PENMIGHT:
Women are meant to be treateed with love and care and not with disdain and neglect. However, a muslim sister only gets what she deserve in a man. If a muslim brother is rich, neat and yet religious, it does'nt really mean she has succeeded in getting a total package in a hubby.

If what motivates the sister is majorly the materialistic display, then her claims to have considerd the Deen and Character are just smokescreens.

However, when a sister marries, putting emphasis on the man's morals and beliefs, then the material aspect of him becomes relegated to the rear in her sight.

The latter is surely the prosperous one than the former.

The Messenger of Allaah was reported to have said : " This world is alluring and green, and Allaah has placed us as vicegerents on it to see how we fared. So fear this world, and fear women(womens' love for the Dunya), for verily that was what destroys the Nations before you."

t

this thing is as simple as ABC.....looking good and dressing well is part of personal hygiene!! Looking out 4 a well dressed man doesnt mean the ladies are after material things.
Knowledge of d deen doesnt mean one should look shabby!
Not having enough money isnt as excuse!
If you can't afford designers at least be neat!

So if he wears designer outfits, he doesn't have a future ba? No one wakes up one day to say 'he has to wear brands'. No one said guy's with prospects ain't cool. Those who get all defensive are the ones I'm talking about. We are allowed to criticize too. and when we do, your defensive attitude only means an acceptance of weaknesses.

And roshmedia, this is me being calm. I am just dramatic. Nothing to it.

Wizeboy:



Not hating on anybody here...

All I'm telling you is that, a guy not wearing designer doesn't mean his future is blank

Quit looking for guys with designer and go for guys you have future

And one more thing, maybe their ideal matches ain't am$ong the 14 profiles. How is that a crime? To me, it may just be a bunch of unserious folks hoping for cheap hook-ups. But ooooppsss! Msms is real, not for boys who wanna be 'men!' but don't have what it takes.

Salam Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

I had a good time reading through the debaters point if view.. Good job

Though difficulty in marriages come from both parties but I'll like to emphasize that the problem the males pose to us is more threatening..

Almost everyone of them come here quoting "hadith" and "Quran" but when you go closer to them or date them,its a different ball game, they aren't even looking for the pious ladies anymore but the "slim,fair,pretty lady".. When they by mistake find the pretty lady,they expect her to be perfect ( always respects,veeeeery pious, and veeeery everything)
Have the guys forgotten no one is perfect?
Fast forward to the jumping sokoto brothers (no offence,it's sunnah),all they want is a perfect looking niqabite and jalbab(no offence,its sunnah) forgetting that's not a criteria for a pious woman though one with this quality is Nur ala Nur(light upon light) but a sister with a good sense of covering is also pious or permit me to say could be pious and very easy to made pious ( y not take it as your jihad?)

Secondly I have noticed this trend among the "claiming to be sunnatic brothers" approaching a lady and standing miles away (wetin na?) abeg come close talk wetin u wan talk(y pretending?)
Some would want to kill u with salam(ahn ahn,wetin na? I don hear,mesef I b malamah)

Being pious or religious is not by pretending to be who you are not. Even if u be ustaz,we are talking marriage here,put up a sence of attractiveness

Ma salam

Peace

ameenahz:
I read through some posts from our brothers and all I saw was fear! The sisters want big weddings? Well, are you afraid of a big wedding or of spending out of Allah's provision? Who says you are doibg all the spending all alone? The sisters focus too much on their career........Are you afraid of having a focused and intelligent wife? They want a good house, a good car.......are you afraid of comfort?


You are addressed as 'qawamun ala nisai' for a reason. Live up to that reason.



I am afraid that very soon, we will have brothers that are afraid of living.

you totally got it wrong, if u indeed took time to read through.
what the brothers are saying is simply to teach the sisters not to be too materialistic when it come to marriage.
if a sister must work and make all the money will she use it to marry the man?

Salam Alaykum.

I have really enjoyed this debate and I must say well done to all debaters and other contributors.

I see a conflict of interests as the main reason why we have unamarried muslim males and females who are supposed to have been married.

Of all the four reasons adived muslim men to marry a woman, the deen is the most preferred and this is what the muslim brothers hold on to more often than not.

Our sisters on the other hand place more value on other aspects of life than the deen. Note that I have not said they don't value the religious Muslim brothers but they prefer a moderately religious brother who possesses more of other qualities to one who is more grounded in the deen and less qualified on those other qualities.

