osisi,  

very common in nigeria society. i tell you i pity women there. how they do it i don't know. a man beat you black and blue and you still stay there with him. . . giving him food from the kitchen and from you nature pot? i cry for women there.

many beat their wife for just saying no to sex. . . as a kid, we hide by the window and listen to the man cursing his wife after a good or should i say a bad beating. the only thing you hear from the woman was her wailing.

hehehe so na oyinbo pot david dey put him head oh oh oh

what we want is that the men pick what's good about our culture and combine it with whats good about oyibo culture.
Is that too hard to ask?
I have written in another thread how we went to visit a family friend who was married to an African American woman and this Igbo man was wearing an apron and serving us fresh fish peppersoup.
I couldn't believe it!
There is no way on this earth that my man or 99.9% of our men will be wearing an apron,cooking and baking.
The wife has to be bed ridden
This is just an example o, I'm not saying our men should do the cooking,far from it.
But when I see things like that,it shows me that this man cares and sees that his wife already has her hands full with 5 kids and is not ashamed to help out around the kitchen even with guests there.

No not too much my dear sister. not too much. that's just what we are asking from them. simple!!

*Hauwa*:

No not too much my dear sister. not too much. that's just what we are asking from them. simple!!

even when you marry a man who's willing to help around,he's often intimidated by what people will think of him.
True story

when my man and I were courting,his friends and cousin came to visit one day I was there and he ran in and got them drinks,made garri for lunch and we all ate.
Do you know that the cousin later asked him to make sure that was the girl he wanted to spend his life with pointing to the fact that I just sat there with my feet on the table while he ran around making food.
That is the general mentality.I was expected to be slaving around serving visitors even before walking down the aisle.

KarmaMod:

you're the one dating white women David thus you were referring to yourself

what's that got to do with anything? 

osisi*:

what we want is that the men pick what's good about our culture and combine it with whats good about oyibo culture.

Seems we wont hear the end of this "oh so good oyinbo culture". why una no just marry oyinbo men so we can rest?

I remember cooking for a date once and she went and told her friends (who happen to be white) and they all couldnt believe it. The general consensus was that i was the better dude since their own bfs (who are white by the way) don't even know the way to the kitchen.

Seems too many women don't really know the oyinbo culture beyond what they read in books and see in videos.

there's an oyinbo chic i work with here who's bf (oyinbo by the way) cant boil water to save his life . . . she has to plan dinners from work EVERY DAMN DAY!

So abeg enough with all these ridiculous stories that dont hold water.

Oyinbo my foot.

osisi*:

even when you marry a man who's willing to help around,he's often intimidated by what people will think of him.
True story

when my man and I were courting,his friends and cousin  came to visit one day I was there and he ran in and got them drinks,made garri for lunch and we all ate.
Do you know that  the cousin later asked him to make sure that was the girl he wanted to spend his life with pointing to the fact that I just sat there with my feet on the table while he ran around making food.
That is the general mentality.I was expected to be slaving around serving visitors even before walking down the aisle.

So true! I remember one time i was given a lecture on how bad it looks for the guy to be running around while i sat down and talked with friends. Seriously the mentality is something else.

davidylan:

what's that got to do with anything? 

Seems we wont hear the end of this "oh so good oyinbo culture". why una no just marry oyinbo men so we can rest?

I remember cooking for a date once and she went and told her friends (who happen to be white) and they all couldnt believe it. The general consensus was that i was the better dude since their own bfs (who are white by the way) don't even know the way to the kitchen.

Seems too many women don't really know the oyinbo culture beyond what they read in books and see in videos.

there's an oyinbo chic i work with here who's boyfriend (oyinbo by the way) can't boil water to save his life . . . she has to plan dinners from work EVERY DAMN DAY!

So abeg enough with all these ridiculous stories that don't hold water.

Oyinbo my foot.

Oh please some of us have been there done that so WE know! Some things are limited to them while some share the same values with us as well.

Why can't you Naija women stick to the ''civilised'' Western men? Whether it's African-Americans o ,or just Caucasians, it's time you practiced what you preach. 

Yet, if these women find you with a white woman, they will be making snide comments and giving you dirty looks. 

