I read through some posts from our brothers and all I saw was fear! The sisters want big weddings? Well, are you afraid of a big wedding or of spending out of Allah's provision? Who says you are doing all the spending all alone? The sisters focus too much on their career........are you afraid of having a focused and intelligent wife? They want a good house, a good car, a rich man.......are you afraid of comfort?


You are addressed as 'qawamun ala nisai' for a reason. Live up to that reason.



I am afraid that very soon, we will have brothers that are afraid of living.

Wizeboy:


I will never believe your assertions that brothers are always unconcern with their look or their manner of dressing...

Brothers dress nicely except for few, or maybe what you wanted to say is that brothers don't wear D&G shirt, Versace shoe and Polo belt... Because it is now common with sisters to get attracted with brothers who has money and wear designers. No wonder most of our sisters now fell in love with yahoo yahoo boys or garage tout because they are the ones who always see awof money to buy designers while a reasonable brothers use his little earn money to secure future of himself.

Change your perspective about designer and money and look at most of the brothers around you with a Godly view, then you will discover you have been missing a prospective husband with future prospect

Jutst like u can't believe that I refuse to believe that Muslim sisters in Nigeria are acting like sugar babies when looking for a spouse!

Don't let a few bad seeds spoil your view on the sisters our scare you off making you stop looking and delaying marriage, because that's indeed what will happen If we judge all by a few. Everyone has short comings but if I were to look at some of these brothers I'd stay single forever, but that's exactly what happens when you put collective blame on the sisters.

If every man thought like that no one would be married, now tell me who's to blame here ?

semioyin:


That's why men are to blame... Because u meet a few bad apples and put a stop to it...

I've met bad apples as well, am I suppose to
blame every bother an delay marrying one because I lost hope ? When a brother says no I can't marry yet, I'm busy working and saving up what's the woman suppose to say ?

Is not about meeting few apples but rather what is now in vogue among sisters... So many brothers can never be wrong with what's happening around us now.

Is you sisters that should changee your perceptions about marriage in order for brothers to change the way and manner they now view you... Back in the 80s and 90s, sisters are ready to start from scratch with brothers then and brothers marry somehow early, I remember back then, once a brother passed out of University and secure a job, the next thing on his agenda is marriage but you sisters have change from SURULERE now to OLORUNSOGO

wow!!! what a debate. the judges will have a tough time deciding this one. i have learn quite a lot of things in this debate. wizeboy, yeyenati, semioyin and the organizers thumbs up!!!

ameenahz:
I read through some posts from our brothers and all I saw was fear! The sisters want big weddings? Well are you afraid of a big wedding? The sisters focus too much on their career? Are you afraid of having a focused and intelligent wife? They want a good house, a good car? Are you afraid of comfort?
You are addressed as 'qawamun ala nisai' for a reason. Live up to that reason.

I am afraid that very soon, we will have brothers that are afraid of living.

The fear is real! After this, I really see how some suspect the worst in a muslimah!
Just because a womean wishes for these things she's not an awful person and you don't have to slave yourself to offer it! no one's asking for the world the first day we meet but am I a bad person for wanting a nice life for us ? (u don't have to offer that by yourself)

And then when I educate my self to make that easier for us to reach its not okay ?

It's a lose lose with some men here

Wizeboy:



Is not about meeting few apples but rather what is now in vogue among sisters... So many brothers can never be wrong with what's happening around us now.

Is you sisters that should changee your perceptions about marriage in order for brothers to change the way and manner they now view you... Back in the 80s and 90s, sisters are ready to start from scratch with brothers then and brothers marry somehow early, I remember back then, once a brother passed out of University and secure a job, the next thing on his agenda is marriage but you sisters have change from SURULERE now to OLORUNSOGO

Please tell me what my perception of marriage is and what it should be ??

semioyin:



Jutst like u can't believe that I refuse to believe that Muslim sisters in Nigeria are acting like sugar babies when looking for a spouse!