How do we reconcile these two positions?

If our brothers will put more efforts to meet like 60% of the qualities our sisters have enumerated here while the sister too reduce their demand list and appreciate the religious brothers more, I think we'll arrive at a midway and solve most of the problems we have today.

Every marriageable but unmarried brother and sister should evaluate themself and take a deep look at what can be sacrificed to meet his/her future spouse at a midpoint. Being regid with your expectations and wants in a spouse will likely not lead to success. When you compromise on some things and start from somewhere, those sacrificed wants can even be given to you while in the marriage if you work towards achieving them.

May Allah guide us all aright.

yeyenati:
So if he wears designer outfits, he doesn't have a future ba? No one wakes up one day to say 'he has to wear brands'. No one said guy's with prospects ain't cool. Those who get all defensive are the ones I'm talking about. We are allowed to criticize too. and when we do, your defensive attitude only means an acceptance of weaknesses.

And roshmedia, this is me being calm. I am just dramatic. Nothing to it.



And one more thing, maybe their ideal matches ain't am$ong the 14 profiles. How is that a crime? To me, it may just be a bunch of unserious folks hoping for cheap hook-ups. But ooooppsss! Msms is real, not for boys who wanna be 'men!' but don't have what it takes.

How will you conclude they are set of unserious folks, have you applied for the service without been matched? How will you stay far away and conclude they are unserious.

That's what I have been saying, sisters never want to get hook or marry; assuming there's a guy among those profile who state that, he's working in Chevron or Mobil, I believe there would have been a serious folks there right?

Wizeboy:


How will you conclude they are set of unserious folks, have you applied for the service without been matched? How will you stay far away and conclude they are unserious.

That's what I have been saying, sisters never want to get hook or marry; assuming there's a guy among those profile who state that, he's working in Chevron or Mobil, I believe there would have been a serious folks there right?

Please what is it about the guys and money?
Goodness! Seems to me you guys are painting the picture of the 'so called ladies' out there...
we are muslimahs, we've got values...not everyone of us is "Money thirsty"
All we want is comfort....is that too much to ask for?
We've got Islam, Quran and sunnah....

Reduce your unrealistic qualities you want in a man and stop complaining of not seeing good brother around!

Accept Almighty Allah command, He has reasons for prescribing them to us

roshmedia:
Whao, what a discussion!

1. I think the debate shoudn't focus on who is or who is not to blame - that is not bringing out the need to identify a solution or a way forward. It seems to only accentuate the dividing line. However, kudos to the whole idea.

2. Congratulations to the sisters. I am impressed by majority of what I read. Seem you 'guys' were all about having a sit down between intending couples, ironing out misunderstanding/misconceptions, giving the brother a chance to convince you of your desires he might not be able to meet, confirming the guy is not just loking for a slave but a partner within the set limits. In short, the sisters message comes across as 'bros, lets talk about it with the spirit of give & take'.

3. Yeyenati is great too - but needs to calm down. (hope you don't take this the wrong way). in all, you did great, realy.

4. Weldone brothers for putting up a good fight. You guy didn't nail this in my humble opinion. You were too much about stereotypes: sisters like rich guys, sisters dont want to submit, etc. Hey, everybody is different. You have to treat each scenario on a case by case basis. Even if the stereotypes are true, your duty if interested is to engage before nikah, seek to understand, propose compromise, assure of Allah's support and pray. Otherwise move forward a find another sis.

5. And do let's avoid generalisation, its against our Deen. Treat people on their own merit. You can be sure most sis are right up there in the intelectual dept. as much as the brothers. We bros are just getting use to this idea (you cant blame us on what we learnt from the old generation along with the Deen. However bros, you have to catch up early. Wake up and smell the coffee. And sis have to pipe down on the effect of wetern media (feminism and whats not) - the Deen's got you covered already!

6. Dressing. I used to get accussed of these a lot long time ago. I just didn't have a good fashion sense. However, i grew up to differentiate Zhud from Taqwa.

7. You have to be financially ready before nikkah. And the readiness is about livelihood not riches. Level of wealth required is not bro nor sis opinion - it's a joint agreement of what is enough. Otherwise, if you can't agree, you keep searching for a like mind. Not give up and point fingers.