4 Play:

Why can't you Naija women stick to the ''civilised'' Western men? Whether it's African-Americans o ,or just Caucasians, it's time you practiced what you preach.

Yet, if these women find you with a white woman, they will be making snide comments and giving you dirty looks.

reference karmamod on previous page.

Nothing is wrong with hanging or even marrying an oyibo. Whatever rocks your boat. I could careless

my point is naija men in western countries have been purified so am not concerned at all.

just feeling for the ladies/women in nigeria.

@ david

don't take the joke too serious. at some point, some of us went out with Mr. White . but i still prefer my blacko prince anyday

chika98:

Nothing is wrong with hanging or even marrying an oyibo. Whatever rocks your boat. I could careless

You are a rare breed . . . .  . . .  not that I would expect any woman to admit to giving a hoot.  

The emotionally incontinent ones will blurt out a few snide remarks every now and then, the more ''restrained'' ones will stick to subtle acts of aggression.

What I can't get is the glaring contradiction: Naija men are 'less civilised', verging on the barbaric, yet one of the ''perks' of living in the West is that you are perfectly capable of discarding of Nigerian men. Yet, if a Naija woman has an inkling that you are dating a white woman, she will react like she has suffered an  anaphylactic  shock. One would expect they should be delighted and that they too will seek only white male partners.

*Hauwa*:

my point is naija men in western countries have been purified so am not concerned at all.

just feeling for the ladies/women in nigeria.

you still burtress my point that a lot of the knee-jerk comments here seem to come from a colonial mentality that sees everything good in the white skin and everything bad in black.

What is the basis for the "assumption" that behavioural purity is found in western (read that to mean white) countries only?

So many of us here probably think africans back home are nothing but barbarians.

4 Play:

You are a rare breed . . . .  . . .  not that I would expect any woman to admit to giving a hoot.  

The emotionally incontinent ones will blurt out a few snide remarks every now and then, the more ''restrained'' ones will stick to subtle acts of aggression.

What I can't get is the glaring contradiction: Naija men are 'less civilised', verging on the barbaric, yet one of the ''perks' of living in the West is that you are perfectly capable of discarding of Nigerian men. Yet, if a Naija woman has an inkling that you are dating a white woman, she will react like she has suffered an  anaphylactic  shock. One would expect they should be delighted and that they too will seek only white male partners.

Hypoglycemic shock nko? I don't think anyone should be bothered. And those who do have a lot of time on their hands. Again i say it . . it is a personal choice and whatever one wants then it's gravy. However; those men who are with white girls often times come after the black girls/naija chics to say " oh you know i ain't serious with her right?" I'm by no means saying this is always the case but it does happen.

reference karmamod on previous page.

Lmao. dude my comment wasnt an insult. You're not the only one who's been in an interracial relationship, david.

Anyway, I was making a point. You are the ones screaming that you hate women that cant fend for themselves. rely on men for everything. Many times, you, 4Play and co have used women of other races/countries are examples of how better they are cos they dont depend on so and so for this and that. well isnt it "African culture" that men cater to the needs of the women?

why complain about the part of our culture that "favors" women and use oyibo and western women as examples yet when we do the same, it's a problem?

You guys can be such hypocrites at times, seriously

osisi is right, when you dudes date these outside women you do all sorts of "weird" stuff, when it comes back to naija women you start bringing up rubbish of "not being raised to do this and that"

abeg

when my man and I were courting,his friends and cousin came to visit one day I was there and he ran in and got them drinks,made garri for lunch and we all ate.
Do you know that the cousin later asked him to make sure that was the girl he wanted to spend his life with pointing to the fact that I just sat there with my feet on the table while he ran around making food.
That is the general mentality.I was expected to be slaving around serving visitors even before walking down the aisle.

lol na so osisi wan give me Igbo brother. cant happen osisi dear.

seriously I hope this cousin doesnt stay in your house sha.

Yet, if a Naija woman has an inkling that you are dating a white woman, she will react like she has suffered an anaphylactic shock

as opposed to naija men that believe any woman dating a white man is most likely a prostitute and the dude is her "john" looking for an 'exotic adventure"?

weird stuff like Adodi from Leilah's and amuoko abi

My mother told me that some guy's wife died, so he was bereaved. Do you know that some other dude "in the name of consolation" said that why should he be crying since it was only a woman that died? In this 21st century?

