spoilt:

@ Yogun

The weekend is low key. In doors with Mr Spoilt and the kids. We're just watching movies and chilling. My son is only 2 months old so I've been taking things easy.


@ serubawon, the madam title aint so bad. About time I owned it even though I look like barbie. Lol.

Lucky Mr. Spoilt.

jennykadry:

I had tears in my eyes(yea I know, Jenny cry ke?) when I read Serubobo's last post. Awwwwwwww is all I can say. Your faith is so strong. It takes a lot for people to still hold unto God when extremely bad things happen. Thank that same God for revealing that woman's true self to you.

Hold unto God, he will give you what's yours in due time. God bless your family. I love all of una.

BTW, are you still considering getting me a RR sports? Atleast it is a big enough to ''contain'' all of us(me, u and your kids) if we need to do some shopping .

Tears ke !!! Oti o, no tears. I'm blessed to even be who I am, where I am and as I am. I've seen other men in my shoes wreck their families by being impatient. Their kids are forever scarred by that mistake that is usually committed unwittingly. Naaah, no tears. Every time you pray, just say a little thank you to God for me and my family. No matter what has happened in the past, I am truly blessed.

Serubawon thanks for sharing such a personal story. You may not know this but even though you came on here initially for support I am sure that you are indirectly supporting a lot of people yourself. There must me so many people going through one heartache or the other and you have been a source of encouragement & strength to them.

You are doing the right thing and I totally understand where you are at the moment. Don’t be pressurized into doing anything you are not comfortable with. I know that you have your needs but as you have seen,  Miss Wrong wont morph into Ms right with time. Many kids lives have been ruined or affected by wicked stepmothers and you have come so far protecting them so don’t drop the baton now. You are doing a great job and I know that it wont be in Vain IJN.

I believe that God is not asleep and at the appointed time He will surely give you the right woman suitable for this situation. His choice will be the best and so we can only wait on Him.

This is a kind of " story of my life"

Serubawon you are an awesome father.

I'll have my husband read your story

I stumbled on this page today and i have had to read it from page 1 to the page 10.
I envy you serubawon.
You are a true example to Fatherhood.
I pray that God should raise more true fathers like you in our generation.

Your sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; your daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace.

Maybe OP could look towards women that are single mothers . A spouse that has something in common with you may be better. Because there is no way a single woman without baggage will be perfect for you, because human beings are selfish naturally. A blended family might work in this case.

^^^ I think so too. A single girl just may not grasp the import of his journey. A single mother of like mind may be a better bet just because she gets it. But then again who knows God plan?

@ Serubawon
Whatever you do stay away from 'people' who ask where your kids will live after the marriage! Buhahhahaha. Gosh! That's stand up comedy material!

"@Ilemima. Whether I contributed to the break-up? Most likely. It takes 2 to tango and It would be unfair if I made it seem that I had no fault whatsoever in this. However, honestly, I tried to make it work. Have you ever experienced a situation where you are basically working against the odds? That was my problem. You're supposed to marry your best friend. In this case, because of the pressure (trust me, it was a lot), I overlooked most of the things that I considered to be important and chose to accept someone based on Christianity period. My mistake. Of course you wouldn't want to marry someone who is unequally yoked to you by religion, but I should have considered someone that was more my equal intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. However, I'm thankful this was an accident I could walk away from intact. Never again."


@ Serubawon, i made the comment because i believe that in life, we sometimes hold part- responsibility for our hurts, believe me, i can vividly relate to what you are saying , aorking against the odds that are so evidently before your very eyes. Like you, i am thankful that i could walk away, i have a friend that is about getting married, and he is screaming for someone to save him from the impending union, how naa?!

