More updates Oga flow

make una sorry for the lack of update today. i was really busy

you no go fit blow him teeth comot" he was almost sending a blow to Chidi.


"Officer!! see the f'oolish man here" Chidi shouted.

"My friend will you leave that man?" I ordered.

"Officer see na, him don tear my shirt" The man yelled.

"and so what? is that why you want to blow his mouth?"

"officer , yes i go blow him mouth" he assured.

"you say wetin? you wan blow who?”

“you no see wetin him do for my body?” He showed me some blisters.

“officer dey talk to you, you dey say you wan blow am abi?” One of the traders said what made my head swelled.

“officer I no go leave this guy!!” The man was really s’tubborn, so a slap was best for him.

“tawai!!!!!!!!!!!!” And my slap found a right spot.

“officer you slap me?”

“walahi I go slap you again if you hold that guy for shirt again” I threatened.

So I slapped again, and even again; front and back. I slapped and slapped the living daylight off him wishing at the end I never did.


Suddenly, the man I slapped spoke in Igbo; “umunnem oooh!! unu ga n'ele ka onye Army gbuo nwanne unu?”, I understood what he said and I thought at that moment to either plead and said i was sorry or run from the wrath of my Igbo brothers.




Before I closed my eyes and opened for a wink, I had been surrounded by about 24 men.

Four on my left, Four on my right, Six at my back, Six in front, the rest were on reserve to carry my body in case I died.

The beating i recieved was like lightening in the cloud; and it was indeed an unending thunder to my body.




“umunne muooo!!! Unu Biko nunu, unu eweliwe!!” I cried.

“gboouo ya!!!” I heard someone commanded.

“biko Agbukwala!!!!” I pleaded.

“odika onye a owughi onye Army?” One of them doubted.

“Awum Onye Army oh!!!!”

“onye Army o n’enwe aho’onu?” One of them asked.

“awukwam onye Army 2009 NA 1759” I told them my imaginary Army number.

“o si gini?” The one that sat on my head asked.

“asim abum onye Army” They thought I said I was a boy’s scout member.


“lekwa oh!! onye boys scout chori gbu nwanne anyi?”


I looked left and right and noticed the C'oward fellow Chidi had ran for is dear life; it was like mine wasn’t dear to me at all, I thought. Since it was dear to me I thought of better options; such as applying Usain Bolt.

Jackie Chan can never dreamed of performing the “film trick” I performed that evening. I jumped from the last floor of the two storey building without dislocating not even a joint, or so I thought.

I say “so I thought” because I initially walked normally without feeling any pains or dislocation; none in my ankle, none in my knee, none in my toes, none in my elbow, none in my chest, none is my heart also.




The traders laughed their a’sses as I ran towards the market gate to board the next available bike or else I might be stoned to death.




“He who fights and run away will leave to fight another” The adage goes. That day I never l laid a finger to fight but yet I ran faster than Usain Bolt. A fight I never wished I would return to fight even in 200 years time. Maybe in 201 years time, I will return as ghost to beat the hell out of all the traders in the market.



As the bike man drove, I thought how I would have died for a friend and John 15:13 came to my mind; “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”. My mind flashed to what Natty told me about how the dreaded Sir White was beaten blue black by the same traders, and even yellow. I never believed Natty initially but as I saw how Sir White’s upper lips grew thicker the next morning, I had no choice but to believe because Elephantiasis of the upper lips was not a disease for Nigerians.



“e no go better for Chidi, thunder go fire him generation” I cursed as I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my right ankle.

“okada man e be like say your okada dey vibrate my leg”

“how na?” He asked.

“ok, make I put my lag well” I positioned my legs well and the pains stopped abruptly.

“ok e don stop”





4 minutes of ride without a word from me or the bike man. He then broke the silence asking: “wetin make your shirt tear, you go thief?”

“I no go thief oh, na one Omolanke guy go use him wheel barrow tear my shirt”

Pls ask the Yorubas the meaning of “Omolanke”, also look for an Igbo boy closest to your to interpret all what I wrote up there, If you do so, you will laugh harder than you did.

“how e take happen na?” The smelling armpit bike man asked

“my brother na long story jor” I was short of further lies.

“sorry ooooooh!!! But why you com jog come gate the time wey I pick you na?” He was suspicious of my answers.

“I run? I no run oh, I just wan meet up somebody wey dey wait for me”

“ok, no wahala!”











“how much be my money sef?” I had boarded a bike and asked how much the fare was when I was almost close to my destination.

“oboy your money na 1000 naira”

“1000 wetin!!?”

“1000 kpally” he answered.

“guy why na, shey na because I no ask you for the price before I enter?”

“yes na, why you no ask? If mugu no fall, guyman no go chop”


I was indeed a guyman’s mugu that had fallen prey.