Don't let a few bad seeds spoil your view on the sisters our scare you off making you stop looking and delaying marriage, because that's indeed what will happen If we judge all by a few. Everyone has short comings but if I were to look at some of these brothers I'd stay single forever, but that's exactly what happens when you put collective blame on the sisters.

If every man thought like that no one would be married, now tell me who's to blame here ?

Sisters are to blame here my sister because actions speak louder than word... Even the sisters who will tell you I'm not after money will stylishly rejecting brother without a car with future prospect while she will like to stay with that brother with car even if they dash such brother, she doesn't care, all she want is to be able to brag to her friends that "there's my husband to be"

Show a brother you don't care about his present situation but rather his future prospect and watch if brothers will not be ready to settle down

The Messenger of Allaah put emphasis on the fact that the best of marriage is that in which the woman ask for the easiest of Mahr.
This is so because women tend more towards extravagance and luxury.

Today, materialism has crept deeply into the mind of a typical sister. All that matters to her isn't the religious inclinations of the brother seeking her hand in marriage or even his future financial prospects but what she stands to reap at the moment.

What makes a woman lawful to a man isn't how flamboyant a marriage feast is but meeting the requirements that might not even have to do with finances.

A woman might decide to marry even with her Mahr delayed. She can decide to facilitate ease for her suitor who shows a good Deen and Character.

It is undisputable that more than 90% of sisters will prefer to delay their marriage rather than settle for a Mahr to be paid in arrears.r

Wizeboy:



Sisters are to blame here my sister because actions speak louder than word... Even the sisters who will tell you I'm not after money will stylishly rejecting brother without a car with future prospect while she will like to stay with that brother with car even if they dash such brother, she doesn't care, all she want is to be able to brag to her friends that "there's my husband to be"

Show a brother you don't care about his present situation but rather his future prospect and watch if brothers will not be ready to settle down

If he has his deen on place and she likes him what's the problem ? Just a thought...

back to your post: Why do I have to prove my innocence before I'm even guilty of anything ?
so the issue with marriage is because all sisters want rich men ? I've never in my life heard that problem. It might be like that due to where I live, but Islam is Islam and I cannot believe your claim that women, Muslim women are like that and are to blame for everything because they only want rich men.
No woman wants a poor homeless man but I'm sure they don't all exclusively want billionaires!

Are you really claiming basically no one would marry a man with a regular job ? ?

Wizeboy:


I will never believe your assertions that brothers are always unconcern with their look or their manner of dressing...

Brothers dress nicely except for few, or maybe what you wanted to say is that brothers don't wear D&G shirt, Versace shoe and Polo belt... Because it is now common with sisters to get attracted with brothers who has money and wear designers. No wonder most of our sisters now fell in love with yahoo yahoo boys or garage tout because they are the ones who always see awof money to buy designers while a reasonable brothers use his little earn money to secure future of himself.

Change your perspective about designer and money and look at most of the brothers around you with a Godly view, then you will discover you have been missing a prospective husband with future prospect

money is the root of all romance. Hehehe! Ba?! In your book abi? I'm sure if you can afford it, you can buy those. Don't hate on those that can buy those things. I'd go for a man with a nice Louis vuitton and with the best of characters and knowledge of the Deen, than a man that keeps 'saying' "l am a good person!' at every turn. I look at brothers with a Godly view, nothing wrong with him dressing with swag if he can afford it.

Guys!!! Wizeboi said u not Godly oooo!!! Because u wear nice shoes!! Pffffftttt!!! Dude, you just hating!!!

semioyin:



Please tell me what my perception of marriage is and what it should be ??

Can you give me reasons why you are still single?

PENMIGHT:
The Messenger of Allaah put emphasis on the fact that the best of marriage is that in which the woman ask for the easiest of Mahr.
This is so because women tend more towards extravagance and luxury.

