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Adjusting To Life As A Widower - Family - Nairaland

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Poll: How has this thread helped you to appreciate your spouse better and positively affect your relationship?

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The Sweet Way This Widower Keeps Dining Out With His Late Wife / Wearing Your Wedding Band As A Widow/widower / Getting Married To A Widower (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 7:16pm On Aug 12, 2006
I lost my wife almost 2 years ago and I'm trying to make a new life for me and my 2 kids. My late wife and I had a fantastic relationship (and i really mean fantastic). I've found out that I'm not really interested in starting a new relationship, even though everybody tells me i should. I'm 37, have a very good job and very protective about my children. Right now, I build my life around them. Is there anybody who has had a similar experience? I would really like to now how you were able to overcome it, because I'm not finding it particularly easy, especially with the fact that women have almost turned me into a product that has to be purchased at all costs. Right now, i am practically terrified of women (based on experience) and I find that a bit disturbing. Hope some people could help me out. Thanks[/b]

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by ikamefa(f): 7:31pm On Aug 12, 2006
serubawon:

I lost my wife almost 2 years ago and I'm trying to make a new life for me and my 2 kids. My late wife and I had a fantastic relationship (and i really mean fantastic).

am sorry about your loss  , its not easy  am not a widow but i have seen one of my relations go through this.

serubawon:

women have almost turned me into a product that has to be purchased at all costs. Right now, i am practically terrified of women (based on experience) and I find that a bit disturbing. Hope some people could help me out. Thanks[/b]


this part had me in stitches "  grin ".  i know its not easy with your loss et al,  why don't u concentrate on raising your kids, with time maybe u will get over your loss and u would have found the right woman for u.
hey u can't but come in contact with desperado's out there, we have female desperado's as well as male desperado's.

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Ndipe(m): 8:53pm On Aug 12, 2006
May God give you the fortitude to bear this loss in Jesus Name, Amen.

Take heart. Dont rush into any new relationship. Give yourself some time to grief before getting into a new relationship. I wish you the best.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by kiki(f): 11:31pm On Aug 12, 2006
i'm really sorry bout ur loss and i know its hard to replace a loved one but trust me u gon get over it. It might take a long time but u gon be aiite
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Remmzy(m): 2:16am On Aug 13, 2006
[b]To loose a loved one turns mood sour sad but you need to get along. My point is Take care of your two kids because thats the wish of a dieing mum.
Don't rush into any relationship grin, your kids will make you know the real woman {if you want to re-marry} if only you can read the signs.
[/b]Signs are all over us!
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by casper(m): 4:54am On Aug 13, 2006
omo sorry oo,

but if i were you i would just get a househelp of about 15 or 16 years old and let him or her take care of my children and never woryy about their needs as in home chores and then continue my life

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by olalekanhs(m): 9:03am On Aug 13, 2006
i lost my mother 2 yrs iago i was just 16 yrs old and my father is a widower and believe me your children want ur undivided love at 37 u should know that the best thing to do for ur kid is to be a father and a mother at desame time bacause a new wife bring problem i know u have desire but believe me marriage is not the answer.as we see in nigerin films we know what STEP MOTHERS can do if u really love u kids u will prove u love them unconditionally by giving ur all to fit in a mothers place>God will be ur strenght
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by AOsGrl: 7:06pm On Aug 13, 2006
hmmm Don't let people rush you into something you're not ready for.

Like everyone else has said. Your children are suffering from this loss as well. Please concentrate on taking care of them and paying them attention first. And pray to God Always that if it is his will he should send you a mate that is worthy of you and your kids.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by bagoma(f): 11:36pm On Aug 13, 2006
i'm so sorry about your loss.
but dont worry so much as things will definetely get better and everything will take shape soon. the pain will ease and i bet you'll forge on in life. the happiness of your kids is top priority now.
be not anxious for anything. in time all will fall into place.
keep your head up, looking on to God for greater times/things to come.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by curvyice(f): 5:57am On Aug 14, 2006
hey so sorry bout ur loss, wouldnt exactly say i noe how u feel but hey i noe peeps that have rocked teh same boat ure rocking. u deserve to be happy so give urself a chance to noe happiness again. and hey ur kids need u now more than ever, with all ur sences, listen to ur kids. and hey let ur heart lead to to what exactly u should do,
grace and peace.