We were at the cantonment gate at about 4pm and I searched my pocket to bring out money in beats and pieces; all summed up to be 800 naira.

“take jor, na wetin I get” I gave him 700 naira and put back the rest 100 naira I was to use to transport myself from the Cantonment gate where I stood to my house.





As I put my hand into my pocket to return the 100 naira, I searched to see that my phone was gone.





“ASPAMDA boys don thief my phone oh” My both hands found the back of my head.






“ok I forget am for Hajiya Car!!” I recalled.





“no wahala, I go go her house go collect am” I tried to cover the torn part of my shirt.







As I took a step, I realized I had lost both legs.

seuncyber:
More updates Oga flow

Because i no update yesterday, una run leave this thread abi. There is God oh.

flow1759:


Because i no update yesterday, una run leave this thread abi. There is God oh.

We still dey flow with you o

Na one stupid mod and the antispam bot give me 10 day ban o.

Carry dey go

Ride on bro,enjoying evry bit of it

Who send you make you no update... Hahahhahahahahaha...

Abeg, dey drop your updates sharp sharp

FoxyFlow:
Who send you make you no update... Hahahhahahahahaha...

Abeg, dey drop your updates sharp sharp

so you dey here?

Flow1759 u fall my hand ooo big time...asin eh ...big time...y u no interpret al dos igbotic sentence u write for derenah...ahbn bin cum dey look lik mumu wen i dey read dem...abeg no igbo for my area to translat dem...pls biko help modify am so interpretation go nter




Buh u try for today update God bless d fone u use type

So Oga flow no get power well na baba God save you be that oh

Nice story from you

Mod front page

following bro.....more grease to ur elbow

“Chidi you don come?” I shook hands with Him as he came in.


“how work na?”

“work dey fine oh”


“oboy if you see hold up wey dey Iyana Iba ehnnn?”

“are you serious?”

“but shey na must say hold up go dey for Iyana Iba all the time?”






“hahahahahahhahah!!” I laughed all of a sudden.

“why you dey laugh?”

“why I no go laugh, hahahahahahahah!!”

“oboy you don kolo be that oh, why you dey laugh like mad man?” Chima said.
“we get rope oh, incase you don dey mad”


“hahahahahahah! I no dey mad jor, hahahahaha!”

“una remember that day wey we dey trek from Under bridge to Iyana Iba because hold up dey? Hahahaha!”

“so you no fit forget that day abi?” Chima wished he could erase what happened that day out of my mind.

“why I go forget”






One day, the three of us were trekking from Under bridge to Iyana Iba bus stop, as we got close to Barracks bus stop; we saw this “drop dead delectable mouth watering pepperoni angelic” damsel with a very very very attractive parting frame.

As we walked behind this Dansel, two Demons kept telling me “touch that a’ss”. No, one kept telling me “touch that a’ss” while the other said “squeeze that a’ss”. I gave the two demons 101 reasons why I wouldn’t touch or squeeze the a’ss, and they in turn gave me 201 reasons why I should touch, squeeze and even kiss the a’ss.

I fought fiercely with these Demons until Demon A told me; “You no get sense oh, you no know say if you touch the girl nyash, she be small girl, she no go fit do you anything, she go respect you tell you thank you for touching”, and Demon B said; “the girl like you, you no see as she dey turn back dey admire you?”.


Demon A and B were indeed skillful in their Demonic dexterity.





I touched, squeezed and almost kissed the a’ss that had a feeling similar to an over- done Fufu. After doing my "handwork" without anybody seeing me do so, I moved out from being directly behind her.




Thunder and Lightening landed on someone’s face.

“why did you slap me?”

“you are a f’ool!!?”

“why did you slap me?” I thought I had Chima farted. No, what I thought was "human fart" was fart from a nearby rickety car.

“you must be an I’diot?” She slapped again, and I saw Chima’s chick turned burgundy red.

“what did I do?” Chima was shocked and asked a question twice.

“ooooh! C’onji dey hold you and na for my body you wan clear your c’onji abi”

“what did he do?” Chidi helped his “soon to be deaf” twin brother asked.


“Why did you press my b’om bom”

“I did not press your b’om bom na” Chima had gotten angry.




“tawai!!!!!!!!!!!” Chima had received a third slap from the Lady just within a space of 40 seconds and his both hands were on his both ears like they had fallen of.



My Demon friends at that moment cheered me saying; “you see say you be big boy? you press n’yash and na another person them slap”




All of a sudden, Chidi sent out a slap to the Lady that sent her spinning Clockwise, while Chima sent his much awaited slap that sent her spinning Anti clockwise.


Since it had suddenly turned to a slap show, I thought of sending my own slap to the Lady who was already crying, but Demon A warned me saying; “no try am oh!”


