How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? - Romance - Nairaland
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We Aren't Married But He Wants These From Me / He Wants Me To Grace His Bed For My Fee / Finally I Figure This Out. True Story About Girls (2) (3) (4)
| How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by AuntyMary(f): 2:39am On Dec 21, 2008 |
okay, Aunty Mary here with a slight dilemma, i'll try to keep it short, very ironic that I'm in this dilemma as I am the one always telling girls 'if a guy likes you, you will definately know, if you are not sure, then he's probably not sure too and if you don't think he does, he probably does not!' Anyway,I've known him for 4 yrs. He walked up to me at a bar and we hit it off immediately, there was and still is a very strong chemistry between us, since then we have been 'friends'.He lives in Nig and I in London but he comes to london at least 1ce every 2 months. Last yr, we got intimate (we were both intoxicated - pls note that having been friends for over 3 yrs, we had shared the same bed many times but nothing happened, not even small 'tapping current'!). It was FANTASTIC  . However, when I woke up in the morning and realised what we had done, I quietly grabbed my stuff and tip-toed out of his house and went home (he was still sleeping, I was confused), he called when he woke up but I didnt answer (he only called ONCE!wicked boy!). In the evening I texted him to apologise for leaving like that, then i went to a bar with some friends and met one of his friends there, who then went and told him he saw me with some guys that nite, anyway, he didnt call or text again , according to him, he was upset (i think that is bullshit though)I initiated contact after some months and we're back as friends, hanging out, dining, gisting etc etc, he's always been very 'closed'(although we have always had a rapport, he never really opened up to me in the past), now, he talks to me about deeper things, his fears, his family, childhood and even his current women! i listen with rapt attention and never judge him or raise an eyebrow, so now, he's very comfortable with me and can tell me anything thing is, i have always had a soft spot for him and still do, so , he knows i like him although i have never explicitly told him so, he knows from my actions, now, its really getting to me cos i want more, its hard for me to figure out if he does cos that means me asking him point blank as i'm afraid he now sees me as just a good friend, i don't want to scare him back into his shell by voicing out my feelings to him as he recently told me he trusts me and is very comfortable being in my presence which is not usual for him, BUT I NEED TO KNOW! How can I find out without scaring him off and jeopardizing our friendship? we recently got intimate again and i dont want it to turn to a habit cos I dont want to be any man's plaything! PS: Sorry, I know I said I will keep it short but wanted to give u guys as much background as I cud (although there's still alot of stuff I have left out) |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Nobody: 2:41am On Dec 21, 2008 |
can somebody say booty call?  |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by KarmaMod(f): 2:44am On Dec 21, 2008 |
First off you need to stop getting "intimate" if you want him to see you in a light where you are actually worth dating. Before anything else, is this dude still with this "current gf"  |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by chika98: 2:51am On Dec 21, 2008 |
He's just not that into you. Unless you wanna be his jump off |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by AuntyMary(f): 3:12am On Dec 21, 2008 |
davidylan: it aint that yet but thats exactly what i dont want it to become, in the four yrs we have been friends, we have only done twice, last yr and last week! how is that a booty call?  KarmaMod: I agree and I will, like i said to David, it isnt a regular thing yet, he doesnt have a girlfriend per se, he just has 2 girls he is 'seeing' at the mo' not exclusively, i dont want to become number 3 chika98: No i don't  |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Cayon(f): 3:15am On Dec 21, 2008 |
@poster wear a chastity belt (see attached) and throw away the keys. That ought to do the trick In that way, you can't have sex when you get drunk Peace
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| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by KarmaMod(f): 3:24am On Dec 21, 2008 |
Aunty Mary: By sleeping with him, you're not exactly proving that you are different from the other girls he's "seeing" Personally I woulkdnbt wanna be with a dude that "sees" multiple women anyway. B.T.W booty calls dont have to be frequent to be called booty calls Do you guys like go out to regular places. You can make hints of you two being a couple and see how he reacts I guess |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by HRhotness(f): 3:32pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
ok, this is an area i do have some experience in! I take it u r definitely sure u want more? becos if u dont, my advise will be useless to u. if u only think u like him then this isnt d step for u but if u r, then u hav to decide for urself first of all if u r willing to settle for less. . . u shd first make d decision wether u r willing to continue hanging around if he doesnt want more! u r basically going to put him in an either or situation and u shd be fully prepared to walk if it doesnt go ur way. that decided, u r going to hav a long chat with him. if u r really good friends like u say then this shdnt be a problem. sit him down and tell him how u feel, let him knw u r not satisfied with ur relationship at d moment and want more. . . u shd gauge his reaction and being as close as u say u r, u shd knw when he feels uncomfortable with the direction this is going. if he does feel uncomfortable, u shd prepare urself for the worst but go ahead (sometimes a guy panics anyway when put in that situation). what i am trying to say is u ask him out! pls note that u shd make no mention of love or get overly emotional, u shd approach this very rationally. . . u get along great, d sex is good and u see no reason why both of u shdnt be mutually exclusive. if he takes a cue and opens up, u r home free, even if he says no, he'll at least let u knw what he feels and u can take it frm there. . . if he however squirms, u shd be prepared to accept that he viewed u as another convenient lay, u r not satisfied with that so ur friendship will be majorly jeopardised! it is a brave step but one i hav taken twice myself, i lost once but i never regretted d decision. . . afterall i'd rather knw ther isnt any hope than stay there pining for what might never be |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by topup: 3:55pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