Nur vs 33 from ibn katheer

Allah's saying:

﴿وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لاَ يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحاً حَتَّى يُغْنِيَهُمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ﴾

(And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty.) This is a command from Allah to those who do not have the means to get married: they are to keep themselves chaste and avoid unlawful things, as the Prophet said:

«يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ»

(O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him marry, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and protecting the private parts. Whoever cannot do that, then let him fast, for it is a protection for him.)


(and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful) ﴿4:25﴾.

﴿وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لاَ يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحاً﴾

(And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste,) `Ikrimah said, "This refers to a man who sees a woman and it is as if he feels desire; if he has a wife then let him go to her and fulfill his desire with her, and if he does not have a wife, then let him ponder the kingdom of heaven and earth until Allah grants him means of livelihood.''

8. I broke my oath of silence.

EHYAH, BUT YOU REALLY MADE SOME GOOD POINTS...Atleast agreeing with our view....JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRAN

i dnt knm if its only me....buh i feel am a learned muslimah in d deen and i wud lyk to be wif a bro who kips to sunnah(not overboard anyways).buh i believe dat and frm what i av seen as lng as u dnt wear jilbab n niqab u cant get a pious bro.i am a sister wif a scarf n even if some of us are learned islamically.we dnt get pious males approaching us until u wear d jilbab n d niqab.we are seen as nt pious enuf.some of d hijabi sisters still kip up wif their solah more dan our "very very very pious sisters" .. pls couter me on dis one

bimp08:
i dnt knm if its only me....buh i feel am a learned muslimah in d deen and i wud lyk to be wif a bro who kips to sunnah(not overboard anyways).buh i believe dat and frm what i av seen as lng as u dnt wear jilbab n niqab u cant get a pious bro.i am a sister wif a scarf n even if some of us are learned islamically.we dnt get pious males approaching us until u wear d jilbab n d niqab.we are seen as nt pious enuf.some of d hijabi sisters still kip up wif their solah more dan our "very very very pious sisters" .. pls couter me on dis one

Ma sha Allah, may Allah make it easy for you Ameen.

It's true that there's a lot of judging on sisters who aren't covered or wear niqab, and many guys require that however your clothes is not an indication of your piousness. Really important, just like a beard isn't always attached to a sheikh.

We shouldn't judge on outer appearance as only Allah knows what's in our hearts

haymoney01:
I think i am falling in love with u.

*blushes*

But alhamdulilah brother, we are many sisters who think like this

I am highly impressed with this educative and interesting debate. May Almighty Allah increase our knowledge and understanding. How I wish I have money to publish this educative segment in one of our leading newspaper for the benefit of entire human kind. I am very happy reading people perspective with enough Quran verses and hadith backing. I salute all Debater in the house and my special greetings go to " Semioyin " how I wish I can see what you look like.

Maa Salam.

.

bimp08:
i dnt knm if its only me....buh i feel am a learned muslimah in d deen and i wud lyk to be wif a bro who kips to sunnah(not overboard anyways).buh i believe dat and frm what i av seen as lng as u dnt wear jilbab n niqab u cant get a pious bro.i am a sister wif a scarf n even if some of us are learned islamically.we dnt get pious males approaching us until u wear d jilbab n d niqab.we are seen as nt pious enuf.some of d hijabi sisters still kip up wif their solah more dan our "very very very pious sisters" .. pls couter me on dis one

It is well sister, Insha Allah you will come along with a good brother who will accept you with your scarf as soon as possible. I believe all man with his own opinion. As for me, I don't fancy sisters with Niqab or bigger Hijjab, I prefer something simple. Please don't quote me wrong, that is just me.

Aoqotu Solat.

Thread Locked.

It is time to vote for the winners of this debate. The next 2 posts below are for you to vote for the men's team or women's team.

Alhamdulillah, after a very exciting and educative debate with both the men's team and women's team putting in so much effort, we are glad to announce the results for voting on the winning team for the first edition of the Nairaland Islam Section Debate (NISD).


Men's Team

Total Likes:: 20

Total Shares: 9

Total Votes: 29



Women's Team

Total Likes:: 31

Total Shares: 17

Total Votes: 48

Votes were made on the special voting posts which have now been hidden.