The lady cried out with a loud voice and an Army man passing by took up the case.

“why I dey crying?”

“they salpped me, they gave me Four slaps each”

“what!!!”

“they slapped me Four slaps each”

“wayo alla!!!” The soldier was an A’boki for sure.

“and they press my B’om bom, two of them” At that moment I was about 14 metres away.

“whatin be Vom vom?” The A’boki Soldier asked.

“is it Vom vom or Tom tom?” It was like it had been long this tongue tasted Tom tom sweet last.

“see your mouth like Tom tom?” I almost said.



“where the Tom tom?” He asked.

“see am here” she turned her behind to him.

“wayo alla!!!! This Tom tom i big well well oh”



“so i touch this Tom tom kwo?”

“no be me touch am oh” Chima cried.

“is a lie, he touched and squeezed”

“ok, I touch am por this Tom tom por quaziri kwo!” Squeeze interpreted to Hausa as quaziri.

“no oh, officer no be me touch am oh”

“no be him touch am oh” Chidi supported.

“liars!!!!” The Lady had cried a large river.



“I know wetin I go do? I go slap two of them ten ten slap kwo?” Two other soldiers had come to join the A’boki soldier.

“ten wetin?” I pitied them both.

“ok sir” She rehearsed the slaps.




She finished giving Chidi 10 slaps, and nothing happened.





But as she gave Chima who had already received Four slaps from the same source just two slaps, something happened.



That thing was what Mike Tyson did to Evander Hollifield.

What happened Oga flow

ABEG update fast

Psalmwise:
Flow1759 u fall my hand ooo big time...asin eh ...big time...y u no interpret al dos igbotic sentence u write for derenah...ahbn bin cum dey look lik mumu wen i dey read dem...abeg no igbo for my area to translat dem...pls biko help modify am so interpretation go nter




Buh u try for today update God bless d fone u use type

Sorry about that, am just writing how it happened.

seuncyber:
What happened Oga flow

ABEG update fast

I have done that Sir seuncyber

flow1759:


Sorry about that, am just writing how it happened.

k

flow1759:


I have done that Sir seuncyber

Don't tell me today's update don Finish o

Warlord3000:


Don't tell me today's update don Finish o

When we reach there you go know.

Oga flow me i dae gret fa

Xp01:
Oga flow me i dae gret fa

i dey gret too oh

Flow u no kil person with laughter,that Last update got me rolling,Weldon

Costlybabe:
Flow u no kil person with laughter,that Last update got me rolling,Weldon

Thats whats up Costybabe

flow1759:



Thats whats up Costybabe

When you begin face babe instead of updating, I go just stand one side dey observe.

Na me you leave for suspense shey?


Still I Fuckzy..!

woman first bro

FoxyFlow:


When you begin face babe instead of updating, I go just stand one side dey observe.

Na me you leave for suspense shey?


Still I Fuckzy..!

flow baba,easy oh abeg

This is 10:41pm and no updates flow na wa

seuncyber:
This is 10:41pm and no updates flow na wa

...lols,I no knw say flow don turn lullaby for some pple o.

Moderators!!! Moderators!!! Moderators!!!
Wetin i do una wey una ban me?

Inasmuch as i respect you all, i think banning me have made you all lost my respect.

Can you guys just pin point the post that made you ban me.

Ishilove wetin i do you? So the beef continued. Why?

Much love still.

Still i flow sha

waistaa:
...lols,I no knw say flow don turn lullaby for some pple o.

You don't sleep?

Who is Kingsley Ezebuwa? When we reach there you go know.












It was a thanksgiving Sunday in September and as usual we the ushers were beautifully dressed like Judgment Day was that day.



I and Emmanuel were positioned in point 3A and 3B respectively, Kemi was in 2, Blessing was in 4, Head usher was in point 1 alone, while Kingsley was positioned in point 6 with a hidden agenda.


One thing I always prayed for forgiveness whenever I was posted to point 3A was the fact that I always mistakenly took a glimpse at the Pastor’s wife river Nile and Niger – I mean her fresh legs. If there was one thing I dreaded, that thing was being posted to a placed that lead me to temptations and distractions.



Peter was the usher in charge of cleaning and arranging chairs, Kemi was the usher in charge of distributing offering and tithe envelopes; she designated who shared envelopes and bulletin in a particular row or column. Emmanuel was in charge of head counts and waking up sleeping congregational members, Head Usher was in charge of “heading”, Blessing was in charge of monitoring the dressing of all ushers, while Kingsley was in charge of money counting and accounting. There was also the brothers James and John; not the sons Zebedee like in the Bible; who were in charge of cleanliness of the church environment and cake trays.


I say the Head usher was in charge of “heading” not because he was a good Header like Stoke City’s Peter Crouch, but because he headed and supervised that each designated head of a particular duty gives orders that others must obeyed.