At Aunty Mary, that is a difficult decision, because you two are already such close friends that you can't make a subtle hint that you are interested in him without the whole friendship taking a turn for possible awkwardness. Well, I personally think I've seen this before, I don't think to him it will be all that obvious that you want something or that you like him, even if you think so, I am sure the insecurities from when you left him before are still telling him no no no - or maybe I'm reading too much into this. I hope not. I think that you need to start doing things that you wouldn't normally do, I know you catch up and gist, but maybe open up more about yourself, I have this thing, it's not old fashioned, but I realise most people will go for most things that are thrown in their direction, the number of guys I have considered dating just because they said they had feelings for me, but I had never had feelings initially for them, just goes to prove this. If you tell him you have feelings for him, unless he cannot imagine being intimate with you or finds you repulsive, he will most likely agree, since you two are that close anyways and have been there before too. I think that maybe try and up the friendship, that's the best bet, though you feel like things are moving so slow, it's better now, because it is a lot harder to fix afterwards. Invite him to your place and take the focus from sex, let it be so obvious that you enjoy his company, and not just the company of a friend, but his company. If everything goes smoothly, you hopefully will not have to say a thing, hopefully he will ask the question and if he does you can almost guarantee that he feels the same way about you. All the best, keep us informed, and I'd like to know what you think about the advice, I made a lot of assumptions :S |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by MrCrackles(m): 4:00pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
Chei Topup don come back with essays!   |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by topup: 4:05pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
MrCrackles: Which one of the expressions is it? Smiley face or angry face? Or is it a love hate thing you have for my essays! |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by HRhotness(f): 4:05pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
MrCrackles: lol |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by MrCrackles(m): 5:08pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
topup: Both! |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Nobody: 5:24pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
aunty mary, im sorry. any chance of having a relationship with any guy dwindles the moment you become a bootycall. |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by KarmaMod(f): 5:28pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
OMO IBO: while this is true 90% of the time, there are some dudes that have even ended marrying one night stands  |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Nobody: 5:43pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
KarmaMod:i guess it is right to say that more 'DECENT' women than we can imagine have had their share of 'ONE NIGHT STANDS/FLINGS' even though they'd bet their lives they've never done such. |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by KarmaMod(f): 5:52pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
What does that have to do with anything? |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by neowelsh(m): 5:58pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
babe its up to you, only if you are ready the guy will want in for marriage, but you never tire to flex. he knows you love him, so just admite it and he will be ready to marry you, if u are ready before u know it ona go do adam and eve thing again |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Nobody: 6:01pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
from a womans point of view im sure it has absolutely nothing to do with anything. |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Pennywise(m): 6:22pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
@OP Your friend seem to be someone who has seen quite a bit of the world. Doesnt appear to be one who will love to be put in a spot with some talk about 'the state of affairs' when he is not ready. I say dont jeopardize a growing relationship.If some other guys are interested in you he should know so he doesnt think u fool around.Afterall it is nothing for a guy who seem this matured as he understands relationship is not exclusive yet. Dont deny him sex. Make it better each time.If the guy is trying to make up his mind no need making things difficult or creating doubts in him if you will make a good wife.To other girls in his life, keep a closed eye. But how can u have sex twice in a 4yr old relationship? You have to be getting it from somewhere.And all u thinking of is sitting the guy down? Haba! If na true you no try at alllllllll. The guy deserves a gold medal for hanging around. |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Nobody: 6:31pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
Pennywise: did you indirectly call threadstarter some names? |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by KarmaMod(f): 7:00pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
Don't deny him sex. Make it better each time.If the guy is trying to make up his mind no need making things difficult or creating doubts in him if you will make a good wife.To other girls in his life, keep a closed eye. Mary, I suggest you ignore this dude else you will definitely end up being bootycall #3. |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Nobody: 7:05pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
KarmaMod:hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by busybein: 7:06pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
i wonder why aunty mary is asking for any advise here? why not go and meet ur lesbian friends,afterall u prefer a womans mouth on ur body,and a womans hands inside ur vag*** dan a man's so wetin b ur problem nawww |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by KarmaMod(f): 7:07pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
Lmao jenni. Kai. I dont think she's a REAL lesbian o. |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by tope2000(f): 7:09pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
busybein: |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by busybein: 7:11pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
KarmaMod: ahn ahn but its true nowww,she said it herself,and with the way she described d whole thing one day sef(HR.Hotness is my witness) ,it was obvious she liked it better when its done by a woman dan a man,so wetin she come dey complain about |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by JJYOU: 7:20pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
busybein:SOME PEOPLE FORGET THERE ARE "RECORDERS" ON NL. |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Nobody: 7:57pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
aunty mary forget her sexuality |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Nobody: 9:29pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
Aunty Mary, you're just a booty call. He has sex with you and still talks to you about his other women . . . good stress reliever you are. I'm sure he'll say thank you when he's through. |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by SweetT1: 12:07am On Dec 22, 2008 |
Aunty Mary, are you sure you are not drinking when you wrote this post?? Let me know before i know what to say. I think your fixated on Drinking and boys. You seem kinda wild. But i need to know you didn't write this post at the bar. |
| Re: How Can I Figure Out If He Wants More? by Cayon(f): 4:19am On Dec 22, 2008 |
davidylan: Sweet T:oh my god - i almost choke from laughing so hard. |
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