freecocoa:

1. Aren't you just funny? Did I not give the OP the benefit of the doubt making my suspicions into questions? I left him room to clear or confirm them but no, you had to call me out for even having those suspicions, yet you are preaching to me about benefit of the doubt, I see you .

2. Since we are already on this path, I'd like to make it known that, somethings are just clear cut, eg, the word "finally" let's not dance around it.

3. You just won yourself some benefit of the doubt, use it wisely.

1. You could be gracious in asking for clarification instead you asked in the most judgemental fashion known to man.

2. Since we are on "finally", let's roll. When he said they finally had someone to marry their daughter and should be happy, should it no imply to you that they harboured hopes of marrying out their daughter and now someone has "finally" come to make that hope come to pass? If he said they finally agreed for him to marry their daughter would you have said that he thought they were doing him a favour? How's that for not dancing around?

3. Unfortunately, it's not more valuable than the won you just won for yourself. I'm not impressed.

2buff:


And last last, this man of yours would have to mugu out still and buy something as uncomfortable as "3 White pant" for an old woman in the village. kmt. Either way, you would be screwed come time for pre-marital discussions because of the bushness of your parents.

Some things should be personal. I see that list and I just think "This is poverty. Do I really want to be linked to this family?". Or do you think it is only the groom and his family that is being judged in these pre-marital proceedings? The girl's family also are in the lime light and can either show themselves as a decent, dignified lineage...or a pack of starving homeless people who have never seen underwear before.

A girl whose parents intend to give her man a list like that, better audit that shit before it meets his eyes. She better be smart.

You know say na wetin dey do una, any small thing una no go waste time wan show say men na all in all if not you wouldn't have quoted me trying to start up something because my post agrees with yours, but how you go see am kwanu when you wan tell us say na favor e be to marry woman, biko shift jor

freecocoa:
You know say na wetin dey do una, any small thing una no go waste time wan show say men na all in all if not you wouldn't have quoted me trying to start up something because my post agrees with yours, but how you go see am kwanu when you wan tell us say na favor e be to marry woman, biko shift jor

Nne baby , your anger is only a confirmation that you agree with my point but hate the reality of it.
It is okay, the Lord will provide.

But like I said, make una dey help fight off disgraceful, hungerish tendencies from una side when time reach for all these talks.
Remember, YOU are the one that will be living with your in-laws, not your family. Naija girls need to start being smart with this whole thing and stop thinking "it's none of my business/he should PAY/etc". Like you said, times have changed. Everybody eye don open. No dull una sef.

PS: abeg re-read the original post of mine wey you quote. Be like say I edit am before you quote am to REALLY drive my point further .

freshdude2:

1. You could be gracious in asking for clarification instead you asked in the most judgemental fashion known to man.

2. Since we are on "finally", let's roll. When he said they finally had someone to marry their daughter and should be happy, should it no imply to you that they harboured hopes of marrying out their daughter and now someone has "finally" come to make that hope come to pass? If he said they finally agreed for him to marry their daughter would you have said that he thought they were doing him a favour? How's that for not dancing around?

3. Unfortunately, it's not more valuable than the won you just won for yourself. I'm not impressed.

1. The OP wasn't gracious with his comments either.

2.No it should not because most men believe marrying a woman is doing her a favor. 2b. What I would say would depend on why the refused in the first place, if there was no qualms with wanting to marry her then there won't be any need to use the word "finally"

3.Neither am I.

2buff:


Nne baby , your anger is only a confirmation that you agree with my point but hate the reality of it.
It is okay, the Lord will provide.

But like I said, make una dey help fight off disgraceful, hungerish tendencies from una side when time reach for all these talks.
Remember, YOU are the one that will be living with your in-laws, not your family. Naija girls need to start being smart with this whole thing and stop thinking "it's none of my business/he should PAY/etc". Like you said, times have changed. Everybody eye don open. No dull una sef.

PS: abeg re-read the original post of mine wey you quote. Be like say I edit am before you quote am to REALLY drive my point further .

I only agree that the unnecessary list should stop not that men do women favor by marrying them, two different things.

Will read it now.

coogar:


why won't i see it?
i have to spend on such things to buy you like a piece of foodstuff while you are on NL claiming to be a feminist. can you not see the hypocrisy you immerse yourself into? costly shoe for FIL, undies for MIL. what kinda MIL drinks 3 cartons of beer, a carton of hot drink & snuff? you better stay in the kitchen 24/7 after i manage to pay that kind of brideprice. if i hear the letter "f" before you even pronounce feminism, i would give you a dirty slap. your feminism should be paying your brideprice, not me.

