naijababe:
I am not a fan of stereotypes, so in general I often avoid people who like to use labels. That particular trait has and I believe will continue to serve me well.

I love black men; in fact I love Nigerian men . When I was shipped to Britain at 18, I knew within a few years that nothing but a cocoa brown of the naija variety would cut it for me . Some of my friends were keen on white men because they wanted biracial kids and they supposedly make better husbands. I was having none of that, it had to be a nucca and a naija nucca for that matter, it didn’t matter if he descended from the east, west, south or sahel. All I wanted was a naija man with his usual special brand of swag and ‘toasting!’ Certain lines are particular to Nigerian men, I have not heard non-naija men use those lines

If I am interviewed today and asked what mould of men I consider Nigerian enough to be married to if I wasn't married to my true Naija hubby of course , my first answer would be King Sango of the old Oyo Empire, he may have been arrogated all sorts of mythical powers but any man who could marry women as strong as Oba, Osun and Oya was no weakling and certainly didn't need to demand respect from his wives. From contemporary times, I can only think of the Late Rev. Oludotun Kuti, husband of Mrs Olufunmilayo Kuti and father of Olikoye, Fela and Beko Kuti. Rev Kuti in particular is ultra-special because he made all his marks in education while his wife Mrs Kuti was all about politics, a mean feat for their times. The other man that comes to mind is Dr Ekpo, the husband of Margaret Ekpo; in fact the history of NCNC as a political party would not be complete if the names of these two women’s were omitted, what Mrs Kuti did in the West, Mrs Ekpo did in the East. Two strong Nigerian men married them and did not stop them from achieving dreams; the fear of their wives stealing their thunder apparently did not come into play.

The history of Babangida’s regime as terrible as it was will not be complete without mentioning Maryam’s mark. She is behind the creation of the ‘Office of the first lady’, maybe someone here can convince me that Babangida simply could not control his wife. We can't possibly have forgotten Stella and Turai so soon; strong women even if their strength was to our detriment. I have heard many oral accounts of the rifts between Awo and Akintola being largely fuelled by their wives, might have been hearsay but mama HID and late Mrs Faderera Akintola were no pushovers even if the office first lady was non existent.

The truth is that Nigerian women have always been strong and independent even if there are good and bad kinds. That some women are all about money is not new, many of our musicians sang about it, I remember the apt descriptions of some women as a kid as being 'Olorunsogo' women, but the men who coined the that term also described their opposites as 'Surulere' women.

Has the world changed so much that some of our men only want ‘yes’ women as wives? So much so that strong women can only be described as rude and disrespectful. I can’t think of anywhere else where Nigerian women in particular are bashed as they are here on NL. Some of these men need to start taking responsibility for their behaviour. You are what you attract after all.

Joavid:
Is polygyny same thing as polygamy?

netotse:


Equity is ideal, it speaks to understanding, to strive for equity you must first understand and then accept your strengths and weaknesses. When you fight for equality you refuse to take said strength and weaknesses into consideration.

Men and women are not the same, that women cannot do some things as well as men can do them does not make them any less important or valuable, that's equity.

Equality is what a man can do, a woman can do too, irregardless of whether it's clearly a lost battle or not.

SirShymex:


With guys, it's just banter...nothing serious. I actually thought the politics section was a war zone, till I decided to hit this section again, after a year (I used to post here a bit like time ago). The guys just wanna crack jokes, save for a few effeminate white knights, and sagamite the legendary troll (your nemesis). Then you move to the real world, and it's basically the same thing. Most naija women/chics just don't know how to talk/act.

Anyway, let's stay on the topic. Why have today's Nigerian women refused to emulate their mums? If we can find an answer to that, perhaps we'll be able to find all these "true Nigerian men" who have gone ghost.

bukatyne:


And ladies don't banter?

Or when guys are rude to themselves and ladies it is banter but when ladies do same it is been crass?

bukatyne:


Equality is based on that na

The fact I see everyone as equals does not mean I would force Omotola to dance because Beyonce is a good dancer.