Today, materialism has crept deeply into the mind of a typical sister. All that matters to her isn't the religious inclinations of the brother seeking her hand in marriage or even his future financial prospects but what she stands to reap at the moment.

What makes a woman lawful to a man isn't how flamboyant a marriage feast is but meeting the requirements that might not even have to do with finances.

A woman might decide to marry even with her Mahr delayed. She can decide to facilitate ease for her suitor who shows a good Deen and Character.

It is undisputable that more than 90% of sisters will prefer to delay their marriage rather than settle for a Mahr to be paid in arrears.r

You know what the problem is. In all of the arguments made by the brothers it's the premise that women don't act according to the deen.

Yes that's the best mahr and some women have settles for a surah! But its still her haqq and you cannot deny it so technically she's allowed to ask whatever's between the earth and sky. Another thing is, the woman isn't a cheap object that goes to the first who claims it. There's an element of showing how much you want her by putting a little extra, making her know you actually value her (without going to the extremes)

But to say that it's either black or white, either she is fair and suuuper rare more like a myth or a unfair gold digger is not reflecting reality, and you must be able to see that.

But to speak like the sisters don't even act according to the deen is beyond me, and frankly I don't know what type of women you guys meet, but you should really move around if all u see is Muslim women with only dollar signs in their eyes and zero regard for the Qur'an...

yeyenati:
money is the root of all romance. Hehehe! Ba?! In your book abi? I'm sure if you can afford it, you can buy those. Don't hate on those that can buy those things. I'd go for a man with a nice Louis vuitton and with the best of characters and knowledge of the Deen, than a man that keeps 'saying' "l am a good person!' at every turn. I look at brothers with a Godly view, nothing wrong with him dressing with swag if he can afford it.

Guys!!! Wizeboi said u not Godly oooo!!! Because u wear nice shoes!! Pffffftttt!!! Dude, you just hating!!!

Not hating on anybody here...

All I'm telling you is that, a guy not wearing designer doesn't mean his future is blank

Quit looking for guys with designer and go for guys you have future

Wizeboy:


Can you give me reasons why you are still single?

Because I don't live in an area where there are Muslim men and everyone I meet during the day aren't Muslim. I guess the simple answer is because I haven't met any one.

Why are you single ?

semioyin:



If he has his deen on place and she likes him what's the problem ? Just a thought...

back to your post: Why do I have to prove my innocence before I'm even guilty of anything ?
so the issue with marriage is because all sisters want rich men ? I've never in my life heard that problem. It might be like that due to where I live, but Islam is Islam and I cannot believe your claim that women, Muslim women are like that and are to blame for everything because they only want rich men.
No woman wants a poor homeless man but I'm sure they don't all exclusively want billionaires!

Are you really claiming basically no one would marry a man with a regular job ? ?

You keep saying the same thing every time, I never said all sisters want rich guy but most of them obviously want that.

Sisters should just try to be realistic with their search and stop using movie to determine their love life

Wizeboy:



Not hating on anybody here...

All I'm telling you is that, a guy not wearing designer doesn't mean his future is blank

Quit looking for guys with designer and go for guys you have future

You are talking about women like they are some dumb creatures desperate for money n bling. Have u seen Bill gates ? Does he look rich? do u think we think he is poor. Because of the lack of bling ? We are not some hungry animals just luring outside waiting for someone with a sparkly thing on their wrist, do we look like gollum to you.

semioyin:


Because I don't live in an area where there are Muslim men and everyone I meet during the day aren't Muslim. I guess the simple answer is because I haven't met any one.

Why are you single ?

Hehehe.... Which country and area did you live that seems that you are the only muslim in that environment, that's strange anyway

Are you saying you've never met any muslim brother of late? And what steps have you taken towards meeting muslim brother soonest

Wizeboy:


You keep saying the same thing every time, I never said all sisters want rich guy but most of them obviously want that.

