I know it is kind of long but I want to give you all the information might need to help a brother out:

I met Kate about 12 yrs ago when she was 16 and since I could not tell her I liked her then (she is very principled) we became very good friends. 7 years later after our respective relationships did not work out, we started dating and we dated for over 2 yrs then due to family issues, she broke up with me and went on to date someone else. Kate is very loving and caring, the kind of lady that gives and sacrifices everything, the person that understands me most in the world and she really has given up a lot to help me and because I loved her so much I was deeply hurt when she left me.
Six months after Kate left, I met Sarah who is a sweet, young lady that taught me to love again and I am her first love (she was 19 when we met and I was 29). She helped me get over Kate (or so I thought) and I loved her so much so that I already went to their parents and got introduced as her boyfriend, I have introduced her to my friends and told some of my family about her then one day about a year after Kate left, Kate called me to apologize for hurting me and that was when I learnt that her relationship had broken up.
That was close to 2 years ago, then we started talking again and to be truthful to you all I felt empty with other girls I dated after Kate even Sarah so when Kate called, I did not tell her how serious my relationship with Sarah was because I wanted her around me like a friend and I know that if she knew the relationship was serious, she would stay far away - she always believed that we were too close to remain just friends that it is either we married or stayed away from each other.
Somewhere along the line, things started getting serious between myself and Kate but I did not want to break Sarah's heart, she's so innocent and trusts me so much with all her heart, she doesn't deserve to be heartbroken so I told Kate about Sarah and how serious it was. Kate was very angry that I did not tell her on time and offered to leave me but every time she tries to leave, I always talk her back one way or the other. In this last two years, she has done a lot for me even though she knows I am in a relationship; if I should call asking for her help, she gives it readily if she can and I know she loves me very much.
Kate told me I have to choose and I have to choose soon else I will end up loosing both of them. Kate knows I am dating Sarah but Sarah doesn't know I am seeing Kate.

I am in a dilemma because I don't want to break Sarah's innocent heart and at the same time I don't want to lose Kate but she is 29 and is already being pressured to marry. To complicate it all, Sarah lost her mum a month ago so I can't even walk away when she needs me most in her life. I am just confused

Thanks as you give your candid advice.

Bro listen to my advice. It may not sound sweet but it's the fact. A lady who breaks up with you doesn't deserve to come back and claim that number one spot in ur life.
Don't cloud ur judgments based on the little helps you get from Kate, Sarah will do the same if she could.
From your story it can be deduced that your not ready to settle down soon and as such Sarah offers a better option compared to Kate.
A lady who is innocent, having you as her first love and obviously a 'V' will give you the best undiluted love and loyalty. Bro u have struck gold don't make the mistake of substituting it for bronze!

go for Sarah......Kate is nw an ex...karma is a bitc#

New Flame bro.....Sarah. The age difference tho

Confusion is what you make out of irrational thinking, deduction and hasty conclusion. That been noted, hope you still have that lil voice inside your head that guides you in other aspects of your life cuz you'll need it here. So let me help you analyse:

Kate; heartbreaker wanting to make amends, family already knows bout your relationship with her, she's ready for marriage, less burden on you financially as probably she'sworking and cost of maintaining a relationship with her is less, matured and no longer innocent(even at a time she was), guess you can tell how she looks like, probably knows what erring and forgiving is all bout. Very principled as you started and a good family background. In summary she's like every other person not perfect in all.

Sarah; young and innocent just an emotional time bomb waiting to explode. The thing it could blast you to pieces or to better places. more energy to tutor and model her into the woman you'd love(cuz you just like her now) financially she's a burden and socially has a long way to go, academically you didn't state(though it's never mandatory) she's young, innocent and naive, beautiful and......


Make your deduction from the above and try to be blunt taking into consideration if you're gettin married within a two yr period, if your present job can cater for a housewife and her training in sch too, check if you're feeling sad or pity towards Sarah bout the loss in her family, if you'll have the patience of a nursery sch teacher cuz you need it to raise Sarah, if you can forgive without remembering the past in the case of Kate.
what manner of woman you want to bear your family name depends on a whole lot, do listen to the still voice in your head. Could have said more but......

make up ur mind man,u got it all wrong wen u took back ur ex.it seems u dont really know what u want;cos age is not on her side again she comes running back to u,i hope u dont take a decision dat u will live to regret forever.

Thanks all
@Sunkyphil: Actually Kate did not want to come back, I practically wooed her back maybe because I felt I was the reason she left me or because I missed her so much... I don't know. She left me then because all the times she begged me to come to her house and see her parents, I did not go till the parents felt I was not serious and passed a vote of no confidence on me. Though she did not tell me the full behind the scenes story at the time, I remember that she kept telling me that if I did not come, it will really cause a lot of trouble but I did not believe her.

@Ceny6: When I said she helped me, there was nothing small about the help. Let me give you an e.g. For about a year that I did not have stable job, Kate was constantly splitting her salary into two and sharing with me without complaining despite that I was dating someone else.

And just to add, I have suggested to Kate about 3 times that maybe I should start treating Sarah wrong so that she can break up with me and leave me free to date Kate but Kate consistently said it is not fair that if I want to break up with Sarah, I should be truthful to her and not make her go through a heartbreak thinking it is her fault.

[quote author=Mock10post=27601491]Thanks all
Sunkyphil: Actually Kate did not want to come back, I practically wooed her back maybe because I felt I was the reason she left me or because I missed her so much... I don't know. She left me then because all the times she begged me to come to her house and see her parents, I did not go till the parents felt I was not serious and passed a vote of no confidence on me. Though she did not tell me the full behind the scenes story at the time, I remember that she kept telling me that if I did not come, it will really cause a lot of trouble but I did not believe@Ceny6: When I said she helped me, there was nothing small about the help. Let me give you an e.g. For about a year that I did not have stable job, Kate was constantly splitting her salary into two and sharing with me without complaining despite that I was dating someone else.
U sound
And just to add, I have suggested to Kate about 3 times that maybe I should start treating Sarah wrong so that she can break up with me and leave me free to date Kate but Kate consistently said it is not fair that if I want to break up with Sarah, I should be truthful to her and not make her go through a heartbreak thinking it is her fault.


[/quote...it sound like u already knw wat u want 'kate' rght?,then go for d one u want.

The way u analyse both ladies seems to me u knw d best for ursef but still wants to hear odas opinion.

I think both ladies re okay to u. But considering that kate knws u very well and i dont think there is anytin kate can do to offend u dat u wll find difficult not to forgive her. she is matured in all her ways and even put hersef in sarah's place by telling u not to hurt d gal evn wen it is inevitable in other for her to stay.

Despite how luvly u av described sarah yet she hasnt stay long enough for u to knw how far she can withstand ur inept atitude wen displayed to her on some accassions. Neither do u knw how far she can go wit u wen u re broke for long. But reverse is d case for kate.

D decision still remain urs to make. So that u find ursef to blame or praise in d future and no one else.

Please don't manage Sarah she will recover if you deal honestly. Sarah deserves someone who loves her let her be the more you stay in the relationship with her, the harder it is for her to leave because she will keep investing in you believing you love her. I doubt you will forgive yourself if you let Kate go you will keep wondering how life would have been with her you need to let Sarah go like now you've played with her enough let it end quickly you may not have set out to wound her but that is what you are doing by cheating on her. Now you know what you want do right by these ladies.

Maybe you give it some time before you tell Sarah what you have been up to and what you want.