What type of social media couple are you? If you’re single, you can
relax and join me in my criticizing of those who are in
relationships. It’s all in good fun, so quit your bitching, bitch. If
you’re offended by any of these descriptions, that probably means
you’re one of those couples. Sucks to be you.

2GETHER 4EVER
You know that couple who’s in denial that there’s even a remote
possibility they won’t be together for the rest of the universe’s
existence? Mmmm. Love me some naive secondary-school caliber
relationships. I long for the moment they get a dose of reality once
one of them wonders into the outside world.

PET NAMES
Isn’t that just adorable? They’re calling each other shnookums,
loveydove, honey, and many other precious names. Excuse
me while I go vomit everything I’ve ever eaten. There’s nothing
wrong with a little “babe” here and there, but when this couple
gets to the point where they don’t know each other’s real name, I
get concerned.

INTERNETLESS RELATIONSHIP = NO RELATIONSHIP
The couple whose relationship is structured in social media rather
than real-life chemistry. If your twitter feed is filled with things like
“Had an amazing day with @peterLuvzDorcas” and your Instagram
feed is riddled with photos of two loveydoves making out on a
swingset, you might know this couple.

AWE, LOOK! HIS DAUGHTER!
Oh…that’s his girlfriend? Whoops. Forgot that some people like to
date girls/guys who are 10+ years younger than they are. #
cradlerober. Nothing wrong with that bro, just make sure you get
her home before her 8PM bedtime. Oh, and if she gets cranky, try
burping her.

ON TO THE NEXT ONE
Remember how Ashley dates Alex. Wait, now it’s Paul. Oops Jeff
was last week, now it’s Nate. If you haven’t caught on by now,
Ashley has had quite a few boyfriends in her day. You could say
she’s one of those people who apparently will start to disintegrate
or something when they don’t have a boyfriend.

This will be interesting...

ON TO THE NEXT ONE

*brings bench*

mahxiimus:

PET NAMES
Isn’t that just adorable? They’re calling each other shnookums,
loveydove, honey, and many other precious names. Excuse
me while I go vomit everything I’ve ever eaten. There’s nothing
wrong with a little “babe” here and there, but when this couple
gets to the point where they don’t know each other’s real name, I
get concerned.

Lol..

Jnrbayerno:
*brings bench*

*joins him*


You carry snuff bottle?

Tallesty1:
*joins him*


You carry snuff bottle?

I carry o but e remain small

*yawns*