When i read about your relationship with your late wife, i said a quiet prayer; God please give me a home as beautiful as that. If one is to marry, it is beyond christianity or tongues, there must be a connection in all ramifications, Serubawon, why do i feel something good is on the way for you?, hear what the spirit is saying to the church

Hello all. At the risk of being matched again, I have a few comments to share. I am divorced and during my marriage I raised my 3 stepsons. They are all grown now but when my ex proposed, I told him I would only marry him if I could treat the kids as my own. I loved them, sacrificed for them and fought for them. I also encouraged them to love their mother. When they would ask me, "mom, who should I love more: you or my real mom?" I would answer that they didn't have to choose since God had given them enough love to embrace the world! Though their dad and I split, we eventually became friends and my sons are still my beloved children. Don't lower your standards and wait for the one who loves you enough to want all of you including your children. Also, a wise woman will keep the love for mom alive because she knows mom is alive in you and your kids.

prittigrrr:

Hello all. At the risk of being matched again, I have a few comments to share. I am divorced and during my marriage I raised my 3 stepsons. They are all grown now but when my ex proposed, I told him I would only marry him if I could treat the kids as my own. I loved them, sacrificed for them and fought for them. I also encouraged them to love their mother. When they would ask me, "mom, who should I love more: you or my real mom?" I would answer that they didn't have to choose since God had given them enough love to embrace the world! Though their dad and I split, we eventually became friends and my sons are still my beloved children. Don't lower your standards and wait for the one who loves you enough to want all of you including your children. Also, a wise woman will keep the love for mom alive because she knows mom is alive in you and your kids.

Just toast the guy. Why is Serubawon afraid to try this girl. Well i dont blame him. Nairaland was a way to vent so you may not want someone that has read your whole life story or can come back and put issues on Nairaland if anything goes wrong. You are entitled to protecting your family from this sha . Cos human beings cannot control their emotions some times. Pritti gir, i wish you the best. Hopefully Serubawon will not seru ba ara e with all his fears and reservations which are valid. Sorry for making fun of your username but just had to. .lol.

@ serubawon

I've been a quiet fan of yours for sometime, reading this thread and silently rooting for you and wishing the the best for you.

Its been awhile since i replied to any thread but going through your recent posts really brought me out of my shell.
It is well with you and your kids in Jesus name.Your beautiful nature shines through your posts and I believe something beautiful is coming your way.
My husband is not a "family section" Nairalander but I will get him to read this thread,

GOD bless toy plenty-plenty.

@Prritty gir: hε̲̣̣̣̥rε̲̣̣̣̥'s wishing you d best of life as you continue in ur search for "your true love" which i don't believe is Serubawon.

@Serubawon: i think you been ɑ̈n amazing dad & ɑ̈ wonderful role model. I wish you d best always. I also support considering ɑ̈ single mom who shares your views on life & have some things in common with you. All in all, i leave you in d hands of the Almighty.

Do find time to drop by for the update.

@Spoilt: glad you had ɑ̈ restful wkd with ur lil man. I know how it is with young babies.

To y'all, enjoy d rest of d wk.

prittigrrr:

Hello all. At the risk of being matched again, I have a few comments to share. I am divorced and during my marriage I raised my 3 stepsons. They are all grown now but when my ex proposed, I told him I would only marry him if I could treat the kids as my own. I loved them, sacrificed for them and fought for them. I also encouraged them to love their mother. When they would ask me, "mom, who should I love more: you or my real mom?" I would answer that they didn't have to choose since God had given them enough love to embrace the world! Though their dad and I split, we eventually became friends and my sons are still my beloved children. Don't lower your standards and wait for the one who loves you enough to want all of you including your children. Also, a wise woman will keep the love for mom alive because she knows mom is alive in you and your kids.

Interesting. Sorry to hear about that. I have one question though? Even though it didn't work out between you and your ex, how is your present relationship with your stepsons? Hope I'm not getting too personal and don't worry about getting matched. I guess everyone gets the picture now.

