He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! - Family - Nairaland
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| He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 9:09pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
My husband want me to join him in united state and leave our son with his parent here in Nigeria,I am really confused cos i dont want to leave my kid for his parent though they are nice and very caring but my kid is used to me not them.parents in the house pls i really need your advice on this,should i join him without my kid??#kid will be two years in march. 1 Like |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 9:17pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
he doesnt have affection for your son or what  |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by holatin(m): 9:29pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
Me and My wife 1 Like |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 9:30pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
What's his reason? when is he planning to bring him over? 2 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by ifyalways(f): 9:31pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
Why does he want you to leave your son behind? Visa issues? He feels Naija is the best place to raise him?  |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by EfemenaXY: 9:33pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
prettythicksme: How old is your son? And why can't he come with you? In response to your question, nothing can ever separate me from my kids, especially during their formative years and beyond jare. At 18, yes. But before then, NO. If I were you, I'd rather wait behind in Nigeria with my kid until he's able to send for both of us. Even though his parents as you say are nice, you'll never really be yourself without your son. I know I won't sleep easy at night. 7 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by zeb04(f): 9:36pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
EfemenaXY: |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 9:40pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
[quote author=zeb04 post=28857263][/quote]my kid will be two years in march.I am really confused i dont want to leave my kid behind and at the same time i am missing my husband i really want to see him.#lol |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 9:42pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
ifyalways:he want his parent to raise the kid here first. |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 9:44pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
alutacontinua:i dont know when he will send for him,he said he want his parent to raise the kid as they raised him. |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by ifyalways(f): 9:45pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
prettythicksme:Why? He thinks you(and him) can't raise them in the US? Whatever babes, communication in marriage is everything! . Don't start by raising ultimatums like " I can't leave my son behind, etc" . Talk with him calmly and make him understand that the best people to train a child is the parents. Make him see reasons with you. Also, see his OWN reasons, no matter how stuuupid u think it is and work out the best for your family. I wish u the very best. And hope you'd make the BEST decision for your family after carefully, thinking through your family circumstance , regardless of what advisory you get here. 4 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by EfemenaXY: 9:57pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
prettythicksme: Seeing your husband (i.e visiting) is not the same thing as joining him permanently there. prettythicksme: The bolded bit says a lot. Anyway, best of luck in whatever choice you decide to make. |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 10:01pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
EfemenaXY:Thanks dear i am joinning him permanently. |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 10:02pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
ifyalways:thanks dear. |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by mumumugu(m): 10:02pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
He is married there to someone there ,so you are coming as a relation 5 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by tbaba1234: 10:08pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
Raising kids in the US without adequate health insurance could be very expensive. Perhaps, he does not have enough resources for 3 yet. This seems to me to be the only plausible reason for your husband to want your child to stay back. Both of you should work on plans to raise more money so that the child can come too. |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 10:41pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
mumumugu:lol na you give him wife abi?? |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 10:42pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
tbaba1234:owkay dear,thanks. 1 Like |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 11:42pm On Dec 13, 2014 |
Keep this at the back of your mind, as superb as mother's love it weans with distance and time especially when bonding is not that solidified, i mean when the child is still at formative stage and the trauma and void for the child is lifelong...the blame is usually on the mother. I use to think it affect only the girl child but i saw it is worse for the boy child who likely will not give the mother chance to make up by keeping her at alm's length but for the girl 'omugwo' may provide mother another opportunity though not a guarantee. Not long ago i met a married man who hardly talks about his mum but talks about his dad he is not so proud of, so i thought his mum was dead. One day, in the midst of a discussion, it slipped out of his mouth how his mother left his abusive dad leaving them behind and grandma took over. The passion and pain with which he said he doesnt knows what it means to have a mother shows he has not forgiven her though he says he has. His mum has since made a come back but according to him he hardly call her as there's really nothing to talk about. 4 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by MizEmpress(f): 1:08am On Dec 14, 2014 |
i do not really buy the idea, your son may become a stranger to you by the time he finally gets back to you. if it is financial constraint, why not let your hubby save up enough for the three of you before you join him? 2 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by sexybash(f): 5:16am On Dec 14, 2014 |
@ op What happened to communication  ? Talk to your husband and get back to us Right now we really don't know what to advise you Cos the excuse the baba is giving is not tangible Old folks are not the best people to leave kids for cos They might not have that energy they had when raising your husband 2 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by lafflaff123(m): 5:41am On Dec 14, 2014 |