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by freelance(m): 2:05pm On Aug 14, 2006
I am really sorry for what has happened to you, but i must confess that life is not fair and that is why we all need the favour and grace of God. i guess your kids are still young and i think the first thing you should do now is to get closer to God and also build up your children to the level that you can be proud of them Getting another wife now is to out of the way because all your attention should be on your kids and on no one else. Wish you all the best and by the grace of God it's well. safe
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 2:14pm On Aug 14, 2006
I was really encouraged by the responses I got. Thanks a lot to all those who contributed. Well, truly speaking, i'm not ready for a relationship now and don't think i'll be ready for some time to come. As some people said, my kids are all that i live for now and just seeing them everyday makes it worth living. i honestly don't know if i can ever meet anyone like their mom and even if i do, i don't know how if i'll be able to let go of her and start re-building again. As a lady said the desperados actually exist and they are really making my life pretty miserable right now. Once again, thanks for the thoughts and advice.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Oracle(m): 2:46am On Aug 17, 2006
Im sorry to hear the sad news and i hope God keeps, guides and protects you.
All i have to say is whatever you do please take things easy coz this is something emotional
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by ayomifull(f): 1:25pm On Sep 15, 2008
What a loss! a dear wife! Sorry about the loss. Be strong and take solace in the Lord, give your kids all the attention they need now as i suppose they are young kids. I dont know what to say you re only 37 OMG! May God give you strenght to carry on. Please pray to God to give u directions and also speak with marriage counselors, this could be very hard. May God be with you and take care of the kids.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Siena(m): 1:46pm On Sep 15, 2008
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Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by olatos(f): 2:27pm On Sep 18, 2008
@ Poster, its quite pathetic, Ur story is just like my familys case(we were just two kidz too), My Dad has gone thru dis, and i can tell u dat it wasnt eazy, My mum was d most sweetest woman that you could ever come across, (I never knew her, cz i was just 3 years old and my younger sister was 7 months), It really hit him hard in d Face, cz my Mum was hale and hearty, but den came along family members, telling my Dad 2 re-marry, hmmmmmmm, we saw [b]HELL in d hands of my step-mother, But we thank God dat 2day we came out aliveeeeeeeeeeee, It wasnt an easy road, cry, sad
PLEASE, i would beg u in the name of God not 2 re-marry for now,cz of ur kidz, like a yoruba adage says, Ko si eni to le se bi Iya eni fun ni, i.e theres no woman who will b like their mother, I pray dat God will comfort u on every side, its well my broda

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 7:54pm On Sep 20, 2008
It's been a while since i've been on this thread. It's really nice of all the people that have contributed one way or the other. Well, fear not. I'm not rushing into marriage or anything. I owe my kids some quality time with their dad. Also, i actually posted this thread in 2006, so i'm actually 39 now. It's funny how time flies. It's been difficult, but God has been faithful. We'll see how the story continues. Thanks everyone.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Nobody: 4:46am On Sep 21, 2008
I wish you good luck smiley
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by finemocha(f): 1:53am On Jun 11, 2009
well just remember i know its been 3 years now, but u dont owe any woman anything. your goal on life was not to be their husband or boyfriend. take your time, get adjusted, build a strong relationship with your children, they are the most important people in your life, and when u are ready for dating you will know.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by loisamy: 11:31am On Jun 11, 2009
I have been through this before so I know how it feels. I lost my mum when I was 12 still in primary school that was 1992 but now am 29. My dad tried to re-marry along the line but it's didn't work as all d women where self centered until 1999 when he finally did with intense prayer. My step mum is the best woman ave met in life before. All my relatives envy her. God fearing, nice and a mother indeed. I luv her with the whole of my heart more than my dad. My close friends dnt know she isnt my mum cos of the way she treats us. Now that am working, I remember her 1st before my dad and sometimes my dad get jealous about that. My siblings and I dnt joke with her welfare cos she's a mother indeed. My mother cant do better even if she was alive. All am saying is u can get married again but pray that u marry d right woman dat wont make life HELL for your God given kids. Cos of the way my step mum treated me, far be it from me dat I maltreat sme1 else kids. God bless her for me.

12 Likes

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by JJYOU: 11:39am On Jun 11, 2009
loisamy:

I have been through this before so I know how it feels. I lost my mum when I was 12 still in primary school that was 1992 but now am 29. My dad tried to re-marry along the line but it's didn't work as all d women where self centered until 1999 when he finally did with intense prayer. My step mum is the best woman ave met in life before. All my relatives envy her. God fearing, nice and a mother indeed. I luv her with the whole of my heart more than my dad. My close friends dnt know she isnt my mum cos of the way she treats us. Now that am working, I remember her 1st before my dad and sometimes my dad get jealous about that. My siblings and I dnt joke with her welfare cos she's a mother indeed. My mother cant do better even if she was alive. All am saying is u can get married again but pray that u marry d right woman dat wont make life HELL for your God given kids. Cos of the way my step mum treated me, far be it from me dat I maltreat sme1 else kids. God bless her for me.
thank God for a blessed woman and hope she has kids of hers too. so good to read this
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by loisamy: 11:48am On Jun 11, 2009
@JJYOU. Yes she has a son and we all luv each other. She's just a nice woman even to our house help. She once told my cousin who is always maltreating our house help that she has to stop as she doesn't have a house help rather the girl is a daughter to her, My cousin had to adjust immediately. You dare not maltreat pple in her presence. She sooooooooooo nice.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by prittigrrr(f): 12:34pm On Jun 11, 2009
My fiance is a widower. I am divorced. I told him on our 1st date that I loved married life but had a bad marrige. He told me he knew nothing of a bad marriage and had only known happiness and love. I respected him from that second on. He told me problems he had with the grief of his child. I told him to please be careful and choose a loving woman who could be sensitive and attentive to the needs of the child and to him. He had been alone for 5 years and had not dated much. He had told his family that he would never marry again. Very shortly thereafter he proposed marriage to me. We are planning our wedding and life together now. We've been dating for 9 months and are still meeting each others friends and families. Life is sweet and I am looking forward to mothering his daughter and loving him.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by tytylayor: 12:44pm On Jun 11, 2009
posts like dis shud av bin deleted coz d poster needs no more advice, since 2006 undecided
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Pepeye(f): 9:54pm On Jun 11, 2009
In the case of a widow it is a different ball game. . .tough and harrowing . . Widowhood has an ugly ring, people don’t expect widows to continue to live after their husbands demise . Too bad if she isn’t a major income earner . . Most times she has to fight to retain what is rightfully hers
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 9:16pm On Jun 12, 2009
tytylayor:

posts like dis shud av bin deleted coz d poster needs no more advice, since 2006 undecided

On the contrary, even though it's been a while, I'm sure there are a lot of people going through the same agony and would benefit from your comments one way or the other. Going on 5 years now, still single and life with my kids is great. One day, she'll show up (I can trust God on that).

@prittigrrr
That was pretty encouraging. Gives guys like me some hope. Thanks everyone, this thread has been a blessing.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by prittigrrr(f): 9:34pm On Jun 12, 2009
Glad u enjoyed my story. I am glad life is good for u and yours. God will truly send her in the fullness of time. I will pray God's blessings on you and your family.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by davidylan(m): 9:37pm On Jun 12, 2009
serubawon, i loved your thread. God bless your family . . .

2 Likes

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by oyinda3(f): 6:50am On Jun 13, 2009
serubawon:

It's been a while since i've been on this thread. It's really nice of all the people that have contributed one way or the other. Well, fear not. I'm not rushing into marriage or anything. I owe my kids some quality time with their dad. Also, i actually posted this thread in 2006, so i'm actually 39 now. It's funny how time flies. It's been difficult, but God has been faithful. We'll see how the story continues. Thanks everyone.

I am happy for you that you're adjusting very well.
how old are your children? I think children will usually prefer their parent to be with a partner after a while. Just saying 'cause I have a friend who is desperately trying to hook up her mom with someone.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Diva1(f): 8:14am On Jun 13, 2009
@Serubawon

Your story is touching and it's good to know the faith you have and still going through. God bless.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 1:15pm On Jun 14, 2009
oyinda.:

I am happy for you that you're adjusting very well.
how old are your children? I think children will usually prefer their parent to be with a partner after a while. Just saying 'cause I have a friend who is desperately trying to hook up her mom with someone.

Thanks. my daughter is 9 and my son is 7. Still young, but wise. they actually pray for God to give me a good wife and a loving mother for them. That actually confounds me, but I'm extremely grateful to God for giving me such wonderful kids. Funny thing is I'm now 40 and this thread is still on. I guess it's for a reason.

I hope more widowers would tap in and see that losing a spouse is not the end of the world as they know it. I know it's painful and the memories never leave. Even after almost 5 years, I still have those days where all I think about is her and it's miserable, trust me. However, I have been blessed in meeting men that lost their wives and with patience. waited for the right person to come along and they are experiencing happiness with their new spouse. Most men make the terrible mistake of drowning their sorrows in wine & women and then hook up with their worst nightmares and who suffers? The children of course. Most widows (women) never re-marry because it's not expected of them. That is sad, cruel and very unfair to these women. They need companionship even more than men. Not necessarily physical, but emotional. I pray that peoples perception changes and they accord widows the respect and help they really deserve. These women actually live in misery and slave for their children to survive. I'm a breadwinner and I know how difficult it is to raise kids single-handedly and provide for them at the same time. These women deserve kudos for their strength and chastity.

I guess I'm talking too much again. Men, think of your kids first before you commit to that woman, it could mean a world of difference in the welfare of your kids.

3 Likes

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by oyinda3(f): 12:25am On Jun 15, 2009
i'm very impressed. you didn't say too much at all. everything you said are things that need to be said anyways. It definitely isn't easy to be a widow or widower in Nigeria or any country for that matter.
your kids are very blessed to have a father like you that's for sure. and some day, God willing, they'll also have a mother figure in their lives.

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