Any Nigerian woman who claims to be a feminist is a liar and should not be taken seriously.

You don't become a feminist just because you were born with an extra hole on your body, or because you spam the Internet with all sorts of propaganda.

You can only be a feminist if you are ready to work for the equality mandate that creed promotes. A Nigerian woman will want to copy other women to form equality, only until it gets to pre-marriage and bride-price / list things where they will watch themselves be priced on a table like a piece of meat in the market. Some of them will even be feeling happy that they just got "bought" for 80 tubers of yam and 6 white PAYNT . They will then be comparing their price tag with other women to see who cost more for bragging rights.

Only after that to now want to start talking to the man about equality again. Say wetin kon happen?
Bia, where you dey when your papa dey sell you give me?

They don't know that, for them to truly be feminists, they need to start it in their homes and fight the marriage list thing, because they are the only ones that can end that part of nigerian culture.

I keep asking this question and I am yet to get a satisfactory answer: What role does bride price play?

Are you being paid off for raising your own child?

I dont get it. Dont get me started on the crazy lists. We shout culture when it suits us and denouce culture when it doesnt suit us. Not condemning any culture I just need to know what role bride price plays in making a marriage succesful

aisha2:
I keep asking this question and I am yet to get a satisfactory answer: What role does bride price play?

Are you being paid off for raising your own child?

I dont get it. Dont get me started on the crazy lists. We shout culture when it suits us and denouce culture when it doesnt suit us. Not condemning any culture I just need to know what role bride price plays in making a marriage succesful

It plays no role.
It is tradition for tradition's sake.
Any pragmatic person living in the 21st century generally has no time for "expenses for the sake of expenses".
There are better things to do with money.
I could care less if some one from a village wants to ostracize me for not doing some traditional nonsense. I don't live in a village, never plan to, and they are certainly not welcome to my house if they are bent out of shape over it. Not my problem.

A brideprice should be a token, and could be okay if left at that (Can be as low as N20 in some cultures). If treated as such and not expensive, guy could be like "Fine, whatever, let's get on with the wedding."

What I find truly ridiculous are the long lists. Those are things Nigerian females really need to start fighting against or guys will simply increase the rates at which they consider interglobal marital options....leaving the women single, unmarried or hopping from boyfriend to boyfriend well past their prime ages.

IMHO, when tradition becomes counter-productive and even in this case, harmful....discard it.

freecocoa:

1. Agreed, but I asked in that manner because of the belief some men have which is already being displayed here, if we are being totally honest, the OP's phrase didn't leave much room for benefit of the doubt but still I could have given him a lot more than I gave.

2.No it should not because most men believe marrying a woman is doing her a favor. 2b. What I would say would depend on why the refused in the first place, if there was no qualms with wanting to marry her then there won't be any need to use the word "finally"

3.Neither am I.

1. So, in essence, you actually made those comments out of prejudice and bias. You could certainly have been more patient.

2. This doesn't cast your understanding of the English Language in good light.
2b. Here's the question again: If he said they finally agreed for him to
marry their daughter would you have said that
he thought they were doing him a favour?
. Please answer this question. Thanks.

3. No you're not. You're awed.

2buff:

It plays no role.
It is tradition for tradition's sake.
Any pragmatic person living in the 21st century generally has no time "expenses for the sake of expenses".
A brideprice should be a token, and could be okay if left at that (Can be as low as N20 in some cultures). If treated as such and not expensive, guy could be like "Fine, whatever, let's get on with the wedding."
What I find truly ridiculous are the long lists. Those are things Nigerian females really need to start fighting against.

I agree, after dealing with a four page long list off course you will have men on nairaland saying they own their wives and are supposed to be in full possesion of them.

I dont get it really. Why would any woman think its okay to be sold off?

Where am from its a token which is returned to the grooms family and asked to use it for fuel.

My In laws asked and asked for a list, we assured them there was none, they didnt believe it. First thing anyone always asked hubby before the trad was "what about the list" he kept saying there was none to their disbelief. Everything for the traditional is handled by brides family as they are hosting their guests. The wedding is hosted by the couple supported by both families. The family should be more concerned about the couple building a home than this archaic exploitation abeg

aisha2:


I agree, after dealing with a four page long list off course you will have men on nairaland saying they own their wives and are supposed to be in full possesion of them.

I dont get it really. Why would any woman think its okay to be sold off?

Where am from its a token which is returned to the grooms family and asked to use it for fuel.

