Amhappy:
Just took my time to go through all 11pages. Pains me that OP and the other guy with a similar issue are already considering divorce. First take practical steps to restore your marriage. What do you do together as a family? Pray,study the word,eat,gist,Tv,games etc? Find a level ground. Do you put God first and follow His endless Love? If your spouse respects the higher power he/she may refrain from wrong doing not because of you but because of God. Be friends with your spouse. Put the good of the whole family first not that of any individual member. Teach your spouse to make sacrifices. Share the family plan with your family members and let everyone see where they have to contribute. Then as a man be in charge of your home. Some men are actually strangers in their homes. Correct your spouse when necessary and dont fall for blackmail or manipulations. Some couples have passed through all you complained of including hardship and ttc but still made it but here you are without the toughest challenges,so count your blessings. @Dailynews what a sad story,so sorry for your loss.

Thanks so much, its been 2yrs now but still fresh in my heart. Thank u...and I loved your advice up there, pls also join in advising your female friends n colleagues to try and be good; everyone desires a happy family, but I keep wondering y some ladies desire otherwise...reason ladies need to be very close to God cos many evil spirits are lurking around waiting to follow ladies to destroy their life and family but most don't know or believe its real.

Once again, thank you ma

its high time men stop thinking that dey r doing women a privilegde by marrying dem.
until men see it dat both shd b adequately involved in making the marriage work, the better.

untill couples stop pretending during courtship showing their true nature and working on it b4 marriage the better. but wat do we see? pretense everywhere! y nt show d real you and let corrections b made b4 tieing the knots.

lastly, communication is the key.

If baffles me when unmarried men think they know more than married men in marriage matters. I strongly suggest that all unmarried men should learn to keep their opinion to themselves on marriage matters until they have acquired real life marriage experience.

Marriage is an institution that you never truly know until you go into it yourself. Its better to just read and learn from those who have passed through tough experiences and survived it. Not to start commenting on what you have no clue about.

DukeNija:


Bros abeg no vex o, is it your wife who doubles as life partner and mother of your children you are referring to with such disdain?
You seem to be a very angry person who feels he's doing a woman a favor by marrying her. I am not married, but I felt the urge to say I am very disappointed in your choice of words towards your wife. I take care of people who are not even related to me by blood, financially and otherwise and I never feel I'm doing them a favour, how much more my own family.

You sound like you were forced to marry her, like you didn't propose to this woman, didn't buy her an engagement ring and all that, like she was begging to become your wife. I went through your post and I couldn't even find what she did so wrong for you to hate her this much, even up to the point of contemplating divorce.

Using words like "putting her under my roof", "feeding her and our kids" "bitching about everything" is just too disrespectful to your wife and I'm afraid your marital challenges can be traced to your negative attitude towards your her. Please approach your marriage with a better countenance and see your wife as you see yourself by truly loving her and sincerely appreciating her contributions to your home. And yes you need to praise her for cooking, cleaning after you and your child, taking care of you and maintaining the home. Yes, you must praise her. Try telling her how much you appreciate her efforts and cooking, and how delicious her food is and see if she won't be overjoyed and do something special for you.
Women complain a lot, my mom, sisters, gf every woman I know can complain, it just doesn't make them bad people. That's just their way of communicating sometimes.

And pls if you are tired of putting her under your roof, u can send her to me. I have a very large flat with four rooms that can comfortably accommodate her. *Just kidding*

Hi there,

Haven read your little story, the only honest advise I can give to you is to find time to have a heart to heart talk with your wife. Women don't just react for no reason.

Let her know how you feel about the way things are currently happening within your marriage,what you wished and still wish for, remind her that you loved her so much then,nothing has changed feelings till now and that's why you chose her as your life partner on the wonderful journey called marriage. Tell her how much you want to grow old with her.

Subsequently,"request" of her what you have done and doing wrong, do not "demand" of her,for with "demand"comes force and or coercion,but "request" is more subtle. And do not push for an immediate answer lest you get the wrong one. If she does request for some time to think,please oblige that and put forth another request at a not too distant time for her response.

Communicate gently not with force,even when you are really upset,that does not certify you "stupid". It simply helps drive home a point to her that you are trying to work things out. If you asked me,I would say divorce is not the best option. Like my people would say"beheading yourself would not make your headache subside,it would only complicate the issue".
Try some patience and "communicate" not "just talk".
Try all your best to "listen" to her, "digest","process" all her "complaints" before acting upon them. When I say "acting" I mean "endeavour to resolve".
Lastly, plead with her to be of best behaviour whilst to do same, let her feel free to tell you what she thinks you are doing wrong, at the same time ,draw the lines between your immediate and extended families. Neither should interfere with the other .