The people I have heard talk about inequality do not promote equity: they promote inequality

BABE3:


by your definition, yes. However, her strong friends will disagree with you.

Sango's wives were strong, yes, but as soon as sango says 'ha', they freeze. Men are humans as well; you can't keep trampling in their egos and person with "I'm strong and I can do whatever" and still expect them to be "the real man" you want. So don't be surprised if men want to settle for a 'yes' woman.

What is the new strong? Being strong, rude and crass.

AjanleKoko:
What's up with all this strong man strong woman matter sef.

If you know you are strong (man or woman), enter Sambisa forest jare Action dey wait you there.

naijababe:
I am not a fan of stereotypes, so in general I often avoid people who like to use labels. That particular trait has and I believe will continue to serve me well.

I love black men; in fact I love Nigerian men . When I was shipped to Britain at 18, I knew within a few years that nothing but a cocoa brown of the naija variety would cut it for me . Some of my friends were keen on white men because they wanted biracial kids and they supposedly make better husbands. I was having none of that, it had to be a nucca and a naija nucca for that matter, it didn’t matter if he descended from the east, west, south or sahel. All I wanted was a naija man with his usual special brand of swag and ‘toasting!’ Certain lines are particular to Nigerian men, I have not heard non-naija men use those lines

If I am interviewed today and asked what mould of men I consider Nigerian enough to be married to if I wasn't married to my true Naija hubby of course , my first answer would be King Sango of the old Oyo Empire, he may have been arrogated all sorts of mythical powers but any man who could marry women as strong as Oba, Osun and Oya was no weakling and certainly didn't need to demand respect from his wives. From contemporary times, I can only think of the Late Rev. Oludotun Kuti, husband of Mrs Olufunmilayo Kuti and father of Olikoye, Fela and Beko Kuti. Rev Kuti in particular is ultra-special because he made all his marks in education while his wife Mrs Kuti was all about politics, a mean feat for their times. The history of Babangida’s regime as terrible as it was will not be complete without mentioning Maryam’s mark. She is behind the creation of the ‘Office of the first lady’, maybe someone here can convince me that Babangida simply could not control his wife. We can't possibly have forgotten Stella and Turai so soon; strong women even if their

naijababe:


No it is not, netotse post succinctly explain the difference. Equality is me changing the tire of the car just because my husband changed it the last time. Equity is me pointing out the flat tires and him changing it even if he changed it the last hundred times.

We can agree to disagree.

@ Busybody2, na me you dey yawa so! God dey!!!

50calibre:

Word!! Though the OP makes a few good points, some things she said are contradictory & somewhat myopic.

I don't know much about sango's origin, but I know he's been associated with the god of thunder or something along those lines.

Nigerian men don't want a yes wife or a slave that's a fallacious assumption. These women mentioned by the OP were strong virtuous women who knew their place beside their husband. Their ambition never made them disrespectful nor got in the way of their marital obligations & the men in return, treated them with respect. Who wouldn't?

In those days it was even considered a sacrilege to disrespect your husband. Stella, maryam, turai & all other mentioned were fiercely loyal to their husbands. When Obasanjo was in prison, Stella despite the risks, single-handedly took it upon herself to fight for his freedom.. How many Nigerian women will do that?

The problem is Nigerian women of today, seem to have this misconception that being strong & ambitious means being brash & insolent, that's what they've managed to assimilate from the barrage of western feminist propaganda they've been exposed to.

Nigerian women of today, lack any form of principle or morals, they're easily brainwashed, & suffer from a crushing form of inferiority complex.

No man wants to deal with that.

freshdude2:
Welcome Shirley. How was your day?

naijababe:


No it is not, netotse post succinctly explain the difference. Equality is me changing the tire of the car just because my husband changed it the last time. Equity is me pointing out the flat tires and him changing it even if he changed it the last hundred times.

We can agree to disagree.

@ Busybody2, na me you dey yawa so! God dey!!!

BananaBender:

I don't have time for you to irritate me on NL today. When men talk trash, it's just banter but when women do it, it is crass and serious?? Mtcheew, such a stup1d excuse.