Therefore, for the purpose of this debate as a competition, the women's team are hereby declared as the winners. Congratulations to them.

However, in reality we are all winners because we have tackled and continue to tackle an important issue which is key in the life of the overwhelming majority of most individuals- getting married.

This debate is by no means exhaustive and I am sure every single and even married person that has read this debate has learnt a few things and now know of more things they might need to change about themselves.

For those Muslim singles who are really looking to get married and are having serious challenges with finding the "right one", you might be interested in using the Muslim Singles Matching Service (MSMS) https://www.nairaland.com/1935933/muslim-singles-matching-service-msms. If you were impressed by the organisation and delivery of this debate, know that a large part of the people behind the MSMS have also helped to conceptualise and organise it. Hopefully, you will give our service a trial.

The thread will now be reopened for the discussion to continue.

Chai...Weird Network And Very Busy Commitment Dint Allow Me Yesterday A lot Of Time To Attack And Defend With Jabs, But In All Alhamdulilai Robil Alameen!!

Special Thanks to Maclatunji,Wizeboy,Baba11,Penmight,TY,Passingshots for the 3 days in preparations And All May Allah Guide Us Right

Special Thanks to
Sissie,Yeyenatu,slits,harmeenat,Semioyin For The Robust Defense And Attacks,it was like u were all waiting for any oppurtunity like this to pour out your minds lol..May Allah Guide Us Right


To The Contributors and voters and viewers we say a big thank you. We learn everyday and May Allah Make Us All A pious human amongst All


Salaam Alaykum

maclatunji:
Alhamdulillah, after a very exciting and educative debate with both the men's team and women's team putting in so much effort, we are glad to announce the results for voting on the winning team for the first edition of the Nairaland Islam Section Debate (NISD).


Men's Team

Total Likes:: 20

Total Shares: 9

Total Votes: 29



Women's Team

Total Likes:: 31

Total Shares: 17

Total Votes: 48

Votes were made on the special voting posts which have now been hidden.


Therefore, for the purpose of this debate as a competition, the women's team are hereby declared as the winners. Congratulations to them.

However, in reality we are all winners because we have tackled and continue to tackle an important issue which is key in the life of the overwhelming majority of most individuals- getting married.

This debate is by no means exhaustive and I am sure every single and even married person that has read this debate has learnt a few things and now know of more things they might need to change about themselves.

For those Muslim singles who are really looking to get married and are having serious challenges with finding the "right one", you might be interested in using the Muslim Singles Matching Service (MSMS) https://www.nairaland.com/1935933/muslim-singles-matching-service-msms. If you were impressed by the organisation and delivery of this debate, know that a large part of the people behind the MSMS have also helped to conceptualise and organise it. Hopefully, you will give our service a trial.

The thread will now be reopened for the discussion to continue.

Women, getting what they want since the time of Adam.

olawalebabs:


Women, getting what they want since the time of Adam.

bimp08:
i dnt knm if its only me....buh i feel am a learned muslimah in d deen and i wud lyk to be wif a bro who kips to sunnah (not overboard anyways). buh i believe dat and frm what i av seen as lng as u dnt wear jilbab n niqab u cant get a pious bro.i am a sister wif a scarf n even if some of us are learned islamically.we dnt get pious males approaching us until u wear d jilbab n d niqab.we are seen as nt pious enuf.some of d hijabi sisters still kip up wif their solah more dan our "very very very pious sisters" .. pls couter me on dis one

Sister, as 'a learned sister in the deen' you'll agree with me that the hijab is what Allah instructed you to wear and not the scarf. You want pious males to approach you but a pious man knows Allah's injunctions and would definitely go for someone who follows them like he does.

It is not a brother's fault that he doesn't see you as pious, he judges from what he sees (the way you show how much you follow Allah's rules by your looks) and not the piety in your heart for he is not Allah.

By the way, kindly explain what you mean by the words in bold.

Let us discuss: How the Gap Between Single Muslim Men and Women can be Bridged

JAZAKIALLAHUKHAYRAN & JAZAKALLAHUKHAYRAN to the organisers and debaters of the debate. I was well pleased with the matured level of organisation of the debate and the interesting points of the contestants. Marriage in ISLAM is built on four important premise which includes Religion, beauty, status and wealth. Civilisation and the increasing crave for materialism has relegated the dictates of ALLAH and the injunction of the HOLY PROPHET to the back burner. We've all seen where we need to buckle up and most importantly change our perception in selecting future partners. May ALLAH assist us to make the right decision in life. AMIN.