I cannot tell you promisingly that the journey of marriage is all bliss,but I can assure you that it is not a straight road. The rough patches helps you grow wiser, but mostly it would always be an interesting and memory filled journey when you finally sit back to evaluate past moments.
Trust me,if you work as a team with your wife now, you would laugh about all these and even tell her that "there was a time you were so upset and you expressed your fears out on NL.
I wish you all the best on this journey.
Best of luck and have a happy married life.

mk3jax:


I didn't hate her behaviour before we got married because like I said in my earlier post, she did every thing to please me during dating but as soon as we got married, she changed. I will stop having resentment against her if she stop the following:

-Stop complaining about my family all the time when your family come into my house when they like and stay as long as they want without my complaining.
-Stop complaining that my family don't call you all the time while I don't complain about your family not calling me. Adult have family problems to deal with everyday and calling people is not always the number 1 list on their priority. Besides not everyone has the free credit she has on her phone to call everybody in her family all the time because their are better things to do with money than buying call credit.
-Stop expecting me to be responsible for your grown up adult siblings because i have my own problems I am thinking about to solve. She quarrels with me when ever I refuse to give money to even her older siblings who are married.
-She doesn't consider me when she makes lot of decisions in the house and use the child as a pretence for all her decisions because the child cannot speak yet.
-Complaining about almost everything I do in the house making me to be more comfortable being at work than at home.
-She has never for once discuss with me about plans like building a house (which I am planning for), or investing for our child but is always ready to discuss demands from her family all in time.

I have told her that if I loose my job tomorrow, none of these so call family member of her will be there to come bail her up financially and they will look for somewhere else to look for this money they are always demanding for without coming to meet her but she still refuse to listen to me.

If she can stop the above, then 80% of our problems are solved but she wouldn't stop even after trying to talk things with her multiple times. Now I just don't care anymore because my observation is that she only care about her interest and not mine so I try to do things that make me happy away from her. I see myself as a utility to her and nothing more and presently make many of my plans without carrying her along because she seems not to care.

Take it easy sir, the Lord is your strength...

I hope she is not on nairaland sha...
This is what am thinking you should do, pray to God about the situation in your marriage.
..Since money is the major issue here, draw out a budget for major monthly expenses most especially food and electricity bills. Once you have gotten the amount, talk to your boss and explain things to him that he should be paying the budgeted amount as your salary and keep the rest into a secret account and don't touch it..tell her some stories why your salary has reduce, show her the alert on your phone. you know you can't give what you don't have, let us see if she will starve herself and her children just to help her grown up sibling. Am not saying you shouldn't help, but it shouldn't be every time. Go to your parent explain things to them too. Buy airtime for them to be calling your wife regularly just for peace to reign. For now, tell your siblings not to come to your house but when you need to say NO, say NO

Please sir!! Don't stop loving your wife, divorce is not an option....peace

pickabeau1:
so much is left unsaid

are u working
when did u observe the change
what changes have occured in your family

liyuboy

@OP, Please consider the above points.

Dcmg:
If i see that kind woman i for happy o.But all the ones i encounter are desperados.They dnt av a life,they believe you should give them attention 24/7
Like seriously,where are all the independent ladies when you need them?
I only see them shouting on internet,but i'v not met any physically.

Eediot.....most dumbest comment eva

DukeNija:


Bros abeg no vex o, is it your wife who doubles as life partner and mother of your children you are referring to with such disdain?
You seem to be a very angry person who feels he's doing a woman a favor by marrying her. I am not married, but I felt the urge to say I am very disappointed in your choice of words towards your wife. I take care of people who are not even related to me by blood, financially and otherwise and I never feel I'm doing them a favour, how much more my own family.

You sound like you were forced to marry her, like you didn't propose to this woman, didn't buy her an engagement ring and all that, like she was begging to become your wife. I went through your post and I couldn't even find what she did so wrong for you to hate her this much, even up to the point of contemplating divorce.

Using words like "putting her under my roof", "feeding her and our kids" "bitching about everything" is just too disrespectful to your wife and I'm afraid your marital challenges can be traced to your negative attitude towards your her. Please approach your marriage with a better countenance and see your wife as you see yourself by truly loving her and sincerely appreciating her contributions to your home. And yes you need to praise her for cooking, cleaning after you and your child, taking care of you and maintaining the home. Yes, you must praise her. Try telling her how much you appreciate her efforts and cooking, and how delicious her food is and see if she won't be overjoyed and do something special for you.
Women complain a lot, my mom, sisters, gf every woman I know can complain, it just doesn't make them bad people. That's just their way of communicating sometimes.

And pls if you are tired of putting her under your roof, u can send her to me. I have a very large flat with four rooms that can comfortably accommodate her. *Just kidding*

I see the deactivation button has started working again.

carefreewannabe:


Where have Cococandy and EfemenaXY been lately?
And where is Aisha2?

Dem don go do runs.

Wow!! DukeNija you rock!! 1000 likes