Sisters should just try to be realistic with their search and stop using movie to determine their love life

Brother, I respect your views but.... I'm not buying this.

Sisters now determine their love life by movies ??


What are your views based on cus it cannot be real life experience, I cannot believe that! The whole issue of marriage is women wanting rich men.. are we talking billionaire or are average Joe's also too much to ask for ??

The picture your painting is crazy

Muslim women, that's who we are talking about. ...

Wizeboy:


Hehehe.... Which country and area did you live that seems that you are the only muslim in that environment, that's strange anyway

Are you saying you've never met any muslim brother of late? And what steps have you taken towards meeting muslim brother soonest

I'm not here to discuss my personal life, but I'm busy and don't have time to stalk brothers.. anyway nothing strange. It's a little town, my classmates and colleagues are all Christians so what do u expect?

What steps I have taken or can take is for another conversation, let's not derail this with my personal story.

But what relevance does this have to the debate ?

semioyin:



You are talking about women like they are some dumb creatures desperate for money n bling. Have u seen Bill gates ? Does he look rich? do u think we think he is poor. Because of the lack of bling ? We are not some hungry animals just luring outside waiting for someone with a sparkly thing on their wrist, do we look like gollum to you.

You don't look that and you don't have to have such look...

But what's moree obvious about most sisters is that, they size up brothers at the first attempt towards them, some don't even bother to give such brother a chance to show the stuff they are made of

Being matured and not wetting one's bed often is not the only criteria to evaluate when searching for a spouse. The truth is once that part is satisfied, every other thing that is lacking hits you hard and fast and terror follows. The Yorubas will say ati gbe iyawo o te jo, owo obe lo soro. People often accuse the women folk of falling for packaging, my response is why not package yourself too so someone would fall for you? I understand following the prophet's footstep but I believe description of the prophet(SAW) also included a lean body and a trim abdomen. Fitness is zero for most of our brothers.


Brothers, why have you chosen what works for you and kept away from others?
No offence brothers, but what's with your one way intelligence lifestyle? Many of you have forgotten we were all encouraged by the prophet to seek knowledge even as far as China. You rest on your oars and a sister who believes she's a star and won't stop acquiring certificates, you are quick to throw the wolves as uncontrollable. I think many of you are suffering from something slightly higher than self esteem issues and little lower than pride.



This post will not be complete without addressing material benefits. Sharing of gifts is encouraged amongst muslims. Many of our brothers find it so difficult to give gifts. How will I believe that you will take good care of me as a husband should when we get married when you find it difficult to send me recharge card once in a while? I don't believe in the tasking attitude but i believe a man ought to know when and where to step up. It is a way of evaluating kindness. Little things.... big things.... depending on the kind of person receiving it. It not a habit you wake up with one morning. It's gradual process. I think many brothers need to up their game in this regard

Wizeboy:



You don't look that and you don't have to have such look...

But what's moree obvious about most sisters is that, they size up brothers at the first attempt towards them, some don't even bother to give such brother a chance to show the stuff they are made of

So if that's the case how does that impression affect you ? You're single, so what will you do ? Wait a few years until you have the amount of money u suspect is acceptable to the sisters ?

semioyin:


Brother, I respect your views but.... I'm not buying this.

Sisters now determine their love life by movies ??


What are your views based on cus it cannot be real life experience, I cannot believe that! The whole issue of marriage is women wanting rich men.. are we talking billionaire or are average Joe's also too much to ask for ??

The picture your painting is crazy

Muslim women, that's who we are talking about. ...

Muslim sisters now want a man who can take them on a vacation, buy nice stuff for them, and also spend for their friends.

Muslim sisters now want the most handsome guys they can lay their hands on, thereby a fair guy doesn't have chance in their side

They also brothers to cross through an ocean just to be with them, whereas those acting such in a movie doesn't even practice such in real life

Women are meant to be treateed with love and care and not with disdain and neglect. However, a muslim sister only gets what she deserve in a man. If a muslim brother is rich, neat and yet religious, it does'nt really mean she has succeeded in getting a total package in a hubby.

