hi, ive been dating a guy for 3years. he is 34, an engineer with a good job and im 29, a business lady. recently i had to relocate from abuja to portharcourt to be closer to him as the long distance was affecting our relationship. however he now says that marriage is not his priority. that he wants me to have a stable business first before he can marry me.
he doesnt contribute to the growth of my business in any way financially. im confused. am i being punked? all his friends are married. he has not even gone to introduce himself to my people. he keeps postponing. ive invested a lot into this relationship. he has a good job, car etc , is he blowing me off?
pls honest replies only

u too go and get a job, so no guy would shakara u

nobody wants a liability for a wife,maybe your job is not the type he would want his wife to do or there are formal knowledge he needs you to acquire before becoming his wife.

He is not ready for marriage

^^^ thats not very true

heres the thing i am a university graduate. i recently resigned from the bank where i worked to set up my business which has been my lifelong dream. i am also about to embark on my masters programme. my business is just at its first stages so yes im not yet raking in millions but im doing okay enough to pay my bills.

Must u have a job before he marry u,at least u are financially independent which is d most important thing, if he really wants u to have a job then let him produce one for u, abi.

no man who is ready for marriage will give a woman an un necessary ultimatum, when an ultimatum is given it means that the person is trying to drag the issue until he/she is ready

No man will keep postponing some meeting with his fiancees family

i guess he doesn't want to spend much. . .

@op,
Initially when i saw ur post i tot u r unemployed later to understand dat u resign to fulfill a longlife ambitn of starting a biz. Methink u both r not properly communicating ur xpectatn n goals which is important. At least u v something doing. I fink u v to talk this over. The guy may prefer a smart white collar job type of person.

slovenia:

heres the thing i am a university graduate. i recently resigned from the bank where i worked to set up my business which has been my lifelong dream. i am also about to embark on my masters programme. my business is just at its first stages so yes im not yet raking in millions but im doing okay enough to pay my bills.

this was not part of the first post,anyway,i guess there is a communication gap in the relationship or you need another man asap

He's tired of the relationship.

^^ Dr. wat abeg comot the y

he is not ready period.
why should a reasonable man think that way? Is it the job that will guarantee the sucess of the marriage?And if he thinks getting a job  is that easy, LET HIM GET ONE FOR YOU.

Was he in support of you relocating to Port-Harcourt? Or you just decided to relocate on your own? Grow girl. Dont force yourself on a man.

Try and get something doing, and dont live with him before he turns you into a piss of shit then dump you.

aguiyi:

^^ Dr. wat abeg comot the y 

Lol.

@OP

Heed his warning advice.

slovenia:

hi, ive been dating a guy for 3years. he is 34, an engineer with a good job and im 29, a business lady. recently i had to relocate from abuja to portharcourt to be closer to him as the long distance was affecting our relationship. however he now says that marriage is not his priority. that he wants me to have a stable business first before he can marry me.
he doesnt contribute to the growth of my business in any way financially. im confused. am i being punked? all his friends are married. he has not even gone to introduce himself to my people. he keeps postponing. ive invested a lot into this relationship. he has a good job, car etc , is he blowing me off?
pls honest replies only

Your topic is not exactly the same thing with your post. However, I've been able to arrive at the conclusion that there is obviously a lack of communication in your relationship.

First of all, why did you take such a huge step as relocation for a relationship you are not even sure of    

Secondly, it looks like he is a bit worried about your financial independence in the future. He comes off as a man who's not ready to take up any financial responsibility for a woman, a man who expects a 50/50 financial contribution to the family. Obviously, that's his choice to make. The real question is, are you willing to marry a man such a man    

The bottom line is that the man is not in a hurry. He's willing to wait for as long as it takes for you to make money. Pointing out to him that all his friends are married is a bit useless because I'm sure he's already aware of that fact. He lacks a sense of responsibility for a 34-year old man.  

But then, I assume you must have noticed all these things. You are 29 and he's 34, he has a job and you have a business. If he's serious, he'll meet your people. Stop playing this hide and seek game with him. Let him come out open with what he wants otherwise, I think it's better you let him go . . .

@OP
He may be ready for marriage but certainly not to you.  The truth can be bitter sometimes.

@ujujoan, u make sense but i dis agree with some of your points. Ask the chick if she knows what interests her man most in her,what are his general priorities in life,how she concluded to live wherever she was for ph.
making sure your wife can help out in times of need does nt imply u are avoiding responsibilities.
what if all she has contributed to that relationship is sex if not all she probably can offer ,remember that having money or business as a woman does not make you a wife materials

Wife material or not. Poster, the guy is not just that much interested in you. You had better let him tell you the truth instead of toying with your feelings. Give him the all or nothing treatment. It is either he is ready to marry you or you are ending the relationship. His response will reflect his true feelings because the window to be rid of you would have been opened by making this move.

I know this is heavy on your heart, but think with your head.

maclatunji:

Wife material or not. Poster, the guy is not just that much interested in you. You had better let him tell you the truth instead of toying with your feelings. Give him the all or nothing treatment. It is either he is ready to marry you or you are ending the relationship. His response will reflect his true feelings because the window to be rid of you would have been opened by making this move.

