Someone I know was being beaten by her husband like a dog. She went to the police to complain and the police man said and I quote

"Go back to your husband you useless woman. Wetin, you no fit cook soup"

Why couldn't she look for a police woman?  If you're waiting for wife-beaters to save you from other wife-beaters, you will wait forever.  Women need to take charge of their own concerns and stop expecting men to 'save' them.  Wise up, ladies.

davidylan:

That is a failure of the justice system not a problem with culture.
Just like corruption here will land Blagojevich in prison but move Achike Udenwa to the post of minister . . . we have plenty of laws but no one enforces them. Shld we always blame culture?

both go hand in hand in naija

can women be kicked outta homes for not having males kids in western countries, etc

Is Naija police woman not gonna answer to male commissioner?

KarmaMod:

both go hand in hand in naija

can women be kicked out of homes for not having males kids in western countries, etc

No they dont.

If women are kicked out of their homes in Nigeria they can always have a recourse to the law, unfortunately it is not enforced.
you think if Americans were just as nonchallant about their laws certain men wont take the opportunity to drive their wives out instead of paying child support?

@seun

I wish it was that easy

true and the women who stand up for other women are termed feminazis and man haters.

Honestly, all the arguments presented here against men are based on generalizations, and (what seems like) a mix-up of simple corruption and cultural misinterpretation. I can understand why women will complain, but I honestly think people (more especially, women) should revisit and reasses the issue. Find out what the real problem and source of the matter is, because it is not culture. Culture also doesn't favor men. It's more in favor of women, children and all humanity.
I don't main people complaining, if they thoroughly understand what they're complaining about. . .

Anyway, you all can continue.

Honestly, all the arguments presented here against men are based on generalizations (i agree here, but there are generalizations and there's what is seen as the norm. No one is saying that every single male is misogynistic for instance but it's just that it's generally seen as OK to perceive women as inferior; I personally think that women are different but inferior?),

and (what seems like) a mix-up of simple corruption and cultural misinterpretation. I can understand why women will complain, but I honestly think people (more especially, women) should revisit and reasses the issue (this is why we're having a discussion).

Find out what the real problem and source of the matter is, because it is not culture . Culture also doesn't favor men. It's more in favor of women, children and all humanity. (here i sort of disagree with you, first culture is not some monolithic entity, it's something that is fluid, and has changed through time, so it's hard to define is as being in favor of any given group. Having said that, it's sad that some of the  men here  don't see the problems that being female presents in this society. Maybe 'culture' is a wrong term  for this but societal norms (be it legal, cultural, whatever) generally favor men. As I said, they evolve through time. Maybe soon, it will be unacceptable for women in Nigeria to take the crap being meted out to them. It's pulling teeth to say, oh this is our culture or not but the problem is there. It's OK for men to cheat on their wives/girlfriends and if the woman does it, she's a slut. In some parts of the country, education of girls is such a low priority that it's non-existent. It's ok to sexually harass subordinates be they employees or students. It's OK to take advantage of poor women. The fastest way AIDS is transmitted is by men who give them to their loyal wives. It's absolutely OK to harass women on the streets. Women are seen as baby-making (males please, girls are a waste of time), cooking, cleaning machines . Single women are desperate dried out vessels. I admit, it's not only in Naija, but is that a valid excuse anymore in the 21st century?

I don't main people complaining, if they thoroughly understand what they're complaining about. .

David is talking like he has never been in nigeria.

we all know that the naija man abroad is afraid of the justice system. thank God for 911  their azz can be easily shoved into jail for just slapping their lady.
naija man in nigeria is one hard nut to crack. his head is swollen with ego. they beat their women and hardly listen to their women.

David stop acting like you don't know  .

yes it favors them. . . that is why they run home to marry someone they can easily bend. at least that's what they think. sorry immediately the woman arrives, she is taught about the justice system. . . trust the ones already here  hey if your hussy gives you a dirty slap, please don't forget to call 911 from the housephone or the cell

who says we love african culture? when in england i can pick a girl in the street and take her to the nearest registration zone and sign a piece of paper . . .and that is marriage, wether her papa like am or not. nobody go ask me to bring 200 wrappers for her ancestral spirits, nobody disturb me for expensive wedding. i take her out she pays for herself. if i'm broke she takes care of the kiids without informing the whole london.

abegi.

and even sef, some of them here will understand it man pikin decide to visit some old or news female admirers from time to time. after all we all do it

(i agree here, but there are generalizations and there's what is seen as the norm. No one is saying that every single male is misogynistic for instance but it's just that it's generally seen as OK to perceive women as inferior; I personally think that women are different but inferior?),
---------- In that case, then I don't believe that it is that people perceive women as inferior. It's because men and women are different and are perceived as different that may bring about those actions. Inferiority isn't it. I think most men these days would agree with what I said. Some may see the difference as inferiority, but most people will just know it as a difference.