My In laws asked and asked for a list, we assured them there was none, they didnt believe it. First thing anyone always asked hubby before the trad was "what about the list" he kept saying there was none to their disbelief. Everything for the traditional is handled by brides family as they are hosting their guests. The wedding is hosted by the couple supported by both families. The family should be more concerned about the couple building a home than this archaic exploitation abeg

It is always refreshing to hear this.
I'm going to guess you are Yoruba (if Nigerian)?

freecocoa:
I only agree that the unnecessary list should stop not that men do women favor by marrying them, two different things.

Will read it now.

Men do women with long lists a favor by marrying them. Especially in this market of global marital options.

You better understand and get that right.
It doesn't sound nice, but there is really no counter-logic you can present against this very clear fact besides disagreements based purely on emotion.

Which is why the sooner women start fighting it, the better.

2buff:

It is always refreshing to hear this.
I'm going to guess you are Yoruba (if Nigerian)?

From the north

aisha2:


From the north

Beautiful!
Happy married life.

freshdude2:

1. So, in essence, you actually made those comments out of prejudice and bias. You could certainly have been more patient.

2. This doesn't cast your understanding of the English Language in good light.
2b. Here's the question again: If he said they finally agreed for him to
marry their daughter would you have said that
he thought they were doing him a favour?
. Please answer this question. Thanks.

3. No you're not. You're awed.

1. I modified my post, so scratch the first answer.

2. I would have asked why he used the word "finally" and his answer to that would decide whatever I say/type next.

3.Duh! Only in your mind.

freecocoa:

1. The OP wasn't gracious with his comments either.

2. I would have asked why he used the word "finally" and his answer to that would decide whatever I say/type next.

3.Duh! Only in your mind.

1. Therefore, you have a duty to provide ungracious answers as well? However, I'd like to know which of his comments did you find ungracious.

2. Good girl.

3. Free, my mind is an awesome, cozy place. You'd enjoy it in here.

2buff:


Men do women with long lists a favor by marrying them. Especially in this market of global marital options.

You better understand and get that right.
It doesn't sound nice, but there is really no counter-logic you can present against this very clear fact besides disagreements based purely on emotion.

Which is why the sooner women start fighting it, the better.

In as much as I agree with you, no one should go into a marriage with this mentality, list or no list.

Believe what you want still.

I guess if the girl stands her ground and behind her man the family elders will compromise. The list might not look ridiculous to many of us but no one knows the OP's bank balance.

This list is even good. I have seen lists with

1. 2 Apple MacBooks
2. 2 iPads
3. Box of assorted Lace etc

And the mother of the bride will sit there doing nothing and when the poor man starts feeling he was forced to pay because he is "A MAN" all the brides of Lucifer aka Nairaland feminists will come here to say nay...equal rights.

freshdude2:


1. Therefore, you have a duty to provide ungracious answers as well? However, I'd like to know which of his comments did you find ungracious.

2. Good girl.

3. Free, my mind is an awesome, cozy place. You'd enjoy it in here.

1. It's only natural . We are still doing this? Saying that he thought they'd be happy that someone finally is reday to settle down with their daughter sounded 'ungracious' to me.

2.I'm a woman .

3.You wish.

1stCitizen:
I guess if the girl stands her ground and behind her man the family elders will compromise. The list might not look ridiculous to many of us but no one knows the OP's bank balance.

This list is even good. I have seen lists with

1. 2 Apple MacBooks
2. 2 iPads
3. Box of assorted Lace etc

And the mother of the bride will sit there doing nothing and when the poor man starts feeling he was forced to pay because he is "A MAN" all the brides of Lucifer aka Nairaland feminists will come here to say nay...equal rights.

Like for real? Ipad?

2buff:


Beautiful!
Happy married life.

Thank you

freecocoa:
1. It's only natural . We are still doing this? Saying that he thought they'd be happy that someone finally is reday to settle down with their daughter sounded 'ungracious' to me.

2.I'm a woman .

3.You wish.

1. Yes, we are. And this is because you brought us back here. Using finally is not ungracious, you think it's ungracious. Notice the difference.

2. Idioms, colloquialisms?! Free, sense of humour?

3. Don't dismiss my claimed awesomeness till you can prove otherwise.

2buff:


Any Nigerian woman who claims to be a feminist is a liar.

You don't become a feminist just because you were born with an extra hole on your body. You can only be a feminist if you are ready to work for the equality mandate that creed promotes............

At times, I read some comments here and I'm amazed. Like who are your female friends?

Why is everybody ignoring the fact that the bride price is returned in some culture. (I know Yoruba people return it after the wedding)
Isn't the bride's family sponsoring the wedding?? Why not demand for that tradition to stop?