I'm not saying the entire Nigerian male populace think this way, but . . .

stillwater:

My mother told me that some guy's wife died, so he was bereaved. Do you know that some other dude "in the name of consolation" said that why should he be crying since it was only a woman that died? In this 21st century?

I'm not saying the entire Nigerian male populace think this way, but . . .

Are you minding the bloody twats?? some men aren't even worth marrying. Like seriously!

Hmm. . . this thread has really derailed from it's main purpose. Anyway, I don't mind entertaining it some, because what's been said here (from both sides) so far is very interesting.

Maybe it's just me and where I'm located, but I rarely witness the kinds of things people here are speaking of (in regards to Nigerian men). Those kind of acts would be considered extreme cases where I'm at. The most I've seen/heard/know people do (on an average day) is say something like, "See this woman" (male), or "See this one" (female). It's usually at that point that someone may say something (or not) and then another gener war emerges. Both sides are equally guilty of such. It's just that some (on both sides) take it farther than others. Some don't even engage at all, but isn't that expected? Extremes (on both sides and both kinds of extremes) are expected. What makes Nigerian males so much different then? Virtually any and everywhere in the world, you will see, hear, and know about these extremes. Yet, Nigerians (in short African) males receive the most lip for it; for something that can, and does occur any and everywhere in the world. True, it is unfortunate to see how some people behave now-a-days, but seriously. . . the way the women/females here are talking, they make it seem as if Any and Every Nigerian [African] male belongs in the category of unfortunate people. I'm not saying that you all are saying that, or implying such. I'm only just saying.

another mugu let loose. yeah, ppl fight to keep their cultures just to keep u in bondage, akamu!

@dremoney

Without resorting 2 personal insults let me ask you 2 questions (we don't even know each other and i don't know if you slaved to be in London, ive had a totally different experience and its been a very lovely experience in the States)

1. Do you think that the total development of a place is removed from the culture of the place? Do you think that the cultural practices of a place plays ANY part to play in the development?

2. If you hate a place where they drink, smoke, party, do drugs and fork around etc why don't you hate Nigeria? Nigerian men spend a lot of their time drinking pamy and beer, smoking, smoking igbo, and fork around too, even the married men. Do you just hate the fact that western women can do what Nigerian men do in Naija? Is that what youhave a problem with?


And a general question guys

A place that is culturally decadent is completely developed and lovely 2 stay

A place with "good culture" has dead bodies on the streets, people acting like animals, trash ridden environment, no value for life etc and no hope of change anytime soon.

Do you guys really think that our culture, mindset and mentality does not have anything to do with our beign regarded as the scum of the earth?

till we acknowledge the truth nothing will change. Lets keep decieving ourselves and see where it gets us.

Chinyere, it was a sickle cell anemia fundraising 2007. Thanks bt.t.w

Do you guys really think that our culture, mindset and mentality does not have anything to do with our being regarded as the scum of the earth?

Excellent question.

guyz the day we stop using colonization as an excuse for our decadent society is the day we will start moving in the right direction.

Asia and Latin America suffered colonization and many of them got independence after African nations

is Colonization the reason why

1. We have dead bodies laying on our streets for days and weeks decomposing

2.  we have garbage all over the place and live with it like its normal (when we hear that Prsident Bush is coming we sweep and clear the streets and then return to normal garbage heaps after He leaves   . Why cant we sweep the streets and keep them clean 4 ourselves

3. we dont have electricity

4. we dont have running water

5. our roads are death traps

6. our schools are dilapidated

7. no good hospitals

8 no effective mass trans system

9. ineffective judicial system and police force

100. No law and order

etc etc the saga/list continues


yes its all the fault of whites and colonialism (dremoney is a genius to figure that out while chiling with law, order and social amenities in Jand)

the day we tell ourselves the truth and admit that the culture of a place is not a seperate entity from its development and advancement is the day we start identifying whats wrong with us in our entirety. (Our respect everybody stuff even those who have not earned it, don't question or demand accountability from people above u, leave everything in the hands of deity rather than demamd aggresively and ensure that we punish thieves who are destroying the country regardless of societal standing and an unwillingness to evolve with times etc)

guys the west was once a ceasepool of corruption and underdevelopment. The populace changed their mentality and changed their way of life for good

till we start questioning the way we do things, our mindset, mentality and YES OUR BELOVED CULTURE we will keep wallowing in darkness