I will never forget being the Cake boy.


James and John had ordered that I would be in charge of cutting and sharing the cake dedicated to those born in a particular month, after which i must clean the cake tray. I was to take out the mess of what was left in the tray and wash the tray.







On one occasion, I saw neither sponge nor soap to do the cleaning with, so I decided to wash with mare water because it was raining and it wouldn’t be possible that i go get soap. As a sharp guy, I washed it clean with just water like though I had used soap. Or so I thought.


The oily shine on my hand refused leaving even after washing with about 25 liters of water. I had lost my handkerchief and there was no way I could possibly rub off the oily shine on my Kalochi suit.




Kalochi was the worse suit make I had ever owned since Adey. As funny as they sound, these are makes of suits. While Kalochi sounded like an Igbo name Kelechi, Adey sounded like a Yoruba name Ade, and I remember seeing the make of Emmanuel’s suit as Masu; which if words were swapped could be spelt as Musa the Hausa name. I sometimes wished I had them all three main languages: Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa. There is no gainsaying that Emmanuel had a PHD in selling fake and cheap suits little wonder he had them in different colours: Black, Grey, Navy blue, Brown, Sky blue, and even Green. Sometimes I wondered if these suits were made in Alaba where he worked, because the make name were unpalatable, names like; Vigo, Kalochi, Masu, Jamer, Adey, Yamua, and even Jaguda.

He had sold Jaguda suit to Kingsley who indeed looked like a Jaguda as he wore it.






“cake boy!! Youuuuuuuuu dey dey dey do your work?” came the stammerer.

“no I dey do your papa work” I dared not said, or else what happened in June would had repeated itself.









What happened in June Flow? I know you must ask.






What happened in the first Sunday of June was that Emmanuel willingly offered to help me in cutting the cake into small chunks. While he was cutting he said and I quote: “this one na my own” separating what almost looked like half the whole cake.

“why na?” I asked.

“because na myyyyymy birrrrrrthday be this month”

“and so what?” I attacked.

“me nkor, my birthday na this month na”

“ehehehehn take your own na”

“guy I no dey take anything, and you too you no dey take anything sef, the cake no go reach the whole church na”

“ooooooooookkkkkk! Come collect am for my hand na” He was about walking out of the room.


“oboy come back here!!! Why you dey do like this na!!!” I grabbed him.

“leave my suit one………… two…………… three……………… four”

“if you like count one to hundred, I no go leave you until you return that cake”

I had been told severally that stammerers were naturally quick to temper and I doubted saying “shey stammerres no be human beings like us?”, but that day was the day my doubts were cleared.



“I saaaaaaaaaaay leave my Yamua suit!!!! Or!!!!”

“or wetin? You too like to dey cheat”




Like magic, I saw the knife used in cutting the cut on my throat.



“you goooooooo leeeeeeeeeleave my suit now, or yooooyou goooooo liiiiiiiiiiiilike make i use your throat as biiiiiiiiibirthday cake” He stammered.





Thank God he didn’t slice my throat like a birthday cake or i would had died on the month of my birth.






“Abi i don warn you make you no dey call me cake boy”

“ok, Ugo na na na na na na bottle you dey de dey dey do your work?

“Ugo na bottle no be my name sef”

“wetin com be your name na?”

“so you no know my name abi”

“yeeee ye ye yes” He pronounced “yes” like he spoke Spanish.

“ok leave am like that na, as you no sabi my name”


“hahahahahahah” He laughed.






“oboy wetin I go use clean my hand na? I no see soap and sponge“ I asked.

“you you you you know say say say say say all the rag don do do do do don don………..”
“.....don wet” I helped him complete his statement.

“wwwwwwwwwwwwhy you help me me me me me talk my talk” He liked not that someone he conversed with helped him complete a sentence he fought hard to complete.

“sorry I no go do am again”

“but how I go take clean my hand na, give me your handkerchief na?”

“I no get han han han han han han han handkerchief”

“no waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawahala” It was like I had caught stammering fever.




As a sharp guy also, I rubbed off my oily hand on my bald head, little did I know that little cake particles were at that moment on my head like a tattoo.








As I stepped into the church auditorium, I almost collided with Mrs Ezike who said; “Mr Ugo na bottle a.k.a Cake boy, so you don chop cake sotey the thing gum for your head?”

flow1759:
Moderators!!! Moderators!!! Moderators!!!
Wetin i do una wey una ban me?

Inasmuch as i respect you all, i think banning me have made you all lost my respect.

Can you guys just pin point the post that made you ban me.

Ishilove wetin i do you? So the beef continued. Why?

Much love still.

Still i flow sha

Haba,flow,which beef na? You be my personal person o

Na anti-spam bot ban you. You've been unbanned