If what motivates the sister is majorly the materialistic display, then her claims to have considerd the Deen and Character are just smokescreens.

However, when a sister marries, putting emphasis on the man's morals and beliefs, then the material aspect of him becomes relegated to the rear in her sight.

The latter is surely the prosperous one than the former.

The Messenger of Allaah was reported to have said : " This world is alluring and green, and Allaah has placed us as vicegerents on it to see how we fared. So fear this world, and fear women(womens' love for the Dunya), for verily that was what destroys the Nations before you."

t

semioyin:


So if that's the case how does that impression affect you ? You're single, so what will you do ? Wait a few years until you have the amount of money u suspect is acceptable to the sisters ?

We don't have to wait for many years, but what's more acceptable is for us to keep on pursuing our career and laying our future on a solid ground until we will come across the Sister AMONG the few saint who will appreciate whatever we have, be contented to whatever we have power to give and believe in our future prospect

Wizeboy:


Muslim sisters now want a man who can take them on a vacation, buy nice stuff for them, and also spend for their friends.

Muslim sisters now want the most handsome guys they can lay their hands on, thereby a fair guy doesn't have chance in their side

They also brothers to cross through an ocean just to be with them, whereas those acting such in a movie doesn't even practice such in real life

, sure som sisters expect more than others but most of the sisters have fair and acceptable expectations, whether it be his own place, an education, a secure job ect. Just as the man has expectations, he expects the woman to carry his kids, be her first, come home to a clean house and go to bed full. Some men expect even more and others expect less.

It's not about having zero expectations it's about starting at the criteria set by Allah and going from there.

So the men here cannot blame all on women because some expect more than the other, the same way we women can't blame all lack of marrying on brothers because a few display the dictator syndrom!

We all agree that marriage is seriously encouraged and in some cases fard. The problem however cannot be that some women demand a car. That's why the youth struggling? There's a million reasons, culture, preferences as far as nationality, tribe, finance, lack of religious understanding and so on.

However the thing that has been mentioned mostly by the men is money. The women ask for too much, they feel pressured. It's at the point where "the smart" stopped looking for a spouse and started looking for money instead. So who's to blame for the difficulties? It's the men who give up, who don't trust us muslimahs and are convinced that marriage is like an auction where highest bidder wins.. so instead of looking for ms right they are working working whil the sisters ... Yeah well what are they suppose to do ? Apparently as said here talk it cheap and we are guilty until proven innocent, so brothers by all means delay marriage and delay our marriage as well...

PENMIGHT:
Women are meant to be treateed with love and care and not with disdain and neglect. However, a muslim sister only gets what she deserve in a man. If a muslim brother is rich, neat and yet religious, it does'nt really mean she has succeeded in getting a total package in a hubby.

If what motivates the sister is majorly the materialistic display, then her claims to have considerd the Deen and Character are just smokescreens.

However, when a sister marries, putting emphasis on the man's morals and beliefs, then the material aspect of him becomes relegated to the rear in her sight.

The latter is surely the prosperous one than the former.

The Messenger of Allaah was reported to have said : " This world is alluring and green, and Allaah has placed us as vicegerents on it to see how we fared. So fear this world, and fear women(womens' love for the Dunya), for verily that was what destroys the Nations before you."

t

And if a brother marries a sister for her wealth beauty or family status his marriage probably won't be successful.

We are all muslims, and a part of marriage is worshipping Allah. The fact that there's this level of fear in the brothers, and the lack of hope in finding a woman who's looking for the than his pocket, to the point where a brother is smart if he gives up and starts working and delaying marriage is very troubling.