I don't know any feminist(whether male or female) that is in support of bride price, none at all. In fact, I dare you to show me one.

freshdude2:

1. Yes, we are. And this is because you brought us back here. Using finally is not ungracious, you think it's ungracious. Notice the difference.

2. Idioms, colloquialisms?! Free, sense of humour?

3. Don't dismiss my claim awesomeness till you can prove otherwise.

1.What a person thinks can be disproved, which is why even though I 'think' that it was 'ungracious' of him, I still left room for him to clear or confirm

2.See no 1.

3.I'm working on that.

I have always hated the idea of bride price. I personally think it is one culture we should stop practicing.

BananaBender:


At times, I read some comments here and I'm amazed. Like who are your female friends?

Why is everybody ignoring the fact that the bride price is returned in some culture. (I know Yoruba people return it after the wedding)
Isn't the bride's family sponsoring the wedding?? Why not demand for that tradition to stop?

I don't know any feminist(whether male or female) that is in support of bride price, none at all. In fact, I dare you to show me one.

Talk about marriage list, not just bride price.
You are just emotionally reacting to my statement without addressing everything said.

babygirlfl:

I have always hated the idea of bride price. I personally think it is one culture we should stop.

what are you people waiting for then? you want Jesus to come down from heaven & stop it? only nigerian girls can stop it - if you insist that you don't want your suitor to pay a dime as brideprice, your parents will not take a dime from him. its as simple as that.

personally, i don't have a problem with the culture. i spend more money on expensive vacations, gifts, etc than any list of brideprice my in laws can manage......i only have a problem with the hypocrisy. if a bride has taken money from her groom then she can never be his equal.

Has a bill banning or putting a price-limit on the total number of things presented to a bride's family when buying her for marriage been passed in the house of representatives?

Oh wait, that might be too hard - is there an ethnic group in Nigeria that prohibits families from daylight-robbing their potential sons-in-law in the name of marriage?

Feminists do your job and stop littering the internet with your diatribe, without actually doing anything to support your movement in the real world.

Young women are still being sold to the most attractive pockets, and y'all choose to stay on the internet spitting nonsense.

You know this bride price and list thingy doesn't just stop at the girl's family, it extends to the kinmen, the young girls and women of the bride's village, so stopping it won't be an easy thing, you need to see how these group of people threaten to make sure the marriage ceremony doesn't hold if their demands are not met, no be small thing o.

In a country like ours where many people are not educated, abolishing the bride price tradition fit lead to war but impossible is nothing, so maybe someday we'll get there .

My family will settle my kinsmen and other groups from our own purse, this is my plan.

2buff:


Talk about marriage list, not just bride price.
You are just emotionally reacting to my statement without addressing everything said.

How typical, after highlighting your bullsh1t, you decided to irrationally accuse me of being emotional. Not surprised.

The post I quoted made mention of bride price, not list. Again, point to one feminist that supports the bride price tradition.

During my aunt's wedding, my parent's paid for the list. For most Yorubas, the list includes: yams, honey, salt, fish, drinks, The Bible, an engagement ring.

This list is often agreed upon ahead of time, meaning the groom's family has to agree to the list. Each of these items has its own significant symbolism which serves as the spring board for prayers during the ceremony.

The list is not the same thing as bride price. And if demanded, we both pay for it, no stress.

1stCitizen:
I guess if the girl stands her ground and behind her man the family elders will compromise. The list might not look ridiculous to many of us but no one knows the OP's bank balance.
This list is even good. I have seen lists with
1. 2 Apple MacBooks
2. 2 iPads
3. Box of assorted Lace etc
And the mother of the bride will sit there doing nothing and when the poor man starts feeling he was forced to pay because he is "A MAN" all the brides of Lucifer aka Nairaland feminists will come here to say nay...equal rights.

Dayum..........

coogar:


what are you people waiting for then? you want Jesus to come down from heaven & stop it? only nigerian girls can stop it - if you insist that you don't want your suitor to pay a dime as brideprice, your parents will not take a dime from him. its as simple as that.

I and many women will be happy if it was as simple as that. You need to remember that it goes beyond the girls immediate family. The extended family are all involved. We have started doing something. I believe that with time, it will stop.

coogar:

personally, i don't have a problem with the culture. i spend more money on expensive vacations, gifts, etc than any list of brideprice my in laws can manage......i only have a problem with the hypocrisy. if a bride has taken money from her groom then she can never be his equal.

I totally understand what you mean by hypocisy but bride price should not mean the woman is no longer an equal. Also remember that unless a man is marrying from a very poor and/or greedy family, the brideprice is nothing near the cost of hosting the traditional marriage which is usually hosted by the brides family.