I agree with alot if things my Muslim sisters have mentioned. If nowadays we women are assisting our husbands by contributing financially by working. And We don't see it has a task or complain its our husbands duty to provide all the money to run the house hold. So men should also be happy to make it thier responsibility to help thier wives in the house. And lets remember for everything we both do we strengthen the bond which brings us closer and almighty Allah is rewarding us for every single thing we do to make each other happy. having a non supporting husband means the woman will struggle to fufil all her roles has a mother,a wife and even taking proper care of herself.which is not good for either of them.

semioyin:


I'm not here to discuss my personal life, but I'm busy and don't have time to stalk brothers.. anyway nothing strange. It's a little town, my classmates and colleagues are all Christians so what do u expect?

What steps I have taken or can take is for another conversation, let's not derail this with my personal story.

But what relevance does this have to the debate ?

I face exactly the same problem. Where i don't see alot of Muslim men
And unlike churches where singles are giving opportunities to meet themselves. It doesn't happen here and when you go to mosque to pray after prayers everyone goes thier separate ways.

I think Muslim community are not doing enough for us to find Muslim partners.But there are so many Muslim online sites which i don't consider the right means for me.

I meet christian men who fit in my category but rarely meet Muslim men..
I was once introduced to a Muslim brother but i decided to give it a go

The question he asked me mde me angry. He rang me and first question was my age which i was reluctant to tell him but told him
I felt it should not be the sort of questions to ask
The first time we ever spoke


then he later told me he was in the university for 10years in Nigeria.he came out with no degree.he then travelled to Malaysia to start all over Which i thought was very good of him
But as time went by he didn't seem like he had enough drive and was not enlightened about many things I expect someone of his age to know.He likes to watch movies and does not really develop himself. The sort of questions he asks leaves me wondering if he is the sort of man I wanted. I letter friend zoned him
So please brothers up your game.

AbdH:


Sister, as 'a learned sister in the deen' you'll agree with me that the hijab is what Allah instructed you to wear and not the scarf. You want pious males to approach you but a pious man knows Allah's injunctions and would definitely go for someone who follows them like he does.

It is not a brother's fault that he doesn't see you as pious, he judges from what he sees (the way you show how much you follow Allah's rules by your looks) and not the piety in your heart for he is not Allah.

By the way, kindly explain what you mean by the words in bold.

the fact dat i wear a scarf does nt mean i tie a scarf over my head i respect all d conditions of the hijab.loose ,not transparent,covered except d face n d hands,not colourful n d last time i checked d quran did not provide women wif a specific way of covering as lng as ur d conditions of d hijab is fulfilled.

please where is deols

larza:

I face exactly the same problem. Where i don't see alot of Muslim men
And unlike churches where singles are giving opportunities to meet themselves. It doesn't happen here and when you go to mosque to pray after prayers everyone goes thier separate ways.

I think Muslim community are not doing enough for us to find Muslim partners.But there are so many Muslim online sites which i don't consider the right means for me.

I meet christian men who fit in my category but rarely meet Muslim men..
I was once introduced to a Muslim brother but i decided to give it a go

The question he asked me mde me angry. He rang me and first question was my age which i was reluctant to tell him but told him
I felt it should not be the sort of questions to ask
The first time we ever spoke


then he later told me he was in the university for 10years in Nigeria.he came out with no degree.he then travelled to Malaysia to start all over Which i thought was very good of him
But as time went by he didn't seem like he had enough drive and was not enlightened about many things I expect someone of his age to know.He likes to watch movies and does not really develop himself. The sort of questions he asks leaves me wondering if he is the sort of man I wanted. I letter friend zoned him
So please brothers up your game.

Salaamu aleykum

Yes, the thing u said about churches is true. While Christians socialize there and especially singles mingle there for us the masjid is a place of worship, so we only come to do that.

Another thing is that Muslims generally meet thru family, mutual friends, or school/workplace however for those living mainly amongst non Muslims it can be a tricky thing to find someone let alone someone you'll really like.

I don't know what could be changed in order to fix that issue, but it's still relevant to discuss as well as the rest of things that makes marriage difficult amongst Muslims.