What happened to the man in them. When they want their other rights they fight til they convince if the sister disagrees but in this case the woman doesn't have any sense of reality and is unable to compromise and the man can't talk sense in to her because she disregard the Quran ? I cannot believe that. If they spoke about finance like the way they speak about the the right to four wives I'm sure some things would be different but instead they run, and those who only heard but never experienced it run too, and then word gets around and young brothers think that marriage is only for the rich..

What on earth are the sisters suppose to do ?

semioyin:



There's nothing wrong with women wanting to earn their own money. Why be dependent and risk the mn kicking u out without a penny to your name.. It's called being smart. However that doesn't necessarily mean that the man is only viewed as a bank.

A man is supposed to provide for the women! That's your responsibility and not our fault. If you have a problem with that then too bad. It's the women's right so if a man doesn't have a dollar to his name how can he ensure the wife and kids ? Provide for them. I'm talking the necessary part not trips to paris.

If he can fulfill his duties, ma sha Allah if not then marriage is to early for him..

I think i am falling in love with u.

semioyin:



, sure som sisters expect more than others but most of the sisters have fair and acceptable expectations, whether it be his own place, an education, a secure job ect. Just as the man has expectations, he expects the woman to carry his kids, be her first, come home to a clean house and go to bed full. Some men expect even more and others expect less.

It's not about having zero expectations it's about starting at the criteria set by Allah and going from there.

So the men here cannot blame all on women because some expect more than the other, the same way we women can't blame all lack of marrying on brothers because a few display the dictator syndrom!

We all agree that marriage is seriously encouraged and in some cases fard. The problem however cannot be that some women demand a car. That's why the youth struggling? There's a million reasons, culture, preferences as far as nationality, tribe, finance, lack of religious understanding and so on.

However the thing that has been mentioned mostly by the men is money. The women ask for too much, they feel pressured. It's at the point where "the smart" stopped looking for a spouse and started looking for money instead. So who's to blame for the difficulties? It's the men who give up, who don't trust us muslimahs and are convinced that marriage is like an auction where highest bidder wins.. so instead of looking for ms right they are working working whil the sisters ... Yeah well what are they suppose to do ? Apparently as said here talk it cheap and we are guilty until proven innocent, so brothers by all means delay marriage and delay our marriage as well...

Brothers never at any point in time stop searching for the right muslimah that will fit them, its just that maybe because they never seen any.

How can you explain the situation on the MSMS thread now, where there are about 12 brothers searching for a muslimah since some few months back without any success. Does that mean all sisters are married or no single muslimah on Nairaland again?

Before these sets of brother applied to be match-make on Nairaland, did you know how frustrated they've been looking for Sisters to marry, and how they might have been turned down severally due to the flimsy excuses and unrealistic expectations of our sisters?

Who are now to be blame for this? Afterall brothers have push themselves forward that they are ready, where the sisters, who you claimed and have been siding that they know what they want?

Brb... My battery is now low

Whao, what a discussion!

1. I think the debate shoudn't focus on who is or who is not to blame - that is not bringing out the need to identify a solution or a way forward. It seems to only accentuate the dividing line. However, kudos to the whole idea.

2. Congratulations to the sisters. I am impressed by majority of what I read. Seem you 'guys' were all about having a sit down between intending couples, ironing out misunderstanding/misconceptions, giving the brother a chance to convince you of your desires he might not be able to meet, confirming the guy is not just loking for a slave but a partner within the set limits. In short, the sisters message comes across as 'bros, lets talk about it with the spirit of give & take'.

3. Yeyenati is great too - but needs to calm down. (hope you don't take this the wrong way). in all, you did great, realy.

4. Weldone brothers for putting up a good fight. You guy didn't nail this in my humble opinion. You were too much about stereotypes: sisters like rich guys, sisters dont want to submit, etc. Hey, everybody is different. You have to treat each scenario on a case by case basis. Even if the stereotypes are true, your duty if interested is to engage before nikah, seek to understand, propose compromise, assure of Allah's support and pray. Otherwise move forward a find another sis.