Ilemima:

"@Ilemima. Whether I contributed to the break-up? Most likely. It takes 2 to tango and It would be unfair if I made it seem that I had no fault whatsoever in this. However, honestly, I tried to make it work. Have you ever experienced a situation where you are basically working against the odds? That was my problem. You're supposed to marry your best friend. In this case, because of the pressure (trust me, it was a lot), I overlooked most of the things that I considered to be important and chose to accept someone based on Christianity period. My mistake. Of course you wouldn't want to marry someone who is unequally yoked to you by religion, but I should have considered someone that was more my equal intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. However, I'm thankful this was an accident I could walk away from intact. Never again."


@ Serubawon, i made the comment because i believe that in life, we sometimes hold part- responsibility for our hurts, believe me, i can vividly relate to what you are saying , aorking against the odds that are so evidently before your very eyes. Like you, i am thankful that i could walk away, i have a friend that is about getting married, and he is screaming for someone to save him from the impending union, how naa?!

When i read about your relationship with your late wife, i said a quiet prayer; God please give me a home as beautiful as that. If one is to marry, it is beyond christianity or tongues, there must be a connection in all ramifications, Serubawon, why do i feel something good is on the way for you?, hear what the spirit is saying to the church

Thank you. I feel something good is on the way too (hope it gets here quick though)

silvasurfa:

@ serubawon

I've been a quiet fan of yours for sometime, reading this thread and silently rooting for you and wishing the the best for you.

Its been awhile since i replied to any thread but going through your recent posts really brought me out of my shell.
It is well with you and your kids in Jesus name.Your beautiful nature shines through your posts and I believe something beautiful is coming your way.
My husband is not a "family section" Nairalander but I will get him to read this thread,

GOD bless toy plenty-plenty.

Didn't know I had fans, but it's good to know. Thanks for the prayer, I receive it.

chaircover:

Serubawon thanks for sharing such a personal story. You may not know this but even though you came on here initially for support I am sure that you are indirectly supporting a lot of people yourself. There must me so many people going through one heartache or the other and you have been a source of encouragement & strength to them.

You are doing the right thing and I totally understand where you are at the moment. Don’t be pressurized into doing anything you are not comfortable with. I know that you have your needs but as you have seen,  Miss Wrong wont morph into Ms right with time. Many kids lives have been ruined or affected by wicked stepmothers and you have come so far protecting them so don’t drop the baton now. You are doing a great job and I know that it wont be in Vain IJN.

I believe that God is not asleep and at the appointed time He will surely give you the right woman suitable for this situation. His choice will be the best and so we can only wait on Him.

Thanks Chaircover. I appreciate it.

salsera:

i followed this thread from when its started, always come back to see how you n the family are doing.

No need to let pressure dictate the pace. Your children are really honored to have a Dad's that's both parents wrapped up in one. I'm sure in the future they will be instrumental in you discovering the right match for you.

Thank you for sharing(tears in my eyes but i'll name tears of joy)
@spoilt

How have you been? and the family?

@Salsera. Thanks

Seems this thread is bringing people out. Matured minds. . . . . .not the crazies.

So Serubawon are you dating casually or not at all? How do you combat the loneliness?

kai dis womung!!!!!!! 
erhm aunty spoilt?  are you a reporter, paparazzi, tatafo,aproko? "  "
na wetin?  abeg leave de man!!!!!
did you read the  last 10 pages? , his kids are his main bixnix for now!
who told you he is lonely?
loneliness koo! wholesomeness ni!

@ seru read your 2nd to the last post kai!!!!!!!!!
Oluwa a maa fi kun agbara oh!  ;

Spoilt

Ok, you are getting too personal now

@Seru
We don't get anything ooo. We are still praying for a miracle to happen between you and Prittr

spoilt:

Seems this thread is bringing people out. Matured minds. . . . . .not the crazies.

So Serubawon are you dating casually or not at all? How do you combat the loneliness?

Loaded question, but understandable under the circumstances.

I'm not dating. I just got out of a relationship and I'm not in a hurry to get into another. These things kind of wear you out emotionally. I don't care how strong you may be, when you break up, both parties get hurt and even though you might put on a bold face, it still takes a toll on you.

