'm doing them a favour, how much more my own family.

You sound like you were forced to marry her, like you didn't propose to this woman, didn't buy her an engagement ring and all that, like she was begging to become your wife. I went through your post and I couldn't even find what she did so wrong for you to hate her this much, even up to the point of contemplating divorce.

Using words like "putting her under my roof", "feeding her and our kids" "bitching about everything" is just too disrespectful to your wife and I'm afraid your marital challenges can be traced to your negative attitude towards your her. Please approach your marriage with a better countenance and see your wife as you see yourself by truly loving her and sincerely appreciating her contributions to your home. And yes you need to praise her for cooking, cleaning after you and your child, taking care of you and maintaining the home. Yes, you must praise her. Try telling her how much you appreciate her efforts and cooking, and how delicious her food is and see if she won't be overjoyed and do something special for you.
Women complain a lot, my mom, sisters, gf every woman I know can complain, it just doesn't make them bad people. That's just their way of communicating sometimes.

And pls if you are tired of putting her under your roof, u can send her to me. I have a very large flat with four rooms that can comfortably accommodate her. *Just kidding*

Bros, u wont understand till u get married.....only married people can appreciate where he is coming from(not taking sides though)

Henrypraise:


I like dis ur write up, very matured n precise, but d fact still remain its beta dat d op pleases himsef n stop pleasin his wife cos its only gonna make her get more selfish n irritated towards him.

I am not a selfish person, m very kind. U av not encountered sumone as kind as me

You are not selfish? but you said you are concerned about satisfying yourself alone. Is that not a statement of a selfish person? hmm. Na you sabi o.

webdezzi:


divorce wont solve your problem but rather compound it. remember you said for better for worse.

try this approach,
ignore her, when she doesn't cook, eat on your way back home.
and buy hers too.
if she wont eat her copy, then stop buying hers.
whenever she starts nagging, go somewhere else and hang out with friends
bottomline: dont give her attention cos thats what she wants.

if it means having a side chick to compensate for those "dont touch me" moments, please do.
but dont leave her.

give like 3 month, you should start seeing positive results.


urghhh! loads of psychos on this thread mehn.

See advice!!!!! o boy u wicked..oooo

Sophyrocks:


You are not selfish? but you said you are concerned about satisfying yourself alone. Is that not a statement of a selfish person? hmm. Na you sabi o.

Just check d meanin of selfish on d web n was surprise dats a definition of my person, yes m selfish n its gud, its bin doin well 4 me n my relationships.

@Sophyrocks

I suspect you are either born again married now to a wonderful husband. I fell in love with all your contributions on this topic, superb and unbiased. Before now, you never believe women can do wrong, the man must always be at fault. Thank God for the transformation, I for dash you 100K but I dey broke at the moment.

@Sophyrocks

I suspect you are either born again OR married now to a wonderful husband. I fell in love with all your contributions on this topic, superb and unbiased. Before now, you never believe women can do wrong, the man must always be at fault. Thank God for the transformation, I for dash you 100K but I dey broke at the moment.

voodoo85:


Thats what am saying. But why such thing is happening? Its not like u dragged him to the church- both wanted same, innit?

People change.Some actually live in deception and some are not able to deal with the reality of a marital life.

Becalm:
@Sophyrocks

I suspect you are either born again OR married now to a wonderful husband. I fell in love with all your contributions on this topic, superb and unbiased. Before now, you never believe women can do wrong, the man must always be at fault. Thank God for the transformation, I for dash you 100K but I dey broke at the moment.

What tha? Who told you that i have always believed women do no wrong? If someone does wrong it is good to say it as it is, male or female. I have many times stated the wrong some women do. My comments depend on the topic of the thread so there is no transformation whatsoever and you are sooooo wrong because i am not married I do not make comments to please anyone and every other person is responsible for whatever he/she interpretes from my comments. Sophyrocks will always remain Sophyrocks. #Uncolonised#

That's why I won't get married... I want to be in peace.

Sophyrocks:


You are not selfish? but you said you are concerned about satisfying yourself alone. Is that not a statement of a selfish person? hmm. Na you sabi o.

ok,if satisfying my self alone is about helping the less priviledge and despising marriage,is that selfishness?
If i love helping alot of people in cash or in kind which is satisfying to me, and yet i despise marriage,is that selfishness?
Tell me Something!

Dcmg:
ok,if satisfying my self alone is about helping the less priviledge and despising marriage,is that selfishness?
If i love helping alot of people in cash or in kind which is satisfying to me, and yet i despise marriage,is that selfishness?
Tell me Something!

I think you should answer those questions yourself. You already know the answers. Marriage isnt compulsory. I never said so.

@DCMG

You can not be in marriage and satisfy yourself alone. Marriage is two people coming together to become one. By being one, they share almost everything joy, sadness, grow together etc. But because it is not a perfect system, crises can arise like in the case of the poster. There is no smoke without fire, there is certainly a trigger to the wife's behaviour. As meaningless or serious the trigger may be, if it can be found out, the solution to the problem is not far-fetched. But if the individual in question is being impossible as in OP's case, you can ignore her completely (withdraw attention etc) for a while as a temporary solution only.
For your own good, leave Sophyrocks alone cos if she prepares for you? ........................