5. And do let's avoid generalisation, its against our Deen. Treat people on their own merit. You can be sure most sis are right up there in the intelectual dept. as much as the brothers. We bros are just getting use to this idea (you cant blame us on what we learnt from the old generation along with the Deen. However bros, you have to catch up early. Wake up and smell the coffee. And sis have to pipe down on the effect of wetern media (feminism and whats not) - the Deen's got you covered already!

6. Dressing. I used to get accussed of these a lot long time ago. I just didn't have a good fashion sense. However, i grew up to differentiate Zhud from Taqwa.

7. You have to be financially ready before nikkah. And the readiness is about livelihood not riches. Level of wealth required is not bro nor sis opinion - it's a joint agreement of what is enough. Otherwise, if you can't agree, you keep searching for a like mind. Not give up and point fingers.


Nur vs 33 from ibn katheer

Allah's saying:

﴿وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لاَ يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحاً حَتَّى يُغْنِيَهُمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ﴾

(And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty.) This is a command from Allah to those who do not have the means to get married: they are to keep themselves chaste and avoid unlawful things, as the Prophet said:

«يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ»

(O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him marry, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and protecting the private parts. Whoever cannot do that, then let him fast, for it is a protection for him.)


(and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful) ﴿4:25﴾.

﴿وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لاَ يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحاً﴾

(And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste,) `Ikrimah said, "This refers to a man who sees a woman and it is as if he feels desire; if he has a wife then let him go to her and fulfill his desire with her, and if he does not have a wife, then let him ponder the kingdom of heaven and earth until Allah grants him means of livelihood.''

8. I broke my oath of silence.

Wizeboy:


Brothers never at any point in time stop searching for the right muslimah for will fit them, its just that maybe because they never seen any.

How can you explain the situation on the MSMS thread now, where there are about 12 brothers searching for a muslimah since some few months back without any success. Does that mean all sisters are married or no single muslimah on Nairaland again?

Before these sets of brother applied to be match-make on Nairaland, did you know how frustrated they've been looking for Sisters to marry, and how they might have been turned down severally due to the flimsy excuses and unrealistic expectations of our sisters?

Who are now to be blame for this? Afterall brothers have push themselves forward that they are ready, where the sisters, who you claimed and have been siding that they know what they want?

They are there! Believe me, maybe not on nairaland but they are out there.

Just like my future husband is out there as well. I know many girls who are just getting frustrated waiting for a proposal, some even get a lower self esteem wondering why no brothers are asking for them ? They have everything in check, good girls, covered, in school and kind hearted, but the guy is chasing his own dream enjoying his freedom as if married life is hostage life.
and as that continues the chance of a guy who's probably not even Muslim comes along and says the right thing rises, you know what that leads to, or the girl thinks that no guy will want her cus she's all covered...

Nothing in this life is easy, and Allah tests us when everything goes well and when it goes bad. But if we stop having faith, stop relying on Allah and just accept defeat what can we expect ??

Just as guys are searching so are girls, the only difference is that the man is expected to take the first step, so u can keep asking away but women only get whoever asks for them..


** I'll join a bit later **

Wizeboy:


Muslim sisters now want a man who can take them on a vacation, buy nice stuff for them, and also spend for their friends.

Muslim sisters now want the most handsome guys they can lay their hands on, thereby a fair guy doesn't have chance in their side

They also brothers to cross through an ocean just to be with them, whereas those acting such in a movie doesn't even practice such in real life

Seriously??
Am really amazed by your words?
I wonder where u got all these views from? Movies? Stories? They sound sooo abstract!!!
I thought the debate was suppose 2 be a real life situation. ..not some munbo jumbo u cooked up in ur head.
Wanting comfort and a good life isnt and shouldnt be a sin!
You guys keep complaining about women wanting good stuffs....should dey want otherwise
I think men should just take up their responsibilities with actions and not words!
Talk is cheap!