Dating for someone like me is very different as compared to other people. First of all, I don't bring friends home. Even casual friends. The reason for this is that I have young children that see everything I do and I can't afford to give my kids the wrong impression no matter my needs. My biggest problem is that 95% of my close friends are women. Don't ask me why. I just find women more honest and open than guys. I'm a good listener, so that helps. However, right now, it's more like a problem because I've gotten used to listening and finding out people's interests and you find out that your casual friend wants to become 'friendlier'. I just want to be a good friend, but I guess I'm doing something wrong or something. Trust me, it's not easy for a guy to say 'no' at times. It's extremely frustrating, but what would it look like to my kids if I brought different dates home, even just casual ones.

I'm sure some people are tired of me saying this, but a real relationship with a true friend is worth a billion sexual encounters with different people. Imagine just having that one person that understands the dumbest and most stupid things you do, but still has the presence of mind to put you in your place in just the right way. Both of you could look at a boring rock and talk about it for hours. You take a stroll on the street and it's like you're the only people on the street. The older your partner gets, the more beautiful she looks to you (with all the extra pounds and lines too). I believe that if God can give me that one more time in life, waiting (no matter how long) would be more than worth it.

I'm not a senseless romantic. On the contrary, most people know me a someone who doesn't smile much (which is true). My children actually count the number of times that I smile and write it down. I'm not the outgoing type (which is considered boring). I'm too serious on too many things. I'm not this wonderful person that is a woman's dream. I'm just me. I'm sure I would be completely invisible in a crowded room and that is definitely not the picture of someone who is handsome in any way.

My biggest 'problem' right now is that I was blessed to be married to a wonderful woman who brought out the best in me. Now, I want that happiness back. I've heard that loves like that don't come twice and if that is true, it would be a lot better for me to remain single. Maybe I'm selfish, I honestly can't say. One thing I do know for a fact is that I refuse to settle for anything less.

The loneliness issue is not that easy to put in words, so I won't even try because it might come out the wrong way.

Madam Spoilt, I don't know if that answered your question, but it's the best answer that I have.

serubawon:

I'm sure some people are tired of me saying this, but a real relationship with a true friend is worth a billion intimate encounters with different people. Imagine just having that one person that understands the dumbest and most silly things you do, but still has the presence of mind to put you in your place in just the right way. Both of you could look at a boring rock and talk about it for hours. You take a stroll on the street and it's like you're the only people on the street. The older your partner gets, the more beautiful she looks to you (with all the extra pounds and lines too). I believe that if God can give me that one more time in life, waiting (no matter how long) would be more than worth it.

I understand what you are looking for and if you have experienced true love before, everyone else seems way far down below the mark. I wont advise you to drop your standards and the way I look at it is 20 good and sweet years with the right person is better than a hundred with the wrong one so you are right to hold out waiting for the right one. Don’t go for anything less.

Reading through the lines what you describe here is someone who is very deep. It made me chuckle when you mentioned about the stone. Deep people are usually good listeners are calm and soothing and tend to have good relationships with people and as you have already seen, the opposite sex seem to home into people like that. who no like better thing? I don’t know you personally but you do come across as very loyal and a man of integrity.

I am not so sure about you only considering widows, single women, divorcees etc. I think what you want is a mature and kind woman and who turns you on too. Maturity doesn’t come with age and there are single mature women in their twenties and very immature women in their forties.

My only advise is that you do owe your children your time, support and love and you must do all you can to make them happy which you are already doing but to keep the balance, you also owe yourself the same thing. You are happy; they are happy and vice versa. I know it is very difficult but you do owe yourself some serubawon time too. Basically its trying to find a good balance. God is with you. You are doing a great job.

P.s Have you considered writing a book about your experiences? I am sure that many people will benefit from it.

chaircover:


P.s Have you considered writing a book about your experiences? I am sure that many people will benefit from it.