Everybody has spoken well, but there is a little thing called STATUS that we all have apparently forgotten about. There is more to this story, and its either the woman is not telling the full story or she probably don't know. What is the man's status in the United States? was he born there? did he win the visa lottery? did he acquire his stay through some other means?(marriage i.e) i ask this questions because he might stated in the forms he filled out when getting his papers that he does not have a son. The United States Embassy(Consulates)are notorious for keeping records, and attempt to file/bring his kid to the United States might even get him into trouble. There are a lot of Nigerian men married to women for papers in the United States and one way or the other try to bring their real wives into the country,who will then be living with them UNOFFICIALLY as his wife, so bringing in a child with you might complicate matters. The wife going to join him?my questions for you are: Did he just verbally tell you that you will be joining him without his kid? Has he actually put in the paperwork? And as annoying as this may sound, is he actually the father of the child? I have a couple of friends who left faithful wives in Nigeria with their kids for the US, and when eventually it was time to bring their family here, were told by the DNA results that they are not the fathers. Not saying this is your scenario, but what if he has done some medical check in the US and discovered he cant father kids, and you are telling him he has a son? so as not to embarrass himself, since the embassy will tell him to do a DNA anyway, he refuses to bring the child(i know you will say God forbid, but stranger things have happened at the US Embassy). There is a saying that what GOD has joined together, only the American embassy separates. 6 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by pickabeau1: 7:41am On Dec 14, 2014 |
^^^^ Choi... See analysis I call this DNAnalysis Op You have not really said what the issue is How long does he want them to raise your kid This story has holes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by EfemenaXY: 7:41am On Dec 14, 2014 |
prettythicksme: prettythicksme: Okay. So if you're joining him permanently and he wants his parents to bring up his child to adulthood, what about the subsequent kids you'll both have? Would he be sending each and every one of them back to Naija for his parents to bring up? Or will you both raise and look after them in the States, while your firstborn remains back in Nigeria? Have you thought about this yet? And if this is the case, I'm sure you don't need me telling you that your son will grow up feeling rejected, and that you didn't love and want him enough to keep / bring him with you. I personally know of a close family friend whom this happend to. His teenage years were troubled, he never quite forgave his parents, and the bond between him and his younger siblings was weak at best. This came straight from the horse's mouth. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by lafflaff123(m): 8:23am On Dec 14, 2014 |
EfemenaXY: Her story does not add up, so does a lot of Nigerian marriages too. I have seen a million Nigerian women refer to men as their husbands, just because his people went to see HER people and then they start having kids together, no proper marriage done. She describes him as her husband, but what type? the one wey them marry for church? or the UK type wey them dey share flat together then begin born pikin? or the Lagos type when the girl go pack enter the man house from boyfriend/girlfriend begin born for am? No sane father would want his child away from him, unless the child is not his. This family from my home town in the early 90's left for the UK with their last child(a girl) and left their two boys for others to take care of, while they claimed asylum for paper purposes only. Problem is they claimed to be from Liberia and got their papers, only problem now is how do they bring their boys from Nigeria when in their asylum application they claimed Liberia. Today, you can see the effect of this guys not growing up with their parents. Both got married to women that are like 15 to 20 years older than them. When people complained, i just told them that its the psychological effect of not having their mothers with them growing up, so they got attracted to older women, to fill the void of their mother in their lives. Like i said before, there is more to this story the poster is not saying. 6 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 9:24am On Dec 14, 2014 |
Your husband's suggestion is wise. When u are settled only then will you consider bringing your son over. |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 9:29am On Dec 14, 2014 |
mumumugu:nairaland has useless people |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by edwife(f): 11:01am On Dec 14, 2014 |
I don't know for you but as Efe said,there is nothing on earth that will make me stay apart from my kids,nothing! Why don't you discuss and plead with him?Please don't leave that boy behind,he is so young-he will feel your absence,it is bad enough for him living without a dad,now his mum? Don't you feel bad?  Let him seek for another alternative to bring you guys over,men that bring over a wife and sometimes 4 to 5 kids are not aliens.... 2 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by mizzochocinco: 11:19am On Dec 14, 2014 |
OP try and discuss with your husband about your child joining you when it is time. If you like you can stay behind until he can send you both, but if your husband eventually finds another person and starts showing less interest in you coming over, i beg you in the Name of God not to come again and create another thread, because the same people will insult you for leaving far from your husband for a while too long. When you guys are settled im very sure he would want his whole family settled with him. You will not be the first woman it would have happened to, so be wise in the decisions you make. You will just be like many who have "sorry" written on her forehead. Your child would not be the first your parents will raise. Think about it, you will go there to just sit with your child at home because u might not be able to afford babysitters, but if your parents have a decent home you will be able to leave him there, join your husband, get a job, send more money home for the upkeep of your child, when he is ready for school, he joins. By then you would have settled down and you would be able to determine if you are able to pay a babysitter or you and your husband will take turns to take care of your own child during the day and at night. 2 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by emeraldoe(f): 12:36pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
It's better u stay back with ur kid in Nigeria than leaving him behind or u both join him. A child will not understand whatsoeva reasons u give for not taking him along, he'll Feel rejected and moreover, sorry to say this, ur husband gave a lame excuse. If it's financial constraints, it's understandable. 3 Likes |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by EfemenaXY: 5:43pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
edwife: Precisely. I understand that she misses her man and wants to be with him, but must it be at the cost of her son's happiness and emotional well-being. I think, it all boils down to her making a choice between what she wants and what's best for her toddler son. As for me, it's a no contest. My child's needs will always be placed ahead of mine. But that's just me sha. To each their own... 1 Like |
| Re: He Want Me To Join Him In The State Without Our Kid!! by Nobody: 10:47pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
He know you're not mature enuf totake his kid, since you still on nairaland trending shit |
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