If you are around women IRL that don't know how to talk that just reflects poorly on you. #Bye!

destante:
Gosh honestly my mind went to you first. All you see on nl are disrespectful women..... Really? shymex really? Puhlease get this ill-conceived view over with already. You need to.

naijababe:


No it is not, netotse post succinctly explain the difference. Equality is me changing the tire of the car just because my husband changed it the last time. Equity is me pointing out the flat tires and him changing it even if he changed it the last hundred times.

We can agree to disagree.

SirShymex:


How does it reflects poorly on me? Am I their mum?

It's either they weren't raised right, or they just got caught in the matrix of trying to act like a man.

kaboninc:


That's not equality my dear.

bukatyne:


And ladies don't banter?

Or when guys are rude to themselves and ladies it is banter but when ladies do same it is been crass?

bukatyne:



Lol!

Even if you cannot change it?

No problem, I get where you are coming from

BananaBender:


It says a lot that to them, acting like man to them means being disrespectful.

If y'all stop being so darn rude, maybe you can set an example for the women you claim to 'lead/head'.

ileobatojo:


A very shocking definition, I have to say.

naijababe:
I am not a fan of stereotypes, so in general I often avoid people who like to use labels. That particular trait has and I believe will continue to serve me well.

I love black men; in fact I love Nigerian men . When I was shipped to Britain at 18, I knew within a few years that nothing but a cocoa brown of the naija variety would cut it for me . Some of my friends were keen on white men because they wanted biracial kids and they supposedly make better husbands. I was having none of that, it had to be a nucca and a naija nucca for that matter, it didn’t matter if he descended from the east, west, south or sahel. All I wanted was a naija man with his usual special brand of swag and ‘toasting!’ Certain lines are particular to Nigerian men, I have not heard non-naija men use those lines

If I am interviewed today and asked what mould of men I consider Nigerian enough to be married to if I wasn't married to my true Naija hubby of course , my first answer would be King Sango of the old Oyo Empire, he may have been arrogated all sorts of mythical powers but any man who could marry women as strong as Oba, Osun and Oya was no weakling and certainly didn't need to demand respect from his wives. From contemporary times, I can only think of the Late Rev. Oludotun Kuti, husband of Mrs Olufunmilayo Kuti and father of Olikoye, Fela and Beko Kuti. Rev Kuti in particular is ultra-special because he made all his marks in education while his wife Mrs Kuti was all about politics, a mean feat for their times. The other man that comes to mind is Dr Ekpo, the husband of Margaret Ekpo; in fact the history of NCNC as a political party would not be complete if the names of these two women’s were omitted, what Mrs Kuti did in the West, Mrs Ekpo did in the East. Two strong Nigerian men married them and did not stop them from achieving dreams; the fear of their wives stealing their thunder apparently did not come into play.

The history of Babangida’s regime as terrible as it was will not be complete without mentioning Maryam’s mark. She is behind the creation of the ‘Office of the first lady’, maybe someone here can convince me that Babangida simply could not control his wife. We can't possibly have forgotten Stella and Turai so soon; strong women even if their strength was to our detriment. I have heard many oral accounts of the rifts between Awo and Akintola being largely fuelled by their wives, might have been hearsay but mama HID and late Mrs Faderera Akintola were no pushovers even if the office first lady was non existent.

The truth is that Nigerian women have always been strong and independent even if there are good and bad kinds. That some women are all about money is not new, many of our musicians sang about it, I remember the apt descriptions of some women as a kid as being 'Olorunsogo' women, but the men who coined the that term also described their opposites as 'Surulere' women.

Has the world changed so much that some of our men only want ‘yes’ women as wives? So much so that strong women can only be described as rude and disrespectful. I can’t think of anywhere else where Nigerian women in particular are bashed as they are here on NL. Some of these men need to start taking responsibility for their behaviour. You are what you attract after all.

CHoccolaTE:


No oo, when guys insult ladies (like they are wont to do because of insecurites) its ego and macho pride and god knows what else.

When women do it, it means they are badly brought up and ghetto and rude and that all the respectable women have gone extinct.