Yes I have, but unfortunately, I don't have the time and wouldn't know where to start from in the 1st place. Also, I might not really want my life exposed in that way because it's not just my life but also the lives of a lot of other people too.

It's nice to think about it though. Imagine me becoming famous because of my life experiences.

Oh no I wasn’t expecting you to do a Jackie Collins . More of using a pseudo name & changing names and dates etc and writing it from a Christian point of view. There are so many topics that people tend not to write about in Christendom and it will make a change to read something different and I am sure that it will encourage a lot of people too.

And Yes I don’t mind being your PA when you become rich and famous

Serubawon, I stumbled across this thread recently and I went through the posts.  All I can say is wow!  There are levels and depths one may never know except you experience them.  I marvel at your courage, resilience, tenacity, love, commitment, loyalty, maturity and sense of responsibility, both to your late wife and your kids!  You surely have a good spirit.

You have done well to have vented your feelings and burdens here and I can see you have been the better for it as well over the years.  I am sure your kids are already proud of you as a great dad.  Please keep it up.  You have said well that you owe them and the memory of their late mum just that.

I can see you are in a great company here, with all the mature responses from the crew    It's been encouraging reading through the posts and moreso knowing it's a life story.  Such experiences are the stuff great novels and movies are made of.  I am not flaterring you, but simply saying the truth.  It has all the works; the thrills and the frills    Others have said as much- please take the advice and work at it.  You don't really have to get it organised at first.  Just put it down- afterall it's your experience.

I was not really surprised when you mentioned you were invited to give a talk in a singles' meeting.  You may not realise the impact real life experiences may have until you share it with people!  There is no greater testimony and encouragement to someone passing through than to say "Hey, I have been there before. . . and this is how I pulled through, ".  You give only what you have.  And I am sure you have a lot to give.

Having said all these, please permit me to say something more.  Reading through your experience and perceiving from the unsaid, I have to say you have been a little bit hard on yourself on 4 fronts:

1.  It's good to dote on your kids.  That's a good sign of the great father you are.  But consider it on the flip side and look at the bigger picture.  You don't bring friends home, you don't smile often, you keep to yourself etc.  Have you thought deeply on the silent effects these may be having on the same kids you love so much?  This is 7 years after they have lost their mum and they could count the no of times their dad had smiled!!!  I am sure you don't want their psyche to be affected nor grow up having wrong impression and view of life.  You owe them also to show them how to have a balanced life and move on after disappointments of life.  Right now you are a bit skewed in that regard, especially with your kids easing into their teens.

2.  You seem not to have really let go of your late wife.  You had a great relationship with her.  Thank God.  I know what it means to have a great marriage, especially if you marry your best friend.  I also know what it means to look at the rock for hours together and seeing so much where others find it so boring!  My wife and I spent hours over the weekend just watching her try new clothes and getting into different postures and changing shoes, just the two of us in the bedroom.  Oh that is so boring to some people, but that is so bonding for us!  Serubawon, please take a great counsel from me- let go!  She is gone.  Move forward.  Yes you have tried, but you can do better. I will give you two examples (since you are a believer):

I am sure you remember Moses and Joshua had a great relationship.  Moses was a charismatic and caring leader and mentor.  So overwhelmed was Joshua that he couldn't surmon the courage to carry on after the death of Moses.  It took God to remind him "Moses my servant is dead; now therefore arise. . ." (Joshua 1).  He has to move on.

Also, when Samuel kept mourning after Saul's rejection as king, God had to speak to Samuel "How long will you continue to mourn for Saul. . ." (1 Samuel 16).  Quit mourning.  You may not admit it, but that is what you are still doing.  If you keep mourning for "Saul" it will hinder your progress.  It will keep you confined to the past instead of instead of looking forward.

That leads me to the 3rd front.