LEAVE THE WEST ALONE. LET US CLEAR OUR OWN SHIT B/4 WE START QUESTIONING WESTERN CULTURE. OUR HOME IS A CEASEPOOL OF EVERYTHING BAD AND WE ARE HERE QUESTIONING THE CULTURE OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEIR LIVES ORDERLY AND ARRAINGED . THATZ WHY WE ARE A JOKE IN THE EYES OF THE WORLD

Sorry guys for going off topic.

Now can we please get back to the topic

Sage, maybe you're misunderstanding what I wrote. I, in no way, used colonization and imperialism as an exuse. I used it to explain the situation in Africa. Seriously, go through all African countries and find one country that was not colonized or "imperialized" and show that the country is a significantly developed country (first world). The state of things is because of colonization and imperialism. It isn't an excuse. I'm only stating the facts. If not because of having their name soiled, the U.S. would have pulled out Iraq much quicker than now. Unfortunately though, the problems still persisst and there is no exuse for that. There is a reason why though: Corruption of individuals in power, not culture. How can you claim that culture is the sole deciding factor, when 1) there are multiple cultures in Nigeria alone and each are not alike; 2) There has been an almost complete and total misunderstanding/misinterpretation of culture since European Colonization and Imperialism; 3) Irrespective of culture, there are governments, countries and societies that are worse off than Nigeria. How can you claim that the problem is culture in Nigeria. If anything, as stated before by me and Daviddylan, the problem is the corruption in government. Nigeria's inability to effectively manage itself as a country. People not following the laws, mandates, and codes set in place so that all can be safe. That is the problem. Culture or no culture, people will still do what they [feel] they must to survive. Culture or no culture, people will still do what they [feel] they must to maintain their status and power in a nation. Culture or no culture, prejudice, stereotypes, unacceptable behavior still exists. You cannot blame culture (that is misunderstood and misinterpreted) as the sole reason for why Nigeria (as well as Africa) is the way it is.

Until we start questioning the way our country is run/managed/governed, our misunderstanding, and the country's social ills, we will keep wallowing in darkness.

.

tpia:

You are aware most of Europe was originally colonized by the Romans, right?

Including Great Britain?

I am well aware of that. Yet, the Roman Empire did not just remove it's hand for things to run themselves. The Roman Empire slowly died. Great Britain and everywhere else colonized by the Roman Empire was being built and maintained. Law and order were enforced, but the empire stretched itself too thin. So it slowly declined. At the same time that it was declining, it was still developing other parts of Europe. The grip of the empire didn't just vanish. When it's power had fully dwindled away, those colonized areas had developed themselves enough to be sovereign. Their case is different from Africa's. Africa was invaded, colonized, imperialized, and when the Europeans had taken what they wanted, they just left. Leaving government and management to attend to itself, which created an "every man for himself" situation. That did not happen when the Roman Empire was colonizing areas of Europe.

tpia:



You are aware most of Europe was originally colonized by the Romans, right?

Including Great Britain?

Even the good ole USA was once a colony

ChinenyeN:

I am well aware of that. Yet, the Roman Empire did not just remove it's hand for things to run themselves. The Roman Empire slowly died. Great Britain and everywhere else colonized by the Roman Empire was being built and maintained. Law and order were enforced, but the empire stretched itself too thin. So it slowly declined. At the same time that it was declining, it was still developing other parts of Europe. The grip of the empire didn't just vanish. When it's power had fully dwindled away, those colonized areas had developed themselves enough to be sovereign. Their case is different from Africa's. Africa was invaded, colonized, imperialized, and when the Europeans had taken what they wanted, they just left. Leaving government and management to attend to itself, which created an "every man for himself" situation. That did not happen when the Roman Empire was colonizing areas of Europe.

are you trying to tell us why a Nigerian man would open the mouth he uses to eat yam and cocoyam and call his wife and mother of his children ewu in public, punch her in the face and even threaten her with marrying a new wife if she doesn't behave and society expects her to stay on and endure it.
I'm not saying all but these things are  common especially amongst illiterates