I know this is heavy on your heart, but think with your head.

can you hear youself,so the guy should not set his standards because she relocated to ph for his sake,she has a business or he has dated her for years,abeg dont tell people to do what you would'nt attempt

aguiyi:

@ujujoan, u make sense but i dis agree with some of your points. Ask the chick if she knows what interests her man most in her,what are his general priorities in life,how she concluded to live wherever she was for ph.
making sure your wife can help out in times of need does nt imply u are avoiding responsibilities.
what if all she has contributed to that relationship is sex if not all she probably can offer ,remember that having money or business as a woman does not make you a wife materials

This woman is not jobless, she has a business. She was gainfully employed in a bank and chose to resign to start up her own business. A real man will support her and help her in anyway he could to ensure that she succeed. But the man in question doesn't even want to take the chance. It's either she's rich or he's out! That, to me, is avoiding responsibility.

If he doesn't think she's a wife material, then he should let her go and go look for someone who is! Why is he giving her a baseless ultimatum

Poster,I see this guy as not interested in marriage wit you.I know this is heavy on your heart but its the truth.

When men start dragging their feet over unnecessary issues like u have to get a job before he can marry you despite the fact that you are financially independent it just means he does not think you are the one for him.Sincerely at 29 with the Nigerian situation where are u supposed to get a job?chase your dream and do not let him waste your time.

Ujujoan:

This woman is not jobless, she has a business. She was gainfully employed in a bank and chose to resign to start up her own business. A real man will support her and help her in anyway he could to ensure that she succeed. But the man in question doesn't even want to take the chance. It's either she's rich or he's out! That, to me, is avoiding responsibility.

If he doesn't think she's a wife material, then he should let her go and go look for someone who is! Why is he giving her a baseless ultimatum    

Tell them.

andromida:

Poster,I see this guy as not interested in marriage wit you.I know this is heavy on your heart but its the truth.

When men start dragging their feet over unnecessary issues like u have to get a job before he can marry you despite the fact that you are financially independent it just means he does not think you are the one for him.Sincerely at 29 with the Nigerian situation where are u supposed to get a job?chase your dream and do not let him waste your time.

what kind of CV do you have there ,i guess one with an expiring date
@ ujujoan,your judgement on this issue is been one sided,ask the sister some question,what if she too fat for his liking,has some demonic atitude that needs refinement,how many years expirience did she leave the bank with and at what position,what kind of business are we even looking at,did she leave the bank because her business is more lucrative or she was not willing to learn and build a career

aguiyi:

can you hear youself,so the guy should not set his standards because she relocated to ph for his sake,she has a business or he has dated her for years,abeg dont tell people to do what you would'nt attempt

I once had a young man who expressed interest in marrying me. I was enjoying the attention and so I didn't actually come out open to tell him I wasn't interested in marrying him    

Anyways, he kept saying, 'let me meet your family' and I kept saying, 'just a little more time'. He finally decided we weren't moving forward and decided to get a transfer to my base since I couldn't get a transfer from my job and he could. That was when I knew I had to end things with him. Even though he felt bad, he was at least grateful I didn't make him move for nothing.

That's why I think this poster's boyfriend did wrong. If he wasn't serious about her, he shouldn't have let her move!  If he had any issues with her, he should have raised them, before she went ahead to uproot her life just to be closer to him  

aguiyi:

what kind of CV do you have there ,i guess one with an expiring date
@ ujujoan,your judgement on this issue is been one sided,ask the sister some question,what if she too fat for his liking,has some demonic atitude that needs refinement,how many years expirience did she leave the bank with and at what position,what kind of business are we even looking at,did she leave the bank because her business is more lucrative or she was not willing to learn and build a career

Don't tell me you are the poster's boyfriend. You seem to be defending him blindly!

She stated her reason for leaving the bank was to pursue a lifelong dream. A newly started business cannot be raking in millions, lucrative or not!

Besides, if he preferred her bank job, he should have just said so!

@OP
The guy is not ready for marriage, I would move on if I were you.
At 34, marriage is not his priority, he won't meet your family and he wants you to have a stable business and he makes no effort to assist you.  

Ujujoan:

Don't tell me you are the poster's boyfriend. You seem to be defending him blindly!

She stated her reason for leaving the bank was to pursue a lifelong dream. A newly started business cannot be raking in millions, lucrative or not!

Besides, if he preferred her bank job, he should have just said so!

I totally agree with you.

@aguiyi, I do not care about the man, I am not judging him. The lady is asking for advice and we are giving her practical healthy dose of it, shikena.

@ aguiyi its not about cv its that the gal has got a dream she wants to build she believed in herself enuff to quit a job.also wat if she gets a job say in 3yrs time she shld keep waiting?Frm wat I can see he does not consider her biz a serious job so he needs her to get the kind of job HE considers a serious one. Abeg she has got her life to live too and maybe without him.

i like that boyfriend of yours he has been listening to the advice i have been giving to men. Never marry someone who brings nothing to the table.  

On a serious note i can certainly understand his stance because you as a woman probably wouldn't be willing to marry a man who has an upstart business that is not making millions yet. <<<am i right? so turn around is gair game!!! there is nothing wrong in a man asking you to have a steady job before he marries you no body wants a liability.

thanks all for the advice.
i relocated to be closer to him because when i had a job he kept pleading with me to transfer to be closer to him so that we could get married, so i felt that since i didnt have any restriction anymore i should make the sacrifice. i relocated and rented my apartment with my money and furnished it myself. i dont beg him for money. he earns over 300k monthly but the highest amount he has ever given me is 20k. i take pride in achieving for myself
i didnt know that love is tied to a 9 to 5 job. so im wondering if i had a 9 to 5 job and we got married and i lost the job then will d marriage be on hold till i get another one?
well i think its beta for me to leave him now and focus on my business.
maybe i will find a man who will love me job or not.