If you've been an active 'front page Nairalander' like myself, in the time spanning the later half of last year to date you too must have noticed the series of "Friendzone" topics, one after the other, mostly by guys complaining about having been Friendzoned and why that is unfair and need to stop.
I viewed a couple of them, and ignored others, and like most people (I hope) just shook my head in wonder as to what we've turned into as a society.

***Disclaimer****
I'm a guy with four sisters, with a strong woman for a mother, and a caring father that gives her all the support she needs not only to attain her dreams but to have her voice heard over the raucousness that's the characteristic of this patriarchal society. So yes, maybe I'm more inclined to take the ladies' side in this argument.

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It may be just me, but I think the setting of society where a man see a woman and start assessing said woman based simply on what he can do with her 'sexually', and not what she has achieved, what she has the potential to achieve, and if she simply needs a friend and not a 'lover', is sexist and totally wrong.
I blame this awful societal setting for the 'Friendzone' brouhaha. I may be wrong, but let me present to you a case scenario from my point of view and let you be the judges.

We'll call them Lady X, and Guy T.

Both happen to have been coursemates in one of the many Federal Universities in Nigeria. They've been coursemates for 3 years. X has had her share of friends in the class, and T had never been one of them, they hardly even greet, they may well be strangers for all the familiarity they have with one another.
T has liked the girl from day one, yet he find her aloofness in class quite vexing, he thought she must be full of herself because she was a first class student from the very first semester in 100 Level.
X had never given it much thought but she had always wondered what it'd be like to be friends with T, his clique tend to have the loudest and by far the most laugh everyday in class, and it is always him in the center yearning the weave that ensnare everyone to raucous laughter. He must be interesting, but maybe a bit snobbish, or just shy, probably simply shy. They should be friends, she thinks to herself often, although she never dwelt on the thought.

Then it so happen that they're paired in a group assignment, she was excited. They are coming together in a joint purpose for the first time, they surely must come out of this as friends.
T on the other hand was thinking 'pretty darn thang', maybe I'll get to toast X for once, see what's under that layer of aloofness.
In group discussions preceding their presentation they got along well, she was opening up for friendship, he was going in for a 'date'.
After the assignment they are now a lot closer, they have each other's mobile phone number, they chat often on social network, they even seat together in class now, often one reserving seat for the other. This is common practice between friends in class (same sex though especially), but of course because her motive is friendship all along X has fitted these all to mean they're such good friends now with T.
As for T, he is thinking that for a girl to call him with her own airtime, reserve seat for him in class when he's late, initiate whatsapp conversation with him, she must love him.
So he at last begin to assume society's prescribed role for him as the man in a relationship, sending her the occasional airtime, when they meet in the cafeteria he pays the bill, if she were to resist this he'll feign being hurt, why should she pay when he's there and could afford to, sometimes with a simple look that seem to say 'what are friends for?'
The first airtime was a wonderful surprise for X, the next day as she sat in the seat next to T which he had reserved for her, she quipped "shey dem give you scholarship ni, I saw airtime, it was a wonderful surprise", and they jointly laughed it off, with T remarking he just thought she might need it, and X thanking him.
When the next airtime arrived it kinda startled her, she is no newbie to the Naija affair thingy, of course, once is being nice, twice is a bit too much, thrice will surely be a declaration of occupation. But she brushed it off, he is probably just being a bit too nice.
When next they met it was in the faculty cafeteria, and he handed 1000Naira to pay for the both of them as she rummaged through her purse to get out her 500Naira note, she was too stunned to do anything but simply smile and brush it off, what with so many people around. When they left she brought the issue up, and he did the 'hurt look' thing and the issue was brushed off. But X was aware of what is happening, and it annoyed her.
She simply wanted a friendship, why can't guys get it? Why shouldn't ladies be able to make acquaintance of guys without romantic affiliation? She thinks, how does society expect you to understand the male specie without having had the opportunity of knowing them up close as friends without the burden of romance which expects too much? It is vexing!
When she consulted her girlfriends they of course where put off by her 'naivety', she shouldn't lose this lucky catch and instead should tax to the max the 'mugu'.
Not wanting to do this, X tried to soothingly tell T the honest truth and asked him if they could still be friends? He was mad, she had 'Friendzoned' him, why didn't she mention this earlier, why now, after she'd 'chop' his money? *******

Lady X and Guy T eventually move on, he onto other toasting targets, she as a potential toasting target for other guys, as is expected.


What I believe I see in the case scenario story is simply a guy being a guy as is proscribed for guys by society by and large. And a girl who simply wanted a friend.

So perhaps if the men out there would open up more for friendship, without expecting sexual favors for their niceness (if they insist on being nice the typical guy way, giving gifts and all that), or the likely possibility of 'wifing' their lady friends, maybe then we wouldn't have to be discussing the 'Friendzone'.

There's a benefit to honest non-demanding friendship, you get to know someone deeply without the normal guard romance spring up from both parties involved. If say by a stroke of destiny you are meant to be partners, your partnership has a higher probability of being the envy of all.

ok

I'd like to respectfully state that that isn't friend zoning; its something you and I know as magarizm

MzNelly:
I'd like to respectfully state that that isn't friend zoning; its something you and I know as magarizm

Did you actually read my case scenario story? Read it again pls and show me the 'magarizm' there.

EyesWideOpen:


Did you actually read my case scenario story? Read it again pls and show me the 'magarizm' there.

SIr, what are you saying precisely? That the friendzone is the excuse of an ineffectual male or what?

MzNelly:


SIr, what are you saying precisely? That the friendzone is the excuse of an ineffectual male or what?

Go through my second comment on the thread.

I wouldn't call a guy who knows what he's going in for ineffectual. I think guys should care to be friends without the ulterior motive of going into pants an all that.

EyesWideOpen:


Go through my second comment on the thread.

I wouldn't call a guy who knows what he's going in for ineffectual. I think guys should care to be friends without the ulterior motive of going into pants an all that.

I concur. I've once created a thread like this and the males didn't like it one bit. Its definitely a breath of fresh air to see an open minded male as regards this whole ••friendzoning•• issue.

bia, look. even if you only need friendship. the girl must surely find a way to start taking advantage of you.
i.e. turning you to her mugu, maga, assignment boyfriend, seat reserver and ATm. i will soon stop making friends with ladies..

SkinnyDude:
bia, look. even if you only need friendship. the girl must surely find a way to start taking advantage of you.
i.e. turning you to her mugu, maga, assignment boyfriend, seat reserver and ATm. i will soon stop making friends with ladies..

I guess you need to learn to not do what you don't expressly intend to do. Your friendship with a girl should be no different from your friendship with your guys. That's the way to a magarizmless relationship with girls.