3.  You seem to be projecting your wonderful late wife to others and they are not meeting up to that standard.  It's like you want another Mrs Serubawon and you kept seeing others through her eyes.  Please know that people are different and the circumstances are not the same.  Instead of praying for another person like your late wife, you should pray for the right person for you considering the circumstances.  Please don't get me wrong: desire the best.  Don't lower the standards.  He will give you the desires of your heart, according to His will.  However, you have to admit that people are different and it will be wrong for the new spouse to be evaluated on the basis of another instead of on her own merit.

Perhaps this is why it is taking you so long to find love again.  I won't advise you to be pressurised into marrying, but I must say 7 years is long enough, considering you have kids that need mother-figure in their lives.

4.  Finally you are being hard on yourself, a human being with blood running in his veins!  Not only the kids, but even you also have needs to be met.  It is not good for the man to be alone.  You have emotions.  You must be lonely.  You sure need to enjoy the best in life and one of the best things in life is being in love and enjoying relationship again.  You owe this to the memory of your wife.  I am sure she wouldn't want her beloved to stay long without a worthy partner.

I know you are deep and you will understand my perspective.

I wish you the best life can offer.

Cheers.


[BTW I sent you a mail on the yahoo address you posted and didn't get a reply from you.  I wanted us to chat on a different level that may be a bit personal and deeper than what we can put here for obvious reasons.  Let me know if you feel obliged.]

Analytical:



[BTW I sent you a mail on the yahoo address you posted and didn't get a reply from you.  I wanted us to chat on a different level that may be a bit personal and deeper than what we can put here for obvious reasons.  Let me know if you feel obliged.]

@Analytical

Thanks for your words of advice. This happened to be one of those nights where sleep completely eluded me and I've been up all night trying to get some sleep. I must confess that your post got me thinking about all kinds of stuff and it's funny how I missed the obvious. Your post was pretty deep and I kind of had to do some soul searching. You're not the 1st person to tell me about not letting go and I honestly wish there was a switch that could turn everything off. However, in a world where good marriages are becoming extinct, it's hard not to desire something good, when it's so hard to find.

I have had days when I felt that I must have been jinxed to have had a good marriage that didn't last long. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful, but there are times when I almost wished it never happened because you can't miss what you never had. Then I have to ask God for forgiveness, because He gave me an opportunity to experience something everyone yearns for. It's almost like having a sleek car that is so enjoyable to drive and trustworthy, and then it's stolen by thieves (I'm not comparing my marriage to a car, but it's the best example I could come up with at short notice).

Trust me when I say that I am a lot better than I was years ago when the tragedy was still fresh. I'm not perfect and things like this never heal completely, but I know that God is more than able to surprise me with someone better. It might seem impossible, but He is a God of turning impossibilities into possibilities.

I don't know if I've been hard on myself, but a lot of things that I do now have helped keep me out of trouble only God knows how many times. As I said, I'm not perfect and I continue to pray for God's mercy over me and my household. I'll get there one day.

The funny thing is that I have come to the conclusion that the happenings in my life are for a reason. What that reason is, I don't know yet. As long as God's purpose for my life is fulfilled, everything will be fine. Once again, thanks for your post, it was very helpful. I'll send an email address to your message box. I had to remove my email because just as I was getting wonderful mails from people, there were a lot of crazy ones too. May the Lord continue to fill you with wisdom and may His favor never leave you.

@ Jenny
Too personal? I don't think so. Don't know how you interprete casual dating. I don't think its what you have in mind though. Besides he has always answered the questions he is asked how he wants to and it has helped everyone including silent readers. He is not obliged to answer anythin. Jesus is his comfort and his kids are his focus. we all know that. But the drive for companionship is very strong.

I think we should also leave the prittigrr issue alone.

@ Serubawon,
God will give you the right person to fill your heart and your children's hearts with love and light, Today's gist has been soo deeepp
@ Analytical,sooo Spot on!!
God bless you all for your wisdom.