(here i sort of disagree with you, first culture is not some monolithic entity, it's something that is fluid, and has changed through time, so it's hard to define is as being in favor of any given group. Having said that, it's sad that some of the men here don't see the problems that being female presents in this society. Maybe 'culture' is a wrong term for this but societal norms (be it legal, cultural, whatever) generally favor men. As I said, they evolve through time. Maybe soon, it will be unacceptable for women in Nigeria to take the crap being meted out to them. It's pulling teeth to say, oh this is our culture or not but the problem is there.
----------- Okay, I can agree with you on saying that maybe culture may be the wrong term to use (especially considering that it is so very broad and no two ethnic groups in Africa share the exact same culture). Anyway, I, personally, don't see the issue as being a result of culture. African men usually defend culture because it is an intregal part of identity that was almost nearly stolen from us. That, I believe is one reason (or one of the main reasons) why men defend culture. I may be wrong though.

see this awawu chic sef dey yab me.

if they are based on gebneralizations n ko? alot of t5hings said about Naija women arent? abeg go siddon

If women are kicked out of their homes in Nigeria they can always have a recourse to the law

family issue

KarmaMod:

family issue

that family also includes females too . . . so its not all a one-sided affair.

@ chinenyeN

So you ignored the last part of my soapbox, you keep arguing semantics, inferiority, difference, culture, not culture. who gives a crap. All I'm saying is that there is a lot of stuff done to women that is grossly inhumane but is seen as not a big deal in Nigeria. GBAM. I don't care whether or not it's culture, not culture, inferiority complex, alaye boy complex . WHATEVER. This is a problem in the society.

Have I explained myself?

beebop: The reason why I did not respond to it was because I understood what you meant. I know that you know there are issue in Nigeria. I know and understand that as well. You also went further to say that maybe culture may not be the right term for it. Then you mentioned all the things that happen irrespective of culture. I know and understand what you were saying. That is why I did not respond. Sorry if I offended you by not responding.

KarmaMod: No one here is arguing against Nigerian women. The argument is against Nigerian men. Besides, I already sat down a while ago. You are the one making me to get up and talk. I also will not argue culture being the cause of the problems in Nigeria, because there are other countries who, culture or no culture, are better and worse off than Nigeria. The problem is fighting the male dominated governmental system, not culture, and I won't argue this with you. It will get us no where.

@bettes,  

Most of them,knew what they were getting into,and lots of them were prostitutes already,so they mind doing it on the international level.

you are absolutely correct.

in Tpia world only tribe and gender matters.
in tpia's world all babalawo's are male
in tpia's world all pimps are men

you live in a strange world tpia. get a life and a little dose of reality

most pimps are women themselves.  go back to my previous here you will see i know what i am talking about.  majority of the girls  go into it willingly and not under any form of pressure.   do you remember Plappville's  write up about the pimping sister?

.

.

tpia:

daviddylan has the typical attitude of the naija male. Resistant to change and refusing to acknowledge anything that challenges what he thinks is male superiority.

yet they'll be shouting change elsewhere.

tpia has the typical attitude of the nigerian female. Forever complaining about nothing, they have no idea what they are really railing against and are resistant to common sense.

Issues like this always bring lots of sentiments, so a lot of people will argue without being truly objective.

@ChinenyeN, You've made a lot of sense.

@ davidylan

tpia has the typical attitude of the nigerian female. Forever complaining about nothing, they have no idea what they are really railing against and are resistant to common sense.


*throwing my hands in the air*

you see. I know that some women perpetuate the wrongs done by men. Once, when I was flying to Naija, some loud woman got up on the plane and after preaching some nonsense, said something about how young women should be subservient to men. Me, I just turned up my music. Some people are just so set in their ways that it's pointless trying to get through to their closemindedness. Forever complaining about nothing. Seriously. No idea what they're railing against. Look, I watched my mother go through a marriage where her husband, my father, had another child from another woman. She would not contemplate divorce because she was afraid (and rightly so) that this society will brand her as a basket case that cannot keep a man. Or this widespread thing called religion, culture whatever. that brainwashes you to accept being emotionally and physically abused as the 'cross' a woman has to bear.