Have been blessed reading this thread,it motivates me to be a better partner,friend,sister and daughter.When we have a good thing,we should cherish it.

@Serubawon

I am glad my post was helpful.  I couldn't hold myself back from writing that, considering your story.  I can understand where you are coming from when you said:

However, in a world where good marriages are becoming extinct, it's hard not to desire something good, when it's so hard to find.

Let me tell you, it is good to desire good things.  Remember "If you then, being evil, know how to give good things to your children, we have a Father in heaven who knows how to give good things unto them that ask Him".  So you are on the right track.  However, for you to receive something, you have to open up your hands, let go of whatever and receive.  You can't be holding unto what was and what should have been and still expect to receive what is ahead.  The past is gone.  The future awaits you.  Don't let the past rob you of the joy of the future.    You asked of a switch that turns everything off?  Let me show you one:

". . . but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,  I press on toward the goal . . .@ (Phillipians 3 13-14)

Observe my emphasis: a) Forget b) Reach forward c) Press on  d) The goal.  You have to make a deliberate effort to forget the past.  Thank God yours is a sweet memory.  Let that gladden your heart about what a wonderful marriage you had, but don't hold onto it.  Don't dwell on it again.  Then look ahead.  Reach forward.  And press on.  Take action.  Pressing involves exerting effort. Then focus on the goal, your goal, your children's goal, what you want for them etc.  I believe your goal is a happy marriage once again, a great upbringing for the kids, where they have the love of both their dad and mum?  Then press towards that goal.  Can Serubawon do this one thing too like Paul?

I could connect with you when you said things like these never heal completely.  Maybe I should modify that a bit by saying they do, but the scars will always be there.  When you heal of the broken heart, you carry the scars but the pain will be gone.  That is why even though you still remember, but the pain won't be there again.  When you hit that point, then you know you have truly healed.

I am glad you are better now.  I could read from your initial posts and the latter ones that you are better now.  It's not easy losing a loved one.  I have not lost a wife but I have lost a dad right in my very eyes and a younger brother so dear to me.  So I can understand a bit of the agony and trauma.  I carried them for years.  That was why I said certain things are better understood when experienced.

The Lord knows why certain things happen in our lives.  He is more than able to give you someone much better that you would wish it had happened earlier.  Trust me. You mentioned Bimbo Odukoya in one of your posts.  Thank God for you.  Remember what that woman was to her husband and many.  Such a graceful woman, to have gone just like that.  Now draw from her husband's experience.  He has since remarried and moved on.  Think about it and may God grant you favour.

Now let me venture a reason why such things happen in our lives.  I speak to you as a Christian.  Consider Jesus our perfect example.  He had to endure the things we endure as humans, go through the same temptations and trials just like us.  Why?  So that He can understand what we go though.

Hebrews 2
17  Therefore, he had to become like his brothers and sisters so that he could be merciful. He became like them so that he could serve as a faithful chief priest in God's presence and make peace with God for their sins.

18 Because Jesus experienced temptation when he suffered, he is able to help others when they are tempted.

One outcome of our trials is that we are able to help people experiencing same things we have gone through.  We can connect with them.  We can offer succour to them that none other could.  We can reach down and touch them where no other can.  And what happens after?  We lift them up.  They get back their lives.  They are changed.  They become better persons for God and mankind.  May that be your story.

So, in the grand scheme of things, it all makes sense.  It may not make sense at the moment.  But He surely has a way of making things work together for our good.  And he will for you.  Amen.  Perhaps, He is preparing you for a task ahead that you don't know yet.

Cheers.

@Serubawon, my relationship with my sons is still very close. They are in their 20s now and still need mothering. One is married with 3 children and I am a grandmother! They are still my joy! No matter how old they get they are still my babies. At one time their father moved to another city and cut ties with me. As each son grew older, they one by one sought me out and reestablished a relationship with me. Strangely, they each sought me to be an intermediary with their dad. I obliged when it was proper and my ex and i became friends again. The boys, now men, are still wishing for reconcilliation between us. Funny how kids always wish for a broken home to be repaired. They have been a great gift to me and I love them. I'm at every event they have even when dad is not. Their real mom is absent from their lives and dad is in another city so I show up for them so they feel some family presence and stability. I've always been a mother though I've never birthed my own children. My heart goes out to motherless children and I try to help when and where I can. God truly blessed me with my family.

@ Analytical, what can I say but thanks. You broke it down for Serubawon and all of us.
Its great that there are still men out there who have good heads on their shoulders. The way all men are portrayed in everyday life and in the media makes me mad. You would think there are no good men left who look after their kids and focus on family. You guys give us hope. When I watch those home videos (which is rarely) and see men continuously depicted as immoral, self seeking brutes, I shake my head because I know great guys like you two.

prittigrrr:

@Serubawon, my relationship with my sons is still very close. They are in their 20s now and still need mothering. One is married with 3 children and I am a grandmother! They are still my joy! No matter how old they get they are still my babies. At one time their father moved to another city and cut ties with me. As each son grew older, they one by one sought me out and reestablished a relationship with me. Strangely, they each sought me to be an intermediary with their dad. I obliged when it was proper and my ex and i became friends again. The boys, now men,  are still wishing for reconcilliation between us. Funny how kids always wish for a broken home to be repaired. They have been a great gift to me and I love them. I'm at every event they have even when dad is not. Their real mom is absent from their lives and dad is in another city so I show up for them so they feel some family presence and stability. I've always been a mother though I've never birthed my own children. My heart goes out to motherless children and I try to help when and where I can. God truly blessed me with my family.

That's really nice to know.  From your posts, it's easy to see that you have a pure heart.  I do wish that you and your ex could find a way to reconcile because somehow I can sense from the way you talk about him that you still have strong feelings for him.  Stepsons, blood sons, it's all the same as long as there is love and for them to see you as their real mother shows that you deserve to be that and much, much more.

How have you been coping with the loss of your grandparents?  It's obvious how close you were to them.  I also hope your uncle is beginning to settle down with the new woman in his life.  My prayers go out to you and yours.  Please take this scripture from the bible and run with it "Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us" Eph. 3:20.  He will do beyond your human expectations and I sincerely believe that you will return here to testify of His goodness in your life.

Remain blessed.


@Analytical.  God has used you and a multitude of wonderful people on this thread to be a blessing to me.  I started this thread 5 years ago looking for a way to release a lot of pent up frustrations and it has gone far beyond what I could have hoped for.  How could I have ever fathomed that something started on a whim, would still be going strong 5 years after.  I know that each contributor has challenges and battles and my prayer is that as God as used each of you to be a blessing to me, so will He use a multitude of people to be blessings to each and every one of you.  Thanks for helping me face my demons and I do hope that there will be a befitting and happy conclusion to the ongoing saga of my life.  Remain blessed everyone.

spoilt:

@ Analytical, what can I say but thanks. You broke it down for Serubawon and all of us.
Its great that there are still men out there who have good heads on their shoulders. The way all men are portrayed in everyday life and in the media makes me mad. You would think there are no good men left who look after their kids and focus on family. You guys give us hope. When I watch those home videos (which is rarely) and see men continuously depicted as immoral, self seeking brutes, I shake my head because I know great guys like you two.

Madam, my head is beginning to swell o

serubawon:

Madam, my head is beginning to swell o

Ehe ehe hehe. ;
A bevy of women telling you how great you are? Why head no go swell? Make e no go explode oh. Joking aside, you are just being your true self. You're a great guy. I know that even though we've never met.

Well, God knows best. Despite his failings, he was a good man who made very poor choices. He's been apologizing for years and he also would love it if we were to reconcile. Even my grandchildren who have never known us as a couple always ask me, "Where is our granddad?" God will direct my path in this regard, I am sure. I will wait on God to perform His perfect will in my life.