Am I making stuff up? Do I have no idea about 'what I'm railing about'? Seriously? You want to brand me as a hysterical female incapable of common sense and dismiss the valid claims that most women and some men here have? I'm honestly glad that I don't know you


@ChinenyeN

Not mad at you. I'm glad you can actually see that something is wrong unlike some blockheads here.

more mindless hysteria really

beebop:

you see. I know that some women perpetuate the wrongs done by men. Once, when I was flying to Naija, some loud woman got up on the plane and after preaching some nonsense, said something about how young women should be subservient to men. Me, I just turned up my music. Some people are just so set in their ways that it's pointless trying to get through to their closemindedness.

At least she wasnt a man so what has another woman's personal opinions got to do with us?

beebop:

Look, I watched my mother go through a marriage where her husband, my father, had another child from another woman. She would not contemplate divorce because she was afraid (and rightly so) that this society will brand her as a basket case that cannot keep a man.

And who's to blame here? your father, mother or society?
Its about time people learned to carry the can for their own actions rather than blaming faceless members of society. There are tons of single mothers in Nigeria, no one is lampooning them for not being able to keep a man.

So your own idea of a "civilized society" is one where failure of marriage is accepted as the norm?

beebop:

Or this widespread thing that religion brainwashes you to accept being emotionally and physically abused as the 'cross' a woman has to bear.

This is most foolish. All the females in my family are strong christians . . . they do not suffer any physical abuse at all. I cant speak for islam but no where in the bible is it said that emotional and physical abuse is a cross women must carry. If christian women are deluded enough to think that way its because they dont read their bibles at all.

This is no widespread thing, it is your own imagination playing tricks on you.

beebop:

Am I making stuff up?

pretty much.

beebop:

Do I have no idea about 'what I'm railing about'?

frankly yeah.

beebop:

Seriously? You want to brand me as a hysterical female incapable of common sense and dismiss the valid claims that most women and some men here have?

you bet.

beebop:

I'm honestly glad that I don't know you

same here

Thanks for calling me a blockhead for not agreeing with your mindless drivel.

I think some of you travel abroad and suddenly start looking down on your culture. Its not civilization, its nothing but mental slavery.

You think women in France are actually freer than my aunt in Lagos? What a load of hogwash.

.

tpia:

no need for name calling, surely.

simply rewrote your own statement.

tpia:

in any case, there are women who happily agree to be whatever you want them to be- submissive, uncomplaining, worshippy, and all that.

So why not focus on those ones instead of giving yourself a headache over others who refuse to blindly swallow the belief that God made a mistake when he made them women.

I think you mean those ones who have the fishbone of delusion stuck in their throats?

.

tpia:

name calling just because you disagree with other opinions, is actually childish and more reminiscent of a throwing a tantrum.

You're not a woman- let it go.

I didnt call you names . . . i simply reworded your own earlier unfriendly comment.

And the idea that only women are allowed to be sarcastic runs counter to your weepy tales about women being trampled under foot.

What's good for the goose . . .

Women do suffer in Nigeria.That is an undisputed fact and there is no recourse.
A man can slap and spit on his wife and any other woman in public and he'll just walk right by.

tpia:

You're not a woman- let it go.

I had to point this out a second time . . . so there are things women are allowed that men cant do?  

Absolutely hillarious . . . this people cant even get their own story straight.

osisi*:

Women do suffer in Nigeria.That is an undisputed fact and there is no recourse.
A man can slap and spit on his wife and any other woman in public and he'll just walk right by.

If a woman does so she'll just walk right by too . . .
The only reason it seems to happen to women more often is that men are naturally stronger.

david abeg speak the truth.
The Nigerian soceity is very unfair to women,I wonder why you deny this glaring fact

osisi*:

david abeg speak the truth.
The Nigerian soceity is very unfair to women,I wonder why you deny this glaring fact

I have not denied it, i have simply asked a question - is this a societal problem or a failure of the justice system?

we are talking of a soceity where

a woman is expected to shut up and put up
where she could be sent away penniless from her matrimonial home for not having a male child
or have a second wife brought in esp in Muslim cultures,whether she likes it or not
a man could abandon his wife and kids and nothing happens
she could be beaten up and maimed by her husband and nothing happens

here on this forum,you remeber the statement made by several males when they found out I was female.
That is the mindset of an average Nigerian male